SGA fic: Gaijin part 23/40
Dec. 19th, 2008 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeGaijin, Part 23/40
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I – uh – oh – I – uh,” Rodney sputtered as he stopped walking. He took a deep breath. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Chuck replied, stopping as well, his tone pure amusement now. “So…”
“Uh, yeah. That was pretty much it,” Rodney replied, sheepishly.
“Okay,” Chuck replied with a nod and a tap on the shoulder with a folder. “I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Okay,” Rodney replied with a nod, watching him walk off.
He wanted to hit his head against the wall and for a moment seriously considered it before sighing and continuing on again. That went *really* well and didn’t have any conclusion at all. This was insane.
He should have talked it over with Evan. That’s what bound friends were for – to help figure out problems and give support. If Rodney had been smart about it and done that, he wouldn’t be in this awkward position. He sighed, knowing it was better that Chuck had heard him and not one of the random grunts, but….
“I just said something stupid,” he said as he went into Evan’s office and sat down opposite him.
“What did you say?” Evan asked, looking up from his paperwork. “If you called someone a moron, I would tell you that your restraint’s remarkable and I’m surprised it’s taken you this long.”
Rodney let out a bark of a laugh. “No, sadly. Though I’m sure someone here deserves it. I told Chuck something I wasn’t quite ready for him to hear. And he was surprised, but it seems hopeful that he doesn’t hate me.”
“Well, that’s good,” Evan replied, leaning back in his chair. “May I ask what you told him?”
“You can, but I’m not going to repeat it,” Rodney responded.
“Okay. I don’t know what to say, then. Are we all still going to be friends when we see him for dinner?”
“I hope so. I think so.”
“Good. How did practice with Teyla go?”
“Good.” Rodney smiled. “It felt good to be sparring again. Maybe once your leg’s healed we could do some sparring?” He looked at Evan hopefully.
“That sounds great,” Evan replied with a nod. “I’ll need something to help get me back in shape. All this enforced laziness is starting to get to me.”
“On the upside, you only have another week and a half until the cast comes off. I doubt it’ll be long after that before you’re back at full speed.”
Evan fiddled with his stylus. “I certainly hope so. I miss just going for a run. It’s weird the little things you miss when they get taken from you.”
“I know what you mean.” Rodney slouched down in the chair. “I miss darchnans – they’re a fruit on Lapras that are kind of a cross between an apple and an apricot and they make a good sort of applesauce. And I used to laugh at them for how they did certain things, but I miss that too.”
Evan nodded. “I’m sure it’s hard. And if you ever want to talk about it – let me know, okay?”
“I will,” Rodney replied. “It’s just hard, sometimes. I know you know things from hearing me talking with Tamoura, and that covers a lot of ground, but there are so many things that have a certain…” He paused, trying to think of the right word, “…nuance to them that it’s hard to describe unless you actually know what I’m talking about.” He sighed. “I’d love to take you there so you can meet everyone and experience it all, but I doubt Elizabeth will let me go back by myself for a visit, let alone with someone else.”
“Just keep hoping. I’m sure that one day you’ll get back there. And who knows, maybe both Chuck and I will be with you.” Evan gave Rodney a sheepish look. “I hate to do this, but I have to kick you out or I’m not going to get these reports done in time. I’ll see you at dinner?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at dinner,” Rodney replied as he stood.
Leaving Evan’s office, he felt a little better, even if he was nowhere near a conclusion. But he still could feel his stomach clenching up in knots and he didn’t like it. Rodney headed back to his room and settled cross-legged on his bed. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, centering himself as Kirby had taught him.
He figured that the upside of the situation was that Chuck hadn’t made a huge deal out of the whole thing. If it was, Rodney was sure that Chuck’s two main emotions wouldn’t have been surprise and amusement. He knew that the ball was out of his court until he saw Chuck again and was able to get an actual answer from him.
He really hoped he hadn’t damaged their relationship beyond repair. Chuck had been a great friend to him since his return and he didn’t want to lose that.
But what if Chuck said yes? Rodney had been so intent on the opposite answer that he didn’t think of the other possible outcome. If that was the case, he hoped that he could convince Chuck he had only done it to get over him and that Chuck would still like him after that. He sighed as he opened his eyes. This was going to suck until he knew what Chuck thought.
Rodney slowed when he heard Chuck’s voice coming from just around the next corner. “I feel bad because it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t mean to –.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Chuck,” Evan replied and Rodney stopped all together. “You know how love and all that can be.”
There was a pause before Chuck sighed. “The thing is – if you and I weren’t together,” they both chuckled, “together-ish, or whatever this is, I could see myself going out with him. He’s a great guy.”
Deciding he’d heard enough, Rodney quickly burst around the corner. “Oh, hi,” he said, pulling himself up short and feigning surprise at seeing them. “I was just on my way to see if Evan was ready, but it looks like you both are. So. Great.”
“Yep, here we are,” Chuck replied. “I was able to get out a little early tonight.”
As they headed down to the mess hall, Rodney said, “I wanted to apologize for earlier today, Chuck. My behavior was out of line and I know better than to handle the situation the way I did.”
“Apology accepted,” Chuck answered as they entered the mess.
Dinner went as smoothly as if nothing untoward had happened. Rodney breathed an inward sigh of relief that maybe things would be okay and that Chuck was going to rebuff him by simply not acknowledging Rodney’s disclosure. He could deal with that.
When they finished eating, Chuck said, “I’m sorry, guys, but I’ve got to run. I promised Miko I’d help her with some equipment calibrations,” and quickly left.
“Well, then,” Evan said in his wake. “What do you feel like doing tonight? Movie? Chess? For me to leave you alone?”
Rodney laughed. “Chess sounds good. You’ll have to be easy on me, though. I haven’t played in four cycles.”
“From what I’ve heard, you were quite a player. Maybe now you’ll be on my level. Chess is something I’ve picked up only since coming to Atlantis.”
Rodney bussed their trays and commandeered a chess set. He took command of setting up the pieces and then turned the board so Evan could go first.
After moving a white pawn forward three spaces, Evan said, “You know that kind-of, sort-of relationship I told you about?”
Rodney nodded as he moved one of his own pawns. “How’s it going?”
“It’s coming.” Evan looked around the half-full mess hall. “I’m kind-of sort-of seeing Chuck.”
“Good for you,” Rodney replied casually, surprised he was able to pull it off. But inside, he was kicking himself.
With what he’d seen over the past month and the recently overheard conversation, it made a lot of sense. There had always been a fair amount of casual touching between the two of them, along with some faint innuendo.
“How long have you two been seeing each other?” he asked as he made his next move.
“We started just before you came back. But I’ll admit that I’d been carrying a crush for a while before that.” There’s nothing really definite about it yet, though. Just a bit of mutual attraction and a curiosity to see where it goes.” He made his move. “I thought you should know.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replied as he considered the board. Part of him wished he could escape. Today was just not his day. For the first time in a long time, he wished for a restart button.
After they finished, Rodney walked Evan back to his quarters.
“No hard feelings?” Evan asked as they stopped outside.
“Why would there be?” Rodney asked, confused.
Evan looked sheepish before admitting, “Chuck told me what you said earlier.”
Rodney laughed. “Why would I be upset at something I have no control over? It’s not like we’re in a contest for him or anything. Besides, I get the need to be discreet with your military’s weird protocols on homosexual relationships. It’s better to be safe than sorry, even out here.”
Evan laughed. “You sound like Sheppard. Not long after you went MIA, he sent out a memo to everyone saying that he didn’t care what we did with who, as long as we didn’t do anything stupid.”
“And how did that go over?” Rodney asked, curious, as he followed Evan inside.
Evan shrugged. “For the most part the response was ‘Whatever’, because we were already doing whatever we wanted anyway – considering we’re in another galaxy. But we like having the actual carte blanche to do it. There were a few people who weren’t too pleased with it, but Sheppard told them they could either shape up or ship out on the next Daedalus run. And a couple did.”
“How did it go over with the people back on Earth?” Rodney asked as he sat down at Evan’s desk.
Evan shrugged as he sat down on his bed and eased his leg up onto it. “The guys who shipped out only said they found they weren’t as compatible here as they thought. Because they knew, or at least feared, that they’d get some sort of backlash if they tried outing anyone. Besides, Sheppard’s memo included general fraternization too, not just gay sex.”
“And they knew they’d be opening a huge can of worms if they did,” Rodney replied more to himself than to Evan.
“Right,” Evan replied. “Even if they didn’t like that Sheppard actually said what everyone had been thinking all along, they were still loyal to the expedition. One or two did come back after they got their heads out of their asses and realized it wasn’t going to be a free-for-all. In the day-to-day, not much has changed. Everyone’s still careful because you never know what might happen.”
“How did Elizabeth take Sheppard’s memo?”
Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. I never heard anything, so your guess is as good as mine. It didn’t get retracted or amended, so I’m guessing either she knew about it beforehand and/or agreed with him. You know she’s been with the expedition from the very beginning, so I think she sees the sense in it.”
Rodney nodded in agreement. “It would have only been a matter of time anyway, all things considered. Especially since there are some of us who are never going back to Earth.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what they’re going to do if they actually have to explain it to Woolsey or the IOA or whoever, but I know I’ll back them up.” He laughed and when Rodney raised a quizzical eyebrow, he said, “I don’t know what made me think of it, but a day or two after Sheppard sent out the memo, Dr. Z sent out an email saying that if he found anyone taking issue with the memo, they would have cold showers until they were able to clear their heads and make a decision. I had always assumed that you and he were joking when you threatened that, but I heard from some of the guys that he actually did it to one of the newer grunts. But the guy never owned up to it and never complained.”
Rodney snorted. “We don’t make idle threats. When there’s only so much you can do to keep people in line, you’ve got to be ready to carry out your threats. What did he decide?”
“He stayed on and hasn’t caused any trouble.”
“You know, I think this is the most I’ve heard you talk in a long time.”
“I don’t usually talk unless I’ve got something to say, Doc. You should know that by now.”
“Is that part of your training or something?”
“Maybe,” Evan replied with a chuckle.
“I should go,” Rodney replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Major.”
“Good night, Doc,” Evan answered with a warm smile.
Rodney sighed when he got out into the hallway. It would figure that Evan and Chuck would be together. This was why he didn’t want to get into another relationship – there were too many pitfalls. A part of him wished that Atlantis had something like Lapras – where they had a matchmaker to set people up. It would make things so much easier.
Besides, he *really* didn’t need anyone at the moment anyway. It had only been a month and a half since Jaelyn’s death and, truth be told, her loss still hurt. And he was surprised it had only been a month and a half. With everything that had gone on with John, Teyla, and Ronon showing up on Lapras and then bringing him back to Atlantis, and everything that had gone on here, it seemed like it had been much longer.
But he was happy for Chuck and Evan, he really was. He knew how hard it was for anyone here to find love; his own relationship with Sheppard was a testament to that. Rodney felt bad about brushing Sheppard off the way he had; the man had given him a wide open shot at trying again and he had shot him down without even considering it, telling him he had moved on and that was the end of it. But was it?
As Rodney entered his quarters, he thought back fondly on the time he had spent with Sheppard. It had been good, but now…. Now there was nothing there romantically. He could see, given time, becoming good friends with him again, but he doubted he’d be able to fall in love with him again. He had changed enough that he doubted the things he had once wanted in a lover would be the things he wanted now.
Settling cross-legged on the floor with his back against his bed, Rodney decided to do a ‘what if?’ meditation session. Kirby hadn’t done them often with him, but at times it had helped him sort out what he was feeling and then deal with whatever problem was at hand. This time it was what he wanted in a relationship, if the universe did, in fact, have a sick sense of humor and wanted to pair him with someone. Rodney was nothing if not a pragmatist and he could see where this was heading. Sooner or later, he would have to deal with a relationship of some kind and he got the feeling that saying no was not an option.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. So, physically: brown or black hair, eye color didn’t matter, within a few inches either way of his own height, sturdy build, some muscles, either male or female. He had realized on Lapras that his blonde bombshell fantasy was a cover he had developed for the outside world. But it was one he was willing to keep on standby, just in case. You never knew when it would come in handy. Mentally: while he knew he’d never find someone who didn’t have an IQ equal to his own, as long as they could follow his conversations and not ask completely stupid questions, he could deal. He’d also found that a sense of humor was practically a must.
He sighed and opened his eyes. Obliterating his cover meant that he would be a match for practically everyone on Atlantis – a couple of scientists, a few grunts, and the botany department aside. At least now he would be somewhat more ready for whatever Fate threw at him in the love department.
Undressing, Rodney got in the shower, determined to push all thoughts of relationships and other people out of his head. As he closed his eyes and put his face under the spray, an unbidden image of Chuck and Evan together popped into his head. From the way Evan had talked, Rodney doubted they had gone very far, but, after so much disuse, his imagination flared to life. At the first image of the two of them together – fully clothed and kissing, at first hesitantly, and then with increasing hunger and vigor – his cock stirred and then began hardening in earnest. Rodney punched the wall. This was so not fair.
Squeezing his eyes even tighter shut, he leaned his forehead against the wall and took a couple of deep breaths. And nothing happened. His body’s interest was still very definitely there and the image of Chuck and Evan was going nowhere.
After taking another deep breath, Rodney slowly reached down and gently wrapped his hand around the base of his cock. He began slowly stroking his cock, letting the fantasy play out however it wanted. The fantasy didn’t go beyond Chuck and Evan kissing and caressing each other, but it was the hottest thing Rodney had seen in a long time. They were beautiful together, Rodney couldn’t deny that.
But soon – too soon – his body took over and he could only focus on the feel of his hand on his cock and how good it felt to touch himself. When he came, he came hard and for a few long moments afterwards, he could only stand with his head against the wall, sputtering under the spray of water and gulping down water-laced lungfuls of air. He wasn’t sure how he was going to face Chuck and Evan after this and be able to look them in the eye.
Rodney quickly finished his shower on autopilot and when he got out burrowed himself in bed, not wanting to deal with anything or anyone else today. He wasn’t supposed to be physically attracted to his bound friend. With Kelly, he could understand the psychology behind it – he’d been nice to him, they spent a lot of time together, Rodney’s subconscious thought of him as a safe target, blah, blah, blah.
But Evan – Evan was a completely different story. Sure, he shared a lot of those qualities with Kelly – that was part of the reason why Rodney had asked him to be his bound friend. But, if Rodney was honest with himself – Chuck did as well. He sighed.
Since he was being completely honest with himself, he figured he should actually admit that they reminded him of Jaelyn and John too. The general physical similarities aside, they made him feel like he mattered as a person – not just for his genius or what he could do. They made him feel real, like he really was here and alive and that he really mattered and his friendship was enough for them. And he was grateful for that.
Rodney fell asleep wishing there was a way he could tell them that.
Sunday came and went with Rodney not seeing Chuck all day. When he asked Evan about it, Evan shrugged and said he had no clue what was going on.
During the afternoon, Rodney went down to the infirmary with Evan while he had his leg checked. While one of the nurses examined Evan, Rodney wandered back to Carson’s office. He gently knocked on the doorjamb and Carson looked up from his work and grinned.
“Rodney, it’s good to see you, lad,” he said. “Please, come in. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing all right,” Rodney replied as he went in and sat down. “How are you?”
“I’m doing fair enough. I’m afraid I’m not much farther long in my research than when you left.” He sighed. “You know what it’s like. It seems as though I make one breakthrough and that adds to my questions instead of lessening them.”
Rodney chuckled and nodded. “Very true.” There was a slight pause. “But you really are doing okay, right?”
Carson rolled his eyes. “I’m *fine*, Rodney. You’re the last person I’d expect to worry about me.”
“I know, but I heard what happened and if I had been here, then maybe –”
“Then maybe it would have been avoided completely. Or it could have been much worse.” Carson shrugged. “There’s no way to know and you know that. At least I’m alive, still have all of my faculties, even if a couple are slightly reduced, and I can stay here. But I’m glad you’re back, even if I’ve hardly seen you since I cleared you from the infirmary. I would have figured you’d be in here every day worrying about something or other.”
This time it was Rodney’s turn to shrug. “I guess I figured that if it didn’t kill me in the four cycles I was on Lapras, it wasn’t going to suddenly kill me when I returned. I missed you while I was gone.”
“I missed you too,” Carson replied, looking a little confused as to where that had come from.
“I just thought you’d like to know that. And I know I’ve never been good at verbalizing my feelings or communicating with others.” They both chuckled at that truth. “I hope we can be friends again?”
“Always,” Carson replied with a nod.
“Good. So, how about dinner tomorrow night?”
Carson chuckled warmly. “I heard they were letting you back in the labs tomorrow. Will anyone even see you?”
“I take offense at that,” Rodney replied, trying to sound indignant. “Elizabeth is only allowing me to have reasonable hours in the labs unless it’s an emergency and Lorne will be tagging along to make sure I do as she says.”
“And what Elizabeth says has stopped you when?”
“Well, true,” Rodney sniffed. “But considering everything that’s happened, I’m thinking of lying low and following orders for once.”
“I think Hell just froze over. But I’d say you’re a wise man, Rodney McKay. So, shall I come down and fetch you for dinner, then?”
Rodney shook his head. “Knowing Lorne, we’ll be out of there at a reasonable dinner-time hour, if Radek doesn’t kick us out first. So we’ll meet you in the mess-hall at about 18:30?”
“Sounds good to me,” Carson replied with a nod.
Evan appeared in the doorway and said to Rodney, “I’m all set and ready whenever you are. Hey, Doc.”
“Good afternoon, Major Lorne,” Carson replied with a nod. “All set to get that cast off in a couple weeks?”
“You have no idea,” Evan replied with a grin as Rodney stood.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Carson,” Rodney said.
“Have a good afternoon, you two,” Carson replied.
“Feel like taking a walk?” Rodney asked.
“Where to?” Evan replied.
Rodney shrugged. “Anywhere. I just don’t feel like sitting.”
“Sure. How about out to one of the piers?”
“Okay. You pick which one you think you can manage getting to, because I’m not hauling your ass back here.”
Evan laughed as they set out. Rodney enjoyed the walk out and back and it felt good to have the sun on his face for a while. He was still re-acclimating to the sounds of the ocean and realized he missed the sounds of the sandstorms.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Evan said on the way back.
Rodney shrugged as he replied, “Just thinking. It’s weird the things you miss sometimes – like I hated the sounds of the sandstorms at first. The rushing winds, the constant scraping of the sand as it pelted the sides of the tent, the complete silence when they stopped. Then I got used to them – after four cycles, I’d think you’d have to. But now that I’m back here, the ocean sounds weird – even after the four cycles and change I was here before….” He trailed off, not sure how to describe his time there. It wasn’t exactly captivity, but it wasn’t a vacation either.
“And you’ll get used to the ocean again,” Evan replied, his tone sympathetic. “Things change and we’re pretty adaptable. It’s a fact of life.”
“I know,” Rodney replied. “But it’s hard. I see how much life has moved on here and I feel like I’m where I was when I left. I don’t know how to handle it or where I fit in or –”
Evan stopped and looked at him. “Take a deep breath, Doc.” Rodney stopped as well and did what he was told. “Now look at me.” When Rodney’s gaze met his own, Evan said, “It’s going to take time. I’m sure you didn’t fit in with the Laprans right away, right? It’s the same here.” He smiled reassuringly. “But at least with us, you have a leg up and you already know our language, our culture, and most of us.”
“Yeah, but I have to deal with the fact that most of you know me. And dealing with that when I’m not that person anymore can be a lot harder than learning a language and a culture.”
“I’m sure tomorrow will go a long way to helping you with that. I wouldn’t be surprised if it got a little harder for the next few days before it gets easier. People have only been seeing bits and pieces of you. Once they get a bigger dose of you, it’ll help things out a lot.”
“It sounds like you have a lot of experience with this sort of thing,” Rodney commented as they started walking again.
“Let’s say I do and leave it at that,” Evan replied tersely, his mouth thinning into a sharp line and his jaw clenching.
Changing the subject, Rodney asked, “Did you finish that piece you were working on the other day?”
He could see the tension ease slightly in Evan’s body as he replied, “Almost. It just needs a few more touches.”
“Why don’t we go back to your place and you can finish that up?”
“What will you do? Art isn’t exactly your thing.”
Rodney shrugged. “I could play golf on your computer?” he asked hopefully.
“Okay, sure,” Evan agreed. “Just don’t mess up my high scores again.”
“It’s not my fault I’m actually good at it.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Math-based sport and all that. Gotcha. Still, leave a man a little pride.”
“I could teach you,” Rodney offered.
“I know, but I kind of like the pity when I do try to play.”
Rodney laughed and shook his head in amusement. “Tell me again how they let an art student into the Air Force?”
“Equal opportunity recruiting. And I could handle the G force better than most of the other recruits. And I know a tiny bit of math math. I’m just not a math whiz like you or Sheppard.”
They entered Evan’s quarters as Rodney replied, “Yeah, I’ve seen you try to play Prime, Not Prime. It was a sad day for numbers everywhere.”
Rodney helped Evan set up his easel and paints by the window before commandeering his computer. They spent the next few hours in comfortable silence before both of their stomachs decided in unison they needed to be fed.
The next morning, Rodney dressed in his Atlantis clothing for the first time in over three years. For a while, he stared at himself in the mirror, not sure if he recognized the person looking back. They were definitely looser and he wondered if he’d be able to get different sizes as he headed down to the mess hall.
Before heading to the labs, Rodney made a detour to the control room and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Chuck’s back.
“Hey,” he said, sitting down next to Chuck.
“Shouldn’t you be in the lab?” Chuck asked, barely looking at him.
“Yes, but I still feel bad about the other day. I feel bad about the position I put you in and the position I could have put you in. Evan told me about – you know. So I’m sorry if I made things weird in that department too, since we’re all friends. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way about him, but I haven’t told him yet. And I’m stopping now before I make an even bigger mess of things. Just please don’t hate me.”
Chuck looked at him for a moment before he started laughing. Rodney stared at him, wondering if he should be upset or if there was a joke in there somewhere that he was missing. When Chuck finally stopped, he shook his head in amusement and said, “Only in the Pegasus galaxy. I don’t hate you, Rodney, and I’m not angry. I just didn’t want it to be awkward between us and I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression.” He glanced over Rodney’s shoulder to Elizabeth’s office. “You better get to the labs before Elizabeth sees you out here and thinks you’ve changed your mind. We’ll talk later.”
Rodney stood. “Good point. I’ll see you later, then.”
“You look good, by the way,” Chuck said, stopping him. “It’s weird seeing you out of your other clothes, but you look good.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replied, not exactly sure what the right response was.
Rodney headed down to the labs, picking up Evan on the way. He paused in the doorway to the labs, taking it all in. Everything was the same as it had always been. There were a few new faces and a few old ones were gone. And there was some new technology that was being worked on, but otherwise time seemed to have stood still.
“You okay?” Evan asked.
“Yeah, Rodney replied, taking a deep breath. “It’s just – wow.”
Radek came over to them. “I’ll show you your station, Rodney. We pulled all of your projects that we didn’t have time to finish so you can decide what you want to work on. We also set up a computer for you with complete access – same as everyone else. Here you go.”
By the time they got to Rodney’s new station, a hush had fallen over the lab and everyone was watching them. But Rodney didn’t notice as he looked at the station with the laptop and piles of files, feeling his chest constrict. “Thank you, Radek,” he finally managed.
“You’re welcome.” Lowering his voice, Radek asked, “How do you want to handle seeing people? There are quite a few who are eager to see you again.”
Rodney shrugged. “As long as it’s not a free-for-all, I don’t see the point in worrying about crowd control.”
Radek nodded. “Okay. But if you feel overwhelmed, let me know, all right?”
“Thanks again, Radek, and I will,” Rodney replied before Radek made his exit.
“Where do you want me, Doc?” Evan asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Rodney replied dismissively. “I think today’s mostly going to be trying to get myself organized and figuring out what’s where and what’s going on and that sort of thing. And it might even take a couple days.”
Without further ado, Evan plopped down in one of the chairs and pulled out his sketchbook and pencils and began working.
Rodney sat down at the other chair and began going through the folders. As he looked, snippets of projects and memories came back to him. He made a list of items he’d have to see about getting and sorted the folders in to piles for ‘work on right away’, ‘can do second’, ‘can I foist this onto someone else?’.
While he did so, the other scientists he remembered slowly filtered over to greet him and welcome him back. Rodney was grateful for their warmth and that they seemed to remember him more fondly than he did himself.
At lunch time, Rodney actually had to drag Evan away from his work.
“How are you handling it?” Evan asked as they headed down to the mess hall.
“I’m doing okay,” Rodney replied. “It’s a bit insane, trying to get back into that mode of thinking and all. But I think it’ll be okay once I’ve been at it for a while.”
Throughout the meal, they were both quiet and Rodney was grateful for that. He’d made a total mess of things and he didn’t know how to fix any of it. And he knew he needed to tell Evan how he felt if he was going to be a good bound friend. He sighed inwardly, hoping Evan would be as understanding about the whole thing as Chuck seemed to be. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way about both of them. Hell, he wasn’t supposed to feel this way about one of them, if he wanted to get technical about the whole situation – given that it wouldn’t help bolster the community’s population.
And that thought stopped him short. Since coming back, Rodney had felt an undercurrent of otherness about himself that he hadn’t felt before. He knew it had to do with the fact that he looked different with his Lapran clothing, the weight he had lost, and his longer hair. The speaking Lapran from time to time surely didn’t help, either. He was sure that people weren’t sure how to approach him because, even with the amount of weirdness that they’d encountered, it wasn’t every day that someone came back from spending four cycles with another culture and he didn’t exactly go out and approach people either.
On the way back to the labs, Evan said, “We’re going over to Chuck’s after dinner for a movie.” When Rodney opened his mouth to protest, Evan continued, “You’re still our friend and we want to spend time with you. Besides, he told me to make sure you came.”
“Then I won’t argue,” Rodney replied. “But I promised Carson I’d go to dinner with him.”
Evan shrugged. “That shouldn’t be a problem. Just come over when you’re done.”
That afternoon, Rodney finished organizing his projects and getting ready to start the first one the next day. Radek also gave him a new earpiece and showed him how to work it. When he left the lab for dinner, he was amused to see the surprised look in Radek’s face.
After detouring to his quarters and changing into his Lapran clothing, he met Carson in the mess hall. They were both tentative at first, not sure exactly how to bridge the gap that had been created. But by the end of the meal, the tension between the two of them had eased and Rodney felt that their friendship would be able to get back on track with a little work. They also made plans to meet regularly for dinner – which was something they had tried to do before Rodney’s unplanned trip but never managed.
As Rodney made his way to Chuck’s quarters, he tried to think of how to describe his time with the Laprans. It wasn’t an exile, and he hadn’t been intentionally left there, so it felt weird saying that. It also hadn’t been a vacation by any means. He wasn’t any closer to an idea when he arrived and hit the door chime.
The door slid open a moment later and Rodney entered to find Chuck and Evan nestled close together and watching a movie on Chuck’s laptop. They both looked up when Rodney entered and Chuck paused the movie.
“We just started The Count of Monte Cristo, if you want to watch,” Evan told him.
“Though, we’re open to other options – both in movies and activities,” Chuck added.
Rodney shrugged as he sat down next to Evan. “I’m open for whatever,” he told them. “Let’s watch the movie.”
As they watched, Rodney felt himself relax and settle into the couch and closer to Evan. By the end of the movie, his shoulder was under Evan’s and Evan’s hand and forearm were casually draped on Rodney’s thigh. As the credits rolled, Rodney wished he could capture this moment when everything was good and peaceful and right.
Chuck broke the moment by stopping the movie and ejecting the disc from his computer. On that cue, Evan slowly stretched and leaned forward and away from both men. Chuck handed Evan the DVD case and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before getting up. “Would you like something to drink, Rodney?” he asked as he headed to the kitchenette.
“I’m good, thanks,” Rodney replied.
A moment later, Chuck returned with drinks for both himself and Evan. “I think you should tell him, Rodney,” he said.
“Tell me what?” Evan asked, looking between them after accepting the drink.
Rodney felt his mouth go dry and wished he had asked for a drink. There was no backing out of this now. “I think I like you too,” he told Evan. “I think I’m attracted to you,” he amended. “Both of you.”
Continue to Part 24
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I – uh – oh – I – uh,” Rodney sputtered as he stopped walking. He took a deep breath. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Chuck replied, stopping as well, his tone pure amusement now. “So…”
“Uh, yeah. That was pretty much it,” Rodney replied, sheepishly.
“Okay,” Chuck replied with a nod and a tap on the shoulder with a folder. “I’ve got to run, but I’ll see you later, okay?”
“Okay,” Rodney replied with a nod, watching him walk off.
He wanted to hit his head against the wall and for a moment seriously considered it before sighing and continuing on again. That went *really* well and didn’t have any conclusion at all. This was insane.
He should have talked it over with Evan. That’s what bound friends were for – to help figure out problems and give support. If Rodney had been smart about it and done that, he wouldn’t be in this awkward position. He sighed, knowing it was better that Chuck had heard him and not one of the random grunts, but….
“I just said something stupid,” he said as he went into Evan’s office and sat down opposite him.
“What did you say?” Evan asked, looking up from his paperwork. “If you called someone a moron, I would tell you that your restraint’s remarkable and I’m surprised it’s taken you this long.”
Rodney let out a bark of a laugh. “No, sadly. Though I’m sure someone here deserves it. I told Chuck something I wasn’t quite ready for him to hear. And he was surprised, but it seems hopeful that he doesn’t hate me.”
“Well, that’s good,” Evan replied, leaning back in his chair. “May I ask what you told him?”
“You can, but I’m not going to repeat it,” Rodney responded.
“Okay. I don’t know what to say, then. Are we all still going to be friends when we see him for dinner?”
“I hope so. I think so.”
“Good. How did practice with Teyla go?”
“Good.” Rodney smiled. “It felt good to be sparring again. Maybe once your leg’s healed we could do some sparring?” He looked at Evan hopefully.
“That sounds great,” Evan replied with a nod. “I’ll need something to help get me back in shape. All this enforced laziness is starting to get to me.”
“On the upside, you only have another week and a half until the cast comes off. I doubt it’ll be long after that before you’re back at full speed.”
Evan fiddled with his stylus. “I certainly hope so. I miss just going for a run. It’s weird the little things you miss when they get taken from you.”
“I know what you mean.” Rodney slouched down in the chair. “I miss darchnans – they’re a fruit on Lapras that are kind of a cross between an apple and an apricot and they make a good sort of applesauce. And I used to laugh at them for how they did certain things, but I miss that too.”
Evan nodded. “I’m sure it’s hard. And if you ever want to talk about it – let me know, okay?”
“I will,” Rodney replied. “It’s just hard, sometimes. I know you know things from hearing me talking with Tamoura, and that covers a lot of ground, but there are so many things that have a certain…” He paused, trying to think of the right word, “…nuance to them that it’s hard to describe unless you actually know what I’m talking about.” He sighed. “I’d love to take you there so you can meet everyone and experience it all, but I doubt Elizabeth will let me go back by myself for a visit, let alone with someone else.”
“Just keep hoping. I’m sure that one day you’ll get back there. And who knows, maybe both Chuck and I will be with you.” Evan gave Rodney a sheepish look. “I hate to do this, but I have to kick you out or I’m not going to get these reports done in time. I’ll see you at dinner?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you at dinner,” Rodney replied as he stood.
Leaving Evan’s office, he felt a little better, even if he was nowhere near a conclusion. But he still could feel his stomach clenching up in knots and he didn’t like it. Rodney headed back to his room and settled cross-legged on his bed. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, centering himself as Kirby had taught him.
He figured that the upside of the situation was that Chuck hadn’t made a huge deal out of the whole thing. If it was, Rodney was sure that Chuck’s two main emotions wouldn’t have been surprise and amusement. He knew that the ball was out of his court until he saw Chuck again and was able to get an actual answer from him.
He really hoped he hadn’t damaged their relationship beyond repair. Chuck had been a great friend to him since his return and he didn’t want to lose that.
But what if Chuck said yes? Rodney had been so intent on the opposite answer that he didn’t think of the other possible outcome. If that was the case, he hoped that he could convince Chuck he had only done it to get over him and that Chuck would still like him after that. He sighed as he opened his eyes. This was going to suck until he knew what Chuck thought.
Rodney slowed when he heard Chuck’s voice coming from just around the next corner. “I feel bad because it wasn’t intentional. I didn’t mean to –.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, Chuck,” Evan replied and Rodney stopped all together. “You know how love and all that can be.”
There was a pause before Chuck sighed. “The thing is – if you and I weren’t together,” they both chuckled, “together-ish, or whatever this is, I could see myself going out with him. He’s a great guy.”
Deciding he’d heard enough, Rodney quickly burst around the corner. “Oh, hi,” he said, pulling himself up short and feigning surprise at seeing them. “I was just on my way to see if Evan was ready, but it looks like you both are. So. Great.”
“Yep, here we are,” Chuck replied. “I was able to get out a little early tonight.”
As they headed down to the mess hall, Rodney said, “I wanted to apologize for earlier today, Chuck. My behavior was out of line and I know better than to handle the situation the way I did.”
“Apology accepted,” Chuck answered as they entered the mess.
Dinner went as smoothly as if nothing untoward had happened. Rodney breathed an inward sigh of relief that maybe things would be okay and that Chuck was going to rebuff him by simply not acknowledging Rodney’s disclosure. He could deal with that.
When they finished eating, Chuck said, “I’m sorry, guys, but I’ve got to run. I promised Miko I’d help her with some equipment calibrations,” and quickly left.
“Well, then,” Evan said in his wake. “What do you feel like doing tonight? Movie? Chess? For me to leave you alone?”
Rodney laughed. “Chess sounds good. You’ll have to be easy on me, though. I haven’t played in four cycles.”
“From what I’ve heard, you were quite a player. Maybe now you’ll be on my level. Chess is something I’ve picked up only since coming to Atlantis.”
Rodney bussed their trays and commandeered a chess set. He took command of setting up the pieces and then turned the board so Evan could go first.
After moving a white pawn forward three spaces, Evan said, “You know that kind-of, sort-of relationship I told you about?”
Rodney nodded as he moved one of his own pawns. “How’s it going?”
“It’s coming.” Evan looked around the half-full mess hall. “I’m kind-of sort-of seeing Chuck.”
“Good for you,” Rodney replied casually, surprised he was able to pull it off. But inside, he was kicking himself.
With what he’d seen over the past month and the recently overheard conversation, it made a lot of sense. There had always been a fair amount of casual touching between the two of them, along with some faint innuendo.
“How long have you two been seeing each other?” he asked as he made his next move.
“We started just before you came back. But I’ll admit that I’d been carrying a crush for a while before that.” There’s nothing really definite about it yet, though. Just a bit of mutual attraction and a curiosity to see where it goes.” He made his move. “I thought you should know.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replied as he considered the board. Part of him wished he could escape. Today was just not his day. For the first time in a long time, he wished for a restart button.
After they finished, Rodney walked Evan back to his quarters.
“No hard feelings?” Evan asked as they stopped outside.
“Why would there be?” Rodney asked, confused.
Evan looked sheepish before admitting, “Chuck told me what you said earlier.”
Rodney laughed. “Why would I be upset at something I have no control over? It’s not like we’re in a contest for him or anything. Besides, I get the need to be discreet with your military’s weird protocols on homosexual relationships. It’s better to be safe than sorry, even out here.”
Evan laughed. “You sound like Sheppard. Not long after you went MIA, he sent out a memo to everyone saying that he didn’t care what we did with who, as long as we didn’t do anything stupid.”
“And how did that go over?” Rodney asked, curious, as he followed Evan inside.
Evan shrugged. “For the most part the response was ‘Whatever’, because we were already doing whatever we wanted anyway – considering we’re in another galaxy. But we like having the actual carte blanche to do it. There were a few people who weren’t too pleased with it, but Sheppard told them they could either shape up or ship out on the next Daedalus run. And a couple did.”
“How did it go over with the people back on Earth?” Rodney asked as he sat down at Evan’s desk.
Evan shrugged as he sat down on his bed and eased his leg up onto it. “The guys who shipped out only said they found they weren’t as compatible here as they thought. Because they knew, or at least feared, that they’d get some sort of backlash if they tried outing anyone. Besides, Sheppard’s memo included general fraternization too, not just gay sex.”
“And they knew they’d be opening a huge can of worms if they did,” Rodney replied more to himself than to Evan.
“Right,” Evan replied. “Even if they didn’t like that Sheppard actually said what everyone had been thinking all along, they were still loyal to the expedition. One or two did come back after they got their heads out of their asses and realized it wasn’t going to be a free-for-all. In the day-to-day, not much has changed. Everyone’s still careful because you never know what might happen.”
“How did Elizabeth take Sheppard’s memo?”
Evan shrugged. “I don’t know. I never heard anything, so your guess is as good as mine. It didn’t get retracted or amended, so I’m guessing either she knew about it beforehand and/or agreed with him. You know she’s been with the expedition from the very beginning, so I think she sees the sense in it.”
Rodney nodded in agreement. “It would have only been a matter of time anyway, all things considered. Especially since there are some of us who are never going back to Earth.”
“Yeah. I don’t know what they’re going to do if they actually have to explain it to Woolsey or the IOA or whoever, but I know I’ll back them up.” He laughed and when Rodney raised a quizzical eyebrow, he said, “I don’t know what made me think of it, but a day or two after Sheppard sent out the memo, Dr. Z sent out an email saying that if he found anyone taking issue with the memo, they would have cold showers until they were able to clear their heads and make a decision. I had always assumed that you and he were joking when you threatened that, but I heard from some of the guys that he actually did it to one of the newer grunts. But the guy never owned up to it and never complained.”
Rodney snorted. “We don’t make idle threats. When there’s only so much you can do to keep people in line, you’ve got to be ready to carry out your threats. What did he decide?”
“He stayed on and hasn’t caused any trouble.”
“You know, I think this is the most I’ve heard you talk in a long time.”
“I don’t usually talk unless I’ve got something to say, Doc. You should know that by now.”
“Is that part of your training or something?”
“Maybe,” Evan replied with a chuckle.
“I should go,” Rodney replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Major.”
“Good night, Doc,” Evan answered with a warm smile.
Rodney sighed when he got out into the hallway. It would figure that Evan and Chuck would be together. This was why he didn’t want to get into another relationship – there were too many pitfalls. A part of him wished that Atlantis had something like Lapras – where they had a matchmaker to set people up. It would make things so much easier.
Besides, he *really* didn’t need anyone at the moment anyway. It had only been a month and a half since Jaelyn’s death and, truth be told, her loss still hurt. And he was surprised it had only been a month and a half. With everything that had gone on with John, Teyla, and Ronon showing up on Lapras and then bringing him back to Atlantis, and everything that had gone on here, it seemed like it had been much longer.
But he was happy for Chuck and Evan, he really was. He knew how hard it was for anyone here to find love; his own relationship with Sheppard was a testament to that. Rodney felt bad about brushing Sheppard off the way he had; the man had given him a wide open shot at trying again and he had shot him down without even considering it, telling him he had moved on and that was the end of it. But was it?
As Rodney entered his quarters, he thought back fondly on the time he had spent with Sheppard. It had been good, but now…. Now there was nothing there romantically. He could see, given time, becoming good friends with him again, but he doubted he’d be able to fall in love with him again. He had changed enough that he doubted the things he had once wanted in a lover would be the things he wanted now.
Settling cross-legged on the floor with his back against his bed, Rodney decided to do a ‘what if?’ meditation session. Kirby hadn’t done them often with him, but at times it had helped him sort out what he was feeling and then deal with whatever problem was at hand. This time it was what he wanted in a relationship, if the universe did, in fact, have a sick sense of humor and wanted to pair him with someone. Rodney was nothing if not a pragmatist and he could see where this was heading. Sooner or later, he would have to deal with a relationship of some kind and he got the feeling that saying no was not an option.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. So, physically: brown or black hair, eye color didn’t matter, within a few inches either way of his own height, sturdy build, some muscles, either male or female. He had realized on Lapras that his blonde bombshell fantasy was a cover he had developed for the outside world. But it was one he was willing to keep on standby, just in case. You never knew when it would come in handy. Mentally: while he knew he’d never find someone who didn’t have an IQ equal to his own, as long as they could follow his conversations and not ask completely stupid questions, he could deal. He’d also found that a sense of humor was practically a must.
He sighed and opened his eyes. Obliterating his cover meant that he would be a match for practically everyone on Atlantis – a couple of scientists, a few grunts, and the botany department aside. At least now he would be somewhat more ready for whatever Fate threw at him in the love department.
Undressing, Rodney got in the shower, determined to push all thoughts of relationships and other people out of his head. As he closed his eyes and put his face under the spray, an unbidden image of Chuck and Evan together popped into his head. From the way Evan had talked, Rodney doubted they had gone very far, but, after so much disuse, his imagination flared to life. At the first image of the two of them together – fully clothed and kissing, at first hesitantly, and then with increasing hunger and vigor – his cock stirred and then began hardening in earnest. Rodney punched the wall. This was so not fair.
Squeezing his eyes even tighter shut, he leaned his forehead against the wall and took a couple of deep breaths. And nothing happened. His body’s interest was still very definitely there and the image of Chuck and Evan was going nowhere.
After taking another deep breath, Rodney slowly reached down and gently wrapped his hand around the base of his cock. He began slowly stroking his cock, letting the fantasy play out however it wanted. The fantasy didn’t go beyond Chuck and Evan kissing and caressing each other, but it was the hottest thing Rodney had seen in a long time. They were beautiful together, Rodney couldn’t deny that.
But soon – too soon – his body took over and he could only focus on the feel of his hand on his cock and how good it felt to touch himself. When he came, he came hard and for a few long moments afterwards, he could only stand with his head against the wall, sputtering under the spray of water and gulping down water-laced lungfuls of air. He wasn’t sure how he was going to face Chuck and Evan after this and be able to look them in the eye.
Rodney quickly finished his shower on autopilot and when he got out burrowed himself in bed, not wanting to deal with anything or anyone else today. He wasn’t supposed to be physically attracted to his bound friend. With Kelly, he could understand the psychology behind it – he’d been nice to him, they spent a lot of time together, Rodney’s subconscious thought of him as a safe target, blah, blah, blah.
But Evan – Evan was a completely different story. Sure, he shared a lot of those qualities with Kelly – that was part of the reason why Rodney had asked him to be his bound friend. But, if Rodney was honest with himself – Chuck did as well. He sighed.
Since he was being completely honest with himself, he figured he should actually admit that they reminded him of Jaelyn and John too. The general physical similarities aside, they made him feel like he mattered as a person – not just for his genius or what he could do. They made him feel real, like he really was here and alive and that he really mattered and his friendship was enough for them. And he was grateful for that.
Rodney fell asleep wishing there was a way he could tell them that.
Sunday came and went with Rodney not seeing Chuck all day. When he asked Evan about it, Evan shrugged and said he had no clue what was going on.
During the afternoon, Rodney went down to the infirmary with Evan while he had his leg checked. While one of the nurses examined Evan, Rodney wandered back to Carson’s office. He gently knocked on the doorjamb and Carson looked up from his work and grinned.
“Rodney, it’s good to see you, lad,” he said. “Please, come in. How are you doing?”
“I’m doing all right,” Rodney replied as he went in and sat down. “How are you?”
“I’m doing fair enough. I’m afraid I’m not much farther long in my research than when you left.” He sighed. “You know what it’s like. It seems as though I make one breakthrough and that adds to my questions instead of lessening them.”
Rodney chuckled and nodded. “Very true.” There was a slight pause. “But you really are doing okay, right?”
Carson rolled his eyes. “I’m *fine*, Rodney. You’re the last person I’d expect to worry about me.”
“I know, but I heard what happened and if I had been here, then maybe –”
“Then maybe it would have been avoided completely. Or it could have been much worse.” Carson shrugged. “There’s no way to know and you know that. At least I’m alive, still have all of my faculties, even if a couple are slightly reduced, and I can stay here. But I’m glad you’re back, even if I’ve hardly seen you since I cleared you from the infirmary. I would have figured you’d be in here every day worrying about something or other.”
This time it was Rodney’s turn to shrug. “I guess I figured that if it didn’t kill me in the four cycles I was on Lapras, it wasn’t going to suddenly kill me when I returned. I missed you while I was gone.”
“I missed you too,” Carson replied, looking a little confused as to where that had come from.
“I just thought you’d like to know that. And I know I’ve never been good at verbalizing my feelings or communicating with others.” They both chuckled at that truth. “I hope we can be friends again?”
“Always,” Carson replied with a nod.
“Good. So, how about dinner tomorrow night?”
Carson chuckled warmly. “I heard they were letting you back in the labs tomorrow. Will anyone even see you?”
“I take offense at that,” Rodney replied, trying to sound indignant. “Elizabeth is only allowing me to have reasonable hours in the labs unless it’s an emergency and Lorne will be tagging along to make sure I do as she says.”
“And what Elizabeth says has stopped you when?”
“Well, true,” Rodney sniffed. “But considering everything that’s happened, I’m thinking of lying low and following orders for once.”
“I think Hell just froze over. But I’d say you’re a wise man, Rodney McKay. So, shall I come down and fetch you for dinner, then?”
Rodney shook his head. “Knowing Lorne, we’ll be out of there at a reasonable dinner-time hour, if Radek doesn’t kick us out first. So we’ll meet you in the mess-hall at about 18:30?”
“Sounds good to me,” Carson replied with a nod.
Evan appeared in the doorway and said to Rodney, “I’m all set and ready whenever you are. Hey, Doc.”
“Good afternoon, Major Lorne,” Carson replied with a nod. “All set to get that cast off in a couple weeks?”
“You have no idea,” Evan replied with a grin as Rodney stood.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Carson,” Rodney said.
“Have a good afternoon, you two,” Carson replied.
“Feel like taking a walk?” Rodney asked.
“Where to?” Evan replied.
Rodney shrugged. “Anywhere. I just don’t feel like sitting.”
“Sure. How about out to one of the piers?”
“Okay. You pick which one you think you can manage getting to, because I’m not hauling your ass back here.”
Evan laughed as they set out. Rodney enjoyed the walk out and back and it felt good to have the sun on his face for a while. He was still re-acclimating to the sounds of the ocean and realized he missed the sounds of the sandstorms.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Evan said on the way back.
Rodney shrugged as he replied, “Just thinking. It’s weird the things you miss sometimes – like I hated the sounds of the sandstorms at first. The rushing winds, the constant scraping of the sand as it pelted the sides of the tent, the complete silence when they stopped. Then I got used to them – after four cycles, I’d think you’d have to. But now that I’m back here, the ocean sounds weird – even after the four cycles and change I was here before….” He trailed off, not sure how to describe his time there. It wasn’t exactly captivity, but it wasn’t a vacation either.
“And you’ll get used to the ocean again,” Evan replied, his tone sympathetic. “Things change and we’re pretty adaptable. It’s a fact of life.”
“I know,” Rodney replied. “But it’s hard. I see how much life has moved on here and I feel like I’m where I was when I left. I don’t know how to handle it or where I fit in or –”
Evan stopped and looked at him. “Take a deep breath, Doc.” Rodney stopped as well and did what he was told. “Now look at me.” When Rodney’s gaze met his own, Evan said, “It’s going to take time. I’m sure you didn’t fit in with the Laprans right away, right? It’s the same here.” He smiled reassuringly. “But at least with us, you have a leg up and you already know our language, our culture, and most of us.”
“Yeah, but I have to deal with the fact that most of you know me. And dealing with that when I’m not that person anymore can be a lot harder than learning a language and a culture.”
“I’m sure tomorrow will go a long way to helping you with that. I wouldn’t be surprised if it got a little harder for the next few days before it gets easier. People have only been seeing bits and pieces of you. Once they get a bigger dose of you, it’ll help things out a lot.”
“It sounds like you have a lot of experience with this sort of thing,” Rodney commented as they started walking again.
“Let’s say I do and leave it at that,” Evan replied tersely, his mouth thinning into a sharp line and his jaw clenching.
Changing the subject, Rodney asked, “Did you finish that piece you were working on the other day?”
He could see the tension ease slightly in Evan’s body as he replied, “Almost. It just needs a few more touches.”
“Why don’t we go back to your place and you can finish that up?”
“What will you do? Art isn’t exactly your thing.”
Rodney shrugged. “I could play golf on your computer?” he asked hopefully.
“Okay, sure,” Evan agreed. “Just don’t mess up my high scores again.”
“It’s not my fault I’m actually good at it.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Math-based sport and all that. Gotcha. Still, leave a man a little pride.”
“I could teach you,” Rodney offered.
“I know, but I kind of like the pity when I do try to play.”
Rodney laughed and shook his head in amusement. “Tell me again how they let an art student into the Air Force?”
“Equal opportunity recruiting. And I could handle the G force better than most of the other recruits. And I know a tiny bit of math math. I’m just not a math whiz like you or Sheppard.”
They entered Evan’s quarters as Rodney replied, “Yeah, I’ve seen you try to play Prime, Not Prime. It was a sad day for numbers everywhere.”
Rodney helped Evan set up his easel and paints by the window before commandeering his computer. They spent the next few hours in comfortable silence before both of their stomachs decided in unison they needed to be fed.
The next morning, Rodney dressed in his Atlantis clothing for the first time in over three years. For a while, he stared at himself in the mirror, not sure if he recognized the person looking back. They were definitely looser and he wondered if he’d be able to get different sizes as he headed down to the mess hall.
Before heading to the labs, Rodney made a detour to the control room and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Chuck’s back.
“Hey,” he said, sitting down next to Chuck.
“Shouldn’t you be in the lab?” Chuck asked, barely looking at him.
“Yes, but I still feel bad about the other day. I feel bad about the position I put you in and the position I could have put you in. Evan told me about – you know. So I’m sorry if I made things weird in that department too, since we’re all friends. If it makes you feel any better, I feel the same way about him, but I haven’t told him yet. And I’m stopping now before I make an even bigger mess of things. Just please don’t hate me.”
Chuck looked at him for a moment before he started laughing. Rodney stared at him, wondering if he should be upset or if there was a joke in there somewhere that he was missing. When Chuck finally stopped, he shook his head in amusement and said, “Only in the Pegasus galaxy. I don’t hate you, Rodney, and I’m not angry. I just didn’t want it to be awkward between us and I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression.” He glanced over Rodney’s shoulder to Elizabeth’s office. “You better get to the labs before Elizabeth sees you out here and thinks you’ve changed your mind. We’ll talk later.”
Rodney stood. “Good point. I’ll see you later, then.”
“You look good, by the way,” Chuck said, stopping him. “It’s weird seeing you out of your other clothes, but you look good.”
“Thanks,” Rodney replied, not exactly sure what the right response was.
Rodney headed down to the labs, picking up Evan on the way. He paused in the doorway to the labs, taking it all in. Everything was the same as it had always been. There were a few new faces and a few old ones were gone. And there was some new technology that was being worked on, but otherwise time seemed to have stood still.
“You okay?” Evan asked.
“Yeah, Rodney replied, taking a deep breath. “It’s just – wow.”
Radek came over to them. “I’ll show you your station, Rodney. We pulled all of your projects that we didn’t have time to finish so you can decide what you want to work on. We also set up a computer for you with complete access – same as everyone else. Here you go.”
By the time they got to Rodney’s new station, a hush had fallen over the lab and everyone was watching them. But Rodney didn’t notice as he looked at the station with the laptop and piles of files, feeling his chest constrict. “Thank you, Radek,” he finally managed.
“You’re welcome.” Lowering his voice, Radek asked, “How do you want to handle seeing people? There are quite a few who are eager to see you again.”
Rodney shrugged. “As long as it’s not a free-for-all, I don’t see the point in worrying about crowd control.”
Radek nodded. “Okay. But if you feel overwhelmed, let me know, all right?”
“Thanks again, Radek, and I will,” Rodney replied before Radek made his exit.
“Where do you want me, Doc?” Evan asked.
“It doesn’t matter,” Rodney replied dismissively. “I think today’s mostly going to be trying to get myself organized and figuring out what’s where and what’s going on and that sort of thing. And it might even take a couple days.”
Without further ado, Evan plopped down in one of the chairs and pulled out his sketchbook and pencils and began working.
Rodney sat down at the other chair and began going through the folders. As he looked, snippets of projects and memories came back to him. He made a list of items he’d have to see about getting and sorted the folders in to piles for ‘work on right away’, ‘can do second’, ‘can I foist this onto someone else?’.
While he did so, the other scientists he remembered slowly filtered over to greet him and welcome him back. Rodney was grateful for their warmth and that they seemed to remember him more fondly than he did himself.
At lunch time, Rodney actually had to drag Evan away from his work.
“How are you handling it?” Evan asked as they headed down to the mess hall.
“I’m doing okay,” Rodney replied. “It’s a bit insane, trying to get back into that mode of thinking and all. But I think it’ll be okay once I’ve been at it for a while.”
Throughout the meal, they were both quiet and Rodney was grateful for that. He’d made a total mess of things and he didn’t know how to fix any of it. And he knew he needed to tell Evan how he felt if he was going to be a good bound friend. He sighed inwardly, hoping Evan would be as understanding about the whole thing as Chuck seemed to be. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way about both of them. Hell, he wasn’t supposed to feel this way about one of them, if he wanted to get technical about the whole situation – given that it wouldn’t help bolster the community’s population.
And that thought stopped him short. Since coming back, Rodney had felt an undercurrent of otherness about himself that he hadn’t felt before. He knew it had to do with the fact that he looked different with his Lapran clothing, the weight he had lost, and his longer hair. The speaking Lapran from time to time surely didn’t help, either. He was sure that people weren’t sure how to approach him because, even with the amount of weirdness that they’d encountered, it wasn’t every day that someone came back from spending four cycles with another culture and he didn’t exactly go out and approach people either.
On the way back to the labs, Evan said, “We’re going over to Chuck’s after dinner for a movie.” When Rodney opened his mouth to protest, Evan continued, “You’re still our friend and we want to spend time with you. Besides, he told me to make sure you came.”
“Then I won’t argue,” Rodney replied. “But I promised Carson I’d go to dinner with him.”
Evan shrugged. “That shouldn’t be a problem. Just come over when you’re done.”
That afternoon, Rodney finished organizing his projects and getting ready to start the first one the next day. Radek also gave him a new earpiece and showed him how to work it. When he left the lab for dinner, he was amused to see the surprised look in Radek’s face.
After detouring to his quarters and changing into his Lapran clothing, he met Carson in the mess hall. They were both tentative at first, not sure exactly how to bridge the gap that had been created. But by the end of the meal, the tension between the two of them had eased and Rodney felt that their friendship would be able to get back on track with a little work. They also made plans to meet regularly for dinner – which was something they had tried to do before Rodney’s unplanned trip but never managed.
As Rodney made his way to Chuck’s quarters, he tried to think of how to describe his time with the Laprans. It wasn’t an exile, and he hadn’t been intentionally left there, so it felt weird saying that. It also hadn’t been a vacation by any means. He wasn’t any closer to an idea when he arrived and hit the door chime.
The door slid open a moment later and Rodney entered to find Chuck and Evan nestled close together and watching a movie on Chuck’s laptop. They both looked up when Rodney entered and Chuck paused the movie.
“We just started The Count of Monte Cristo, if you want to watch,” Evan told him.
“Though, we’re open to other options – both in movies and activities,” Chuck added.
Rodney shrugged as he sat down next to Evan. “I’m open for whatever,” he told them. “Let’s watch the movie.”
As they watched, Rodney felt himself relax and settle into the couch and closer to Evan. By the end of the movie, his shoulder was under Evan’s and Evan’s hand and forearm were casually draped on Rodney’s thigh. As the credits rolled, Rodney wished he could capture this moment when everything was good and peaceful and right.
Chuck broke the moment by stopping the movie and ejecting the disc from his computer. On that cue, Evan slowly stretched and leaned forward and away from both men. Chuck handed Evan the DVD case and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before getting up. “Would you like something to drink, Rodney?” he asked as he headed to the kitchenette.
“I’m good, thanks,” Rodney replied.
A moment later, Chuck returned with drinks for both himself and Evan. “I think you should tell him, Rodney,” he said.
“Tell me what?” Evan asked, looking between them after accepting the drink.
Rodney felt his mouth go dry and wished he had asked for a drink. There was no backing out of this now. “I think I like you too,” he told Evan. “I think I’m attracted to you,” he amended. “Both of you.”
Continue to Part 24
