SGA fic: Gaijin, Part 24/40
Dec. 19th, 2008 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeGaijin, Part 24/40
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I know I’m really screwing things up,” Rodney continued. “I’m not supposed to fall in love with my bound friend. Besides, the two of you are together and that takes precedence, obviously. And I should have kept my mouth shut to begin with.”
Evan interrupted Rodney before he could go any further. “Take a deep breath, Rodney. All things considered, liking both of us is understandable. You had a major upheaval in your life and we’ve both been constants for you. So it’s natural for you to have deeper feelings for us. And people say things they shouldn’t all the time. You know this – and you’ve done it before.” He put a hand on Rodney’s knee and licked his lips nervously. “But this, I’m sure, will be a shocker – we like you that way too. We’ve discussed it and we’d like you to join us if you’re interested.”
“Join…?” Rodney asked, trailing off and looking between the two of them. “You mean *join* join the two of you?”
Both Chuck and Evan nodded. “We’re not in any rush for an answer,” Chuck added. “So take your time in deciding what you want to do.”
“And if you later decide that you want out, we’ll respect that and we’ll go back to being friends,” Evan continued.
“I think my brain just shut down,” Rodney commented. “It’s not so much Lapran ideology; it’s more of the fact that you both want me.” Looking between them again, he said, “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Evan replied.
“How would it work?”
“Does the term ménage a trois mean anything to you?” Chuck asked dryly as he sat down.
“Literally or in general usage?” Rodney commented back.
“We just mean that we want it to be equal,” Evan told him. “It would be the three of us for better or worse, for as long as we can manage. Neither of us wants this to be casual. And I don’t think you do, either.”
Rodney leaned back into the couch with a sigh. “This is just – wow.”
“Take your time,” Evan said, squeezing Rodney’s knee before moving his hand away. “We can wait.”
“What made you two decide you wanted someone else involved?”
They both shrugged. “We weren’t expecting to,” Chuck replied. “It just kind of happened for both of us as well – much like you. We then discussed it and went from there.”
“And if I hadn’t put my foot in my mouth?”
“Don’t worry about it, Rodney,” Evan told him. “It would have worked out in the end regardless.”
“But I –.” He looked at the two of them, stumped.
Evan put a finger on Rodney’s lips, effectively stopping him. “Look, we know it’s a lot to think about and that’s okay. Take your time. It’s not something we’re taking lightly and we don’t expect you to either.”
Rodney nodded silently and Evan took his hand away. Looking at his watch, Evan heaved himself up into a standing position and said, “We should go, it’s getting late. Want me to walk you home, Rodney?”
Rodney shrugged. “It’s up to you.”
After taking the offered crutches with a quiet thank you, Evan said, “Okay, let’s go.”
Chuck walked them both to the door. He gave Evan a quick kiss on the lips and gently squeezed Rodney’s upper arm. “Good night, you two,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ll see you both tomorrow for dinner?”
They agreed and headed out. Rodney was quiet on the way back to his quarters. The whole idea was insane, yet strangely attractive. And his knee, his lips, and his arm where they had touched him felt like they had been branded. Sure, they had touched him in the past, but it was so casual and fleeting that it had barely made it onto his radar. But now that they had done so with intent – it seared into him.
When they reached Rodney’s quarters, Evan stopped outside and clumsily propped his crutches against the wall so he could put his hands on Rodney’s cheeks before bidding him good night, retrieving his crutches, and hobbling off. Rodney, slightly shell-shocked, watched him go for a moment before going inside and sitting cross-legged on his bed.
He hadn’t wanted to admit it to either man, but their proposal stirred up a lot of things. The first was that these two incredibly great, and good-looking, guys wanted him to join them in a threesome relationship. A relationship with one person was hard enough, but being involved with two people who were also involved with each other – the thought petrified him. There were too many variables that could go wrong.
And he hadn’t wanted to admit, even to himself, that Lapran beliefs were also playing a factor. There were certain things that you just didn’t do because the fragile balance of society would be undermined. But the Laprans’ careful population control was vastly different from the United States Air Force’s archaic views on interpersonal relationships – something Rodney would have loved to undermine any chance he got. And he still did – but not by risking Evan’s – and Sheppard’s – careers.
He sighed and pulled his legs up, hugging his knees to his chest. Seeing Evan and Chuck curled up together when he had walked in had made him a little envious at first because he wanted what they had. And then the way he felt pressed against Evan to see the computer screen, Evan’s hand on his leg, had seemed so right – almost as if he was subconsciously being told, ‘yes, this is the relationship you were always meant to be in’. Sighing again, he bumped his head back against the wall a few times. Why was this such a hard decision? He knew this was something he had to do alone and he couldn’t look to his other friends for advice.
The rest of the week was a dissonant blur for Rodney. Working in the labs went well and he settled back in with surprising ease once everyone was able to believe he was truly back. With Chuck and Evan, though, it was crazy. True to their word, they didn’t push him to make a decision. But he got a vague sense that they were trying to woo him with desserts at meals, a list of movies they though he’d like that he’d missed, and any number of tiny other things. The worst part, however, was the touching. It was all innocent, but it burned him to the core like he was finally melting after a long winter.
“I get it now,” Evan said the following Monday. “You’re touch starved.”
“What?” Rodney asked, looking at him stupidly from the other side of the work station. “What would make you jump to that conclusion?”
“Just the way you’ve been acting around us. You’ve been really hesitant every time we touch you and at the same time you seem to be soaking it up. I know you’ve said the Laprans aren’t big on the whole touching thing – which I can understand from what you’ve told Tamoura. And having met you before you went to Lapras, I’m sure that before that you weren’t touched a whole lot then either – usually only when necessary. Am I even close?”
“And if I answered yes?” Rodney asked warily.
Evan shrugged. “That’s up to you, honestly. I just had one of those eureka moments and felt like I had to share.” Looking around the lab, he added, “I think I’ve been spending too much time in here.”
Rodney laughed and shook his head as he went back to his work. “You’re insane.”
That evening after dinner, Chuck, Evan, and Rodney walked out to one of the balconies on the East Pier.
“We haven’t completely scared you off, have we?” Chuck asked as he spread out the blanket he’d been carrying and sat down.
“No,” Rodney replied, leaning against the rail and looking out over the water. “I just don’t know what I’m doing, or what to do.”
“Neither do we,” Evan told him as he sat down. “And obviously, this isn’t an easy or light thing for you to decide and we respect that. Just know that we’re here for you to discuss this and figure things out – regardless of what you decide.”
Turning back to look at them, Rodney said, “I know I want to do it. Other than that….” He shrugged. “I don’t know about all the logistics, but I want to try it and I don’t want to be kicking myself down the road for not doing it.” He crossed over to the blanket and knelt down on it. “Just promise you won’t be upset if I want to take things slow.”
“We’re willing to move like glaciers, if that’s what you need,” Evan replied, gently cupping the side of Rodney’s face with his hand.
Rodney nuzzled Evan’s hand and a slight groan escaped Evan’s lips. Rodney looked up to find them both watching him intently and was surprised to see desire in both of their faces. And he was even more surprised when Evan’s hand slid up into his hair before he leaned in to kiss him. The kiss wasn’t tentative like either Sheppard’s or Jaelyn’s had been. The press of Evan’s lips was confident and when he licked Rodney’s lower lip, Rodney opened his mouth and gave Evan access. Rodney whimpered softly when Evan’s tongue entered his mouth and Evan quickly broke off the kiss.
“Is everything all right?” Evan asked breathlessly.
“Fine,” Rodney replied, still a little dazed. “Why?”
“I just – I wasn’t sure because you whimpered.”
As Rodney looked at Evan with confusion, Chuck chuckled and straddled Evan’s lap. “You’ll have to forgive him, Rodney,” Chuck said. “He worries too much sometimes.”
With no warning, Chuck captured Rodney’s mouth. His kiss was as confident as Evan’s, but as Evan tasted cool, calm, and protective, Chuck tasted passionate, fiery, and playful. Chuck ended the kiss with a playful nip to Rodney’s bottom lip.
While Rodney got his bearings back, he watched Chuck and Evan bump noses and smile before kissing. The kiss was hungry and passionate – and hotter than anything Rodney was used to seeing.
Pulling apart, Chuck commented, “And now our deal has been sealed with a kiss.” Settling against Evan’s side, he asked, “I don’t suppose so – but is there a way all three of us could be bonded?”
Rodney shrugged. “I guess so. I’ve never heard of it being done, but I’ve never heard anything against it, either.”
Part of him wanted to say no, to tell them that all this was too abnormal. But if their expectant looks weren’t enough to almost do him in, he knew, logically, that he had to do it. If the three of them were supposed to be in an equal relationship, it wouldn’t work if he was bond friends with Evan and not Chuck and that they weren’t bonded. And, looking between them, he could tell that, instead of diluting the power and meaning of the bond friendship, this would only strengthen the ideal and their own relationship. Rodney finally nodded and replied, “When did you two want to do it?”
“Could we do it now?” Evan asked as Chuck sat up straighter.
“Sure, I guess so.”
He led Chuck and Evan through the simple ceremony. Then he did it for Chuck and himself. And he had to admit, he did feel better once it was done. Hopefully, this way would forge an extra layer of commitment between the three of them to be honest and open with each other.
Once they had finished, Chuck again curled up against Evan’s side. “Thanks, Rodney,” they both said and Evan took Rodney’s hand in his and Chuck covered their hands with one of his.
They stayed on the pier for a while, watching the stars and listening to the water. When the lowering temperature became too noticeable and uncomfortable, they grabbed the blanket and headed inside. Rodney thought about protesting when Chuck and Evan walked him to his quarters, but deep down he had to admit that he liked it and thought it was just a little bit romantic. Outside his door, both men quickly looked up and down the hall before giving Rodney a good-night kiss – Chuck on the lips, and Evan on the forehead.
“I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Rodney told them before heading inside, for once feeling like everything was right in the world.
After that night, things returned to the status quo. Chuck, Evan, and Rodney spent almost all of their free time together when they weren’t on the clock. But if one or two of them made plans with other people, the others easily went with it. Rodney had to admit that he enjoyed the whole thing – knowing that they were his and he was theirs, regardless of what they did and who they were with.
Rodney was amused at Carson’s exasperation when they showed up with Evan when he went to have his cast removed. But Carson said nothing to them beyond a surprised comment that world must be ending because Chuck was hardly ever in the infirmary, period, and Rodney’s shadow rarely darkened its door now that he had returned from his ‘excursion’, as Carson had taken to calling Rodney’s time away. They just waved him off and told him to get to the business at hand.
And, true to their word, Chuck and Evan took things slowly. After the night on the Pier, they didn’t kiss Rodney unless he initiated, which wasn’t often, and seemed to get as much enjoyment out of him watching them kiss as they got out of doing it. And he was shocked when they promised that they wouldn’t move faster in the relationship than he did. Which Rodney found out meant no sex until he was ready. He had never thought of himself as a prude, but he knew it would take time to break down his barriers and become comfortable with their ease of physical affection.
They were also careful about touching him. Rodney soon found out that he had paired up with the two most touchy-feely people in the expedition. And it made him more than a little skittish because he wasn’t used to it – he never had been, even as a child. He had once tried to find the root of it with Heightmeyer, but they had never been able to determine a cause, even though she had told him of some research that had found people with above-average intelligence tended to be hyper-sensitive to touch. While he felt better knowing that there was actual research backing him up, Rodney still felt bad that he was at the opposite end of the spectrum from Chuck and Evan and wished there was something he could do about it.
But as Evan and Chuck continued to touch him, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he found himself slowly coming to enjoy it and even look forward to it. And it scared him how much he enjoyed it because he didn’t want it to be taken away from him – as most of the good things in his life had been.
One afternoon, as they finished lunch with Carson and Rodney’s old team, Chuck stood and put a hand on Rodney’s shoulder. Gently squeezing it, he leaned down and whispered in Rodney’s ear, “My quarters, tonight, seven o’clock. Don’t be late.” He gently rubbed Rodney’s shoulder before releasing it and, after bidding everyone else at the table a good afternoon, left as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Rodney simply watched him go, trying to ignore the shiver of anticipation that had gone down his spine at Chuck’s words.
The afternoon went by with agonizing slowness and Rodney found himself watching the clock instead of doing actual work. He finally gave up and left a few hours early, to everyone else’s surprise. He first retrieved his staff and headed down to the gym to see if going through his forms would improve his focus, but they were second nature to him now. The movement felt good, but his mind was still racing and wondering what Chuck, and probably Evan, had planned for tonight.
He headed back to his quarters with a frustrated sigh. Getting comfortable on his bed, he tried to clear his mind and meditate, but that was also to no avail. He couldn’t focus on anything long enough to relax. After a number of aborted attempts, he got up with a frustrated growl and took a shower.
He ended up eating dinner alone – Sheppard’s team was away on a mission, Carson was finishing up some simulations, and Radek was doing God-knew-what – Rodney was starting to think the man didn’t eat. There were a few people in the mess hall that Rodney knew, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough with any of them to actually share a meal. Afterwards, he headed to Chuck’s quarters, hoping that arriving early wouldn’t mess up whatever was in store for him.
Both Chuck and Evan were there to greet him and Rodney was instantly suspicious when he saw them grinning like Cheshire cats. And wearing only their boxer-briefs – which, contrary to popular belief, left little to the imagination than if they had been completely naked. He gulped and looked at them petrified.
“Strip,” Chuck told him in a tone that brooked no argument from where he sat on a bed that was larger than any other Rodney had seen in Atlantis.
“What?” Rodney asked in disbelief. Crossing his arms over his chest, he narrowed his eyes and asked, “Why?”
“We’re taking the proverbial sledge-hammer to things and staging an intervention,” Evan told him. “Now, strip.”
Rodney stood there and sputtered, not sure if he should be incensed or petrified. “Might I ask what in the hell the two of you are doing?” he asked.
“We’re trying to fix you – well, part of you,” Evan replied. “You’ve been starving for so long for someone else to touch you that you practically can’t handle casual touch any more. I’m hoping that tonight we can override at least part of your problem.”
“You couldn’t talk some sense into him?” Rodney asked Chuck with a bit of a growl.
Chuck shrugged and deadpanned, “I thought it was a good idea when he explained it to me – he had charts and everything.”
“And how does an art major know so much about psychology?” Rodney asked, turning his attention back to Evan.
“I double-majored, actually,” Evan replied, “with a concentration in art therapy. I was never licensed to practice, though – the sky got me before that. Haptic communication had always been an interest of mine.”
“Haptic what? You’re not making all this up just to get me out of my clothes, are you?”
Evan rolled his eyes and leveled a ‘you’ve got to be shitting me’ expression at Rodney. “No, I’m not. Is this unconventional? Yes. Do I think it’ll work? Yes – well, probably.”
“*Probably*?” Rodney asked, his tone going into its shrill ‘are you *insane*?’ mode.
“Oh, come on, Rodney. It’s not like I’m planning on performing a lobotomy – just some skin-on-skin touching.”
“And if I leave right now?”
Evan shrugged. “That’s your choice. But tell me you aren’t just a little intrigued.” He advanced on Rodney as Chuck moved their previously discarded clothing off and away from the bed. As he got closer, his voice got softer, more intimate. “That deep down inside, you want this. For so long you’ve felt like if you couldn’t prove yourself with your intellect, people wouldn’t like you, so you walled off your feelings and needs. You kept telling yourself that your genius was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that needed to matter. And one day you started believing it.”
Rodney closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath, not wanting to admit how easily Evan had pegged him. Evan’s hands, with their calloused fingertips and palms, gently wrapped around Rodney’s elbows, supporting them. Rodney let his arms drop to his sides as Evan’s hands gently slid up his arms to just below his shirt sleeves and his thumbs gently rubbed back and forth across the backs of Rodney’s arms.
When Evan continued, his voice was soft, but intense. “This is all about you. We’ll only do what you want us to. But I don’t believe for a second that, for a long time, you haven’t wanted *someone* to prove to you that you aren’t just another cog in the great machine that is Scientific Discovery.”
Rodney felt, rather than heard, Chuck come up behind him and gently run his hands along Rodney’s shoulder blades from his spine outwards. But Evan’s touch and voice had woven a spell over him and he couldn’t move, couldn’t stop listening as Evan continued.
“You *do* matter, Rodney McKay. *You* are important to us.” He gently squeezed Rodney’s arms, anchoring him, making Rodney aware of their touch. Rodney’s breath hitched again and he forced himself to open his eyes and look into Evan’s intense gaze. Evan gave him a gentle smile as he ran his hands down Rodney’s arms and grasped his hands.
“I don’t – I can’t – I –” Rodney struggled to form the words, to tell them what he wanted, what he needed, but his vocabulary had disappeared.
“It’s okay,” Evan acknowledged. “Would you like to continue?”
Rodney nodded mutely, hardly aware of the lights dimming and cocooning the three of them in their glow, as Chuck’s hands skimmed down Rodney’s arms and gently squeezed Rodney’s hands above Evan’s.
“Just say the word if you become uncomfortable.”
“No, ah, no kissing,” Rodney stated. He knew that if they went down that path, it would quickly lead to sex and he wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe not ever. Since coming back to Atlantis, every time he had tried to even think about sex, he wasn’t able to do it for more than a moment or two. After everything with John and Jaelyn…. He pulled himself back to the present.
“Okay,” Evan replied and Chuck echoed. His hands left Rodney’s and went to the hem of Rodney’s shirt. “May we?”
Rodney swallowed and nodded. The two men slowly pushed the garment up and over Rodney’s head, hands skimming along his torso the whole way. Evan pulled it off his arms and threw the shirt towards Chuck’s desk. They spent their time slowly exploring Rodney’s exposed skin with their hands, learning its contours and memorizing it, feeling each bump and scar. Evan’s hands lingered on the scar Koyla had given him, his thumb gently rubbing over it a few times, and Rodney had the feeling Evan was trying to apologize for something he couldn’t have prevented. Rodney closed his eyes and began taking deep breaths, commanding himself to not go into overload.
“You can touch us too,” Evan replied, his tone light and amused, and Rodney’s eyes snapped open. “The lack of clothing isn’t just a show of solidarity.”
“In fact, we want you to touch us,” Chuck replied, coming around Rodney’s side, trailing a hand along his skin.
“I bet you crave the ability to touch as much as to be touched,” Evan continued. “Not just sexually, but in general, like we’re doing to you now. Is that right?”
Rodney nodded again, his ability to speak completely gone. He’d always thought it was a weakness and had tried to ignore it, but Evan was doing a very good job of making all of this seem like the most natural thing in the world, as if it was as essential as eating, sleeping, and breathing. Both men took one of Rodney’s hands and put it on their bare chests and kept their hands lightly around his wrists. Rodney looked between the two of them, slightly stunned, waiting for the moment they would start laughing and it would all come out as a huge joke. But the moment stretched on and he became aware that they were completely serious.
“I don’t – I don’t know –” he stuttered, looking between them completely lost, and swallowing sharply.
“It’s okay,” Evan replied as they both gave him an encouraging smile and he gently chafed Rodney’s wrist. “Whatever you want.”
Rodney wasn’t sure what he wanted. How had Evan been so good at reading him? No one else had ever been this good at knowing what he wanted and needed – not even Jeannie or Sheppard. Sheppard was clueless about a lot of things when it came to others, he thought and chuckled to himself, shaking his head when Evan and Chuck looked at him questioningly.
He gently, almost reflexively, began stroking the skin beneath his fingers, feeling the differences between the two men. Chuck had a light splatter of dark hair across his chest and down his torso, whereas Evan was completely hairless except for a light trail of hair going from his belly button down into his boxer-briefs.
Rodney took his hand from Evan’s chest and Evan easily released him as Rodney turned to Chuck and placed both hands on his chest. Rodney looked at Chuck for permission and Chuck gave him a supportive nod but stayed silent. Rodney gently pushed against Chuck’s chest, feeling both its give and firmness, the warmth of Chuck’s skin to his touch, the steady beat of his heart under Rodney’s right hand. He slowly explored Chuck’s chest, arms, and back with his hands, finding a mole here, a freckle there, a few small scars and burn marks littering his forearms. He wondered how many of them were from his life in Atlantis.
“Thank you,” he said quietly when he had finished.
“You’re welcome,” Chuck replied as Rodney turned to Evan.
Rodney hesitated for a moment, this whole experience more alien to him than many of the things he had dealt with since coming to Atlantis.
“It’s okay,” Evan told him and stepped forward.
Rodney tentatively put his hands on Evan’s shoulders and he caressed them a few times before coming up to cup Evan’s neck, his thumbs gently rubbing back and forth a few times against Evan’s throat before traveling down to his chest. Evan’s skin was slightly cooler, but still as solid, and his heartbeat was just as steady and reassuring as Chuck’s. As Rodney tactilely explored Evan’s chest, arms, and back, cataloguing the scars and other physical markings that represented his life, he felt something break inside of him, and he sniffed quietly.
When he finished, he stepped back and pulled his hands away. “Thank you,” he told Evan.
“You’re welcome,” Evan replied. “But we’re not done yet.”
He took another step forward and put his arms around Rodney, pulling him into a tight bear hug. Chuck moved behind him and hugged him just as tightly from behind. Rodney stiffened in their embrace, but they didn’t relinquish their hold on him. As they continued to hold him, he slowly relaxed and felt himself crumpling inside, tears slowly welling to the surface. Evan’s arm around Rodney’s shoulders tightened and his other hand came up to cradle the back of Rodney’s head as he gently pushed Rodney’s face into the crook of his shoulder. Chuck’s arms around Rodney’s waist tightened and he pressed himself against Rodney’s back. Rodney brought his hands up and clutched at Evan’s sides, probably hard enough to leave bruises, but Evan didn’t complain or move away. Rodney didn’t even know why he was crying, but the release felt good and he felt the tightness in his chest ease as he poured out his grief.
When Rodney finally finished, his eyes were red and his nose was dripping slightly as he carefully moved out of their embrace and wiped at the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said as Chuck held out a box of tissues and Rodney took a couple.
“For what?” Evan asked as he wiped himself off with a discarded shirt before tossing it on the floor again.
Rodney let out a snort as he wiped his eyes. “For making a mess of you.”
“I don’t mind and you obviously needed it. Care to talk about it?”
“I don’t even know what I was crying about,” Rodney admitted. “Which is totally not like me. I normally have things under control.”
“We know,” Evan admitted, as he cupped the backs of Rodney’s arms again and held his gaze, “but it’s okay, Rodney. You don’t have to pretend with us, just like we don’t have to pretend with you.” He gave him a light smile as he took his hands away and put them on Rodney’s belt buckle. “How about we have a little fun and lighten up the mood? Did you know touching can also be a lot of fun?”
Rodney rolled his eyes and gave him a ‘you are insane’ look as Evan undid Rodney’s belt and fluidly pulled it out of its loops before casually tossing it on top of Rodney’s shirt. He snagged his fingers in Rodney’s front belt loops and for a moment, Rodney wanted to kiss him, but held himself back.
“How are we doing?” Evan asked seriously as the lights came up slightly. “Are you doing all right? We haven’t broken you yet, have we?”
“I’m all right,” Rodney told him, glancing over to Chuck, who was sitting on the bed. “I don’t think you’ve broken me yet. Not completely, anyway.”
“Good. Then why don’t we have a little fun?”
He walked backwards, pulling Rodney forward and turning him around before pushing him down onto the bed next to Chuck. Chuck gently ran a finger through Rodney’s hair just above the shell of his ear and Rodney turned to look at him as Evan kneeled down and took of Rodney’s moccasins. Rodney’s gaze drifted down to Chuck’s mouth and he quickly licked his lips.
“It’s okay,” Chuck told him. “Go ahead.”
Rodney leaned in and captured Chuck’s mouth with his. The kiss was hungry and desperate and Chuck ran a hand through Rodney’s hair, holding his head in place as he dominated the kiss and Rodney moaned in the back of his throat.
“Wow, that was…wow,” Evan said from his kneeling position when they broke apart breathlessly and Rodney smiled self-consciously. He gently squeezed Rodney’s thighs just above his knees before sitting on the other side of him.
Rodney gave him a questioning look and Evan took the lead. He leaned in, Rodney’s shoulder pressed against his chest and his hand cupping Rodney’s jaw as he gently kissed Rodney. The kiss quickly became as passionate as the one Rodney had just shared with Chuck and Rodney was panting and a little dazed when they broke it off.
Evan winked at him before leaning across Rodney. Chuck met him halfway and Rodney watched them kiss with interest and a small spark of desire.
“Why don’t we get these out of the way?” Evan asked, tugging at Rodney’s pants when he and Chuck broke apart.
“Okay,” Rodney replied with a nod. He shifted farther back on the bed and lay back, sticking his hips up in the air as he undid the buttons on the fly before wriggling out of them and kicking them away from the bed.
Evan and Chuck followed him up on the bed and they both turned onto their sides to face him. Both men put a hand on Rodney’s stomach and began gently caressing him, helping him settle his sudden bout of nerves.
Then Evan skated a hand over Rodney’s boxer-clad hip and down his bare thigh to his knee. “Is this okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” Rodney replied.
“So, are you ticklish anywhere?” Chuck asked with a mischievous grin. “Or are you going to make us find the spots?” He lightly tickled Rodney’s side and Rodney squirmed a bit, a small smile forming on his lips. “I see I found one spot. Are there any others?”
“Well, the bottoms of the feet are usually a good spot to check,” Evan said, sitting up and grabbing one of Rodney’s feet, gently tickling it. Rodney jerked his foot out of Evan’s hold with an involuntary laugh. “I see we found another spot.”
The situation quickly deteriorated into a free-for-all, the three of them touching and tickling each other all over. The three of them were breathless with laughter when they all stopped at the same time. The air practically crackled with an electric charge as they looked between each other. Their touches became more focused and they began touching whatever patch of skin was available. Rodney felt oddly detached from himself, like he was floating in space, but at the same time he had never felt so secure in his life.
When Chuck accidentally bumped Rodney’s groin with his hand, Rodney groaned and realized that he was hard – really hard. He instantly froze and blushed. “I’m sorry,” he told them both as they looked at him, confused. “I didn’t mean to – I know that’s not the point of all of this, but I apparently can’t help myself and I’m sorry and –”
Evan put a finger on Rodney’s lips, effectively stopping his babbling. “It’s okay, Rodney,” he told him. “It’s completely understandable, normal, and natural. Your body’s responding the way it’s been trained. How would you like to deal with it?” His tone turned impish as he asked, “Would you like us to take care of it for you?”
“No, that’s okay.” Rodney blew out a breath. “It’ll probably go away in a moment or two. But let’s continue and hopefully it’ll get the point.”
“And what point would that be?” Chuck asked, nuzzling Rodney’s neck – which caused Rodney to suck in a breath and for his erection to tighten even more.
“That was completely uncalled for and totally unnecessary,” Rodney yelped in surprise.
“I know, but it was fun, wasn’t it?” Chuck asked.
“You’re evil,” Rodney told him as he ran his hand over Chuck’s arm and then pinched him suddenly on the side of his elbow.
They resumed touching each other and Rodney found that he enjoyed it – and that Evan had been right. He had walled himself off for so long that he had forgotten how fantastic it felt to touch someone without any ulterior motive at all, regardless of what certain parts of his body thought.
Then everything went to hell.
Chuck had brushed along the inside of Rodney’s elbow at the same time Evan’s fingers gently swept along Rodney’s inner thigh below his boxers. Rodney’s body stiffened as he groaned and came, feeling the warm fluid spread across his boxers. As soon as he finished, Rodney blushed deeply and scrambled up to the head of the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees.
“I’m sorry,” he told them both. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. Usually I’m much better about sex and all of that, but lately, I just –”
“It’s okay,” Chuck told him. “Believe me, we get it. You don’t have to apologize to us or explain yourself or anything.”
“Do you want to continue?” Evan asked him.
Rodney shook his head emphatically. “I just – I can’t. I’m sorry. You guys have been great to me tonight.”
He got up, picked up his clothes, and headed into the bathroom without looking at either of them. After quickly taking off his dirty boxers and wiping himself off as best he could with them, he dressed and went back out into the main room. Both Evan and Chuck had dressed as well and they were waiting for him. He carefully avoided meeting their eyes.
“Are you okay?” Evan asked, gently touching Rodney’s elbow and catching his gaze.
“I guess so,” Rodney replied. “I can’t explain it. Apparently, I have things I need to work through.”
“Just remember we’re here for you,” Evan told him as he reached down and squeezed Rodney’s wrist.
“And that you don’t have to do this alone,” Chuck told Rodney as he took Rodney’s other hand in his and gently squeezed it. He leaned in and kissed Rodney on the cheek. “That’s what bound friends and people in relationships do for each other, right?”
“Right,” Rodney replied with a decisive nod. He gave them both a self-depreciating smile. “But have I told you two that I suck at relationships?”
“We’re not exactly saints either when it comes to relationships, Rodney. But we’ll manage, I promise.”
“Come on,” Evan said. “I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”
“I’d rather go alone,” Rodney told him, finally looking up at them. “But thank you – both of you for tonight. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
He squeezed Chuck’s hand before letting it go. Evan kissed Rodney on the temple before releasing him. Rodney walked resolutely to the door, but paused in the entryway and glanced back at the two men who were holding hands and watching him.
Rodney headed back to his quarters in a daze. When he entered, he leaned back against the doorway and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and could still feel Evan and Chuck’s hands on his body, touching, caressing, caring, grounding him. It had been one of the best experiences of his life.
And then he had gone and blown it.
He knew Chuck and Evan were serious about their relationship with him and that they really were all right with what had happened tonight, but it had thrown Rodney for a loop. What if he couldn’t have sex without freaking out? What if he never regained an objective interest in having sex? What would they do then?
Maybe he should leave – let them be happy with someone who was more normal than he was. And while he was at it, maybe he should leave Atlantis, too. He still didn’t feel quite right here. Maybe it was time to find a new place to call home.
Continue in Part 25
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I know I’m really screwing things up,” Rodney continued. “I’m not supposed to fall in love with my bound friend. Besides, the two of you are together and that takes precedence, obviously. And I should have kept my mouth shut to begin with.”
Evan interrupted Rodney before he could go any further. “Take a deep breath, Rodney. All things considered, liking both of us is understandable. You had a major upheaval in your life and we’ve both been constants for you. So it’s natural for you to have deeper feelings for us. And people say things they shouldn’t all the time. You know this – and you’ve done it before.” He put a hand on Rodney’s knee and licked his lips nervously. “But this, I’m sure, will be a shocker – we like you that way too. We’ve discussed it and we’d like you to join us if you’re interested.”
“Join…?” Rodney asked, trailing off and looking between the two of them. “You mean *join* join the two of you?”
Both Chuck and Evan nodded. “We’re not in any rush for an answer,” Chuck added. “So take your time in deciding what you want to do.”
“And if you later decide that you want out, we’ll respect that and we’ll go back to being friends,” Evan continued.
“I think my brain just shut down,” Rodney commented. “It’s not so much Lapran ideology; it’s more of the fact that you both want me.” Looking between them again, he said, “Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Evan replied.
“How would it work?”
“Does the term ménage a trois mean anything to you?” Chuck asked dryly as he sat down.
“Literally or in general usage?” Rodney commented back.
“We just mean that we want it to be equal,” Evan told him. “It would be the three of us for better or worse, for as long as we can manage. Neither of us wants this to be casual. And I don’t think you do, either.”
Rodney leaned back into the couch with a sigh. “This is just – wow.”
“Take your time,” Evan said, squeezing Rodney’s knee before moving his hand away. “We can wait.”
“What made you two decide you wanted someone else involved?”
They both shrugged. “We weren’t expecting to,” Chuck replied. “It just kind of happened for both of us as well – much like you. We then discussed it and went from there.”
“And if I hadn’t put my foot in my mouth?”
“Don’t worry about it, Rodney,” Evan told him. “It would have worked out in the end regardless.”
“But I –.” He looked at the two of them, stumped.
Evan put a finger on Rodney’s lips, effectively stopping him. “Look, we know it’s a lot to think about and that’s okay. Take your time. It’s not something we’re taking lightly and we don’t expect you to either.”
Rodney nodded silently and Evan took his hand away. Looking at his watch, Evan heaved himself up into a standing position and said, “We should go, it’s getting late. Want me to walk you home, Rodney?”
Rodney shrugged. “It’s up to you.”
After taking the offered crutches with a quiet thank you, Evan said, “Okay, let’s go.”
Chuck walked them both to the door. He gave Evan a quick kiss on the lips and gently squeezed Rodney’s upper arm. “Good night, you two,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ll see you both tomorrow for dinner?”
They agreed and headed out. Rodney was quiet on the way back to his quarters. The whole idea was insane, yet strangely attractive. And his knee, his lips, and his arm where they had touched him felt like they had been branded. Sure, they had touched him in the past, but it was so casual and fleeting that it had barely made it onto his radar. But now that they had done so with intent – it seared into him.
When they reached Rodney’s quarters, Evan stopped outside and clumsily propped his crutches against the wall so he could put his hands on Rodney’s cheeks before bidding him good night, retrieving his crutches, and hobbling off. Rodney, slightly shell-shocked, watched him go for a moment before going inside and sitting cross-legged on his bed.
He hadn’t wanted to admit it to either man, but their proposal stirred up a lot of things. The first was that these two incredibly great, and good-looking, guys wanted him to join them in a threesome relationship. A relationship with one person was hard enough, but being involved with two people who were also involved with each other – the thought petrified him. There were too many variables that could go wrong.
And he hadn’t wanted to admit, even to himself, that Lapran beliefs were also playing a factor. There were certain things that you just didn’t do because the fragile balance of society would be undermined. But the Laprans’ careful population control was vastly different from the United States Air Force’s archaic views on interpersonal relationships – something Rodney would have loved to undermine any chance he got. And he still did – but not by risking Evan’s – and Sheppard’s – careers.
He sighed and pulled his legs up, hugging his knees to his chest. Seeing Evan and Chuck curled up together when he had walked in had made him a little envious at first because he wanted what they had. And then the way he felt pressed against Evan to see the computer screen, Evan’s hand on his leg, had seemed so right – almost as if he was subconsciously being told, ‘yes, this is the relationship you were always meant to be in’. Sighing again, he bumped his head back against the wall a few times. Why was this such a hard decision? He knew this was something he had to do alone and he couldn’t look to his other friends for advice.
The rest of the week was a dissonant blur for Rodney. Working in the labs went well and he settled back in with surprising ease once everyone was able to believe he was truly back. With Chuck and Evan, though, it was crazy. True to their word, they didn’t push him to make a decision. But he got a vague sense that they were trying to woo him with desserts at meals, a list of movies they though he’d like that he’d missed, and any number of tiny other things. The worst part, however, was the touching. It was all innocent, but it burned him to the core like he was finally melting after a long winter.
“I get it now,” Evan said the following Monday. “You’re touch starved.”
“What?” Rodney asked, looking at him stupidly from the other side of the work station. “What would make you jump to that conclusion?”
“Just the way you’ve been acting around us. You’ve been really hesitant every time we touch you and at the same time you seem to be soaking it up. I know you’ve said the Laprans aren’t big on the whole touching thing – which I can understand from what you’ve told Tamoura. And having met you before you went to Lapras, I’m sure that before that you weren’t touched a whole lot then either – usually only when necessary. Am I even close?”
“And if I answered yes?” Rodney asked warily.
Evan shrugged. “That’s up to you, honestly. I just had one of those eureka moments and felt like I had to share.” Looking around the lab, he added, “I think I’ve been spending too much time in here.”
Rodney laughed and shook his head as he went back to his work. “You’re insane.”
That evening after dinner, Chuck, Evan, and Rodney walked out to one of the balconies on the East Pier.
“We haven’t completely scared you off, have we?” Chuck asked as he spread out the blanket he’d been carrying and sat down.
“No,” Rodney replied, leaning against the rail and looking out over the water. “I just don’t know what I’m doing, or what to do.”
“Neither do we,” Evan told him as he sat down. “And obviously, this isn’t an easy or light thing for you to decide and we respect that. Just know that we’re here for you to discuss this and figure things out – regardless of what you decide.”
Turning back to look at them, Rodney said, “I know I want to do it. Other than that….” He shrugged. “I don’t know about all the logistics, but I want to try it and I don’t want to be kicking myself down the road for not doing it.” He crossed over to the blanket and knelt down on it. “Just promise you won’t be upset if I want to take things slow.”
“We’re willing to move like glaciers, if that’s what you need,” Evan replied, gently cupping the side of Rodney’s face with his hand.
Rodney nuzzled Evan’s hand and a slight groan escaped Evan’s lips. Rodney looked up to find them both watching him intently and was surprised to see desire in both of their faces. And he was even more surprised when Evan’s hand slid up into his hair before he leaned in to kiss him. The kiss wasn’t tentative like either Sheppard’s or Jaelyn’s had been. The press of Evan’s lips was confident and when he licked Rodney’s lower lip, Rodney opened his mouth and gave Evan access. Rodney whimpered softly when Evan’s tongue entered his mouth and Evan quickly broke off the kiss.
“Is everything all right?” Evan asked breathlessly.
“Fine,” Rodney replied, still a little dazed. “Why?”
“I just – I wasn’t sure because you whimpered.”
As Rodney looked at Evan with confusion, Chuck chuckled and straddled Evan’s lap. “You’ll have to forgive him, Rodney,” Chuck said. “He worries too much sometimes.”
With no warning, Chuck captured Rodney’s mouth. His kiss was as confident as Evan’s, but as Evan tasted cool, calm, and protective, Chuck tasted passionate, fiery, and playful. Chuck ended the kiss with a playful nip to Rodney’s bottom lip.
While Rodney got his bearings back, he watched Chuck and Evan bump noses and smile before kissing. The kiss was hungry and passionate – and hotter than anything Rodney was used to seeing.
Pulling apart, Chuck commented, “And now our deal has been sealed with a kiss.” Settling against Evan’s side, he asked, “I don’t suppose so – but is there a way all three of us could be bonded?”
Rodney shrugged. “I guess so. I’ve never heard of it being done, but I’ve never heard anything against it, either.”
Part of him wanted to say no, to tell them that all this was too abnormal. But if their expectant looks weren’t enough to almost do him in, he knew, logically, that he had to do it. If the three of them were supposed to be in an equal relationship, it wouldn’t work if he was bond friends with Evan and not Chuck and that they weren’t bonded. And, looking between them, he could tell that, instead of diluting the power and meaning of the bond friendship, this would only strengthen the ideal and their own relationship. Rodney finally nodded and replied, “When did you two want to do it?”
“Could we do it now?” Evan asked as Chuck sat up straighter.
“Sure, I guess so.”
He led Chuck and Evan through the simple ceremony. Then he did it for Chuck and himself. And he had to admit, he did feel better once it was done. Hopefully, this way would forge an extra layer of commitment between the three of them to be honest and open with each other.
Once they had finished, Chuck again curled up against Evan’s side. “Thanks, Rodney,” they both said and Evan took Rodney’s hand in his and Chuck covered their hands with one of his.
They stayed on the pier for a while, watching the stars and listening to the water. When the lowering temperature became too noticeable and uncomfortable, they grabbed the blanket and headed inside. Rodney thought about protesting when Chuck and Evan walked him to his quarters, but deep down he had to admit that he liked it and thought it was just a little bit romantic. Outside his door, both men quickly looked up and down the hall before giving Rodney a good-night kiss – Chuck on the lips, and Evan on the forehead.
“I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Rodney told them before heading inside, for once feeling like everything was right in the world.
After that night, things returned to the status quo. Chuck, Evan, and Rodney spent almost all of their free time together when they weren’t on the clock. But if one or two of them made plans with other people, the others easily went with it. Rodney had to admit that he enjoyed the whole thing – knowing that they were his and he was theirs, regardless of what they did and who they were with.
Rodney was amused at Carson’s exasperation when they showed up with Evan when he went to have his cast removed. But Carson said nothing to them beyond a surprised comment that world must be ending because Chuck was hardly ever in the infirmary, period, and Rodney’s shadow rarely darkened its door now that he had returned from his ‘excursion’, as Carson had taken to calling Rodney’s time away. They just waved him off and told him to get to the business at hand.
And, true to their word, Chuck and Evan took things slowly. After the night on the Pier, they didn’t kiss Rodney unless he initiated, which wasn’t often, and seemed to get as much enjoyment out of him watching them kiss as they got out of doing it. And he was shocked when they promised that they wouldn’t move faster in the relationship than he did. Which Rodney found out meant no sex until he was ready. He had never thought of himself as a prude, but he knew it would take time to break down his barriers and become comfortable with their ease of physical affection.
They were also careful about touching him. Rodney soon found out that he had paired up with the two most touchy-feely people in the expedition. And it made him more than a little skittish because he wasn’t used to it – he never had been, even as a child. He had once tried to find the root of it with Heightmeyer, but they had never been able to determine a cause, even though she had told him of some research that had found people with above-average intelligence tended to be hyper-sensitive to touch. While he felt better knowing that there was actual research backing him up, Rodney still felt bad that he was at the opposite end of the spectrum from Chuck and Evan and wished there was something he could do about it.
But as Evan and Chuck continued to touch him, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he found himself slowly coming to enjoy it and even look forward to it. And it scared him how much he enjoyed it because he didn’t want it to be taken away from him – as most of the good things in his life had been.
One afternoon, as they finished lunch with Carson and Rodney’s old team, Chuck stood and put a hand on Rodney’s shoulder. Gently squeezing it, he leaned down and whispered in Rodney’s ear, “My quarters, tonight, seven o’clock. Don’t be late.” He gently rubbed Rodney’s shoulder before releasing it and, after bidding everyone else at the table a good afternoon, left as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Rodney simply watched him go, trying to ignore the shiver of anticipation that had gone down his spine at Chuck’s words.
The afternoon went by with agonizing slowness and Rodney found himself watching the clock instead of doing actual work. He finally gave up and left a few hours early, to everyone else’s surprise. He first retrieved his staff and headed down to the gym to see if going through his forms would improve his focus, but they were second nature to him now. The movement felt good, but his mind was still racing and wondering what Chuck, and probably Evan, had planned for tonight.
He headed back to his quarters with a frustrated sigh. Getting comfortable on his bed, he tried to clear his mind and meditate, but that was also to no avail. He couldn’t focus on anything long enough to relax. After a number of aborted attempts, he got up with a frustrated growl and took a shower.
He ended up eating dinner alone – Sheppard’s team was away on a mission, Carson was finishing up some simulations, and Radek was doing God-knew-what – Rodney was starting to think the man didn’t eat. There were a few people in the mess hall that Rodney knew, but he didn’t feel comfortable enough with any of them to actually share a meal. Afterwards, he headed to Chuck’s quarters, hoping that arriving early wouldn’t mess up whatever was in store for him.
Both Chuck and Evan were there to greet him and Rodney was instantly suspicious when he saw them grinning like Cheshire cats. And wearing only their boxer-briefs – which, contrary to popular belief, left little to the imagination than if they had been completely naked. He gulped and looked at them petrified.
“Strip,” Chuck told him in a tone that brooked no argument from where he sat on a bed that was larger than any other Rodney had seen in Atlantis.
“What?” Rodney asked in disbelief. Crossing his arms over his chest, he narrowed his eyes and asked, “Why?”
“We’re taking the proverbial sledge-hammer to things and staging an intervention,” Evan told him. “Now, strip.”
Rodney stood there and sputtered, not sure if he should be incensed or petrified. “Might I ask what in the hell the two of you are doing?” he asked.
“We’re trying to fix you – well, part of you,” Evan replied. “You’ve been starving for so long for someone else to touch you that you practically can’t handle casual touch any more. I’m hoping that tonight we can override at least part of your problem.”
“You couldn’t talk some sense into him?” Rodney asked Chuck with a bit of a growl.
Chuck shrugged and deadpanned, “I thought it was a good idea when he explained it to me – he had charts and everything.”
“And how does an art major know so much about psychology?” Rodney asked, turning his attention back to Evan.
“I double-majored, actually,” Evan replied, “with a concentration in art therapy. I was never licensed to practice, though – the sky got me before that. Haptic communication had always been an interest of mine.”
“Haptic what? You’re not making all this up just to get me out of my clothes, are you?”
Evan rolled his eyes and leveled a ‘you’ve got to be shitting me’ expression at Rodney. “No, I’m not. Is this unconventional? Yes. Do I think it’ll work? Yes – well, probably.”
“*Probably*?” Rodney asked, his tone going into its shrill ‘are you *insane*?’ mode.
“Oh, come on, Rodney. It’s not like I’m planning on performing a lobotomy – just some skin-on-skin touching.”
“And if I leave right now?”
Evan shrugged. “That’s your choice. But tell me you aren’t just a little intrigued.” He advanced on Rodney as Chuck moved their previously discarded clothing off and away from the bed. As he got closer, his voice got softer, more intimate. “That deep down inside, you want this. For so long you’ve felt like if you couldn’t prove yourself with your intellect, people wouldn’t like you, so you walled off your feelings and needs. You kept telling yourself that your genius was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that needed to matter. And one day you started believing it.”
Rodney closed his eyes and let out a ragged breath, not wanting to admit how easily Evan had pegged him. Evan’s hands, with their calloused fingertips and palms, gently wrapped around Rodney’s elbows, supporting them. Rodney let his arms drop to his sides as Evan’s hands gently slid up his arms to just below his shirt sleeves and his thumbs gently rubbed back and forth across the backs of Rodney’s arms.
When Evan continued, his voice was soft, but intense. “This is all about you. We’ll only do what you want us to. But I don’t believe for a second that, for a long time, you haven’t wanted *someone* to prove to you that you aren’t just another cog in the great machine that is Scientific Discovery.”
Rodney felt, rather than heard, Chuck come up behind him and gently run his hands along Rodney’s shoulder blades from his spine outwards. But Evan’s touch and voice had woven a spell over him and he couldn’t move, couldn’t stop listening as Evan continued.
“You *do* matter, Rodney McKay. *You* are important to us.” He gently squeezed Rodney’s arms, anchoring him, making Rodney aware of their touch. Rodney’s breath hitched again and he forced himself to open his eyes and look into Evan’s intense gaze. Evan gave him a gentle smile as he ran his hands down Rodney’s arms and grasped his hands.
“I don’t – I can’t – I –” Rodney struggled to form the words, to tell them what he wanted, what he needed, but his vocabulary had disappeared.
“It’s okay,” Evan acknowledged. “Would you like to continue?”
Rodney nodded mutely, hardly aware of the lights dimming and cocooning the three of them in their glow, as Chuck’s hands skimmed down Rodney’s arms and gently squeezed Rodney’s hands above Evan’s.
“Just say the word if you become uncomfortable.”
“No, ah, no kissing,” Rodney stated. He knew that if they went down that path, it would quickly lead to sex and he wasn’t ready for that yet. Maybe not ever. Since coming back to Atlantis, every time he had tried to even think about sex, he wasn’t able to do it for more than a moment or two. After everything with John and Jaelyn…. He pulled himself back to the present.
“Okay,” Evan replied and Chuck echoed. His hands left Rodney’s and went to the hem of Rodney’s shirt. “May we?”
Rodney swallowed and nodded. The two men slowly pushed the garment up and over Rodney’s head, hands skimming along his torso the whole way. Evan pulled it off his arms and threw the shirt towards Chuck’s desk. They spent their time slowly exploring Rodney’s exposed skin with their hands, learning its contours and memorizing it, feeling each bump and scar. Evan’s hands lingered on the scar Koyla had given him, his thumb gently rubbing over it a few times, and Rodney had the feeling Evan was trying to apologize for something he couldn’t have prevented. Rodney closed his eyes and began taking deep breaths, commanding himself to not go into overload.
“You can touch us too,” Evan replied, his tone light and amused, and Rodney’s eyes snapped open. “The lack of clothing isn’t just a show of solidarity.”
“In fact, we want you to touch us,” Chuck replied, coming around Rodney’s side, trailing a hand along his skin.
“I bet you crave the ability to touch as much as to be touched,” Evan continued. “Not just sexually, but in general, like we’re doing to you now. Is that right?”
Rodney nodded again, his ability to speak completely gone. He’d always thought it was a weakness and had tried to ignore it, but Evan was doing a very good job of making all of this seem like the most natural thing in the world, as if it was as essential as eating, sleeping, and breathing. Both men took one of Rodney’s hands and put it on their bare chests and kept their hands lightly around his wrists. Rodney looked between the two of them, slightly stunned, waiting for the moment they would start laughing and it would all come out as a huge joke. But the moment stretched on and he became aware that they were completely serious.
“I don’t – I don’t know –” he stuttered, looking between them completely lost, and swallowing sharply.
“It’s okay,” Evan replied as they both gave him an encouraging smile and he gently chafed Rodney’s wrist. “Whatever you want.”
Rodney wasn’t sure what he wanted. How had Evan been so good at reading him? No one else had ever been this good at knowing what he wanted and needed – not even Jeannie or Sheppard. Sheppard was clueless about a lot of things when it came to others, he thought and chuckled to himself, shaking his head when Evan and Chuck looked at him questioningly.
He gently, almost reflexively, began stroking the skin beneath his fingers, feeling the differences between the two men. Chuck had a light splatter of dark hair across his chest and down his torso, whereas Evan was completely hairless except for a light trail of hair going from his belly button down into his boxer-briefs.
Rodney took his hand from Evan’s chest and Evan easily released him as Rodney turned to Chuck and placed both hands on his chest. Rodney looked at Chuck for permission and Chuck gave him a supportive nod but stayed silent. Rodney gently pushed against Chuck’s chest, feeling both its give and firmness, the warmth of Chuck’s skin to his touch, the steady beat of his heart under Rodney’s right hand. He slowly explored Chuck’s chest, arms, and back with his hands, finding a mole here, a freckle there, a few small scars and burn marks littering his forearms. He wondered how many of them were from his life in Atlantis.
“Thank you,” he said quietly when he had finished.
“You’re welcome,” Chuck replied as Rodney turned to Evan.
Rodney hesitated for a moment, this whole experience more alien to him than many of the things he had dealt with since coming to Atlantis.
“It’s okay,” Evan told him and stepped forward.
Rodney tentatively put his hands on Evan’s shoulders and he caressed them a few times before coming up to cup Evan’s neck, his thumbs gently rubbing back and forth a few times against Evan’s throat before traveling down to his chest. Evan’s skin was slightly cooler, but still as solid, and his heartbeat was just as steady and reassuring as Chuck’s. As Rodney tactilely explored Evan’s chest, arms, and back, cataloguing the scars and other physical markings that represented his life, he felt something break inside of him, and he sniffed quietly.
When he finished, he stepped back and pulled his hands away. “Thank you,” he told Evan.
“You’re welcome,” Evan replied. “But we’re not done yet.”
He took another step forward and put his arms around Rodney, pulling him into a tight bear hug. Chuck moved behind him and hugged him just as tightly from behind. Rodney stiffened in their embrace, but they didn’t relinquish their hold on him. As they continued to hold him, he slowly relaxed and felt himself crumpling inside, tears slowly welling to the surface. Evan’s arm around Rodney’s shoulders tightened and his other hand came up to cradle the back of Rodney’s head as he gently pushed Rodney’s face into the crook of his shoulder. Chuck’s arms around Rodney’s waist tightened and he pressed himself against Rodney’s back. Rodney brought his hands up and clutched at Evan’s sides, probably hard enough to leave bruises, but Evan didn’t complain or move away. Rodney didn’t even know why he was crying, but the release felt good and he felt the tightness in his chest ease as he poured out his grief.
When Rodney finally finished, his eyes were red and his nose was dripping slightly as he carefully moved out of their embrace and wiped at the tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said as Chuck held out a box of tissues and Rodney took a couple.
“For what?” Evan asked as he wiped himself off with a discarded shirt before tossing it on the floor again.
Rodney let out a snort as he wiped his eyes. “For making a mess of you.”
“I don’t mind and you obviously needed it. Care to talk about it?”
“I don’t even know what I was crying about,” Rodney admitted. “Which is totally not like me. I normally have things under control.”
“We know,” Evan admitted, as he cupped the backs of Rodney’s arms again and held his gaze, “but it’s okay, Rodney. You don’t have to pretend with us, just like we don’t have to pretend with you.” He gave him a light smile as he took his hands away and put them on Rodney’s belt buckle. “How about we have a little fun and lighten up the mood? Did you know touching can also be a lot of fun?”
Rodney rolled his eyes and gave him a ‘you are insane’ look as Evan undid Rodney’s belt and fluidly pulled it out of its loops before casually tossing it on top of Rodney’s shirt. He snagged his fingers in Rodney’s front belt loops and for a moment, Rodney wanted to kiss him, but held himself back.
“How are we doing?” Evan asked seriously as the lights came up slightly. “Are you doing all right? We haven’t broken you yet, have we?”
“I’m all right,” Rodney told him, glancing over to Chuck, who was sitting on the bed. “I don’t think you’ve broken me yet. Not completely, anyway.”
“Good. Then why don’t we have a little fun?”
He walked backwards, pulling Rodney forward and turning him around before pushing him down onto the bed next to Chuck. Chuck gently ran a finger through Rodney’s hair just above the shell of his ear and Rodney turned to look at him as Evan kneeled down and took of Rodney’s moccasins. Rodney’s gaze drifted down to Chuck’s mouth and he quickly licked his lips.
“It’s okay,” Chuck told him. “Go ahead.”
Rodney leaned in and captured Chuck’s mouth with his. The kiss was hungry and desperate and Chuck ran a hand through Rodney’s hair, holding his head in place as he dominated the kiss and Rodney moaned in the back of his throat.
“Wow, that was…wow,” Evan said from his kneeling position when they broke apart breathlessly and Rodney smiled self-consciously. He gently squeezed Rodney’s thighs just above his knees before sitting on the other side of him.
Rodney gave him a questioning look and Evan took the lead. He leaned in, Rodney’s shoulder pressed against his chest and his hand cupping Rodney’s jaw as he gently kissed Rodney. The kiss quickly became as passionate as the one Rodney had just shared with Chuck and Rodney was panting and a little dazed when they broke it off.
Evan winked at him before leaning across Rodney. Chuck met him halfway and Rodney watched them kiss with interest and a small spark of desire.
“Why don’t we get these out of the way?” Evan asked, tugging at Rodney’s pants when he and Chuck broke apart.
“Okay,” Rodney replied with a nod. He shifted farther back on the bed and lay back, sticking his hips up in the air as he undid the buttons on the fly before wriggling out of them and kicking them away from the bed.
Evan and Chuck followed him up on the bed and they both turned onto their sides to face him. Both men put a hand on Rodney’s stomach and began gently caressing him, helping him settle his sudden bout of nerves.
Then Evan skated a hand over Rodney’s boxer-clad hip and down his bare thigh to his knee. “Is this okay?” he asked.
“Fine,” Rodney replied.
“So, are you ticklish anywhere?” Chuck asked with a mischievous grin. “Or are you going to make us find the spots?” He lightly tickled Rodney’s side and Rodney squirmed a bit, a small smile forming on his lips. “I see I found one spot. Are there any others?”
“Well, the bottoms of the feet are usually a good spot to check,” Evan said, sitting up and grabbing one of Rodney’s feet, gently tickling it. Rodney jerked his foot out of Evan’s hold with an involuntary laugh. “I see we found another spot.”
The situation quickly deteriorated into a free-for-all, the three of them touching and tickling each other all over. The three of them were breathless with laughter when they all stopped at the same time. The air practically crackled with an electric charge as they looked between each other. Their touches became more focused and they began touching whatever patch of skin was available. Rodney felt oddly detached from himself, like he was floating in space, but at the same time he had never felt so secure in his life.
When Chuck accidentally bumped Rodney’s groin with his hand, Rodney groaned and realized that he was hard – really hard. He instantly froze and blushed. “I’m sorry,” he told them both as they looked at him, confused. “I didn’t mean to – I know that’s not the point of all of this, but I apparently can’t help myself and I’m sorry and –”
Evan put a finger on Rodney’s lips, effectively stopping his babbling. “It’s okay, Rodney,” he told him. “It’s completely understandable, normal, and natural. Your body’s responding the way it’s been trained. How would you like to deal with it?” His tone turned impish as he asked, “Would you like us to take care of it for you?”
“No, that’s okay.” Rodney blew out a breath. “It’ll probably go away in a moment or two. But let’s continue and hopefully it’ll get the point.”
“And what point would that be?” Chuck asked, nuzzling Rodney’s neck – which caused Rodney to suck in a breath and for his erection to tighten even more.
“That was completely uncalled for and totally unnecessary,” Rodney yelped in surprise.
“I know, but it was fun, wasn’t it?” Chuck asked.
“You’re evil,” Rodney told him as he ran his hand over Chuck’s arm and then pinched him suddenly on the side of his elbow.
They resumed touching each other and Rodney found that he enjoyed it – and that Evan had been right. He had walled himself off for so long that he had forgotten how fantastic it felt to touch someone without any ulterior motive at all, regardless of what certain parts of his body thought.
Then everything went to hell.
Chuck had brushed along the inside of Rodney’s elbow at the same time Evan’s fingers gently swept along Rodney’s inner thigh below his boxers. Rodney’s body stiffened as he groaned and came, feeling the warm fluid spread across his boxers. As soon as he finished, Rodney blushed deeply and scrambled up to the head of the bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees.
“I’m sorry,” he told them both. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. Usually I’m much better about sex and all of that, but lately, I just –”
“It’s okay,” Chuck told him. “Believe me, we get it. You don’t have to apologize to us or explain yourself or anything.”
“Do you want to continue?” Evan asked him.
Rodney shook his head emphatically. “I just – I can’t. I’m sorry. You guys have been great to me tonight.”
He got up, picked up his clothes, and headed into the bathroom without looking at either of them. After quickly taking off his dirty boxers and wiping himself off as best he could with them, he dressed and went back out into the main room. Both Evan and Chuck had dressed as well and they were waiting for him. He carefully avoided meeting their eyes.
“Are you okay?” Evan asked, gently touching Rodney’s elbow and catching his gaze.
“I guess so,” Rodney replied. “I can’t explain it. Apparently, I have things I need to work through.”
“Just remember we’re here for you,” Evan told him as he reached down and squeezed Rodney’s wrist.
“And that you don’t have to do this alone,” Chuck told Rodney as he took Rodney’s other hand in his and gently squeezed it. He leaned in and kissed Rodney on the cheek. “That’s what bound friends and people in relationships do for each other, right?”
“Right,” Rodney replied with a decisive nod. He gave them both a self-depreciating smile. “But have I told you two that I suck at relationships?”
“We’re not exactly saints either when it comes to relationships, Rodney. But we’ll manage, I promise.”
“Come on,” Evan said. “I’ll walk you back to your quarters.”
“I’d rather go alone,” Rodney told him, finally looking up at them. “But thank you – both of you for tonight. I really appreciate it. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”
He squeezed Chuck’s hand before letting it go. Evan kissed Rodney on the temple before releasing him. Rodney walked resolutely to the door, but paused in the entryway and glanced back at the two men who were holding hands and watching him.
Rodney headed back to his quarters in a daze. When he entered, he leaned back against the doorway and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths and could still feel Evan and Chuck’s hands on his body, touching, caressing, caring, grounding him. It had been one of the best experiences of his life.
And then he had gone and blown it.
He knew Chuck and Evan were serious about their relationship with him and that they really were all right with what had happened tonight, but it had thrown Rodney for a loop. What if he couldn’t have sex without freaking out? What if he never regained an objective interest in having sex? What would they do then?
Maybe he should leave – let them be happy with someone who was more normal than he was. And while he was at it, maybe he should leave Atlantis, too. He still didn’t feel quite right here. Maybe it was time to find a new place to call home.
Continue in Part 25
