SGA fic: Gaijin, Part 6/40
Dec. 10th, 2008 10:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeGaijin, Part 6/40
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I still don’t get it,” Rodney said.
“What’s not to get?” Kelly asked, exasperated. “It’s not that hard to get.”
“Maybe for you – you’ve grown up with this. I just recently found out that you people have ceremonies to recognize people as best friends and that you want to have one with me.”
“Yes, I do,” Kelly replied rolling his eyes.
Rodney petted the nose of the yak that was patiently standing on the other side of the railing. “It’s just… odd.”
Kelly huffed and leaned more heavily against the inside of the railing. “It’s not odd. Your people are odd for not recognizing such a thing.”
“You’re probably right.” Rodney paused a second before finally asking something that had been weighing on his mind. “What if something happens and we’re no longer best friends?”
Kelly shrugged. “First we make sure that it’s something that can’t be salvaged. Once we’re both sure beyond a doubt and we’ve had meditation with one of the elders, we can dissolve the bond.”
“That seems rather anticlimactic,” Rodney commented.
“It’s happened a few times,” Kelly replied. “Not many, though.”
“Why don’t you have a best friend?” Rodney asked, curious.
“I did,” Kelly replied, pointedly not looking at Rodney as he ran a hand through the yak’s coat. “He left to marry a Morykon girl just before you came.” He absently rubbed the upper ridge of his ear. “We decided to dissolve the bond on the grounds of his new duties as a husband in another tribe.”
“How long had you been best friends?” Rodney asked, curious.
“Since our twelfth cycle.”
Rodney’s train of thought faltered. He couldn’t imagine having a *friend* for that long, let alone a *best friend*. “Will you ever be able to see him again?”
Kelly shrugged. “Maybe. If he comes here during the festival.”
“Don’t your people ever go off-world?”
Kelly looked at Rodney and shook his head. “Most of us have no real need to. Only Kirby, the elders, and the heads of our guilds would have reason to.” He smiled wistfully.
Rodney looked at him perplexed. “Haven’t you tried keeping in contact, seeing how he’s doing?”
Turning his attention back to the yak, Kelly continued, “I asked about him at the last festival and they told me he’s doing well. He’s learning a new trade and he and his wife already have one child and another on the way – so they’ll have at least two by now. I can’t ask for much more than that.”
Rodney felt bad for Kelly. Back on Earth, and even on Atlantis to some extent, if people moved away there were still ways for them to keep in touch with their friends and family. Deciding to move the conversation along, he asked, “So, how does the whole ceremony thing work?”
The tension in Kelly’s body seemed to ease. “We exchange vows in front of witnesses to be there for each other through all things as well as ear cuffs that represent our bonded status,” he chuckled, “even though everyone already thinks it’s just a matter of time before we’re bonded.”
“That sounds simple enough,” Rodney pronounced.
“It is,” Kelly replied with a smile. “Jean will take charge of the ceremony. My father, Kirby and Jillian have agreed to be our witnesses and I’ve gotten everything ready. So, it’s just a matter of figuring out when we want to do it.”
The insanity of what he was doing overwhelmed Rodney for a moment, but he pushed it down. He thought for a minute before saying, “Well, I formally finish my training with Kirby tomorrow and I start with the silk guild in three days.” Rodney looked at Kelly uncertainly. “Maybe we could do it somewhere in between there?”
Kelly nodded as he ducked between the fence railings. “That could work. Let Kirby and Jillian know we’ll do it the day after tomorrow and I’ll let my father know. They’ll help you get ready.”
“What do you mean by ‘help you get ready’?” Rodney asked, eyes narrowing in trepidation.
Kelly laughed. “You don’t have to look like you just drank bad milk, Rodney-chan. You’ve been here long enough to know that we do things in certain, and completely harmless, ways.”
Rodney’s “last official day of training” included a pop exam – which he was surprised to find he was able to ace easily.
When they were finished, Kirby grinned at him and said, “Congratulations. You’ve finished the majority of your training, though you are expected to continue seeking instruction and help. But you are, from here on, to be viewed as competent enough to give medical aid on your own.”
“I doubt I’m really ready, Kirby,” Rodney replied. “Some of the things you’ve taught me –”
Kirby leveled a stiff stare at him and Rodney shut up. “Rodney-kun, this is not a point to argue. It is understood that there are things you’ve learned that you have no practical experience with yet. And I will be happy to assist you if you need help in those areas. Otherwise, accept the fact that you have completed the training that our people have used for generations to teach healers and that you’ve been found acceptable in your learning.”
Rodney nodded, humbled, before changing the subject and saying, “Kelly and I have set the date for our binding ceremony for tomorrow.”
“Congratulations are again in order, it seems. I know you’ve both made a good decision and will be good bond friends for each other.”
Nervously, Rodney said, “Kelly said you’d know what I’d need to do to get ready.”
Kirby nodded. “You’ll need to meditate either this afternoon or tonight and make sure that you’re going into this with a clear conscience and with the right motives. You need to make sure that you’re not doing this for your own gain, but with the intention of being there for Kelly and letting him be there for you. And then tomorrow before the ceremony, you’ll take a bath.”
“That’s it?” Rodney asked, surprised.
“That’s it,” Kirby confirmed. “Now scoot. I’m letting you off early today on account of that, so don’t waste your time. This is one meditation session no one can help you with and I want to make sure that you give yourself enough time. Use our quarters and I’ll make sure you won’t be disturbed for a while.”
Rodney nodded mutely, not sure what to say, and headed into their quarters, taking his stool with him. Setting it by the head of his cot, he sighed, not sure how to go about what he needed to do. He kicked off his moccasins and sat half-lotus on the floor, his back resting against his cot. Closing his eyes, Rodney began breathing deeply and evenly, using the action as an anchor to center himself.
When he got to his quiet place, which he had always pictured as a deserted Atlantean lab, he let out a long breath. As he breathed in his next breath, he asked himself, ‘What are my reasons for bonding with Kelly?’ On the available laptop, he opened a new Word file and typed up, 1. Because he’s been a good friend to me. 2. Because I want to show him I can be the friend he thinks I am. 3. Because I want to show myself I can be the friend he thinks I am.
Staring at the blinking cursor, he next asked himself, ‘What are my reasons for *not* bonding with Kelly?’ and typed, 1. I don’t deserve a friend as good as him – just like I didn’t deserve John. 2. Because sooner or later he’ll realize I’m not worth it. 3. I don’t think I can be the friend he thinks I am.
He stared at the two sets of answers, unsure of how to proceed. He hit the Enter key a few times and then typed Other notes: I really do want to do this. I doubt I’m qualified for the faith Kelly has in me and I don’t know why he likes me as much as he does, but I want to prove that I’m worth it and that he’s not misplacing his friendship and his faith. And I want to be for him what I couldn’t be for John. And what John wouldn’t let me be for him. If he hasn’t run screaming yet, there just might be a chance this could work. I can do this.
Feeling calmer than he expected and at peace with his decision, Rodney slowly pulled himself out of his meditative state and blinked a few times as his eyes readjusted to the light. He slowly stood and stretched before grabbing his stool and going back out front to tell Kirby he was finished.
“How did it go?” Kirby asked.
“Good,” Rodney replied. “I think I’m ready.”
“Good,” Kirby replied with a nod. “I know your heart would tell you if you weren’t.”
The next morning, Rodney slightly freaked out over breakfast about the impending ceremony. So, instead of their normal meditation, Kirby led Rodney through a series of relaxation exercises. As they finished up, Rodney had to admit that the butterflies in his stomach had settled down considerably and he felt like there was a good chance he’d be able to get through the ceremony.
“Now, bath,” Kirby pronounced, handing over a towel, soap, and clean clothes. “Be thorough.”
Rodney rolled his eyes as he left, but did as he was told once he got into the bathing pool. The clothes he put on afterwards were new and fit well. Rodney made a mental note to be careful with them and to ask who Kirby had gotten them from so he could give them back once they’d been cleaned.
“You look great,” Jillian said when he returned.
“Thanks,” Rodney replied, blushing slightly. “Who did Kirby get these clothes from?”
“They’re yours,” she replied with a smile. “We had them made as a gift for your binding ceremony.”
Rodney ran his hands over the front of his shirt, marveling at the craftsmanship. “Wow. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Are you ready for the ceremony? The others should be ready to start by now.”
Rodney shrugged and said, “Ready as I’ll ever be,” as he followed her out of their quarters.
Rodney was thankful that the common area was deserted except for Kelly and his father, Kirby, Jillian, and Jean – all of whom were looking at him expectantly as he, suddenly petrified, stepped out from behind the curtain.
“Come, Rodney,” Jean said, with an amused smile, from where the group was standing in the middle of the commons. “We won’t hurt you.”
Rodney slowly moved forward. No matter how they explained the ceremony, he still felt like he was about to get married and all he could think was this wasn’t anything like how he would have imagined it. When Rodney joined them, Jillian and Kirby moved to stand behind him, Kelly next to him, and his father behind him. Rodney couldn’t help shyly returning Kelly’s grin.
“Now,” Jean said, coming to stand in front of Kelly and Rodney. “We are here today to bind together Kelly, son of Kelly of Lapras, and Rodney McKay of Atlantis, in friendship. This ceremony is to recognize their committed friendship to each other and their desire to support each other in ways that a wife cannot.” Turning to Kelly, she said, “Kelly, do you promise to support Rodney to the best of your abilities in all areas of his life, to help him through the tough times and celebrate his joys?”
“I do,” Kelly replied solemnly as he held Rodney’s gaze.
Turning to Rodney, Jean said, “Rodney, do you promise to support Kelly to the best of your abilities in all areas of his life, to help him through the tough times and celebrate his joys?”
“I do,” Rodney replied, his voice steadier than he had anticipated.
“As is our tradition, a pair that has bonded symbolically shows it by wearing an earring cuff. These are supplied by the families.” Looking at Kelly and Kirby, she said, “Do you have them?”
“We do,” they replied and presented the silver earring cuffs. Rodney took the one Kirby handed him with trembling fingers and looked back and forth between Jean and Kelly.
Jean nodded and Kelly gently put the cuff just below the top curve of Rodney’s left ear. Rodney carefully mirrored Kelly’s action, not wanting to hurt him or drop the piece of jewelry.
“By your intentions and your words, you are now bonded friends,” Jean pronounced. “May it be so for the rest of your lives and may you thrive in each other’s company.”
Kelly grinned and Rodney smiled tentatively as the others congratulated them.
“Now what?” Rodney whispered to Kelly.
Kelly shrugged. “Business as usual.”
“Seriously?” Rodney practically squeaked in surprise.
“Seriously. What were you expecting?”
Rodney shrugged, at a loss for words. “Honestly, I have no idea.”
“Game of dice after dinner?” Kelly asked.
“Sure,” Rodney replied, not sure what else to say.
The group went their separate ways and Rodney followed Kirby into their quarters, at a loss for something to say and how he should be feeling.
“Are you all right, Rodney-kun?” Kirby asked, giving him an appraising once over.
“Yeah, I think so,” Rodney replied slowly. “I’m just not sure how to react.”
Kirby’s brow furrowed. “You’re not regretting your decision, are you?”
“No, no, no,” Rodney replied quickly. He paused to take a shaky breath before continuing, “Like I told Kelly, this is just a little odd for me, since we don’t have something like this where I’m from.”
“Ah,” Kirby replied, the tension in his brow relaxing as he smiled warmly and picked up some of their things. “You’ve done exceptionally well with us these past fifteen months.”
“Yeah, well,” Rodney made a face as he played with his earring cuff before picking up his stool and Kirby’s medicine bag. “Let’s talk about how well I’m doing after tomorrow.”
“Worried about starting your training with the silk guild?” Kirby asked as he ducked out into the commons.
“Yeah,” Rodney replied, “which is weird because I think that what I’ve learned from you is harder.”
“It is,” Kirby replied with a chuckle. “But what you’re about to learn has its own challenges and there are other factors involved – like the fact that you’re going to be learning from more people and you’ll be doing it with other people.”
“With a bunch of *children*,” Rodney retorted as he followed him and set down his stool and the bag. “And I won’t have anyone’s life hanging in the balance. I shouldn’t be so nervous.”
Kirby rolled his eyes and smiled as he sat down and began making sure his bag was in order. “We each have our own eccentricities, Rodney-kun. I think you’ll find that your fear has more to do with the unknown than with what they actually think of you.”
“You really haven’t been listening while I vent, have you?” Rodney asked as he paced, his hand idly coming up to play with his new accessory. “Underneath all my bluster, I have a very soft ego that needs to be continually reassured.”
“And I think you’re also much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ve faced down the Wraith a number of times, you’ve alluded to a number of scary situations that you handled very well, and you survived your family.”
“While that’s definitely an accomplishment, it’s not exactly the same as being ridiculed for your own performance.”
“You’ll be fine, I promise. And quit stop playing with your earring cuff – it’s distracting.”
While they played dice out in the commons, Rodney finally got the courage to quietly ask Kelly, “So, I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s up with the ‘no touching’ rule?” He’d noticed over the months that while the Laprans were quick to praise each other, they barely touched each other unless it was absolutely necessary. Normally, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought and would have been glad for the physical distance. (Even with John unintentionally breaking down his barriers one at a time.) But after almost a year and a half of nothing except the most minimal of touches and Rodney found himself at least curious, if not almost craving.
“How do you mean?” Kelly asked, perplexed.
“I mean, why don’t you people touch each other? Pats on the back, holding hands, hugs, stuff like that.”
The furrow in Kelly’s brow deepened. “I don’t understand.”
Rodney sighed, trying to figure out how to explain it. “Okay, let’s try this.” He leaned over and put his hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “Is this a good touch or bad touch?”
Kelly shrugged Rodney’s hand off as he hissed, “What are you doing?”
“Trying to get an answer,” Rodney ground out. “I’m guessing that would be considered a ‘bad touch’. Look, I’m just curious. Where I’m from, while my people touch each other for a variety of reasons and not all of it’s good, it seems like we touch each other *a lot* more than your people do. So, it’s weird for me to come to a place where it’s hardly done at all.”
The tension in Kelly’s brow eased a bit as he took his turn. “And you’re just asking this now?”
“Well, I was trying to be tactful and polite – not something I was inclined to do back in Atlantis. I’m sure you can understand my desire to not want to piss off the people who are keeping me alive. But you know I’m an inquisitive guy. So – no touching – what’s up?”
Kelly looked around to see if anyone was listening before leaning in and saying, “As you know, we’re a small population and we have to be very careful about what we do and don’t do to ensure our survival. Obviously, the easiest way to do that is to prohibit touch as much as possible outside of marriage.”
Something Heightmeyer had once said when she was trying to get him to reach out to others popped into Rodney’s brain. “But studies have been done where I’m from that show people need touch in order to survive.”
Kelly shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what to say, Rodney-chan. We’ve found other ways to help us survive, I guess. Like being as verbally supportive as we can.”
“Yeah, you people do do that more than mine do,” Rodney said as he picked up the dice.
“Then how do your people show affection?”
“Sometimes touch, sometimes with words, but a lot of times we…don’t.”
“And that I don’t understand. I figured as much with how I’ve seen you react when we praise you. I doubt either our way or your people’s way is perfect, Rodney-chan, but I guess there’s some logic in both.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
The next day, Rodney was apprehensive all through breakfast and his meditation session.
“You’re like a child on the first day of school,” Jillian said with a giggle as she gathered the things she needed for that morning.
“That analogy isn’t wrong,” Rodney replied shortly, as he shifted from one foot to the other while he waited for her.
“You’ll be fine,” Kirby told him with a reassuring smile. “Just remember that the other kids are going to be in the same place you are.”
“Not helping any,” Rodney ground out and both Kirby and Jillian laughed.
“Come on,” she said heading towards the flap, “I’ll show you where you need to go.”
Rodney followed her amid Kirby’s well-wishes for the day. “You’ll do fine,” she replied with a smile.
“I’m glad someone here believes it,” he said dryly, pointedly not looking at her. “Rewiring circuits, building intricate systems, coding programs – those things I can do. Spinning thread and then weaving it? I highly doubt it.”
“You’re giving yourself too little credit. You’ve told us how you were in the top of your field back on Atlantis. I’m sure that if such is the case, you’ll have no problem picking this up. And here we are. I’ll see you later, Rodney-kun.”
Before Rodney could protest, she was gone and Rodney was left to fend for himself. Rodney carefully eyed the large room that held a few large looms, as well as some smaller ones – and they were all being used. Proficiently. Rodney carefully walked into the room, doing his best to be discreet, while some of his “classmates” raced in.
“Hi, Rodney,” Laura said from where she was working on one of the larger looms.
“Uh, hi, Laura,” he said shyly as he went over to her. “How are Lillian and the baby doing?”
“They’re doing great,” she replied with a grin. “They’ll be checking in with Kirby tomorrow. Thank you so much for what you did. You did a great job.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied, blushing.
“Nervous?” she asked and he nodded. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.” As she finished weaving a row, she said, “I’m making a set of linens for a newly-wed couple in a tribe we trade with.”
Rodney looked at the intricately woven pattern in the silk. “It’s beautiful,” he said.
She smiled. “Thank you. Everyone’s gathering to start, so we should go over.”
Rodney nodded and followed her over to where everyone else was gathering – the experienced weavers on one side and the new students on the other.
“I would like to offer a warm welcome to our new students,” an older man said. “My name is Matthew, and this is my wife, Lucy. We are the heads of the silk guild. Over the next five months, you will be trained in our ways and in every aspect of making silk – from care for the silkworms and harvesting the silk to preparing the raw silk and dying it to, finally, spinning and weaving it. It will be hard work, but it is rewarding work. You all will also be paired with someone who’s experienced so that you will have someone to learn from and who can help you when you run into problems. We’ll pair you up now and then get started.”
Rodney did his best to not fidget while everyone was being paired up. Waiting to see who he was going to be paired with during school had always been a pain. He had never liked his partners because they weren’t able to keep up and they didn’t like him because of his short temper.
‘Here, though’, he couldn’t help thinking, ‘here would be different’. For once he would actually be on equal footing with everyone else. Rodney couldn’t help but figure that there had to be some sort of cosmic sense of humor when he was paired last. On the upside, he was paired with Laura, so things couldn’t be all bad.
She smiled as she came over to him. “See, I told you that you would be fine.”
“Isn’t pride one of the seven deadly sins?” Rodney commented dryly, before waving his hand dismissively and commenting, “Forget it – that was a lame joke from Earth.”
“All right, everyone,” Lucy said, bringing things back to order. “Listen closely.”
The first month had Rodney spell-bound. The morning classes began with lectures on the beginnings of silk production and how it had become one of their staple exports. They then led into lectures on the silkworms themselves and how the Laprans had bred them to produce the maximum amount of silk with a minimum of light, space, and food. Rodney had never given much credence to the geneticists on Atlantis – thinking that their work, and by extension, Carson’s work with the ATA gene, was little more than luck of the draw. But seeing how simple Mendelian genetics had provided a way to help these people to survive, Rodney was amazed. In the afternoons, they watched their mentors as they worked.
“How did you get started doing this?” Rodney asked Laura one day.
She shrugged. “I was born into it. While it doesn’t happen this way for most families, my family’s done it for generations so it was expected that I would as well. Though, I doubt it would have been the end of the world if I had shown more desire to make glass or herd yaks.”
“Then how does it work for everyone else?”
She shrugged as she finished one row and started the next. “From what I’ve heard, the kids take tests starting at the beginning of their eleventh cycle. But, like I said, my family is one of the few that’s done the same thing for generations, so we’re exempt from the tests. How did you get picked for this?”
Rodney shrugged. “I showed an interest when I was watching the kids and the mother who was spinning showed me how to do to it and felt that I had a talent for it. So here I am.”
Beginning in the second month of their training, Rodney and the rest of his classmates started actually helping in the production. They started by harvesting the silk from the silkworms – a trickier and stickier process than Rodney had expected. The gummy secretion that held the fibers together tended to get all over Rodney’s hands, and even on his clothes, no matter how hard he tried to keep it contained. He also tended to get more than enough water on himself during his turns on the cleaning basins.
More than once, he had to walk away, exasperated and angry, when the fiber wasn’t cooperating and he was having a harder time than he had expected with it. And the fact that Laura and the rest of the experienced workers were very patient with him and encouraged him as much as possible and Laura continually helped him and showed him how to do things frustrated him rather than calmed him.
“I thought you were excited about learning the silk trade,” Kelly said at lunch.
“I am,” Rodney replied after sitting down with an ‘oomph’. “I just don’t like certain aspects of it.”
“Such as?”
“Unraveling the fibers is a sticky mess and I get the gum all over and I tend to get the water all over too and it’s a pain in the ass.”
Kelly stared at him.
“What?” Rodney asked shortly.
Kelly blinked slowly and said, “I work with yaks, Rodney-chan. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Rodney gaped for a moment, working it out, before snapping his mouth shut and reddening slightly, looking down sheepishly. “Oh. Sorry. If you haven’t noticed yet, I tend to get stuck in my own problems from time to time.”
“Yeah, I’d noticed,” Kelly replied with a chuckle and a smile. “But you have gotten much better about it since you’ve come here.”
Rodney swallowed a mouthful of stew. “That’s because Kirby makes me deal with things during my meditation time.”
“It’s obviously working. Have you been keeping up with your silences?”
“No,” Rodney replied.
“Why not?” Kelly asked, stirring his stew.
Rodney narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘why not’?”
Kelly held Rodney’s gaze. “I mean, ‘why not?’. It obviously seemed to help you before.”
“But that was with other stuff, not with working with silk.”
“And one thing can’t have more than one use?”
“So, you’re basically saying that you think I should start the whole ‘vow of silence’ thing up again just to see if it’ll help me as I work on the silk?”
“For the most part.” Kelly finished off his stew. “I think you should do it because it will help you center yourself in a lot of ways – including your training – and because we both know that by taking some time out, it’ll be good for you. But I don’t think it’ll be a quick fix for you.”
Rodney was surprised at his defensiveness over the topic. He had gone through the ‘vow of silence’ before and it had done him good, but this time the suggestion prickled his nerves for some reason. “And when was the last time you took ‘some time out’?”
“A few days ago. Look, I can tell this conversation is making you uneasy for some reason. I was merely suggesting it as a way to help you focus.”
“I’ll consider it,” Rodney replied, the tension that had suddenly appeared slowly seeping away as he finished his stew.
On the way back to the silk production portion of the compound, Rodney felt himself centering and growing quiet as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him. No one seemed to mind that he was quieter than normal as they went about their work and no one seemed to mind when he didn’t respond – which made him feel a bit weird, since he hadn’t told them what he was going to do. They just responded by changing their speech patterns to be either statements or simple yes and no question so he could either nod or shake his head. But he found that it did help his concentration and his focus and he was able to do a better job with the silk fibers.
“Okay, everyone,” Lucy said at their next morning gathering. “We have a month and a half until the festival. This means that classes will be suspended until after the festival concludes.”
There was a happy buzzing from the kids and Rodney had to smile. It seemed like kids were the same, regardless of the galaxy.
“That, however, doesn’t mean that our new apprentices are off the hook,” she said, giving them all a stern look at the kids’ groan. “You will be helping your mentor with their job, so that all of our projects can be finished in time for the festival’s start. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes,” Rodney and the kids chorused.
“Good. Now, let’s get to work.”
As Rodney met up with Laura and watched her start working, he stayed quiet. He couldn’t describe how good it felt to not have to worry about keeping up his end of the conversation and not offend Laura as she chatted about the goings-on in her borough of the tribe. Interspersed with her weaving and talking, she would have Rodney fetch things for her, such as more silk thread in various colors, sometimes a drink or a snack, and sometimes to give someone a message – and he thought it was considerate that she asked first if he didn’t mind breaking his silence to do so.
Rodney enjoyed watching her talented fingers as they deftly worked the shuttle through the taut threads and pulled a new thread tight across. Soon, though, the rhythm of her words and the repetition of her hands upon the loom lulled Rodney into a quasi-meditative state and he had to repeatedly shake himself out of it.
The days passed quickly with the whole tribe in a state of low-level chaos. It surprised Rodney that almost everyone put in long hours to finish their wares and to get everything else ready for the festival. The only ones who didn’t seem busy were Jean and Kirby.
“Rodney-san! Rodney-san!” a kid yelled as he and a few others ran into the commons from further in the complex, breathless and grinning.
Rodney couldn’t help but smile at the title of respect that they gave him, even if they all had the same status in the silk guild. “What is it, Michael-kun?”
“We wanted to know – well, Lisa wanted to know – what’s your favorite festival food?”
Rodney looked between the kids, the girl in question blushing furiously. “I don’t have one, actually. My first festival was last year and I spent all of it with all of you. Remember?”
They looked between each other and then back at him, nodding.
Rodney looked between them, bemused. “Why did you want to know?”
Michael beckoned him closer and he bent down for him to whisper in his ear. “Lisa wanted to share some of her festival cake with you.”
“That’s not nice, Michael-chan!” Lisa said angrily, as she punched him in the arm. “I don’t go around saying things to the girls you like.”
“That’s because I don’t tell you who I like,” Michael pouted, rubbing his arm.
“Kids, kids, kids!” Rodney interjected. “Be nice. Lisa, if Michael’s telling the truth, I’ll be happy to share some of your cake. And Michael, it really isn’t a good idea to go around telling other people’s secrets. Sooner or later it’s going to backfire on you and trust me – it won’t be pretty. Now, don’t you all have some things you should be doing?”
Lisa beamed and Michael continued pouting as the troupe headed out of the commons and back to their own homes.
Kelly sidled up next to Rodney as he watched them go. “You’re handling them better than you used to,” he commented.
“Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard not to when you’re stuck with them every day for two and a half months,” Rodney replied. “They kind of grow on you.” Glancing at Kelly, Rodney said, “So, this whole festival thing… what’s it about?”
“What do you mean, ‘what’s it all about’?” Kelly replied, eyeing him suspiciously.
“I mean what I said,” Rodney said, turning to Kelly. “We’ve been running around like crazy for three weeks and no one will tell me what’s going on.”
Kelly rolled his eyes. “How can you not know about the tenth month festival? It’s the biggest event of the year! All of our trading partners will be coming to settle debts and renegotiate contracts.”
“You could’ve just said so,” Rodney said with a small huff. “That hardly sounds like a state secret. Does the sandstorm stop for the month too?”
“Actually, it does,” Kelly replied.
“Seriously?” Rodney asked in surprise. “Why didn’t you say so before?”
Kelly shrugged. “I’ve lived here my whole life, remember? For me, this is normal. You’ve been here not quite two cycles.”
Rodney nodded in agreement. “True. With the way everyone’s been going on about different aspects of it and such, it makes me think of Christmas.”
“Christmas?” Kelly replied, curious.
“It’s a major religious holiday where I’m from – lots of gift-giving and food. Though, we tend to not do business then.”
“Speaking of which – I’ve got to get moving if I’m going to be done in time. And Kirby wants to see you. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” Rodney replied as he headed over to Kirby. “You wanted to see me?” he asked.
“I do. Sit.” Once Rodney had settled himself on the other stool, Kirby gave him a hard, appraising look before saying, “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing okay,” Rodney replied calmly, trying to not let his worry that something was wrong show.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Why?” Rodney’s tone turned more hesitant. Maybe something was horribly wrong.
“I just feel that you’re trying to keep yourself from dealing with something in our meditation sessions and I wanted to check in with you on that.”
“Now?” Rodney asked, looking around.
“They won’t come over unless there’s an emergency, you know that. So, tell me.”
Rodney shrugged outwardly, inwardly relieved that nothing was wrong. “There isn’t really anything to tell. It’s just the same stuff we’ve been dealing with since we started.”
“Okay, you have two options – you can either tell me or you can go meditate on your own right now.”
“What the –?” Rodney stared at Kirby. “Are you threatening me with a time out?”
“You know me better than that, Rodney-kun. I can tell something’s been bothering you for the past couple of days and you know that I like for things to be dealt with right away.”
“Fine,” Rodney huffed, “I’ll go meditate.” He practically stomped into their quarters; his moccasins hushed by the sand and cloth and he wished he could slam the curtain to their quarters.
Once inside, Rodney looked around with a huff, unsure of what to do. How would explain, or meditate through for that matter, the fact that he wasn’t sure how to handle the way they treated him? Over the years, he had become so used to having to apologize for himself for one thing or another, or listen as he was berated for how much he had screwed something up, that he didn’t know how to react when the response was along the lines of, “Okay, what you did was wrong and you shouldn’t have done it, but I hope you learned from your mistake and here’s what you should do” and then that was the end of it. Nothing was held over his head here.
Rodney’s breath hitched as part of a sob escaped his lips. He brought a fist to his lips and bit the side of a finger as he sank to the floor, unconsciously crossing his legs and bringing his other arm up to support the first. He sniffed and covered his eyes as he let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t supposed to cry, he wasn’t supposed to cry, he wasn’t supposed to –
A muted sob escaped his lips as tears escaped his clenched eyelids and he brushed them away, but another sob and more tears followed. He couldn’t keep up the pretense that he was okay with how they treated him. For so long, he’d been able to scrape by with a ‘barely good enough’ in every department except for his genius, that the slow work his friends on Atlantis had started of showing him he was worthy as a person and a friend rapidly gained fruition here. And while Rodney had been ready for a long time for his genius to be noticed and loved, he wasn’t ready for the same thing to happen to himself.
As he cried, Rodney’s mind supplied him with memories of all the good times he had had with his “family” on Atlantis, as well as the good times and good things that had been said to him here. While the tears flowed, it felt like he was being put back together without the rough edges and personal negativity that he had been holding onto for years. For once, he felt like it was actually possible to hope that people could like him for himself and not just what he did.
Continue to Part 7
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I still don’t get it,” Rodney said.
“What’s not to get?” Kelly asked, exasperated. “It’s not that hard to get.”
“Maybe for you – you’ve grown up with this. I just recently found out that you people have ceremonies to recognize people as best friends and that you want to have one with me.”
“Yes, I do,” Kelly replied rolling his eyes.
Rodney petted the nose of the yak that was patiently standing on the other side of the railing. “It’s just… odd.”
Kelly huffed and leaned more heavily against the inside of the railing. “It’s not odd. Your people are odd for not recognizing such a thing.”
“You’re probably right.” Rodney paused a second before finally asking something that had been weighing on his mind. “What if something happens and we’re no longer best friends?”
Kelly shrugged. “First we make sure that it’s something that can’t be salvaged. Once we’re both sure beyond a doubt and we’ve had meditation with one of the elders, we can dissolve the bond.”
“That seems rather anticlimactic,” Rodney commented.
“It’s happened a few times,” Kelly replied. “Not many, though.”
“Why don’t you have a best friend?” Rodney asked, curious.
“I did,” Kelly replied, pointedly not looking at Rodney as he ran a hand through the yak’s coat. “He left to marry a Morykon girl just before you came.” He absently rubbed the upper ridge of his ear. “We decided to dissolve the bond on the grounds of his new duties as a husband in another tribe.”
“How long had you been best friends?” Rodney asked, curious.
“Since our twelfth cycle.”
Rodney’s train of thought faltered. He couldn’t imagine having a *friend* for that long, let alone a *best friend*. “Will you ever be able to see him again?”
Kelly shrugged. “Maybe. If he comes here during the festival.”
“Don’t your people ever go off-world?”
Kelly looked at Rodney and shook his head. “Most of us have no real need to. Only Kirby, the elders, and the heads of our guilds would have reason to.” He smiled wistfully.
Rodney looked at him perplexed. “Haven’t you tried keeping in contact, seeing how he’s doing?”
Turning his attention back to the yak, Kelly continued, “I asked about him at the last festival and they told me he’s doing well. He’s learning a new trade and he and his wife already have one child and another on the way – so they’ll have at least two by now. I can’t ask for much more than that.”
Rodney felt bad for Kelly. Back on Earth, and even on Atlantis to some extent, if people moved away there were still ways for them to keep in touch with their friends and family. Deciding to move the conversation along, he asked, “So, how does the whole ceremony thing work?”
The tension in Kelly’s body seemed to ease. “We exchange vows in front of witnesses to be there for each other through all things as well as ear cuffs that represent our bonded status,” he chuckled, “even though everyone already thinks it’s just a matter of time before we’re bonded.”
“That sounds simple enough,” Rodney pronounced.
“It is,” Kelly replied with a smile. “Jean will take charge of the ceremony. My father, Kirby and Jillian have agreed to be our witnesses and I’ve gotten everything ready. So, it’s just a matter of figuring out when we want to do it.”
The insanity of what he was doing overwhelmed Rodney for a moment, but he pushed it down. He thought for a minute before saying, “Well, I formally finish my training with Kirby tomorrow and I start with the silk guild in three days.” Rodney looked at Kelly uncertainly. “Maybe we could do it somewhere in between there?”
Kelly nodded as he ducked between the fence railings. “That could work. Let Kirby and Jillian know we’ll do it the day after tomorrow and I’ll let my father know. They’ll help you get ready.”
“What do you mean by ‘help you get ready’?” Rodney asked, eyes narrowing in trepidation.
Kelly laughed. “You don’t have to look like you just drank bad milk, Rodney-chan. You’ve been here long enough to know that we do things in certain, and completely harmless, ways.”
Rodney’s “last official day of training” included a pop exam – which he was surprised to find he was able to ace easily.
When they were finished, Kirby grinned at him and said, “Congratulations. You’ve finished the majority of your training, though you are expected to continue seeking instruction and help. But you are, from here on, to be viewed as competent enough to give medical aid on your own.”
“I doubt I’m really ready, Kirby,” Rodney replied. “Some of the things you’ve taught me –”
Kirby leveled a stiff stare at him and Rodney shut up. “Rodney-kun, this is not a point to argue. It is understood that there are things you’ve learned that you have no practical experience with yet. And I will be happy to assist you if you need help in those areas. Otherwise, accept the fact that you have completed the training that our people have used for generations to teach healers and that you’ve been found acceptable in your learning.”
Rodney nodded, humbled, before changing the subject and saying, “Kelly and I have set the date for our binding ceremony for tomorrow.”
“Congratulations are again in order, it seems. I know you’ve both made a good decision and will be good bond friends for each other.”
Nervously, Rodney said, “Kelly said you’d know what I’d need to do to get ready.”
Kirby nodded. “You’ll need to meditate either this afternoon or tonight and make sure that you’re going into this with a clear conscience and with the right motives. You need to make sure that you’re not doing this for your own gain, but with the intention of being there for Kelly and letting him be there for you. And then tomorrow before the ceremony, you’ll take a bath.”
“That’s it?” Rodney asked, surprised.
“That’s it,” Kirby confirmed. “Now scoot. I’m letting you off early today on account of that, so don’t waste your time. This is one meditation session no one can help you with and I want to make sure that you give yourself enough time. Use our quarters and I’ll make sure you won’t be disturbed for a while.”
Rodney nodded mutely, not sure what to say, and headed into their quarters, taking his stool with him. Setting it by the head of his cot, he sighed, not sure how to go about what he needed to do. He kicked off his moccasins and sat half-lotus on the floor, his back resting against his cot. Closing his eyes, Rodney began breathing deeply and evenly, using the action as an anchor to center himself.
When he got to his quiet place, which he had always pictured as a deserted Atlantean lab, he let out a long breath. As he breathed in his next breath, he asked himself, ‘What are my reasons for bonding with Kelly?’ On the available laptop, he opened a new Word file and typed up, 1. Because he’s been a good friend to me. 2. Because I want to show him I can be the friend he thinks I am. 3. Because I want to show myself I can be the friend he thinks I am.
Staring at the blinking cursor, he next asked himself, ‘What are my reasons for *not* bonding with Kelly?’ and typed, 1. I don’t deserve a friend as good as him – just like I didn’t deserve John. 2. Because sooner or later he’ll realize I’m not worth it. 3. I don’t think I can be the friend he thinks I am.
He stared at the two sets of answers, unsure of how to proceed. He hit the Enter key a few times and then typed Other notes: I really do want to do this. I doubt I’m qualified for the faith Kelly has in me and I don’t know why he likes me as much as he does, but I want to prove that I’m worth it and that he’s not misplacing his friendship and his faith. And I want to be for him what I couldn’t be for John. And what John wouldn’t let me be for him. If he hasn’t run screaming yet, there just might be a chance this could work. I can do this.
Feeling calmer than he expected and at peace with his decision, Rodney slowly pulled himself out of his meditative state and blinked a few times as his eyes readjusted to the light. He slowly stood and stretched before grabbing his stool and going back out front to tell Kirby he was finished.
“How did it go?” Kirby asked.
“Good,” Rodney replied. “I think I’m ready.”
“Good,” Kirby replied with a nod. “I know your heart would tell you if you weren’t.”
The next morning, Rodney slightly freaked out over breakfast about the impending ceremony. So, instead of their normal meditation, Kirby led Rodney through a series of relaxation exercises. As they finished up, Rodney had to admit that the butterflies in his stomach had settled down considerably and he felt like there was a good chance he’d be able to get through the ceremony.
“Now, bath,” Kirby pronounced, handing over a towel, soap, and clean clothes. “Be thorough.”
Rodney rolled his eyes as he left, but did as he was told once he got into the bathing pool. The clothes he put on afterwards were new and fit well. Rodney made a mental note to be careful with them and to ask who Kirby had gotten them from so he could give them back once they’d been cleaned.
“You look great,” Jillian said when he returned.
“Thanks,” Rodney replied, blushing slightly. “Who did Kirby get these clothes from?”
“They’re yours,” she replied with a smile. “We had them made as a gift for your binding ceremony.”
Rodney ran his hands over the front of his shirt, marveling at the craftsmanship. “Wow. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Are you ready for the ceremony? The others should be ready to start by now.”
Rodney shrugged and said, “Ready as I’ll ever be,” as he followed her out of their quarters.
Rodney was thankful that the common area was deserted except for Kelly and his father, Kirby, Jillian, and Jean – all of whom were looking at him expectantly as he, suddenly petrified, stepped out from behind the curtain.
“Come, Rodney,” Jean said, with an amused smile, from where the group was standing in the middle of the commons. “We won’t hurt you.”
Rodney slowly moved forward. No matter how they explained the ceremony, he still felt like he was about to get married and all he could think was this wasn’t anything like how he would have imagined it. When Rodney joined them, Jillian and Kirby moved to stand behind him, Kelly next to him, and his father behind him. Rodney couldn’t help shyly returning Kelly’s grin.
“Now,” Jean said, coming to stand in front of Kelly and Rodney. “We are here today to bind together Kelly, son of Kelly of Lapras, and Rodney McKay of Atlantis, in friendship. This ceremony is to recognize their committed friendship to each other and their desire to support each other in ways that a wife cannot.” Turning to Kelly, she said, “Kelly, do you promise to support Rodney to the best of your abilities in all areas of his life, to help him through the tough times and celebrate his joys?”
“I do,” Kelly replied solemnly as he held Rodney’s gaze.
Turning to Rodney, Jean said, “Rodney, do you promise to support Kelly to the best of your abilities in all areas of his life, to help him through the tough times and celebrate his joys?”
“I do,” Rodney replied, his voice steadier than he had anticipated.
“As is our tradition, a pair that has bonded symbolically shows it by wearing an earring cuff. These are supplied by the families.” Looking at Kelly and Kirby, she said, “Do you have them?”
“We do,” they replied and presented the silver earring cuffs. Rodney took the one Kirby handed him with trembling fingers and looked back and forth between Jean and Kelly.
Jean nodded and Kelly gently put the cuff just below the top curve of Rodney’s left ear. Rodney carefully mirrored Kelly’s action, not wanting to hurt him or drop the piece of jewelry.
“By your intentions and your words, you are now bonded friends,” Jean pronounced. “May it be so for the rest of your lives and may you thrive in each other’s company.”
Kelly grinned and Rodney smiled tentatively as the others congratulated them.
“Now what?” Rodney whispered to Kelly.
Kelly shrugged. “Business as usual.”
“Seriously?” Rodney practically squeaked in surprise.
“Seriously. What were you expecting?”
Rodney shrugged, at a loss for words. “Honestly, I have no idea.”
“Game of dice after dinner?” Kelly asked.
“Sure,” Rodney replied, not sure what else to say.
The group went their separate ways and Rodney followed Kirby into their quarters, at a loss for something to say and how he should be feeling.
“Are you all right, Rodney-kun?” Kirby asked, giving him an appraising once over.
“Yeah, I think so,” Rodney replied slowly. “I’m just not sure how to react.”
Kirby’s brow furrowed. “You’re not regretting your decision, are you?”
“No, no, no,” Rodney replied quickly. He paused to take a shaky breath before continuing, “Like I told Kelly, this is just a little odd for me, since we don’t have something like this where I’m from.”
“Ah,” Kirby replied, the tension in his brow relaxing as he smiled warmly and picked up some of their things. “You’ve done exceptionally well with us these past fifteen months.”
“Yeah, well,” Rodney made a face as he played with his earring cuff before picking up his stool and Kirby’s medicine bag. “Let’s talk about how well I’m doing after tomorrow.”
“Worried about starting your training with the silk guild?” Kirby asked as he ducked out into the commons.
“Yeah,” Rodney replied, “which is weird because I think that what I’ve learned from you is harder.”
“It is,” Kirby replied with a chuckle. “But what you’re about to learn has its own challenges and there are other factors involved – like the fact that you’re going to be learning from more people and you’ll be doing it with other people.”
“With a bunch of *children*,” Rodney retorted as he followed him and set down his stool and the bag. “And I won’t have anyone’s life hanging in the balance. I shouldn’t be so nervous.”
Kirby rolled his eyes and smiled as he sat down and began making sure his bag was in order. “We each have our own eccentricities, Rodney-kun. I think you’ll find that your fear has more to do with the unknown than with what they actually think of you.”
“You really haven’t been listening while I vent, have you?” Rodney asked as he paced, his hand idly coming up to play with his new accessory. “Underneath all my bluster, I have a very soft ego that needs to be continually reassured.”
“And I think you’re also much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’ve faced down the Wraith a number of times, you’ve alluded to a number of scary situations that you handled very well, and you survived your family.”
“While that’s definitely an accomplishment, it’s not exactly the same as being ridiculed for your own performance.”
“You’ll be fine, I promise. And quit stop playing with your earring cuff – it’s distracting.”
While they played dice out in the commons, Rodney finally got the courage to quietly ask Kelly, “So, I’ve been meaning to ask. What’s up with the ‘no touching’ rule?” He’d noticed over the months that while the Laprans were quick to praise each other, they barely touched each other unless it was absolutely necessary. Normally, he wouldn’t have given it a second thought and would have been glad for the physical distance. (Even with John unintentionally breaking down his barriers one at a time.) But after almost a year and a half of nothing except the most minimal of touches and Rodney found himself at least curious, if not almost craving.
“How do you mean?” Kelly asked, perplexed.
“I mean, why don’t you people touch each other? Pats on the back, holding hands, hugs, stuff like that.”
The furrow in Kelly’s brow deepened. “I don’t understand.”
Rodney sighed, trying to figure out how to explain it. “Okay, let’s try this.” He leaned over and put his hand on Kelly’s shoulder. “Is this a good touch or bad touch?”
Kelly shrugged Rodney’s hand off as he hissed, “What are you doing?”
“Trying to get an answer,” Rodney ground out. “I’m guessing that would be considered a ‘bad touch’. Look, I’m just curious. Where I’m from, while my people touch each other for a variety of reasons and not all of it’s good, it seems like we touch each other *a lot* more than your people do. So, it’s weird for me to come to a place where it’s hardly done at all.”
The tension in Kelly’s brow eased a bit as he took his turn. “And you’re just asking this now?”
“Well, I was trying to be tactful and polite – not something I was inclined to do back in Atlantis. I’m sure you can understand my desire to not want to piss off the people who are keeping me alive. But you know I’m an inquisitive guy. So – no touching – what’s up?”
Kelly looked around to see if anyone was listening before leaning in and saying, “As you know, we’re a small population and we have to be very careful about what we do and don’t do to ensure our survival. Obviously, the easiest way to do that is to prohibit touch as much as possible outside of marriage.”
Something Heightmeyer had once said when she was trying to get him to reach out to others popped into Rodney’s brain. “But studies have been done where I’m from that show people need touch in order to survive.”
Kelly shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know what to say, Rodney-chan. We’ve found other ways to help us survive, I guess. Like being as verbally supportive as we can.”
“Yeah, you people do do that more than mine do,” Rodney said as he picked up the dice.
“Then how do your people show affection?”
“Sometimes touch, sometimes with words, but a lot of times we…don’t.”
“And that I don’t understand. I figured as much with how I’ve seen you react when we praise you. I doubt either our way or your people’s way is perfect, Rodney-chan, but I guess there’s some logic in both.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
The next day, Rodney was apprehensive all through breakfast and his meditation session.
“You’re like a child on the first day of school,” Jillian said with a giggle as she gathered the things she needed for that morning.
“That analogy isn’t wrong,” Rodney replied shortly, as he shifted from one foot to the other while he waited for her.
“You’ll be fine,” Kirby told him with a reassuring smile. “Just remember that the other kids are going to be in the same place you are.”
“Not helping any,” Rodney ground out and both Kirby and Jillian laughed.
“Come on,” she said heading towards the flap, “I’ll show you where you need to go.”
Rodney followed her amid Kirby’s well-wishes for the day. “You’ll do fine,” she replied with a smile.
“I’m glad someone here believes it,” he said dryly, pointedly not looking at her. “Rewiring circuits, building intricate systems, coding programs – those things I can do. Spinning thread and then weaving it? I highly doubt it.”
“You’re giving yourself too little credit. You’ve told us how you were in the top of your field back on Atlantis. I’m sure that if such is the case, you’ll have no problem picking this up. And here we are. I’ll see you later, Rodney-kun.”
Before Rodney could protest, she was gone and Rodney was left to fend for himself. Rodney carefully eyed the large room that held a few large looms, as well as some smaller ones – and they were all being used. Proficiently. Rodney carefully walked into the room, doing his best to be discreet, while some of his “classmates” raced in.
“Hi, Rodney,” Laura said from where she was working on one of the larger looms.
“Uh, hi, Laura,” he said shyly as he went over to her. “How are Lillian and the baby doing?”
“They’re doing great,” she replied with a grin. “They’ll be checking in with Kirby tomorrow. Thank you so much for what you did. You did a great job.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied, blushing.
“Nervous?” she asked and he nodded. “Don’t worry about it. You’ll be fine.” As she finished weaving a row, she said, “I’m making a set of linens for a newly-wed couple in a tribe we trade with.”
Rodney looked at the intricately woven pattern in the silk. “It’s beautiful,” he said.
She smiled. “Thank you. Everyone’s gathering to start, so we should go over.”
Rodney nodded and followed her over to where everyone else was gathering – the experienced weavers on one side and the new students on the other.
“I would like to offer a warm welcome to our new students,” an older man said. “My name is Matthew, and this is my wife, Lucy. We are the heads of the silk guild. Over the next five months, you will be trained in our ways and in every aspect of making silk – from care for the silkworms and harvesting the silk to preparing the raw silk and dying it to, finally, spinning and weaving it. It will be hard work, but it is rewarding work. You all will also be paired with someone who’s experienced so that you will have someone to learn from and who can help you when you run into problems. We’ll pair you up now and then get started.”
Rodney did his best to not fidget while everyone was being paired up. Waiting to see who he was going to be paired with during school had always been a pain. He had never liked his partners because they weren’t able to keep up and they didn’t like him because of his short temper.
‘Here, though’, he couldn’t help thinking, ‘here would be different’. For once he would actually be on equal footing with everyone else. Rodney couldn’t help but figure that there had to be some sort of cosmic sense of humor when he was paired last. On the upside, he was paired with Laura, so things couldn’t be all bad.
She smiled as she came over to him. “See, I told you that you would be fine.”
“Isn’t pride one of the seven deadly sins?” Rodney commented dryly, before waving his hand dismissively and commenting, “Forget it – that was a lame joke from Earth.”
“All right, everyone,” Lucy said, bringing things back to order. “Listen closely.”
The first month had Rodney spell-bound. The morning classes began with lectures on the beginnings of silk production and how it had become one of their staple exports. They then led into lectures on the silkworms themselves and how the Laprans had bred them to produce the maximum amount of silk with a minimum of light, space, and food. Rodney had never given much credence to the geneticists on Atlantis – thinking that their work, and by extension, Carson’s work with the ATA gene, was little more than luck of the draw. But seeing how simple Mendelian genetics had provided a way to help these people to survive, Rodney was amazed. In the afternoons, they watched their mentors as they worked.
“How did you get started doing this?” Rodney asked Laura one day.
She shrugged. “I was born into it. While it doesn’t happen this way for most families, my family’s done it for generations so it was expected that I would as well. Though, I doubt it would have been the end of the world if I had shown more desire to make glass or herd yaks.”
“Then how does it work for everyone else?”
She shrugged as she finished one row and started the next. “From what I’ve heard, the kids take tests starting at the beginning of their eleventh cycle. But, like I said, my family is one of the few that’s done the same thing for generations, so we’re exempt from the tests. How did you get picked for this?”
Rodney shrugged. “I showed an interest when I was watching the kids and the mother who was spinning showed me how to do to it and felt that I had a talent for it. So here I am.”
Beginning in the second month of their training, Rodney and the rest of his classmates started actually helping in the production. They started by harvesting the silk from the silkworms – a trickier and stickier process than Rodney had expected. The gummy secretion that held the fibers together tended to get all over Rodney’s hands, and even on his clothes, no matter how hard he tried to keep it contained. He also tended to get more than enough water on himself during his turns on the cleaning basins.
More than once, he had to walk away, exasperated and angry, when the fiber wasn’t cooperating and he was having a harder time than he had expected with it. And the fact that Laura and the rest of the experienced workers were very patient with him and encouraged him as much as possible and Laura continually helped him and showed him how to do things frustrated him rather than calmed him.
“I thought you were excited about learning the silk trade,” Kelly said at lunch.
“I am,” Rodney replied after sitting down with an ‘oomph’. “I just don’t like certain aspects of it.”
“Such as?”
“Unraveling the fibers is a sticky mess and I get the gum all over and I tend to get the water all over too and it’s a pain in the ass.”
Kelly stared at him.
“What?” Rodney asked shortly.
Kelly blinked slowly and said, “I work with yaks, Rodney-chan. I’m sure you can figure it out.”
Rodney gaped for a moment, working it out, before snapping his mouth shut and reddening slightly, looking down sheepishly. “Oh. Sorry. If you haven’t noticed yet, I tend to get stuck in my own problems from time to time.”
“Yeah, I’d noticed,” Kelly replied with a chuckle and a smile. “But you have gotten much better about it since you’ve come here.”
Rodney swallowed a mouthful of stew. “That’s because Kirby makes me deal with things during my meditation time.”
“It’s obviously working. Have you been keeping up with your silences?”
“No,” Rodney replied.
“Why not?” Kelly asked, stirring his stew.
Rodney narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘why not’?”
Kelly held Rodney’s gaze. “I mean, ‘why not?’. It obviously seemed to help you before.”
“But that was with other stuff, not with working with silk.”
“And one thing can’t have more than one use?”
“So, you’re basically saying that you think I should start the whole ‘vow of silence’ thing up again just to see if it’ll help me as I work on the silk?”
“For the most part.” Kelly finished off his stew. “I think you should do it because it will help you center yourself in a lot of ways – including your training – and because we both know that by taking some time out, it’ll be good for you. But I don’t think it’ll be a quick fix for you.”
Rodney was surprised at his defensiveness over the topic. He had gone through the ‘vow of silence’ before and it had done him good, but this time the suggestion prickled his nerves for some reason. “And when was the last time you took ‘some time out’?”
“A few days ago. Look, I can tell this conversation is making you uneasy for some reason. I was merely suggesting it as a way to help you focus.”
“I’ll consider it,” Rodney replied, the tension that had suddenly appeared slowly seeping away as he finished his stew.
On the way back to the silk production portion of the compound, Rodney felt himself centering and growing quiet as if it was the most natural thing in the world for him. No one seemed to mind that he was quieter than normal as they went about their work and no one seemed to mind when he didn’t respond – which made him feel a bit weird, since he hadn’t told them what he was going to do. They just responded by changing their speech patterns to be either statements or simple yes and no question so he could either nod or shake his head. But he found that it did help his concentration and his focus and he was able to do a better job with the silk fibers.
“Okay, everyone,” Lucy said at their next morning gathering. “We have a month and a half until the festival. This means that classes will be suspended until after the festival concludes.”
There was a happy buzzing from the kids and Rodney had to smile. It seemed like kids were the same, regardless of the galaxy.
“That, however, doesn’t mean that our new apprentices are off the hook,” she said, giving them all a stern look at the kids’ groan. “You will be helping your mentor with their job, so that all of our projects can be finished in time for the festival’s start. Have I made myself clear?”
“Yes,” Rodney and the kids chorused.
“Good. Now, let’s get to work.”
As Rodney met up with Laura and watched her start working, he stayed quiet. He couldn’t describe how good it felt to not have to worry about keeping up his end of the conversation and not offend Laura as she chatted about the goings-on in her borough of the tribe. Interspersed with her weaving and talking, she would have Rodney fetch things for her, such as more silk thread in various colors, sometimes a drink or a snack, and sometimes to give someone a message – and he thought it was considerate that she asked first if he didn’t mind breaking his silence to do so.
Rodney enjoyed watching her talented fingers as they deftly worked the shuttle through the taut threads and pulled a new thread tight across. Soon, though, the rhythm of her words and the repetition of her hands upon the loom lulled Rodney into a quasi-meditative state and he had to repeatedly shake himself out of it.
The days passed quickly with the whole tribe in a state of low-level chaos. It surprised Rodney that almost everyone put in long hours to finish their wares and to get everything else ready for the festival. The only ones who didn’t seem busy were Jean and Kirby.
“Rodney-san! Rodney-san!” a kid yelled as he and a few others ran into the commons from further in the complex, breathless and grinning.
Rodney couldn’t help but smile at the title of respect that they gave him, even if they all had the same status in the silk guild. “What is it, Michael-kun?”
“We wanted to know – well, Lisa wanted to know – what’s your favorite festival food?”
Rodney looked between the kids, the girl in question blushing furiously. “I don’t have one, actually. My first festival was last year and I spent all of it with all of you. Remember?”
They looked between each other and then back at him, nodding.
Rodney looked between them, bemused. “Why did you want to know?”
Michael beckoned him closer and he bent down for him to whisper in his ear. “Lisa wanted to share some of her festival cake with you.”
“That’s not nice, Michael-chan!” Lisa said angrily, as she punched him in the arm. “I don’t go around saying things to the girls you like.”
“That’s because I don’t tell you who I like,” Michael pouted, rubbing his arm.
“Kids, kids, kids!” Rodney interjected. “Be nice. Lisa, if Michael’s telling the truth, I’ll be happy to share some of your cake. And Michael, it really isn’t a good idea to go around telling other people’s secrets. Sooner or later it’s going to backfire on you and trust me – it won’t be pretty. Now, don’t you all have some things you should be doing?”
Lisa beamed and Michael continued pouting as the troupe headed out of the commons and back to their own homes.
Kelly sidled up next to Rodney as he watched them go. “You’re handling them better than you used to,” he commented.
“Yeah, well, it’s kind of hard not to when you’re stuck with them every day for two and a half months,” Rodney replied. “They kind of grow on you.” Glancing at Kelly, Rodney said, “So, this whole festival thing… what’s it about?”
“What do you mean, ‘what’s it all about’?” Kelly replied, eyeing him suspiciously.
“I mean what I said,” Rodney said, turning to Kelly. “We’ve been running around like crazy for three weeks and no one will tell me what’s going on.”
Kelly rolled his eyes. “How can you not know about the tenth month festival? It’s the biggest event of the year! All of our trading partners will be coming to settle debts and renegotiate contracts.”
“You could’ve just said so,” Rodney said with a small huff. “That hardly sounds like a state secret. Does the sandstorm stop for the month too?”
“Actually, it does,” Kelly replied.
“Seriously?” Rodney asked in surprise. “Why didn’t you say so before?”
Kelly shrugged. “I’ve lived here my whole life, remember? For me, this is normal. You’ve been here not quite two cycles.”
Rodney nodded in agreement. “True. With the way everyone’s been going on about different aspects of it and such, it makes me think of Christmas.”
“Christmas?” Kelly replied, curious.
“It’s a major religious holiday where I’m from – lots of gift-giving and food. Though, we tend to not do business then.”
“Speaking of which – I’ve got to get moving if I’m going to be done in time. And Kirby wants to see you. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye,” Rodney replied as he headed over to Kirby. “You wanted to see me?” he asked.
“I do. Sit.” Once Rodney had settled himself on the other stool, Kirby gave him a hard, appraising look before saying, “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing okay,” Rodney replied calmly, trying to not let his worry that something was wrong show.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Why?” Rodney’s tone turned more hesitant. Maybe something was horribly wrong.
“I just feel that you’re trying to keep yourself from dealing with something in our meditation sessions and I wanted to check in with you on that.”
“Now?” Rodney asked, looking around.
“They won’t come over unless there’s an emergency, you know that. So, tell me.”
Rodney shrugged outwardly, inwardly relieved that nothing was wrong. “There isn’t really anything to tell. It’s just the same stuff we’ve been dealing with since we started.”
“Okay, you have two options – you can either tell me or you can go meditate on your own right now.”
“What the –?” Rodney stared at Kirby. “Are you threatening me with a time out?”
“You know me better than that, Rodney-kun. I can tell something’s been bothering you for the past couple of days and you know that I like for things to be dealt with right away.”
“Fine,” Rodney huffed, “I’ll go meditate.” He practically stomped into their quarters; his moccasins hushed by the sand and cloth and he wished he could slam the curtain to their quarters.
Once inside, Rodney looked around with a huff, unsure of what to do. How would explain, or meditate through for that matter, the fact that he wasn’t sure how to handle the way they treated him? Over the years, he had become so used to having to apologize for himself for one thing or another, or listen as he was berated for how much he had screwed something up, that he didn’t know how to react when the response was along the lines of, “Okay, what you did was wrong and you shouldn’t have done it, but I hope you learned from your mistake and here’s what you should do” and then that was the end of it. Nothing was held over his head here.
Rodney’s breath hitched as part of a sob escaped his lips. He brought a fist to his lips and bit the side of a finger as he sank to the floor, unconsciously crossing his legs and bringing his other arm up to support the first. He sniffed and covered his eyes as he let out a shaky breath. He wasn’t supposed to cry, he wasn’t supposed to cry, he wasn’t supposed to –
A muted sob escaped his lips as tears escaped his clenched eyelids and he brushed them away, but another sob and more tears followed. He couldn’t keep up the pretense that he was okay with how they treated him. For so long, he’d been able to scrape by with a ‘barely good enough’ in every department except for his genius, that the slow work his friends on Atlantis had started of showing him he was worthy as a person and a friend rapidly gained fruition here. And while Rodney had been ready for a long time for his genius to be noticed and loved, he wasn’t ready for the same thing to happen to himself.
As he cried, Rodney’s mind supplied him with memories of all the good times he had had with his “family” on Atlantis, as well as the good times and good things that had been said to him here. While the tears flowed, it felt like he was being put back together without the rough edges and personal negativity that he had been holding onto for years. For once, he felt like it was actually possible to hope that people could like him for himself and not just what he did.
Continue to Part 7
