SGA fic: Gaijin, Part 5/40
Dec. 10th, 2008 10:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeGaijin, Part 5/40
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I’m glad everyone’s finally gone home,” Kelly said to Rodney as their staffs clacked together in a familiar rhythm.
“What exactly happened this past month?” Rodney asked, easily blocking a thrust and countering with one of his own, hitting Kelly in the shin.
“Visitors,” was all Kelly replied as he stepped back and went to get a drink.
“A lot of visitors from what it seemed like,” Rodney replied, following him. “Were you so afraid that I’d try to escape that you put me on baby-sitting duty?”
“No,” Kelly replied as Rodney took a drink of water. “That was just circumstance – we needed someone and you were available. Plus, it’s a tradition that if we have a new adult addition to the tribe, he or she watches the children for his or her first tenth-month ceremony. For one thing, it helps us help them determine their vocation.”
“So, I’m going to be working with the silks?” Rodney asked, half-resigned, as he and Kelly headed out of the sparring cave.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” Kelly asked.
“No,” Rodney admitted. He had actually enjoyed being able to work the raw silk into a thread whenever he had some downtime. “It’s just….” He shrugged. “I don’t know what I thought.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kelly said with a smile. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”
“So, when do I start?” Rodney asked as they headed over to the yaks.
One came over as they approached the fence and butted Kelly in the chest with its nose. “The next class doesn’t start for a few months yet.” Kelly gave it a treat before going through the fence into the pen. “We wait until all the kids who are relatively the same age are twelve and start their apprenticeships at the same time. The last ones turn twelve in either four or five months. I’ll have to check.”
“What am I going to do until then?” Rodney asked almost plaintively, as he leaned against the railing. As good as being a gofer had been in helping him learn the language and meeting the people he was now living with, he didn’t want to go back to that if at all possible.
Kelly thought about it for a moment as he checked the feed buckets. “Well, I know that Kirby’s been looking for someone to apprentice to him for quite a while and no one’s come forward.”
“What about Jillian?” Rodney asked, perplexed. “She’s his daughter. Isn’t stuff like that normally hereditary?”
“Maybe where you’re from, but that’s not how we do it here. And she can’t because she’s apprenticing to the head of the glass guild. You definitely seem like you’ve got the head for it.”
Rodney glared at him and Kelly laughed.
“No, seriously. Remember when you took apart that lamp two months ago? I didn’t know half of what you were talking about when you tried to explain it, but you seemed to understand it perfectly.”
“Well, that was child’s play compared some of the things I fixed,” Rodney replied, confused when he felt a flush of pleased pride well up. He normally took any praise as his due, so what made this any different?
After making sure the water trough was filled, Kelly ducked back out of the pen and half-shrugged as they walked into the tent. “Still, I think you should consider it. It seems like it’d give you the mental challenge you like and I’m sure that Kirby could easily find enough things to keep you busy until the silk training starts. Want me to talk to him for you?”
Rodney shrugged. “Let me think about it.”
Kelly nodded. “Okay. But do think about it. I think it’d be a really good fit. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah, talk to you later,” Rodney replied. He went back into their tent and put away his staff.
He sat down on his cot and sighed. The past ten months had been… He sighed again as he toppled over onto his side. He wasn’t even sure what they had been. A much-needed vacation and intensive therapy session rolled into one?
Heightmeyer had always said that he needed to seriously confront his past if he wanted to get better. If only she could see him now – slaying his dragons on a regular basis using the meditation and enforced silences that Kirby had made him endure. Okay, true, he did feel much better now that he had been at it for a few months. His brain wasn’t always running to stay away from his past and he was surprised to find that he was sleeping better. But an even bigger surprise was that he hadn’t had a hypoglycemic episode since the first one, even though he ate less than he had on Atlantis but still expended about the amount of energy. And the fact that he had also dropped a few pounds in the process probably didn’t hurt either – not that he knew exactly how much, but the fact that the clothes he had come with were definitely on the loose side were a good indication.
He sighed as he turned onto his back and centered his breathing, starting to work through a relaxation exercise Jillian had taught him when she noticed he wasn’t sleeping well after Kirby had started Rodney’s meditation.
“Are you all right?” Kirby asked from the entry to the tent.
“Just fine,” Rodney replied, resuming his controlled breaths. “Just trying to work something out.”
“Okay. When you’re done, I’d like to talk with you about something,” Kirby replied before leaving.
Fuck, Rodney thought. Kelly must’ve put a bug in Kirby’s ear anyway. He blew out a puff of air and started the relaxation process again.
One thing he hadn’t yet been able to talk to anyone about – not even Kirby during meditation or Kelly while they were sparring – was how much it hurt that Atlantis hadn’t come back for him. He knew the odds of them finding him, though – he had worked them out in excruciating detail – but he had thought he’d be worth a little more than that, considering he had been the head of the science division and how many times he had saved them. He had even figured that John’s martyr “never leave a man behind” complex would have given them enough fuel to find him.
Rodney carefully balled those thoughts and feelings up and set them aside, willing himself to relax and think about more pressing matters. Even with how much he had teased Carson, deep-down Rodney did respect him and what he did. Being able to make clear-headed, split-second decisions – many times for people he cared about deeply – was a hard thing to do on the best of days, let alone when he was doing it in the field. Rodney wasn’t sure he’d be able to do that.
Memorize plants and their uses and the best way to stitch up a gash – that was easy enough. Rodney knew that learning that sort of thing would be a piece of cake. Actually using it on someone he knew…. That was something else all together.
But at the same time, his rational mind butted in, how many field emergencies did they really have here? The closest thing would be either Kelly or his father getting bit by one of the yaks or someone getting cut on a piece of glass or poking themselves with a needle, not to mention normal household accidents. Rodney doubted he’d have to sew up any lacerated stomachs from a bullet wound any time soon.
And it would be nice for Kirby to have some help. Even in a small population (three hundred people, Rodney had counted), there was always someone to tend. Rodney had seen that Kirby’s help went beyond the physical to include mental health, sometimes becoming a confessor and advisor. He had seen Kirby truly relax maybe twice in the past ten months.
Plus, Rodney figured, it was going to be a while before he could start training to do silk. This would give him something to do until then and if things didn’t work out, then he’d have a way out and Kirby could then start looking for someone else.
Mind made up, Rodney went out to talk to Kirby about his decision.
“Feeling better?” Kirby asked as Rodney sat down on the ‘patient’ stool.
Rodney shrugged. “Some. Can I talk to you?”
“Always,” Kirby replied. “What can I help you with?”
“I’d like to be your apprentice.” Rodney’s gaze flicked down to the floor and then stayed there. “Well, try to at any rate. I’m not sure if I’d be any good at it, but I’ve noticed that you don’t have any help and,” Rodney could feel himself start to babble and was powerless to stop it, “since I’m not going to be starting for silk production for another few months, I thought I’d ask about it and see what you thought.”
Kirby smiled. “I’d love to have you, Rodney-kun. And it would be great to have someone help me out.”
Rodney blinked at how easy that had been. “Just so you know – I’m not the best people-person.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied, his smile becoming more reassuring.
Rodney shifted uneasily on the stool. “So, ah, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“I had wanted to ask if you wanted to be my apprentice, but you beat me to it. Did Kelly-kun put you up to this?”
Rodney frowned, not sure where this was going, “Maybe… a little. Well, okay, not really. He just gave me the idea that you were looking for someone to help you. And I came to my own conclusions. Plus, hopefully this will help me pay you back for letting me stay with you and Jillian this past cycle. And, you know, for the future to – earn my keep and all that.”
Kirby laughed. “Between the two of you, sometimes I’m surprised you’re not getting into trouble. I wouldn’t be surprised if you two bond soon.”
“Bonded?” Rodney asked, curious.
“I’ll let him explain it if it comes to fruition. Let me go get some things and we’ll get started.”
“Does this mean I have to call you Kirby-sensei now?” Rodney asked as Kirby stood. He still wasn’t exactly sure how the titles they used worked, though he was slowly getting it.
“Only if you want to. I won’t be offended if you don’t.” He ducked into their quarters and returned a few minutes later with what looked like a large and nearly full leather messenger bag. “All right,” he said, sitting back down and placing the bag on the floor between his feet. “This isn’t going to be easy, so don’t complain when you’re frustrated – you won’t get any sympathy from me. Most people who take over this job do it from their twelfth cycle, the same as all the others, so you’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
“What happened to your apprentice?” Rodney couldn’t help asking.
“She was taken last year – she was Jillian’s age.”
“I’m sorry,” Rodney replied, knowing that there were a few families that were grieving taken loved ones this year. He had been puzzled by the fact that he hadn’t heard the distinct whine of Wraith darts, but had the distinct impression from Kirby’s expression that now wasn’t the time to ask.
“Thank you. We’ll start with diseases and plants and their uses, then move into setting bones, stitching up cuts, things of that nature, and then we’ll get into childbirth and dealing with other internal maladies that need outside intervention. Any questions?”
Rodney shook his head no, not sure if he *should* have questions. Kirby nodded brusquely in response as he moved to the floor, opened the bag and began setting out different plants. When he set out the thirteenth one and reached into the bag for another, Rodney wondered how screwed he was going to be and if it was too late to back out on account of being too old to learn a new profession.
Two months later, Rodney had taken back every mean thing he had ever said about Carson and his profession twenty times and was ready to do it for the twenty-first. If learning about two and a half dozen plant and herbs from the inside out in regards to their good and bad points, which other plants they did and didn’t work with, what sorts of people should and shouldn’t take them, all the different ways of how to prepare them to be used, and all the other various and sundry bits of information, along with who-knows-how-many diseases, Rodney was sure he was going crazy. He honestly had no idea how Carson did it with all the different drugs and illnesses they had, let alone all the other procedures he needed to know. If he ever had a chance to apologize in person, he was going to do it profusely and abjectly.
Kirby had been extremely patient with him, going over the plants again and again and again until Rodney could recite them and everything about them the same way he could recite the elements of the periodic table. When Kirby was confident that Rodney knew the plants inside and out, he began having him sit in on his consults and asking him the best course of action for the myriad of problems that presented themselves, using that time to test Rodney’s knowledge as well as teach him the ‘exceptions to the rule’ as they came up.
Rodney was surprised at how gracious and patient the other villagers were with him as he worked with them, knowing full well how utterly evil he himself had been to some of the medical interns he’d had to deal with over the years back on Earth.
As they got ready one morning after their meditation session, Kirby said, “You’ve been doing wonderfully, Rodney-kun. I think you’ll make a wonderful Healer.”
Rodney blushed lightly and ducked his head, grateful that Jillian had left early to look after Kyle. “Let’s just wait and see how the other parts of my training go first.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Seeing Rodney’s embarrassment, he asked, “Still not comfortable with simple praise?”
“I’m getting there,” Rodney replied. “You’ve heard a lot of what I’ve gone through.”
Kirby nodded in understanding. “It does take a lot to break down some walls that we erect around ourselves. I’ve seen it in others who we’ve adopted.”
“Have there been a lot?” Rodney asked out of sheer curiosity. There were one or two that he had figured were outside additions like himself, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything.
“Not many – maybe one or two a generation. Much like yourself, they come here and are caught in the sandstorm and we take them in. And also, much like you, they tend to have thick, high walls to protect themselves from their previous lives. I think that you’re well on your way to finding the peace and rest they’ve found here.”
Rodney wasn’t sure how to respond to that. As fond as he’d become of the Laprans and what they’d done for him – Kirby, Kelly, and Jillian specifically – he still wanted to go home. Besides, even with the progress he had already made, he figured it would take years for him to get through everything he had stored up.
Standing and picking up his bag and stool, Kirby asked, “Are you ready?”
“As much as I can be,” Rodney replied grabbing the other two stools.
Going outside, Kirby said, “I think you’ll be ready next week to start the next part of your training.”
“Seriously? I don’t know if I’m ready.” Learning about diseases and plants and how to use them medicinally was one thing. It was something else entirely to set bones and sew people up.
“I’m sure you’ll be ready. Now, starting today you’re going to be doing this on your own.”
Rodney gaped at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What makes you think I’m kidding? You’ve been doing this for over two months and you’ve got the information down very well. Every treatment you’ve told me has been correct. I have a feeling that if you were doing this in your native home, you’d be eager to do this alone.”
Rodney didn’t refute the statement as he asked, “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll be here to assist you, make sure you don’t kill anyone, that sort of thing.”
Rodney caught what Kirby said and replied, “You’re evil, you know that?”
“I have no idea of what you speak,” Kirby replied with a cheeky smile. “Here’s your first patient. Good morning, Jenna.”
“Good morning, Kirby-sensei, Rodney-kun.” She smiled as she sat down on the stool.
“Rodney will be helping you this morning.”
“Oh, he will, will he?” she replied, turning to him. “I knew it wouldn’t be long until you were treating people on your own,” she said to Rodney. “I figured you’d end up doing this back when you helped me that one day.”
“And how did you know that?” Rodney asked.
“An old woman knows these things,” she replied, tapping her temple and smiling. “Now, I’m here because I have a headache.”
“When did it start?”
“This morning when I woke up.”
“How much does it hurt?”
She glared at him. Enough that I’m here asking you to give me something.”
“Where exactly does it hurt?”
“Right in front.” She pointed to the middle of her forehead. “It’s like someone stuck a knife in there.”
“Okay.” Rodney opened Kirby’s medicine bag and pulled out a smaller pouch. Taking out a few small, dried leaves, he handed them over and said, “Make a strong tea with these and drink some now and then some at lunch and it should clear up your headache. If it doesn’t, come back and see me.”
“Thank you very much, Rodney-kun,” she said, standing. “I’m sure you’ll turn out to be just as good as your teacher.”
“She doesn’t have a headache,” Kirby quietly commented as she walked away.
“I know,” Rodney replied, “that’s why I gave her some mint leaves.”
“And what tipped you off?” Kirby asked.
“Whenever she complains of having a headache, it’s always in the back of her head and it’s radiating out to the sides. And those are from when she had a bad fall a number of years ago and hit her head. I think she just wanted to check me out.”
Kirby looked pleased. “Very good.”
That evening as he ate dinner with Kirby and Jillian, Rodney felt drained. It had been a long time since he’d spent the whole day around other people and he wasn’t used to it anymore. He had been sorely tempted to yell at a few people who let things go for too long without help, but he had otherwise enjoyed his day. The praise Kirby had given him – both subtle and overt – had felt very good, as had the thanks of everyone he had treated.
“What would your people think of what you’re doing now, Rodney?” Jillian asked.
Rodney shrugged. “They’d think I’ve gone crazy. I’ve never been a big fan of medicine and I tend to not take it seriously.” He looked down into his stew. “I can think of a few people who would use this as a way to get back at me for all the teasing I’ve given them about it.”
“Do you miss them?” she asked.
“What kind of question is that?” Rodney asked, head whipping up sharply. “Of course I miss them!” he replied vehemently. And Rodney was surprised at how much he actually meant it and how desperately he wanted to see them again, now that the words were out there.
“I was just curious,” she replied meekly, “since you haven’t spoken of them in quite a while.”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to keep talking about them when I haven’t seen them in twelve months and I’ve already rehashed all the good stories,” he replied indignantly.
“Rodney-kun!” Kirby interjected sharply, glaring at Rodney.
“I’m sorry,” Jillian said quietly. “I was only trying to make conversation.”
Rodney sighed. “I’m sorry too,” he replied. “I’m more homesick than I realized.” After a few minutes, Rodney sneaked a glance at Kirby, who was concentrating on finishing his stew. “Kirby, can I ask you something?” he asked after Jillian left to get water to clean up.
“You may, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied without looking up at him.
“Your, um, your apprentice – she wasn’t taken by the Wraith, was she?”
Kirby’s head jerked up as he looked at Rodney, alarmed. “What do you know about the Wraith?”
“Uh, they’re evil, life-sucking aliens. You guys aren’t Wraith sympathizers are you?”
“That would be impossible,” Kirby replied. “They haven’t been here in generations. Since the sandstorms started we haven’t had any problems with them. Since then, most people have come to believe that they’re just old tales used to scare naughty children. Only a few of us know that such creatures really do exist. I take it your people have had some experience with them?”
“Define some,” Rodney muttered. “Well, if the Wraith didn’t take her, who did?” he asked as Jillian came back in with two full buckets.
“The Korsans,” Kirby spat. “We used to have close ties to them – same as we do with the Morykos and the Nagdalis. But they became enraged when we told them that we wouldn’t be able to intermarry with them any longer. They weren’t suited to living in this type of environment and we weren’t suited to theirs and so, to keep more people from dying, we severed that part of the relationship with them. But a simple trading agreement wasn’t enough for them, so we cut them off from that too. The other tribes followed suit for the same reasons.”
“When that happened, they decided to start raiding us for food, supplies, and people to help supplement themselves,” Jillian added as she ladled the rest of the stew into a bowl and covered it for later. “They’ve done it every year since we kicked them out and they always do it after the tenth month festival finishes.”
“If they do it every year, why didn’t I know about it?” Rodney asked.
“Thankfully, they tend to stay away from the children,” Jillian replied as she started washing out the pot. “I only heard the last bit about Jerris. Do your people have stories of the Wraith, Rodney?”
Rodney was surprised that she actually sounded intrigued. “We do,” he replied warily.
“I would really like to hear them. I find them to be quite intriguing.”
“I doubt you’d say that if you met one up close and personal.”
Jillian stopped washing and looked up at Rodney excited. “Could you tell me some of your stories?”
“Hush, Jillian-chan,” Kirby said. “Rodney-kun’s tired. Maybe tomorrow if he feels up to it.”
Rodney couldn’t help but nod, relieved that he didn’t have to do it now, though he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to relive his experiences with the Wraith – period.
After dinner, Rodney joined Kelly, Jillian, and two other people their age in a game of dice. And Rodney lost miserably, much to Kelly and Jillian’s delight.
“Are you all right?” Kelly whispered as Jillian took her next turn.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Rodney replied, wiping a hand over his face. “I’m just exhausted.”
“Then why don’t you get some sleep?”
Rodney shook his head. “I can’t. My mind’s going too much.”
“Then meditate first. That usually calms me down.”
Rodney smiled inwardly at Kelly’s matter-of-factness about the meditation. Plus, he doubts that Kelly’s truly serious about ever having trouble falling asleep. “I think that would wind things up more.”
“Then remind me I need to talk to you tomorrow,” Kelly replied. “I wanted to talk to you tonight, but you look dead on your feet.”
“I feel like it. I think I’m going to get some sleep,” he said as he stood and Jillian cheered when she realized she had won the game after totaling up her points.
“You don’t want to play again, Rodney-kun?” she asked.
He shook his head. “If I don’t get to bed right now, I’m going to fall asleep here. Good night, everyone.”
A chorus of ‘good night’s followed him into Kirby and Jillian’s quarters. Even after all this time, it was still weird thinking of it as his as well, even though it seemed like everyone else considered it to be so.
Laying down on his cot completely dressed, Rodney sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. He sniffed. Sniffing again, he absently wiped away an escaping pair of tears. Rodney drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly as more tears followed the first two, his breath hitching at the end.
They really weren’t coming for him. It was that simple. It’d been twelve months with nothing and Elizabeth wouldn’t let it go longer than this, if she had let things go even this long. Rodney knew deep down that he should have figured this out a long time ago, but he had always had a sliver of optimism that he liked to hold onto in even the direst situations. But he could feel that optimism slipping away as he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head into his pillow, sobbing more freely now that the noise would be muffled and he wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else’s pity.
Rodney grieved for Atlantis, not out of any sort of egotistical pride because Zelenka was more than up to the task of protecting their city when it came down to it, but because he knew that they were going to face tough times. And he grieved for himself, that he would never be able to rejoin the first real family he’d ever had and because he was stuck on a backwater planet with technology well beneath his genius and weird people who didn’t understand the insanity of their situation.
He’d never be able to spar physically with Ronon or verbally with Zelenka again. Or admire Teyla and Elizabeth for their grace and strength. Or be with John. That’s what hurt the most. He’d never get to find out what happened between John and himself. Or see John’s smile, hear his laugh, watch him light up like a kid on Christmas when the city revealed a new and exciting part of herself.
Rodney let himself cry out his grief at losing Atlantis and having to close that door in his life much sooner than he wanted. Then he took deep, cleansing breaths as he gathered those parts of himself and locked them away deep inside. This was his life now and it wouldn’t help anything if he had errant thoughts or feelings for Atlantis and her inhabitants rolling around loose inside. Rodney slowly drifted into a deep, cleansing sleep.
“How do you feel?” Kirby asked the next morning as he and Rodney sat down to meditate. “I trust you feel better after last night?”
Rodney stared at Kirby for a moment, wanting to be offended that Kirby had heard him but found that he wasn’t, before replying, “Yeah, I feel good. I think I finally hit one of those breaking points you were talking about. I’m ready to get started.” And, actually, Rodney felt ready for a lot of things, as if he could feel the possibilities that might exist here.
Kirby studied him, then nodded once and said, “Good. Let’s begin. Close your eyes and deepen your breaths. Find that calm, quiet place inside of you and rest in it.”
Rodney followed Kirby’s quiet instructions and easily centered himself. He laughed internally at how easily he was able to now do what had been a monumental struggle of epic proportions when Kirby had first started making him meditate. Exhaling, he began telling Kirby about the first memory that came to mind and Kirby lightly guided him in releasing himself from it.
When they finished, Kirby smiled and said, “One day you’ll be doing this for someone else.”
“I doubt it,” Rodney replied with a grimace. “I’m sure I’ll have enough neuroses to keep me going on my own for a long, long time.”
“Perfect people make the worst teachers,” Kirby replied.
“Except for you maybe,” Rodney replied. “I doubt there’s anything you could have done that would make you a flawed man.”
“People can surprise you, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied, shoving himself up. “When you first woke up, I doubted you’d be able to make it here, but look at you now – you’re starting to thrive.”
Rodney blushed and ducked his head as also he stood. “I don’t know about *that*. Getting by, sure. Thriving? Eh, I’d like a second opinion.”
“Be careful, I just may get one for you, seeing as how I am comparable to your people’s doctors,” Kirby joked.
“And then I’ll just heedlessly ignore both opinions, just like I always have back home,” Rodney countered lightly with a smile. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“We’re going to start with covering how to set broken bones and then, depending on how long that takes, either after we finish that or tomorrow we’ll start working on stitching up wounds.”
Rodney swallowed audibly at that. He hoped he could hold back how squeamish he was about both broken bones and wounds that were bad enough that they required stitches. He and Jeannie had both been to the emergency room more than once for a broken bone and once each for stitches – a lot of them, and oddly enough for different incidents, even though they were both involved in both of them. And then when he got to Atlantis, he and the rest of the team had been tended to more than once for stitches.
“Don’t give me that look,” Kirby said. “I know you’ll get through this just fine.”
“I’m glad one of us does,” Rodney replied.
Kirby shook his head before saying, “Sometimes I wonder how someone who can be such a forceful blusterer can also be so uncomfortable in his own skin and unsure of his own abilities.”
“Then you obviously haven’t been listening all these months when you’ve had me tell you what I’m thinking.”
“Oh, I’ve been listening,” Kirby said, sitting down on his stool. “I simply don’t understand you, Rodney-kun.”
“Where’s your staff?” Rodney asked when Kelly showed up that afternoon.
“In my quarters,” Kelly replied as if it was the most evident thing in the world. “We’re not practicing today.”
“What’s wrong?” Rodney asked, worried.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Kelly replied as Rodney put his staff away. “I thought it might be nice for you to have a day off. Plus, I think it’s time you made your own staff.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Rodney asked, but still hoping Kelly was telling him the truth.
“Nope. You’ve been doing really well and I think you’re ready. After this you’ll be able to spar with others – which I think will be what you need to help you improve.”
“This is just – wow.” Rodney grinned, following Kelly as they headed into the caves. “Hey, last night you said you wanted to talk to me about something?”
“Yes, I, um,” Kelly quickly licked his lips and Rodney could see the nervous tension bunching in his shoulders. “Let’s go down to the pools.”
“Okay,” Rodney replied, willing to let Kelly direct this conversation since he had no clue what was going on.
They sat on the side of the bathing pool and took off their moccasins and rolled up their pant legs before letting their legs dangle in the water. Rodney waited much more patiently than he thought he was capable of while Kelly collected his thoughts.
“I know that this will sound weird to you,” Kelly finally started, “but I’ve thought this through completely and I hope you’ll do so as well before giving me an answer.” He looked at Rodney shyly as he said, “I consider us to be very good friends and I hope that you do as well. I’d like to have a binding ceremony.”
“A binding ceremony?” Rodney asked, confused. “Is that like marriage or something?”
“Or something – though there are some similarities,” Kelly replied with a small smile. “I don’t know about your customs on such matters, but here it’s common for two friends who are very close to make their friendship stronger by having a binding ceremony.”
“Yeah, we don’t do that,” Rodney replied. “We kind of take it for granted.”
Kelly’s brow furrowed. “Then how do you honor such an important relationship?”
Rodney shrugged. “We just kind of know. We tend to spend more time with that person than our other friends, tell them things we wouldn’t tell just anyone, seek their advice on things.”
“That’s not so different then,” Kelly said, sounding more confident. “And yet you do nothing to honor that?”
Rodney shook his head. “Not really, no.”
“Your people are weird, Rodney-chan.”
“So I’ve been told,” Rodney replied with a smile. “Can I think about it?”
“Sure,” Kelly replied easily. “And don’t feel weird if you have questions – I’m more than happy to explain things to you.”
Rodney nodded silently, not sure exactly what to think. He figured that John was the closest thing to a best friend that Rodney had ever had. There were times when they exasperated the hell out of each other and even argued, not to mention the whole Doranda incident, but their friendship had grown easily and naturally. And at the end of the day, Rodney knew that John always had his back and that they were still friends. Rodney hoped that John knew that Rodney felt the same way.
They had also had some really good times – both on missions and in Atlantis. And John *had* been the one Rodney had gone to when he was thinking about asking out Katie Brown – well, before Lt Cadman had gotten stuck in his brain. And there had been a few times when Rodney thought John was going to confide in him, but John always took it back before anything got past his lips.
On the flip side, while he was flattered that Kelly thought so highly of him; sometimes it felt like Kelly’s friendship was more out of necessity than an actual desire to be friends with him. Rodney did genuinely like him, but sometimes he felt like they were so close only because the closeness in age had fostered a sense of intimacy that had helped develop to their friendship more fully than it otherwise might have. Rodney sighed as he realized that this might actually be a harder decision than he had planned.
Rodney thought about it for a few more days, unable to come to a decision. The hope he’d seen on Kelly’s face was something he didn’t want to damage. But he was afraid that they wouldn’t be able to make it work and then they’d be stuck with no way out. And he didn’t want to do that to Kelly.
“What is it, Rodney-kun?” Jillian asked while they were eating dinner.
“Kelly asked me to…bind with him? Is that right?” Rodney looked between Kirby and Jillian.
They both grinned and Kirby said, “That’s great news! When did he ask you?”
“About a week ago.”
“So what’s the problem?” Jillian asked.
Rodney shrugged. “It just feels weird, since we don’t have something like this at home. I don’t want to take advantage of his friendship.”
“Believe me, you’re not taking advantage,” Kirby replied. “Being bound to someone is almost as sacred to us as marriage and we make sure we’re personally ready and know why we want it before we even think about asking the other person.”
“Oh,” Rodney replied.
“I’m really happy for you,” Jillian said, grinning. “I always knew you and Kelly would be bonded.”
Rodney just shrugged his eyebrows as he went back to eating. He still wasn’t sure how to respond to the whole situation.
The bonding issue got pushed to the back of Rodney’s mind as his medical training intensified. As he stitched up his second cut, he decided that he was definitely apologizing to Carson and getting him some sort of “please forgive me gift” – maybe a fruit basket.
From stitching people up, they moved on to minor surgery and, finally, pregnancy and delivery. Most of the work that they did was theoretical, with a lot of lecturing and some startlingly exact drawings. This was the point where Rodney was surprised to realize that the Laprans didn’t actually have a written language. He knew that their history was preserved orally and he had seen Kirby and some of the elders pouring over some scrolls when they were setting up a marriage, but otherwise, he hadn’t had a reason to think about it, one way or the other. And as he studied the drawings, he was surprised at how perfectly detailed the pictures were. (This being something else he had to thank Carson for – he had routinely plunked down medical books in front of Rodney and told him to be quiet when he was in the infirmary for extended stays and not allowed to do work. At the time, Rodney had thought of it as punishment, now he was grateful.)
“How are you feeling, Lillian?” Kirby asked, gently touching the woman’s distended belly. “Any problems? Pain?”
She shook her head as she smiled. “Everything’s been fine. The baby’s been kicking a lot, but otherwise things have been fine.”
“That’s good. You should be due any day now, so I want you to keep up what you’ve been doing and get over here as soon as the birthing pains start.” He and Rodney helped her stand. “Otherwise –”
“I need help!” Harry said breathlessly, running up to them. “Henry’s cut his leg open on a piece of glass and it’s bleeding bad.”
“Finish up with Lillian,” Kirby said as he gathered up what he needed and followed Harry.
Rodney nodded mutely as he steadied Lillian and said, “Otherwise, we’ll see you in two days.”
She nodded and said, “Thank you, Rodney.” She got as far as the entrance to Rodney’s borough before doubling-over in pain.
Rodney rushed over to her. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“My water broke,” she said as she slowly straightened, before putting a hand on her stomach and grimacing in pain.
“Should I get anyone?” Rodney asked, knowing she’d want someone close to her to help.
“Laura,” she gasped, “my bond friend.”
Seeing a young boy nearby watching them, he said, “Kieran – go get Laura.” When the boy gaped a moment, Rodney snapped, “Now!” which moved him into action.
Rodney ushered her back to Kirby’s area and had her pace while he got the necessary items ready and partitioned off the area. There wasn’t anywhere to really seclude themselves, so this would have to do. Rodney breathed deeply, trying to keep calm. He mentally went over everything Kirby had taught him and what he had seen when Jerri had gone into labor a few weeks before. Rodney hoped that Lillian’s labor was as easy as her pregnancy had been.
Laura burst through the curtain with a bag and hugged Lillian tearfully. They talked quietly for a moment before another contraction hit. She sat down on the birthing chair and started breathing deeply.
As Rodney and Laura helped her through the birth, Rodney felt like he was on autopilot. The steps of when to give her what and what to do when and in case of X came to him easily as they worked and soon he was relaxing as Lillian was holding a baby girl swathed in swaddling clothes and she and Laura were talking quietly and happily.
While he cleaned up, Rodney kept sneaking glances at them and couldn’t help but see the closeness that they exuded. And he couldn’t help remembering that Kelly had offered him the same type of relationship. He knew now that the only answer he had for that was ‘yes’.
When Kirby came back a while later, bloody and looking weary, the first thing said was Rodney’s, “How’s Henry?”
“He’s weak, but fine,” Kirby replied, sounding as tired as he looked, as he washed his hands. “I see everything went okay here?” he asked, looking over at Lillian and the baby, who were asleep on an extra cot and Jillian, who was keeping watch over them.
“Surprisingly, yeah.”
“I’m not surprised,” Kirby replied proudly. “I knew you’d be able to do it.”
“I have to go talk to Kelly,” Rodney quickly said, wanting an escape from where the conversation might go.
Kirby nodded and shooed him off.
Rodney went to Kelly’s quarters and hailed them before entering.
“What can I do for you?” Kelly asked, standing from where he was putting some things in his trunk.
“My answer’s yes,” Rodney blurted out, not sure how else to say it.
Kelly’s face lit up and he hugged Rodney, surprising him with the touch. “I promise you won’t regret this. Now we just have to plan the ceremony.”
Rodney couldn’t help but laugh as he wondered exactly what he had gotten himself into.
Continue to Part 6
The complete header can be found in part 1.
Previous parts can be found here.
“I’m glad everyone’s finally gone home,” Kelly said to Rodney as their staffs clacked together in a familiar rhythm.
“What exactly happened this past month?” Rodney asked, easily blocking a thrust and countering with one of his own, hitting Kelly in the shin.
“Visitors,” was all Kelly replied as he stepped back and went to get a drink.
“A lot of visitors from what it seemed like,” Rodney replied, following him. “Were you so afraid that I’d try to escape that you put me on baby-sitting duty?”
“No,” Kelly replied as Rodney took a drink of water. “That was just circumstance – we needed someone and you were available. Plus, it’s a tradition that if we have a new adult addition to the tribe, he or she watches the children for his or her first tenth-month ceremony. For one thing, it helps us help them determine their vocation.”
“So, I’m going to be working with the silks?” Rodney asked, half-resigned, as he and Kelly headed out of the sparring cave.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” Kelly asked.
“No,” Rodney admitted. He had actually enjoyed being able to work the raw silk into a thread whenever he had some downtime. “It’s just….” He shrugged. “I don’t know what I thought.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kelly said with a smile. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”
“So, when do I start?” Rodney asked as they headed over to the yaks.
One came over as they approached the fence and butted Kelly in the chest with its nose. “The next class doesn’t start for a few months yet.” Kelly gave it a treat before going through the fence into the pen. “We wait until all the kids who are relatively the same age are twelve and start their apprenticeships at the same time. The last ones turn twelve in either four or five months. I’ll have to check.”
“What am I going to do until then?” Rodney asked almost plaintively, as he leaned against the railing. As good as being a gofer had been in helping him learn the language and meeting the people he was now living with, he didn’t want to go back to that if at all possible.
Kelly thought about it for a moment as he checked the feed buckets. “Well, I know that Kirby’s been looking for someone to apprentice to him for quite a while and no one’s come forward.”
“What about Jillian?” Rodney asked, perplexed. “She’s his daughter. Isn’t stuff like that normally hereditary?”
“Maybe where you’re from, but that’s not how we do it here. And she can’t because she’s apprenticing to the head of the glass guild. You definitely seem like you’ve got the head for it.”
Rodney glared at him and Kelly laughed.
“No, seriously. Remember when you took apart that lamp two months ago? I didn’t know half of what you were talking about when you tried to explain it, but you seemed to understand it perfectly.”
“Well, that was child’s play compared some of the things I fixed,” Rodney replied, confused when he felt a flush of pleased pride well up. He normally took any praise as his due, so what made this any different?
After making sure the water trough was filled, Kelly ducked back out of the pen and half-shrugged as they walked into the tent. “Still, I think you should consider it. It seems like it’d give you the mental challenge you like and I’m sure that Kirby could easily find enough things to keep you busy until the silk training starts. Want me to talk to him for you?”
Rodney shrugged. “Let me think about it.”
Kelly nodded. “Okay. But do think about it. I think it’d be a really good fit. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah, talk to you later,” Rodney replied. He went back into their tent and put away his staff.
He sat down on his cot and sighed. The past ten months had been… He sighed again as he toppled over onto his side. He wasn’t even sure what they had been. A much-needed vacation and intensive therapy session rolled into one?
Heightmeyer had always said that he needed to seriously confront his past if he wanted to get better. If only she could see him now – slaying his dragons on a regular basis using the meditation and enforced silences that Kirby had made him endure. Okay, true, he did feel much better now that he had been at it for a few months. His brain wasn’t always running to stay away from his past and he was surprised to find that he was sleeping better. But an even bigger surprise was that he hadn’t had a hypoglycemic episode since the first one, even though he ate less than he had on Atlantis but still expended about the amount of energy. And the fact that he had also dropped a few pounds in the process probably didn’t hurt either – not that he knew exactly how much, but the fact that the clothes he had come with were definitely on the loose side were a good indication.
He sighed as he turned onto his back and centered his breathing, starting to work through a relaxation exercise Jillian had taught him when she noticed he wasn’t sleeping well after Kirby had started Rodney’s meditation.
“Are you all right?” Kirby asked from the entry to the tent.
“Just fine,” Rodney replied, resuming his controlled breaths. “Just trying to work something out.”
“Okay. When you’re done, I’d like to talk with you about something,” Kirby replied before leaving.
Fuck, Rodney thought. Kelly must’ve put a bug in Kirby’s ear anyway. He blew out a puff of air and started the relaxation process again.
One thing he hadn’t yet been able to talk to anyone about – not even Kirby during meditation or Kelly while they were sparring – was how much it hurt that Atlantis hadn’t come back for him. He knew the odds of them finding him, though – he had worked them out in excruciating detail – but he had thought he’d be worth a little more than that, considering he had been the head of the science division and how many times he had saved them. He had even figured that John’s martyr “never leave a man behind” complex would have given them enough fuel to find him.
Rodney carefully balled those thoughts and feelings up and set them aside, willing himself to relax and think about more pressing matters. Even with how much he had teased Carson, deep-down Rodney did respect him and what he did. Being able to make clear-headed, split-second decisions – many times for people he cared about deeply – was a hard thing to do on the best of days, let alone when he was doing it in the field. Rodney wasn’t sure he’d be able to do that.
Memorize plants and their uses and the best way to stitch up a gash – that was easy enough. Rodney knew that learning that sort of thing would be a piece of cake. Actually using it on someone he knew…. That was something else all together.
But at the same time, his rational mind butted in, how many field emergencies did they really have here? The closest thing would be either Kelly or his father getting bit by one of the yaks or someone getting cut on a piece of glass or poking themselves with a needle, not to mention normal household accidents. Rodney doubted he’d have to sew up any lacerated stomachs from a bullet wound any time soon.
And it would be nice for Kirby to have some help. Even in a small population (three hundred people, Rodney had counted), there was always someone to tend. Rodney had seen that Kirby’s help went beyond the physical to include mental health, sometimes becoming a confessor and advisor. He had seen Kirby truly relax maybe twice in the past ten months.
Plus, Rodney figured, it was going to be a while before he could start training to do silk. This would give him something to do until then and if things didn’t work out, then he’d have a way out and Kirby could then start looking for someone else.
Mind made up, Rodney went out to talk to Kirby about his decision.
“Feeling better?” Kirby asked as Rodney sat down on the ‘patient’ stool.
Rodney shrugged. “Some. Can I talk to you?”
“Always,” Kirby replied. “What can I help you with?”
“I’d like to be your apprentice.” Rodney’s gaze flicked down to the floor and then stayed there. “Well, try to at any rate. I’m not sure if I’d be any good at it, but I’ve noticed that you don’t have any help and,” Rodney could feel himself start to babble and was powerless to stop it, “since I’m not going to be starting for silk production for another few months, I thought I’d ask about it and see what you thought.”
Kirby smiled. “I’d love to have you, Rodney-kun. And it would be great to have someone help me out.”
Rodney blinked at how easy that had been. “Just so you know – I’m not the best people-person.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied, his smile becoming more reassuring.
Rodney shifted uneasily on the stool. “So, ah, what did you want to talk to me about?”
“I had wanted to ask if you wanted to be my apprentice, but you beat me to it. Did Kelly-kun put you up to this?”
Rodney frowned, not sure where this was going, “Maybe… a little. Well, okay, not really. He just gave me the idea that you were looking for someone to help you. And I came to my own conclusions. Plus, hopefully this will help me pay you back for letting me stay with you and Jillian this past cycle. And, you know, for the future to – earn my keep and all that.”
Kirby laughed. “Between the two of you, sometimes I’m surprised you’re not getting into trouble. I wouldn’t be surprised if you two bond soon.”
“Bonded?” Rodney asked, curious.
“I’ll let him explain it if it comes to fruition. Let me go get some things and we’ll get started.”
“Does this mean I have to call you Kirby-sensei now?” Rodney asked as Kirby stood. He still wasn’t exactly sure how the titles they used worked, though he was slowly getting it.
“Only if you want to. I won’t be offended if you don’t.” He ducked into their quarters and returned a few minutes later with what looked like a large and nearly full leather messenger bag. “All right,” he said, sitting back down and placing the bag on the floor between his feet. “This isn’t going to be easy, so don’t complain when you’re frustrated – you won’t get any sympathy from me. Most people who take over this job do it from their twelfth cycle, the same as all the others, so you’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
“What happened to your apprentice?” Rodney couldn’t help asking.
“She was taken last year – she was Jillian’s age.”
“I’m sorry,” Rodney replied, knowing that there were a few families that were grieving taken loved ones this year. He had been puzzled by the fact that he hadn’t heard the distinct whine of Wraith darts, but had the distinct impression from Kirby’s expression that now wasn’t the time to ask.
“Thank you. We’ll start with diseases and plants and their uses, then move into setting bones, stitching up cuts, things of that nature, and then we’ll get into childbirth and dealing with other internal maladies that need outside intervention. Any questions?”
Rodney shook his head no, not sure if he *should* have questions. Kirby nodded brusquely in response as he moved to the floor, opened the bag and began setting out different plants. When he set out the thirteenth one and reached into the bag for another, Rodney wondered how screwed he was going to be and if it was too late to back out on account of being too old to learn a new profession.
Two months later, Rodney had taken back every mean thing he had ever said about Carson and his profession twenty times and was ready to do it for the twenty-first. If learning about two and a half dozen plant and herbs from the inside out in regards to their good and bad points, which other plants they did and didn’t work with, what sorts of people should and shouldn’t take them, all the different ways of how to prepare them to be used, and all the other various and sundry bits of information, along with who-knows-how-many diseases, Rodney was sure he was going crazy. He honestly had no idea how Carson did it with all the different drugs and illnesses they had, let alone all the other procedures he needed to know. If he ever had a chance to apologize in person, he was going to do it profusely and abjectly.
Kirby had been extremely patient with him, going over the plants again and again and again until Rodney could recite them and everything about them the same way he could recite the elements of the periodic table. When Kirby was confident that Rodney knew the plants inside and out, he began having him sit in on his consults and asking him the best course of action for the myriad of problems that presented themselves, using that time to test Rodney’s knowledge as well as teach him the ‘exceptions to the rule’ as they came up.
Rodney was surprised at how gracious and patient the other villagers were with him as he worked with them, knowing full well how utterly evil he himself had been to some of the medical interns he’d had to deal with over the years back on Earth.
As they got ready one morning after their meditation session, Kirby said, “You’ve been doing wonderfully, Rodney-kun. I think you’ll make a wonderful Healer.”
Rodney blushed lightly and ducked his head, grateful that Jillian had left early to look after Kyle. “Let’s just wait and see how the other parts of my training go first.”
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” Seeing Rodney’s embarrassment, he asked, “Still not comfortable with simple praise?”
“I’m getting there,” Rodney replied. “You’ve heard a lot of what I’ve gone through.”
Kirby nodded in understanding. “It does take a lot to break down some walls that we erect around ourselves. I’ve seen it in others who we’ve adopted.”
“Have there been a lot?” Rodney asked out of sheer curiosity. There were one or two that he had figured were outside additions like himself, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything.
“Not many – maybe one or two a generation. Much like yourself, they come here and are caught in the sandstorm and we take them in. And also, much like you, they tend to have thick, high walls to protect themselves from their previous lives. I think that you’re well on your way to finding the peace and rest they’ve found here.”
Rodney wasn’t sure how to respond to that. As fond as he’d become of the Laprans and what they’d done for him – Kirby, Kelly, and Jillian specifically – he still wanted to go home. Besides, even with the progress he had already made, he figured it would take years for him to get through everything he had stored up.
Standing and picking up his bag and stool, Kirby asked, “Are you ready?”
“As much as I can be,” Rodney replied grabbing the other two stools.
Going outside, Kirby said, “I think you’ll be ready next week to start the next part of your training.”
“Seriously? I don’t know if I’m ready.” Learning about diseases and plants and how to use them medicinally was one thing. It was something else entirely to set bones and sew people up.
“I’m sure you’ll be ready. Now, starting today you’re going to be doing this on your own.”
Rodney gaped at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What makes you think I’m kidding? You’ve been doing this for over two months and you’ve got the information down very well. Every treatment you’ve told me has been correct. I have a feeling that if you were doing this in your native home, you’d be eager to do this alone.”
Rodney didn’t refute the statement as he asked, “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll be here to assist you, make sure you don’t kill anyone, that sort of thing.”
Rodney caught what Kirby said and replied, “You’re evil, you know that?”
“I have no idea of what you speak,” Kirby replied with a cheeky smile. “Here’s your first patient. Good morning, Jenna.”
“Good morning, Kirby-sensei, Rodney-kun.” She smiled as she sat down on the stool.
“Rodney will be helping you this morning.”
“Oh, he will, will he?” she replied, turning to him. “I knew it wouldn’t be long until you were treating people on your own,” she said to Rodney. “I figured you’d end up doing this back when you helped me that one day.”
“And how did you know that?” Rodney asked.
“An old woman knows these things,” she replied, tapping her temple and smiling. “Now, I’m here because I have a headache.”
“When did it start?”
“This morning when I woke up.”
“How much does it hurt?”
She glared at him. Enough that I’m here asking you to give me something.”
“Where exactly does it hurt?”
“Right in front.” She pointed to the middle of her forehead. “It’s like someone stuck a knife in there.”
“Okay.” Rodney opened Kirby’s medicine bag and pulled out a smaller pouch. Taking out a few small, dried leaves, he handed them over and said, “Make a strong tea with these and drink some now and then some at lunch and it should clear up your headache. If it doesn’t, come back and see me.”
“Thank you very much, Rodney-kun,” she said, standing. “I’m sure you’ll turn out to be just as good as your teacher.”
“She doesn’t have a headache,” Kirby quietly commented as she walked away.
“I know,” Rodney replied, “that’s why I gave her some mint leaves.”
“And what tipped you off?” Kirby asked.
“Whenever she complains of having a headache, it’s always in the back of her head and it’s radiating out to the sides. And those are from when she had a bad fall a number of years ago and hit her head. I think she just wanted to check me out.”
Kirby looked pleased. “Very good.”
That evening as he ate dinner with Kirby and Jillian, Rodney felt drained. It had been a long time since he’d spent the whole day around other people and he wasn’t used to it anymore. He had been sorely tempted to yell at a few people who let things go for too long without help, but he had otherwise enjoyed his day. The praise Kirby had given him – both subtle and overt – had felt very good, as had the thanks of everyone he had treated.
“What would your people think of what you’re doing now, Rodney?” Jillian asked.
Rodney shrugged. “They’d think I’ve gone crazy. I’ve never been a big fan of medicine and I tend to not take it seriously.” He looked down into his stew. “I can think of a few people who would use this as a way to get back at me for all the teasing I’ve given them about it.”
“Do you miss them?” she asked.
“What kind of question is that?” Rodney asked, head whipping up sharply. “Of course I miss them!” he replied vehemently. And Rodney was surprised at how much he actually meant it and how desperately he wanted to see them again, now that the words were out there.
“I was just curious,” she replied meekly, “since you haven’t spoken of them in quite a while.”
“Well, it’s kind of hard to keep talking about them when I haven’t seen them in twelve months and I’ve already rehashed all the good stories,” he replied indignantly.
“Rodney-kun!” Kirby interjected sharply, glaring at Rodney.
“I’m sorry,” Jillian said quietly. “I was only trying to make conversation.”
Rodney sighed. “I’m sorry too,” he replied. “I’m more homesick than I realized.” After a few minutes, Rodney sneaked a glance at Kirby, who was concentrating on finishing his stew. “Kirby, can I ask you something?” he asked after Jillian left to get water to clean up.
“You may, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied without looking up at him.
“Your, um, your apprentice – she wasn’t taken by the Wraith, was she?”
Kirby’s head jerked up as he looked at Rodney, alarmed. “What do you know about the Wraith?”
“Uh, they’re evil, life-sucking aliens. You guys aren’t Wraith sympathizers are you?”
“That would be impossible,” Kirby replied. “They haven’t been here in generations. Since the sandstorms started we haven’t had any problems with them. Since then, most people have come to believe that they’re just old tales used to scare naughty children. Only a few of us know that such creatures really do exist. I take it your people have had some experience with them?”
“Define some,” Rodney muttered. “Well, if the Wraith didn’t take her, who did?” he asked as Jillian came back in with two full buckets.
“The Korsans,” Kirby spat. “We used to have close ties to them – same as we do with the Morykos and the Nagdalis. But they became enraged when we told them that we wouldn’t be able to intermarry with them any longer. They weren’t suited to living in this type of environment and we weren’t suited to theirs and so, to keep more people from dying, we severed that part of the relationship with them. But a simple trading agreement wasn’t enough for them, so we cut them off from that too. The other tribes followed suit for the same reasons.”
“When that happened, they decided to start raiding us for food, supplies, and people to help supplement themselves,” Jillian added as she ladled the rest of the stew into a bowl and covered it for later. “They’ve done it every year since we kicked them out and they always do it after the tenth month festival finishes.”
“If they do it every year, why didn’t I know about it?” Rodney asked.
“Thankfully, they tend to stay away from the children,” Jillian replied as she started washing out the pot. “I only heard the last bit about Jerris. Do your people have stories of the Wraith, Rodney?”
Rodney was surprised that she actually sounded intrigued. “We do,” he replied warily.
“I would really like to hear them. I find them to be quite intriguing.”
“I doubt you’d say that if you met one up close and personal.”
Jillian stopped washing and looked up at Rodney excited. “Could you tell me some of your stories?”
“Hush, Jillian-chan,” Kirby said. “Rodney-kun’s tired. Maybe tomorrow if he feels up to it.”
Rodney couldn’t help but nod, relieved that he didn’t have to do it now, though he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to relive his experiences with the Wraith – period.
After dinner, Rodney joined Kelly, Jillian, and two other people their age in a game of dice. And Rodney lost miserably, much to Kelly and Jillian’s delight.
“Are you all right?” Kelly whispered as Jillian took her next turn.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” Rodney replied, wiping a hand over his face. “I’m just exhausted.”
“Then why don’t you get some sleep?”
Rodney shook his head. “I can’t. My mind’s going too much.”
“Then meditate first. That usually calms me down.”
Rodney smiled inwardly at Kelly’s matter-of-factness about the meditation. Plus, he doubts that Kelly’s truly serious about ever having trouble falling asleep. “I think that would wind things up more.”
“Then remind me I need to talk to you tomorrow,” Kelly replied. “I wanted to talk to you tonight, but you look dead on your feet.”
“I feel like it. I think I’m going to get some sleep,” he said as he stood and Jillian cheered when she realized she had won the game after totaling up her points.
“You don’t want to play again, Rodney-kun?” she asked.
He shook his head. “If I don’t get to bed right now, I’m going to fall asleep here. Good night, everyone.”
A chorus of ‘good night’s followed him into Kirby and Jillian’s quarters. Even after all this time, it was still weird thinking of it as his as well, even though it seemed like everyone else considered it to be so.
Laying down on his cot completely dressed, Rodney sighed as he stared up at the ceiling. He sniffed. Sniffing again, he absently wiped away an escaping pair of tears. Rodney drew in a shaky breath and let it out slowly as more tears followed the first two, his breath hitching at the end.
They really weren’t coming for him. It was that simple. It’d been twelve months with nothing and Elizabeth wouldn’t let it go longer than this, if she had let things go even this long. Rodney knew deep down that he should have figured this out a long time ago, but he had always had a sliver of optimism that he liked to hold onto in even the direst situations. But he could feel that optimism slipping away as he rolled over onto his stomach and buried his head into his pillow, sobbing more freely now that the noise would be muffled and he wouldn’t have to deal with anyone else’s pity.
Rodney grieved for Atlantis, not out of any sort of egotistical pride because Zelenka was more than up to the task of protecting their city when it came down to it, but because he knew that they were going to face tough times. And he grieved for himself, that he would never be able to rejoin the first real family he’d ever had and because he was stuck on a backwater planet with technology well beneath his genius and weird people who didn’t understand the insanity of their situation.
He’d never be able to spar physically with Ronon or verbally with Zelenka again. Or admire Teyla and Elizabeth for their grace and strength. Or be with John. That’s what hurt the most. He’d never get to find out what happened between John and himself. Or see John’s smile, hear his laugh, watch him light up like a kid on Christmas when the city revealed a new and exciting part of herself.
Rodney let himself cry out his grief at losing Atlantis and having to close that door in his life much sooner than he wanted. Then he took deep, cleansing breaths as he gathered those parts of himself and locked them away deep inside. This was his life now and it wouldn’t help anything if he had errant thoughts or feelings for Atlantis and her inhabitants rolling around loose inside. Rodney slowly drifted into a deep, cleansing sleep.
“How do you feel?” Kirby asked the next morning as he and Rodney sat down to meditate. “I trust you feel better after last night?”
Rodney stared at Kirby for a moment, wanting to be offended that Kirby had heard him but found that he wasn’t, before replying, “Yeah, I feel good. I think I finally hit one of those breaking points you were talking about. I’m ready to get started.” And, actually, Rodney felt ready for a lot of things, as if he could feel the possibilities that might exist here.
Kirby studied him, then nodded once and said, “Good. Let’s begin. Close your eyes and deepen your breaths. Find that calm, quiet place inside of you and rest in it.”
Rodney followed Kirby’s quiet instructions and easily centered himself. He laughed internally at how easily he was able to now do what had been a monumental struggle of epic proportions when Kirby had first started making him meditate. Exhaling, he began telling Kirby about the first memory that came to mind and Kirby lightly guided him in releasing himself from it.
When they finished, Kirby smiled and said, “One day you’ll be doing this for someone else.”
“I doubt it,” Rodney replied with a grimace. “I’m sure I’ll have enough neuroses to keep me going on my own for a long, long time.”
“Perfect people make the worst teachers,” Kirby replied.
“Except for you maybe,” Rodney replied. “I doubt there’s anything you could have done that would make you a flawed man.”
“People can surprise you, Rodney-kun,” Kirby replied, shoving himself up. “When you first woke up, I doubted you’d be able to make it here, but look at you now – you’re starting to thrive.”
Rodney blushed and ducked his head as also he stood. “I don’t know about *that*. Getting by, sure. Thriving? Eh, I’d like a second opinion.”
“Be careful, I just may get one for you, seeing as how I am comparable to your people’s doctors,” Kirby joked.
“And then I’ll just heedlessly ignore both opinions, just like I always have back home,” Rodney countered lightly with a smile. “What’s on the agenda today?”
“We’re going to start with covering how to set broken bones and then, depending on how long that takes, either after we finish that or tomorrow we’ll start working on stitching up wounds.”
Rodney swallowed audibly at that. He hoped he could hold back how squeamish he was about both broken bones and wounds that were bad enough that they required stitches. He and Jeannie had both been to the emergency room more than once for a broken bone and once each for stitches – a lot of them, and oddly enough for different incidents, even though they were both involved in both of them. And then when he got to Atlantis, he and the rest of the team had been tended to more than once for stitches.
“Don’t give me that look,” Kirby said. “I know you’ll get through this just fine.”
“I’m glad one of us does,” Rodney replied.
Kirby shook his head before saying, “Sometimes I wonder how someone who can be such a forceful blusterer can also be so uncomfortable in his own skin and unsure of his own abilities.”
“Then you obviously haven’t been listening all these months when you’ve had me tell you what I’m thinking.”
“Oh, I’ve been listening,” Kirby said, sitting down on his stool. “I simply don’t understand you, Rodney-kun.”
“Where’s your staff?” Rodney asked when Kelly showed up that afternoon.
“In my quarters,” Kelly replied as if it was the most evident thing in the world. “We’re not practicing today.”
“What’s wrong?” Rodney asked, worried.
“Nothing’s wrong,” Kelly replied as Rodney put his staff away. “I thought it might be nice for you to have a day off. Plus, I think it’s time you made your own staff.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Rodney asked, but still hoping Kelly was telling him the truth.
“Nope. You’ve been doing really well and I think you’re ready. After this you’ll be able to spar with others – which I think will be what you need to help you improve.”
“This is just – wow.” Rodney grinned, following Kelly as they headed into the caves. “Hey, last night you said you wanted to talk to me about something?”
“Yes, I, um,” Kelly quickly licked his lips and Rodney could see the nervous tension bunching in his shoulders. “Let’s go down to the pools.”
“Okay,” Rodney replied, willing to let Kelly direct this conversation since he had no clue what was going on.
They sat on the side of the bathing pool and took off their moccasins and rolled up their pant legs before letting their legs dangle in the water. Rodney waited much more patiently than he thought he was capable of while Kelly collected his thoughts.
“I know that this will sound weird to you,” Kelly finally started, “but I’ve thought this through completely and I hope you’ll do so as well before giving me an answer.” He looked at Rodney shyly as he said, “I consider us to be very good friends and I hope that you do as well. I’d like to have a binding ceremony.”
“A binding ceremony?” Rodney asked, confused. “Is that like marriage or something?”
“Or something – though there are some similarities,” Kelly replied with a small smile. “I don’t know about your customs on such matters, but here it’s common for two friends who are very close to make their friendship stronger by having a binding ceremony.”
“Yeah, we don’t do that,” Rodney replied. “We kind of take it for granted.”
Kelly’s brow furrowed. “Then how do you honor such an important relationship?”
Rodney shrugged. “We just kind of know. We tend to spend more time with that person than our other friends, tell them things we wouldn’t tell just anyone, seek their advice on things.”
“That’s not so different then,” Kelly said, sounding more confident. “And yet you do nothing to honor that?”
Rodney shook his head. “Not really, no.”
“Your people are weird, Rodney-chan.”
“So I’ve been told,” Rodney replied with a smile. “Can I think about it?”
“Sure,” Kelly replied easily. “And don’t feel weird if you have questions – I’m more than happy to explain things to you.”
Rodney nodded silently, not sure exactly what to think. He figured that John was the closest thing to a best friend that Rodney had ever had. There were times when they exasperated the hell out of each other and even argued, not to mention the whole Doranda incident, but their friendship had grown easily and naturally. And at the end of the day, Rodney knew that John always had his back and that they were still friends. Rodney hoped that John knew that Rodney felt the same way.
They had also had some really good times – both on missions and in Atlantis. And John *had* been the one Rodney had gone to when he was thinking about asking out Katie Brown – well, before Lt Cadman had gotten stuck in his brain. And there had been a few times when Rodney thought John was going to confide in him, but John always took it back before anything got past his lips.
On the flip side, while he was flattered that Kelly thought so highly of him; sometimes it felt like Kelly’s friendship was more out of necessity than an actual desire to be friends with him. Rodney did genuinely like him, but sometimes he felt like they were so close only because the closeness in age had fostered a sense of intimacy that had helped develop to their friendship more fully than it otherwise might have. Rodney sighed as he realized that this might actually be a harder decision than he had planned.
Rodney thought about it for a few more days, unable to come to a decision. The hope he’d seen on Kelly’s face was something he didn’t want to damage. But he was afraid that they wouldn’t be able to make it work and then they’d be stuck with no way out. And he didn’t want to do that to Kelly.
“What is it, Rodney-kun?” Jillian asked while they were eating dinner.
“Kelly asked me to…bind with him? Is that right?” Rodney looked between Kirby and Jillian.
They both grinned and Kirby said, “That’s great news! When did he ask you?”
“About a week ago.”
“So what’s the problem?” Jillian asked.
Rodney shrugged. “It just feels weird, since we don’t have something like this at home. I don’t want to take advantage of his friendship.”
“Believe me, you’re not taking advantage,” Kirby replied. “Being bound to someone is almost as sacred to us as marriage and we make sure we’re personally ready and know why we want it before we even think about asking the other person.”
“Oh,” Rodney replied.
“I’m really happy for you,” Jillian said, grinning. “I always knew you and Kelly would be bonded.”
Rodney just shrugged his eyebrows as he went back to eating. He still wasn’t sure how to respond to the whole situation.
The bonding issue got pushed to the back of Rodney’s mind as his medical training intensified. As he stitched up his second cut, he decided that he was definitely apologizing to Carson and getting him some sort of “please forgive me gift” – maybe a fruit basket.
From stitching people up, they moved on to minor surgery and, finally, pregnancy and delivery. Most of the work that they did was theoretical, with a lot of lecturing and some startlingly exact drawings. This was the point where Rodney was surprised to realize that the Laprans didn’t actually have a written language. He knew that their history was preserved orally and he had seen Kirby and some of the elders pouring over some scrolls when they were setting up a marriage, but otherwise, he hadn’t had a reason to think about it, one way or the other. And as he studied the drawings, he was surprised at how perfectly detailed the pictures were. (This being something else he had to thank Carson for – he had routinely plunked down medical books in front of Rodney and told him to be quiet when he was in the infirmary for extended stays and not allowed to do work. At the time, Rodney had thought of it as punishment, now he was grateful.)
“How are you feeling, Lillian?” Kirby asked, gently touching the woman’s distended belly. “Any problems? Pain?”
She shook her head as she smiled. “Everything’s been fine. The baby’s been kicking a lot, but otherwise things have been fine.”
“That’s good. You should be due any day now, so I want you to keep up what you’ve been doing and get over here as soon as the birthing pains start.” He and Rodney helped her stand. “Otherwise –”
“I need help!” Harry said breathlessly, running up to them. “Henry’s cut his leg open on a piece of glass and it’s bleeding bad.”
“Finish up with Lillian,” Kirby said as he gathered up what he needed and followed Harry.
Rodney nodded mutely as he steadied Lillian and said, “Otherwise, we’ll see you in two days.”
She nodded and said, “Thank you, Rodney.” She got as far as the entrance to Rodney’s borough before doubling-over in pain.
Rodney rushed over to her. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“My water broke,” she said as she slowly straightened, before putting a hand on her stomach and grimacing in pain.
“Should I get anyone?” Rodney asked, knowing she’d want someone close to her to help.
“Laura,” she gasped, “my bond friend.”
Seeing a young boy nearby watching them, he said, “Kieran – go get Laura.” When the boy gaped a moment, Rodney snapped, “Now!” which moved him into action.
Rodney ushered her back to Kirby’s area and had her pace while he got the necessary items ready and partitioned off the area. There wasn’t anywhere to really seclude themselves, so this would have to do. Rodney breathed deeply, trying to keep calm. He mentally went over everything Kirby had taught him and what he had seen when Jerri had gone into labor a few weeks before. Rodney hoped that Lillian’s labor was as easy as her pregnancy had been.
Laura burst through the curtain with a bag and hugged Lillian tearfully. They talked quietly for a moment before another contraction hit. She sat down on the birthing chair and started breathing deeply.
As Rodney and Laura helped her through the birth, Rodney felt like he was on autopilot. The steps of when to give her what and what to do when and in case of X came to him easily as they worked and soon he was relaxing as Lillian was holding a baby girl swathed in swaddling clothes and she and Laura were talking quietly and happily.
While he cleaned up, Rodney kept sneaking glances at them and couldn’t help but see the closeness that they exuded. And he couldn’t help remembering that Kelly had offered him the same type of relationship. He knew now that the only answer he had for that was ‘yes’.
When Kirby came back a while later, bloody and looking weary, the first thing said was Rodney’s, “How’s Henry?”
“He’s weak, but fine,” Kirby replied, sounding as tired as he looked, as he washed his hands. “I see everything went okay here?” he asked, looking over at Lillian and the baby, who were asleep on an extra cot and Jillian, who was keeping watch over them.
“Surprisingly, yeah.”
“I’m not surprised,” Kirby replied proudly. “I knew you’d be able to do it.”
“I have to go talk to Kelly,” Rodney quickly said, wanting an escape from where the conversation might go.
Kirby nodded and shooed him off.
Rodney went to Kelly’s quarters and hailed them before entering.
“What can I do for you?” Kelly asked, standing from where he was putting some things in his trunk.
“My answer’s yes,” Rodney blurted out, not sure how else to say it.
Kelly’s face lit up and he hugged Rodney, surprising him with the touch. “I promise you won’t regret this. Now we just have to plan the ceremony.”
Rodney couldn’t help but laugh as he wondered exactly what he had gotten himself into.
Continue to Part 6
