FIC: De Oppresso Libre, Part 2
Sep. 25th, 2005 12:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeContinued from here
When Graham returned from getting a soda one Friday afternoon, Killian handed him a piece of paper and said, "Before he left for the day, LTC Ellis gave me these coordinates and told me that we were to meet him there at 1800 hours sharp."
Graham nodded and said, "I'll get right on it," as he studied the paper on the way to his desk. Putting the paper and soda down, he pulled a city map out of a drawer. About twenty minutes and a few clicks on the computer later, Graham had the location and directions. Glancing at his watch and seeing that they didn't have very long, he said, "I'll be ready in a few."
"Okay," Killian replied, organizing his things for the weekend.
After locking up, they followed the directions a few blocks to a bar. Once inside, Ellis hailed them from a back booth. A waitress appeared as soon as they sat down and took their drink orders and Graham couldn't help but notice how Killian's eyes followed her as she left the table.
"I see you two made it here all right," Ellis said before taking a pull on his beer. They nodded as the waitress brought their beers over and he continued, "We all know that for a group to be able to work together well, there has to be trust between the members, and the best way for there to be trust, is for the members to know each other. So, therefore, for the time being, I am making it mandatory that Friday nights after work, we go out for dinner and a few beers. Now, obviously, things will come up where one of us will have to bow out one week - and that's fine, but it's not going to become a habit."
"Are we allowed to talk about work, sir?" Killian asked.
"Peripherally, yes, but I don't want it to be our focus. And, we're off the clock - you may call me Michael, if you wish. Ellis is fine too."
"Okay, Michael." Graham couldn't help but smile as Killian tried out saying Ellis' first name. "What are you smiling about?" he asked Graham, sounding a bit defensive.
"Nothing, Mordecai," Graham replied, not trying to hide his grin as he put a slight emphasis on the other man's name.
"Oh, please." Killian collapsed against the back of his seat. "That's my father. Everyone else calls me 'Cai' - unless I'm in trouble."
The waitress came up and asked, "Can I get you gentlemen anything to eat?"
After they all ordered hamburgers, Ellis asked, "So, Cai, are your parents still in the picture? Do you have any siblings?"
"Yeah, they are. My dad's a retired Apache pilot. He was a Warrant Officer Class 5. My mom was a stay-at-home Army wife. I have two brothers and one sister." He took a pull of his beer. "What about you, Graham?"
"Only child, just me and my dad," Graham replied. Looking at his beer bottle, he said, "He's not Army, though. He worked in a factory."
Killian nodded. "Sometimes I wish my dad wasn't Army. That way I'd have a way out from the long and time-honored family tradition."
Graham quietly countered, "The Army was my only way out."
The waitress appeared then with their food and Ellis sensibly moved the conversation onto other, more general, topics. When they parted ways later that night, Graham was happy that he had had a chance to spend time with them, though he was a little uneasy about Killian. Though the younger man hadn't said anything specific, or even in any terms other than vague comments, Graham thought he detected an undercurrent of homophobia and that made him a little uneasy.
"Where are we going today?" Graham asked the next morning when he saw Carrie and Kevin waiting outside the apartment as he shifted his laundry bag and stepped onto the landing. He had become used to the idea that the chances of his Saturdays being taken up with Andrew's activities were pretty high, so he had learned to get up early and go to the 24 hour laundromat if he wanted clean clothes that day.
"Zoo," Kevin replied as they followed Graham into the apartment.
"Breakfast is ready," Andrew said when he saw them. "The others should be here soon."
The rest of the regular group filtered in and ate. Once they had all had their fill and things were cleaned up, they headed out. Willow and Buffy met them at the main entrance to the zoo with the tickets. Carrie and Kevin hung out with Graham and Xander when the group split up.
"I'm really excited," Carrie said as they studied a map. After they had decided on their first destination and started on their way, she continued, "There's been some new additions recently - including some new babies."
As the day passed, Graham enjoyed himself immensely. It had been a long time since he had been to a zoo and seeing the animals brought back a lot of good memories. He also got to know Carrie and Kevin better and found that he enjoyed their company. They were bright, charming teens and it saddened him that their parents had been so upset over one small difference in their children that they had forced them out of their homes and lives. Not that his father knew about him, but Graham was still convinced that it was probably better that way. He also enjoyed spending time with Xander and learning a little more about him as well.
Once he was ensconced in his room that night, Graham's mind turned to an all-too-familiar topic. If he hadn't been before, he was now definitely convinced that he wasn't cut out for cruising. As he went over the day's events, as well as events in the recent past (well, since the beginning of June), he came to realize that he liked the domesticity he had found with Xander and Andrew - and especially Xander. It felt like Xander contained the pieces that Graham didn't know were missing and he was finding that he really wanted to try it out. But he wasn't sure if he should tell him of his attraction or if he should just keep it under wraps because Xander had shown no signs of reciprocating. Besides, even though he wasn't out in the field, he still had to be careful, lest any of this came up at work. And while he knew that Ellis wouldn't do anything, Killian seemed to be something of a loose cannon that Graham still wasn't completely sure he could trust. Why did love and attraction and all the things that were mixed up with them have to be so hard?
Later that week, when Ellis had stepped out of the office, Killian went over to Graham's desk and, after a glance at the door, hissed, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Graham asked, surprised at how Killian was acting.
"That she's a dyke."
Graham was surprised. "Who? Willow?"
"*Yes*, Willow. I went over to her house Sunday night to ask her out and she told me that since she thought I was nice and didn't want to lead me on, so she just told me."
"I honestly didn't know, Killian. All I've heard is that she's had some bad breakups recently and I'm not going to pry."
"Is anyone else –" Killian stopped short when the door opened and Graham gave him a bewildered shrug.
A couple of weeks later, when they were enjoying another day at the beach, Xander sank down on the blanket next to Graham. "You're looking pretty golden," he commented. "I hope you don't mind me saying, but for someone who spent a lot of time in Central and South America, you were looking a little pasty when you showed up here."
Graham laughed. "Had to layer up - too many mosquitoes and weird plants and monsters." He nodded to where some of the kids were in the water. "I'm surprised you're not in the water."
Xander smiled. "I was feeling a bit waterlogged. Why aren't you in? You haven't been in a while."
Graham returned the smile. "I've been enjoying myself people watching. It's not very often I get to do that."
"Do you need some more suntan lotion? Don't want to spoil that nice tan with some pink."
"Might not be a bad idea." Graham fished a tube out of a nearby bag and started to apply it to his arms. "Would you mind doing my back?" he asked as he held out the lotion.
"Not a problem." Xander took the lotion and began applying it expertly to Graham's back. Graham couldn't help but admit that it felt good and a tingle went down his spine. "You okay?" Xander asked, pausing for a second.
"Yeah, the lotion's just a bit cool." Holding his hand out, he said, "I need a bit more." Taking the lotion, he began rubbing some on his legs and tried not to think too much about Xander's hands on his back.
Graham spent the rest of the day discretely watching Xander as much as possible. Carrie called him on it a few times and he did the best he could to deny it, but she just laughed, though Graham knew that she had little room to talk - he had seen her doing the same thing with Lauren. He did join in throwing the Frisbee around with Xander and Robin - who, along with Faith, had decided to join them for once instead of doing their own couple-y things. And he also went in the water a few times before the day was done.
As the sun was starting its descent in earnest, Graham and Kevin were playing paddleball down by the water. "So, what's up with you and Xander?" Kevin asked off-handedly as he lobbed the ball back.
"Nothing, why?" Graham asked, returning the ball easily.
"Just because I caught you looking at him today. And I know it wasn't just any kind of look. I think he likes you too."
"Yo-h-what?" Caught off-guard, the ball hit Graham in the middle of his chest.
"Come on, you two. We're getting ready to go," Andrew called.
Kevin smiled as he came over and swatted Graham lightly on the chest with his paddle before picking up the ball. "Don't be so surprised. He's just a lot more subtle about it than you are."
Following Kevin and mechanically helping pack things up, Graham's mind began searching for any clues to either the contrary or the agreement of Kevin's statement.
Xander sighed as he and Andrew entered the apartment in the late evening of Labor Day. "Whoever has Labor Day off, sucks," he stated wearily as he dropped his messenger bag by the door and kicked off his shoes and Andrew did the same after shutting the door. Without looking, Xander sank down onto the couch where Graham had been lounging and reading a book, causing the other man to move his legs quickly and shut the book.
"Did everyone finally get signed up?" Graham asked.
"Yeah," Andrew replied, getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "Most of the paperwork hasn't changed since last school year, which is good, so it was mostly calling around and verifying things. I think that most of the work was just giving the kids a stern talking to and making sure they know that they have to be at school all day, every day, and keep their GPA up in order to do anything with the group."
"Does it work?"
"More than you'd think," Xander said. "When they have the choice - they're willing to do a lot to stay in the group."
Graham's stomach rumbled. "Anyone interested in getting dinner? I'll treat."
"Go ahead," Andrew replied as he headed towards his room. "Todd and I have plans tonight."
Graham quirked an eyebrow at Xander. "Any interest? Or are you too tired?"
"Are you kidding?" Xander asked with a smile. "I could always go for food."
They walked to a Mexican restaurant a couple blocks away, enjoying the warm night air. Graham smiled as he remembered how it had seemed odd at first to have everything close enough to walk to, but soon it had become second nature and now he hardly noticed. He also enjoyed the quiet companionship they shared. With Xander, he didn't feel like he *had* to say anything unless he wanted to. With a lot of the other guys, Riley included, he always felt as though he should say *something*, keep up some sort of conversation.
After they ordered, Xander asked, "So, do you have a girl to write home to?"
Graham shook his head as he took a swig of his beer and then made a face as he replied, "Nah. I was always away, so I didn't want anyone to wait for me. And I never found someone that I wanted to ask to wait." Graham could see that Xander had picked up on his intentionally ambiguous response and the thoughts and questions that passed behind Xander's eyes as a result as Xander bit his lower lip to keep from asking what he really wanted to know and Graham debated whether or not to respond. Heart pounding and committing before he had even really thought it through, Graham took a shaky breath and said, "The answer is yes," and let the breath out as Xander broke into a grin. It was odd how good he felt after such a simple admission. If only it could always be this easy and he could always get such a good response. Taking another shaky breath, he said, "Okay, so the world didn't actually end. This could be a good sign."
"Very good sign," Xander replied, nodding. "And the world didn't end when the Greeks made an all gay regiment, so I think you're safe."
"Yeah, well..." Graham sighed and looked down at the table, while rolling his beer bottle back and forth. "I wish it were that easy."
"One day it will be," Xander replied as their food was placed on the table.
"I wish I had your confidence," Graham said with a small smile as they started eating.
"You'll get there."
When Graham went to bed that night, he felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It felt unbelievably good to have someone else know about both of the big things in his life and not reject him or look at him as if he were crazy. Even if it was also weird knowing that someone else knew after having kept things bottled up inside for so long. But now what? Having the desk job offered him a much bigger latitude of freedom than being in the field and he knew that as long as he was discreet, Ellis wouldn't care. So what was worrying him so much? Xander rebuffing him? Or Killian's reaction should he find out?
Graham thought about it almost continuously - almost obsessively, even, but could never come up with a reason as to why he was so worried about having told Xander. Even though he hadn't sworn the younger man to secrecy, Graham knew that Xander hadn't told anyone else - primarily because Andrew hadn't said anything. Graham couldn't figure out why he was so antsy about the whole thing and almost proactive in wanting the other shoe to drop.
After that night, Graham and Xander began spending more time together. They were careful to not do anything that would let anyone suspect them of dating, but they stayed up late talking about nothing in particular or watching television or movies. Graham constantly kept a check on his emotions, not wanting to get too close too fast until he was completely certain of what both he and Xander wanted, but he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the closeness and the special bond that they shared.
"Are you okay, son?" Ellis asked one afternoon as he sat on the edge of Graham's desk.
"Yes, sir," Graham replied, looking up at him. "Why do you ask?"
"You've just seemed a little distant the past couple of weeks. No problems in any of your relationships?"
"No, sir. I've just had a few things on my mind lately."
Ellis smiled as he patted Graham on the shoulder. "Don't let them keep you too long."
Graham returned the smile and replied, "I won't."
"Any interest in going out with us?" Xander asked the first day of October.
"Maybe," Graham replied, having learned quickly to not agree or disagree until he had heard all the details.
"We're taking the kids out tonight and we'd like another chaperone. One of the gay clubs has an under 21 night the first and last Saturday of every month and we've kind of made a thing of going. There'll be a lot of other adults there, so don't feel like you have to."
"Might be fun," Graham replied, thinking that spending some time outside of the apartment would be good for him, as he got off the couch and put his book down. "But I don't have anything to wear."
"Yes, you do." Xander went into Graham's room with him and started going through his closet. He pulled out a pair of black trousers and a deep maroon button-down short-sleeve shirt. "Put these on," he said as he disappeared out of the room. He reappeared with a pair of black boots as Graham was buttoning the last couple of buttons. He handed them to Graham and said, "Try these." Graham put them on, and while they were a little snug, they weren't tight, and stood for Xander's approval. After doing a little preening, Xander gave him a critical once over and smiled. "You look great. Give me a second." And he disappeared once more.
Graham wandered out into the living room as he waited for Xander to get ready. His breath caught as Xander appeared from his room wearing a similar outfit - except he wore a pair of Doc Martins instead of boots and his shirt was a dark navy/almost midnight blue and the top two buttons were undone. His hair was a bit tousled and slightly curly. In his opinion, the boy had definitely become a man.
"I'd ask if I looked okay, but I think I just got the answer," Xander said with a smile as he crossed over to Graham. "Ready to go?"
"Sure," Graham replied, tearing his gaze away. "But I want to get something to eat first."
"They have food there we can get." Xander got their jackets for them. "We better get going or we're going to be late. I told them we'd be there at 6:30."
Graham looked at the clock. It was 6:25. "Are you ever going to learn?" he asked, knowing that Xander was perpetually a little late.
"Probably not," Xander replied with a smile as they left.
They met Andrew and the kids at one of the community centers before climbing into the vans and heading to the club. It was already crowded by the time they got there, but there were able to find a couple of tall tables to pull together and set down their jackets. Graham instinctively surveyed the room for possible threats, as well as emergency exits, and noticed that most of the people there, staff aside, were close to the kids' age, though there were a few closer to Xander and Andrew's age, who Graham could only guess were also chaperones. He easily settled into one of the tall chairs to take the job of watching over their belongings as everyone else immediately disappeared onto the dance floor. Graham watched them dance with an amused smile on his face. Most of them weren't very good, but they were having fun and that's all that mattered to them. His eyes fell on Xander more often than not and he enjoyed watching him. Even though Xander was a far cry from Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire, he still had a magnetic quality that continually grabbed Graham's attention. During that time, he felt the interested gaze of a few guys lock onto him and it made him feel a little uncomfortable. He had never had someone else actively check him out before and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.
"Why don't you come join us?" Xander asked after exiting the floor a few songs later and getting a drink.
"I can't dance," Graham replied. And, fishing for another excuse, he added, "And I still haven't eaten anything."
Xander laughed. "You could've gone and gotten something. Our things would've been safe for that long. And it should be apparent that nobody really cares if you can dance or not." Setting his cup down, Xander said, "I'll go get us something to share."
As Xander walked away, Graham followed him with his eyes. He wasn't checking him out, per se, but definitely looking with interest. Xander returned not long after with a plate of chicken strips, fries, and some dipping sauces and also carrying a soda and napkins.
"I wasn't exactly sure which dipping sauces you like, so I got a variety," Xander said as he set the items on the table, setting the soda in front of Graham, and sat down next to Graham to make it easier to talk and eat. As they began picking at the food, Xander asked, "So, what do you look for in a guy?"
"Wow, that's got a kick to it," Graham said, pointing with the pinky finger of his right hand to one of the sauces.
"Yeah, that's the chipotle barbeque."
"I don't know." Graham shrugged. "Good personality, sense of humor, attractive - to me, someone who's willing to be emotionally involved, but also willing to give me my space when I need it and not press things. Normal stuff, I guess. What about you?"
"Same things, I think. Though it would be nice to have someone that I wouldn't have to lie to about the demons and stuff."
Graham laughed. "Yeah, that would be nice." Eyeing the crowd, he asked, "Do you ever find it weird when other guys check you out?"
"I did at first - especially when I still wasn't completely sure. But now I don't really think about it. It's a lot like when women do it, but now it's more obvious and happens more often. You'll get used to it, I promise. Besides," he said, after swallowing a bite of chicken, "eventually one of them will be the guy you'll want to ask to wait for you."
"Maybe," Graham replied disheartened.
"What is it?" Xander asked, but Graham just shook his head, not really wanting to talk about it right then.
He was thankful when a couple of the kids came up to bug them about getting back on the dance floor. After shooing them off, they finished eating and Xander also went back onto the dance floor after reminding Graham that he had promised to dance with them before the end of the night. An hour or two later, the crowd was starting to thin out and Carrie came over to the table as a slow song started.
"When are you going to come dance?" the brunette asked and Graham shrugged. "You promised."
"I know," he replied. "But I'm not very good."
She laughed. "Like that's stopping any of us. It'll be slow songs from here on, so it'll be easy," she continued, taking his hand and trying to tug him off the chair. "Just two songs, since Andrew wants us to go soon."
"Okay, okay." Knowing he wasn't going to win, he stood and had to smile in response to her grin. "Two songs." The rest of the group grinned when they joined them.
Once on the floor, he took Carrie in his arms in a traditional pose and, even though she stumbled a bit and stepped on his feet a number of times, they both enjoyed his efforts in trying to teach her how to "dance properly" as she called it. At the end of the song, Xander politely butted in and Carrie easily gave up her spot with a smile.
"I'm not that much better," Xander said as the next song started.
"That's fine with me," Graham replied with a smile. "At least you're willing to give it a shot."
"How'd you learn to do this stuff?"
"Some of the girls on base - they thought it would help 'refine' us guys. You're not doing too bad."
"I've watched too many old movies with the girls," he said with a smile. The song ended and Graham finished the dance with a spin. "That was fun. We should do it again sometime."
Graham smiled. "I doubt it."
"Never say never. I bet earlier tonight you didn't think you'd be dancing at a gay bar, now did you?"
This time, Graham laughed. "Very true."
Once they were back at the apartment, Andrew said, "Thanks for coming out with us," before disappearing into his room.
"Yeah," Xander added, clapping Graham on the shoulder. "I had a really good time tonight."
"Me too," Graham was surprised to find he could reply with a high level of honesty.
Xander smiled and withdrew his hand and as they headed for their rooms, Graham couldn't help but think that Xander's touch had lingered for a little longer than necessary and that Xander's smile was just a bit more beautiful.
On Monday, the day started off rather well. It appeared that they were actually ahead of the game in many areas and Graham even had phone calls from a couple of their teams to tell them that they were through with their current missions and that reports would be shortly forthcoming.
When Killian returned from lunch that afternoon, Graham was vaguely aware of him approaching Ellis' desk and quietly asking to have a word with him in private. Graham only half listened as he worked on the reports that had come in and Ellis told Killian that whatever needed to be said could be said outright. Graham heard Killian shuffle his feet and glanced up, noticing the tension in the younger man's body.
"Sir, I think we have a situation that may need to be addressed," Killian continued.
"And what situation would that be?" Ellis asked, setting his pen down, folding his hands on top of his papers and giving Killian his full attention.
"I have reason to believe that there are some homosexuals in our division, sir."
"I highly doubt that's any cause for alarm, sergeant, and I fail to see how this matter is of any importance to our mission." Ellis picked his pen back up and began to work again.
"If I may speak frankly, sir," Killian cleared his throat and continued on without waiting for consent, "I think that the possible ramifications of this situation should be taken into consideration seeing as how we're such a new division and I'm sure that the more established divisions who don't see the advantages to what we're doing would be looking for ways to bring us down."
"Then consider your suggestion duly noted," Ellis interjected firmly, "and please get back to work."
Graham looked up in time to see Killian clench his jaw, nod stiffly and return to his desk. While he was relieved that Ellis didn't seem too concerned with what Killian had brought up, the possibility of what might happen still worried him. He knew that if he kept on as he had for the past few years, he wouldn't have anything to worry about. But so many things had changed in the past few months, that Graham wasn't sure if it was possible for him to go back to that any more. He enjoyed the freedom he had found with his non-military friends and the possibility of having something with Xander was, well...tantalizing. As the phone rang yet again, Graham tried to push the incident out of his mind and answered it.
The next evening Graham had his first mentoring session with Carrie. They met at the shelter she frequented and walked to a nearby park.
Sitting on the swings, Graham asked, "How's school?"
"Good," she replied, swaying back and forth and not really looking at him.
"Having any trouble?"
"No."
"Are your teachers nice?" He tried to make eye contact, but without any luck.
"Yeah."
"Are the other students cool?"
"Yeah."
He sighed, somewhat frustrated. "So, there's nothing happening at school that you want to talk about?"
"Nope." She looked at him. "What's with the twenty questions?"
He shrugged. "I'm just trying to be a good mentor. Andrew wasn't very specific."
Carrie giggled. "He usually isn't. I think he figures that letting us forge our own path is better for us than telling us how to run our meetings."
"Does it work?"
"If you're not too pushy, it will be."
"Is that what happened with your last mentor?"
"Yeah. It was either her way or the highway." Carrie looked down at the ground again. "I think she wanted to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes she did."
"Buffy?" Graham asked. In the few months he had become reacquainted with her, he had found that while her heart was in the right place, she could be a bit of a hard-ass.
"How'd you guess?" Carrie asked with a smirk.
"Okay," Graham said, getting down to business. "How about we meet once a week to talk, I can try to help you with your homework, and whatever. How's that sound?"
Carrie nodded. "Sounds good. Same Bat time, same Bat channel?"
"If you want."
"Sure." Carrie stood. "I'll see you, then."
"Good night," Graham replied with a smile before she walked off. He stayed on his swing for a while longer wondering what to do about Killian. He was a nice enough guy and Graham had the feeling that his mention of homosexuality was based more on wanting to test his limits now that they weren't in the training dynamic and had settled into their new place. And in a way, Graham wasn't surprised. He had heard stories from others as he went through boot camp and then Q course of Army brats who, when it came time for them to fulfill their familial duty, chafed their superiors every chance they got, looking for a weakness. Hopefully, Ellis' response would be enough and Killian would have enough sense not to push it.
The next night, Graham had his first mentor meeting with Kevin in the rec room of the shelter Kevin stayed at. As they played a casual game of ping pong, Kevin said, "I heard you're also mentoring Carrie."
"Yeah," Graham replied as he hit the ball back, not exactly sure if that was the response Kevin wanted.
"I think it'll be good for her. From the little she's said, her home life wasn't great before her parents found out she was gay and it went downhill from there. From what Andrew says, she's doing really well, all things considered. Plus, she likes you a lot."
"What about you?"
"I think you're cool." Kevin batted the ball back and forth with his hands before serving it. "So, do you have any grand plans for how we're going to run this?"
"None at all. You?"
"Nope. But it'll be good to have someone to talk to who's older."
"How's that?"
Kevin shrugged. "Things at home aren't so good - obviously or I wouldn't be here, right? And it's nice knowing that there's someone out there I can look up to."
"What about Xander?" Graham pointed out.
"Besides him," Kevin smiled, "because, you know, I thought he was a given. And I meant as a couple. If you two get together, that is. Sorry. Sometimes my mouth goes quicker than my brain."
"It's completely all right. So, you think we'll be getting together, do you?"
"Well, I think you two would make a good-looking couple." Graham could tell Kevin was getting nervous by being put on the spot, but didn't make a move to save him. "And, well...um...I think you two seem to get each other in a way no one else does."
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't know." Kevin shrugged. "It's just a vibe or something. It's just one of those things that you know when you see it."
Graham nodded and decided not to press it - for now - as he hit the ball back to Kevin.
"Graham?" Andrew asked a few days later as he stuck his head out his bedroom door. "Can I see you a minute?"
"Oooh, you're in trouble now," Xander said with a smile as he handed Graham another plate. "Go on, I can finish up."
Graham quickly dried the plate and his hands before putting away the plate and the towel on the counter before heading to Andrew's room. "Everything okay?" he asked, hovering in the doorway, not sure what to make of Andrew's request.
"Yeah. Come on in and shut the door." Andrew continued organizing some papers on his desk as Graham did so. "Take a seat," he said, motioning to his bed. Once Graham had settled on Andrew's bed, which looked to be mostly made - though quite rumpled, and Andrew sat down on his desk chair, Andrew asked, "How's work?"
Graham shrugged and leaned back on his hands. "Okay." At Andrew's questioning look, he added, "Killian's being a bit of a pretentious asshole, but otherwise things are good."
"How so?"
"I think he suspects that I'm gay, but I'm not completely sure, or how he even started thinking that. He started making noises to Ellis on Monday about needing to get the 'homosexuals' out of our division before others outside find out and even though he hasn't said anything in front of me since then, somehow I don't think he's going to give up that easily."
"Do you think Ellis takes him seriously?"
"No." Graham creased his forehead and rubbed the back of his thumb against it, trying to figure out what Andrew was getting at and wondering why he didn't seem surprised that Graham had just outed himself. "What's with the twenty questions? And why don't you seem surprised that I'm gay?"
"You've seemed a bit unhappy this past week and I was worried about you. And I don't seem surprised because I'm not. I have a very good gaydar. I've known since the party." There was a slight pause and Graham felt the weight of Andrew studying him. "I may not have my degree yet, but I am trained as a counselor and my door's always open. So feel free to come talk to me about anything. I just want you to be happy, Graham, and I know that being gay and in the military isn't the easiest thing in the world."
"Thanks." Graham stood.
"Before you go, take this." Andrew handed Graham a book from a pile on his desk. "I don't know if it'll help or anything, but sometimes knowing where you're coming from will help you know where you're going."
Graham looked at the title - Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War Two. "Interesting," he commented, not exactly impressed.
"At least give it a chance, will you?" Andrew also stood and opened the door. "I haven't read all of it, but so far it's really good. Might help you with whatever Killian ends up throwing your way."
"Okay, okay. I'll give it a try." Holding up the book, Graham said, "Thanks," and exited.
October passed. The trees lost the remainder of their leaves and Graham found himself helping chaperone more shopping trips - this time for winter clothing. The definite seasons and the certainty of snow were probably the only two things he had ever really missed from his childhood in Chicago. He also began reading the book that Andrew had given him and soon found himself engrossed in it.
Killian continued in his persistence that Ellis should make it a point to excise any homosexuals that were in their command, to reduce the risk of censure from the other commands until they had proven themselves to be a valuable part of the Armed Forces. And each time Ellis shot him down, which made Graham wonder if Killian had some sort of later-in-life cognitive defect – or was a robot that got stuck on one track of its program. Numerous times during work, Graham felt himself being watched by Killian, as though he was being studied – like Killian wasn't sure what to make of him. On Friday night after three weeks of intermittent badgering from Killian, Ellis asked him point blank why he felt compelled to invoke a witch hunt for something that was not a problem. Killian sputtered, clearly surprised that the subject was actually being given some level of consideration, before replying that, based on what he had learned from his own research and from what he had experienced on patrols, they needed to have a strong force to fight their particular enemy and that having gay soldiers in their ranks would undermine the soldiers' morale and break the cohesion the squads needed in the field. Graham was confused, and feeling not a little hurt and possibly betrayed, at Ellis' silent dismissal once Killian was finished talking.
But things weren't completely bleak. Aside from doing things with the kids and mentoring Carrie and Kevin (which Graham found to be very enjoyable and could tell that they were getting a lot out of the personal attention), he and Xander began to become more exclusive. It started out in very easy and subtle ways – including going out for a bite to eat after a patrol, talking late into the night on a more regular basis, making sure they were paired up for various activities. And even though neither dared call what they were starting by its real name, both seemed to acknowledge that they were becoming a couple.
One such night, Graham had been up late reading again, absorbed in the plight of gays and lesbians during the Second World War.
Xander plopped down on the couch, causing Graham to draw his legs closer and close his book. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.
"I am," Graham replied. "This book is more interesting than I thought it would be and it makes me feel really bad for taking for granted the fact that I have more freedom than they did."
"Maybe, maybe not," Xander replied before popping another peanut M&M in his mouth. "From what Andrew's said, even though they had to be careful, they were able to go out to clubs, date, put on drag shows, and some of them were even pretty out. Sure, you went to a gay club, but because of what happened here," he tapped the cover of the book, "you're watching your back all the time. Even though they had to watch their backs, I'd say things were better for them."
Graham nodded. "There's this one passage in here about what researches called 'well-adjusted homosexuals' and how they were great soldiers who happened to be gay and I feel like saying, 'Well, duh. Most of us *are* great soldiers'."
"I'd agree with that, and I think many straight people would agree – especially the ones that have fought with the gays, whether they knew it or not."
Graham nodded. "Things will get easier one of these days, they have to."
"They *will*."
There was a lull in the conversation and Graham felt the connection between the two of them more profoundly than ever before and before he knew it, they were both slowly leaning in and their lips were gently touching. While it was short and chaste, the kiss was incredibly sweet - both from the chocolate Xander had just eaten and also because of the promises it held for the future.
When Xander pulled away, they both smiled shyly. "How was that?" Graham asked.
"Great," Xander replied. "You?"
"Great."
"You okay with it?"
Graham smiled. "Yeah, I am."
"Good."
"Come on, we're going to be late!" Xander called from the living room.
"We already are late," Graham replied as he came out of his room, buckling his utility belt. "So, has Cinderella finished applying her make-up yet?"
"I certainly hope so or we're -" Xander stopped and looked at Graham wide-eyed. "What did you just say?"
"I asked if Andrew was ready yet," Graham replied, bewildered and not realizing how he had phrased the question.
"I know what you asked. It was just the way you said it. I think you're spending too much time around Andrew and he's rotting your brain."
"I wouldn't be surprised. Are you coming, Andrew?" he called. "The ball's going to be over before we even get there at this rate."
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Andrew replied as he appeared in his doorway. "How do I look?"
"More convincing than most of the Star Trek geeks I've seen," Xander responded as they saw Andrew was dressed as Spock.
As they left, Graham commented to Xander, "The parrot's a nice touch."
"Thanks," Xander replied. "The whole pirate thing might be clichéd for me now, but it's the easiest thing with the eye patch."
"Well, you could always go as Major Bludd from 'G.I. Joe'."
"Maybe next year."
"Ooh," Andrew said with a grin. "Then that way you two could go as a matching couple."
The costume/Halloween party at the club had a good turn out, though Graham inwardly groaned when they arrived and he saw how many of the guys were dressed up as soldiers or sailors. He had done so, but only because he actually *had* the clothing and figured it was easier than actually trying to put together a costume. It did make him feel better knowing that he was the only one whose outfit was perfect and throughout the night he got compliments on how authentic his outfit looked.
"Are these real?" Carrie asked as she studied his dog tags when they were taking a break.
"They are," Graham replied, taking a sip of his soda.
"Cool." She grinned and handed them to Kevin.
Graham actually danced a few times that evening and enjoyed himself a lot. During the final song, he managed to finally get a hold of Xander for a dance, at the end of which he impulsively kissed him.
November came and fall continued its progression toward winter. Killian seemed to back off some from his self-imposed witch hunt. But not much. Graham could tell that his insistency was beginning to wear even Ellis' patience - which usually equaled Mt. Everest in height.
One evening, mid-November, when Graham got home from work, Xander asked, "I was thinking of cooking dinner tonight – any interest?"
"Sure," Graham replied, heading towards his room. "Let me go change." When he reappeared a few minutes later pulling a sweater over his head, he asked, "Where were you thinking?"
Xander shrugged. "We've got some chicken and some leftover spaghetti and sauce from the other day."
"Sounds good. Mind if I help?"
"Not at all."
They easily moved around in the kitchen and around each other as they prepared dinner. Graham enjoyed the simplicity of what they were doing and how they didn't need to go out and do something to enjoy themselves. As they ate, they talked about their respective day before moving on to other topics and Graham, for the first time, could say that he was truly content.
After they finished and cleaned up, Graham settled on the couch to try to finish the book Andrew had lent him and Xander, true to form, came over a little later and sat down close enough to make Graham lift his feet. Once they were settled, with Graham's feet in Xander's lap, Xander turned on the TV and began absently massaging Graham's feet. Graham smiled behind his book. Life was good.
On the Monday evening before Thanksgiving, there was a knock at the door and Andrew went to get it. Xander came out of his bedroom and Graham looked over from where he was making a snack to see who their visitor was. When Ellis entered, Graham quickly glanced at where he had left the book Andrew had lent him on the coffee table, not sure if he should hide it, leave it where it was, try to get one of the guys to get it and put it away, or what.
After greeting all of them and Xander disappearing back into his bedroom, Ellis said, "I was hoping to speak with you, Graham."
"Not a problem," Graham replied. "Can I offer you something?"
"No thanks." Ellis went over to the sitting area and picked up the book. Flipping through it, he commented, "This seems interesting."
"It is," Andrew interjected, as he followed Graham over after getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "I work with gay youth and find it helpful to know about the gay contribution to history."
Graham inwardly sighed in relief as Ellis nodded as he continued to look through it and asked, "May I borrow this sometime?"
Andrew glanced at Graham, who gave a quick nod, and replied, "Sure."
Ellis looked up and gave Andrew a small smile. "Thanks. I have a feeling this will come in handy in the near future."
Andrew made a quick exit and Graham offered Ellis a seat before sitting himself. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked, his sandwich forgotten on the coffee table.
"Killian," Ellis said, situating the book on his lap. "I had hoped that by not paying too much attention to his antics, he would stop, but that doesn't seem to be the case and I was hoping that we could figure out a way to nip it in the bud once and for all, seeing as how it's starting to get out of hand."
"Honestly, I have no idea, sir. I've never actually had to deal with a situation quite like this before. But I would have thought that your repeated commands to let it go would have had some effect."
"So did I. Do you think something like this book would help?"
"It might, sir. I know it's been a real eye-opener for me. And maybe he could help Andrew some. Those kids are something else and I think that spending some time with gays would be good for him."
"Both sound good." Ellis stood. "Anyway, think about it some more and maybe ask your friend and see if he has any ideas. Hopefully, this book will help as well." Graham walked him to the door. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"G'night, sir," Graham said before shutting the door behind him, thinking that that was probably one of the weirder conversations he'd ever had.
The next night, Xander cornered Graham as he was finishing up his dinner dishes and said, "We need to talk," as Graham wiped his hands off and hung the towel up.
"About what?" Graham asked as he followed Xander into Xander's room and lounged on his side on Xander's bed as Xander closed the door, even though Andrew was out for the night.
Xander went over and sat on the bed. "About us." He sighed and stared at the comforter, his pointer fingers gently tracing designs. "This is tougher than I thought," he finally said, with a weak smile.
Graham took one of Xander's hands in his. "What is it?" he asked gently.
Xander exhaled a deep breath, but didn't look up. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm inexperienced with relationships - hell, my first real one was with a vengeance demon - and especially with gay ones, but I know enough to know that I'm not going to put up with any bullshit. I know that we're not technically together and that you've been going through a lot of stuff since you got here, and I don't envy you that. But for the past few weeks, it seems like we've been moving towards becoming a couple and I'd really like that. I honestly think that you're the one for me and I'm ready to be in it for the long haul, but I'm sensing a lot of hesitancy on your part, which – like I said – I totally understand. But I really don't want to wake up one morning in an empty bed just because you didn't feel like it anymore or because you decided it wasn't for you." He looked up at Graham.
Graham, not sure of what to say – simply opened and shut his mouth a few times, trying to figure out the correct response.
"Just think about it, okay?" Xander asked, his eyes pleading.
Graham simply nodded in response.
Before they left the office Wednesday evening for their Thanksgiving holiday, Ellis said to Killian, "Son, I want you do to me a favor. Whatever it is that you're trying to do by pulling this homosexuality witch hunt stunt - sort it out and leave it at home. When you come back next week, I don't want to hear another word about it, you hear?"
"Yes, sir," Killian replied.
"Good. And remember that we're leaving for D.C. a week from Saturday for our review. Go on, then." Once Killian was out the door, Ellis turned to Graham. "Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for the weekend? The family would love to see you."
"Thank you, but no," Graham replied as they locked up, knowing that while Ellis' invitation was genuine, how much his superior prized his time with his family. "I've acquired my own little family here that'll be expecting me tomorrow. But give them my best."
"That I will. Enjoy your time off and try not to worry about the rugrat too much."
Graham smiled. "I won't. Have a good one."
Thursday went well and was the most positive Thanksgiving Graham had ever experienced. After helping prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner at a one of Andrew's shelters, Graham, Xander, and Andrew met with the rest of the Sunnydale group at the girls' house for their own dinner and a game of football. When Graham went to bed that night, he was tired and just the tiniest bit sore, but he was happy.
The next morning, he was awoken by Xander. "Come on," Xander whispered. "We've got to get going."
"Where?" Graham asked, still mostly asleep.
"Airport. Come on, we don't have much time. Just get dressed - everything else is ready." Xander exited the room.
Graham damned his army training as he staggered out of bed and got dressed. After making a quick detour to use the bathroom and finding his things packed, he met Xander in the living room. Xander handed him a large travel mug of coffee and a bag before saying that he'd explain later. No answers were forthcoming on the ride to the airport, however.
Once they were in the airport, they checked their bags and Xander led Graham through the terminal. As Graham followed him, things were slowly beginning to dawn on him.
"We're taking a flight to Chicago," Graham said as he looked at the sign for their gate. "Xander, why are we taking a flight to Chicago?"
"Because it's easier than driving," Xander replied, slumping into a chair.
"No shit." Graham sat down next to him. "But why are we going to Chicago and what's with all the cloak and dagger?"
"Would you have come with me if I had asked you outright?"
"I don't know. Might depend on what your reason for the excursion is."
"Ellis and I have talked and we think it'd be good for you to go home - even if for a few days."
"Chicago's not my home anymore."
"Maybe not, but Ellis seems to think it's still important to you." The conversation was stopped as it was announced that it was time to board.
Graham spent the whole flight brooding. He didn't want to go back to Chicago. He had no reason to go back to Chicago. He was perfectly fine with having things they were. All he could think when the plane landed was that this trip had better damn well be worth it.
Once they had gotten their bags and rented a car, Graham gave directions to his neighborhood, but didn't say anything else. Soon they were parallel parking along a curb in front of a row of townhouses in a quiet urban neighborhood. Graham got out and stretched before leaning against the passenger side door. Xander got out and joined him.
"That's my old house," Graham said after a few minutes of silence in which he contemplated the building and Xander watched the people who were out on the street.
"This one right here?" Xander asked, meaning the one right in front of them.
"Yeah."
"Then why don't we go in?"
"Can't. My dad died back in May and it was sold. I didn't think I'd ever be back here."
"Graham Miller? Is that you, boy?" a trill female voice called. Both men looked in the direction of the voice and saw an elderly, but still energetic, woman coming out of the townhouse next to Graham's.
Graham grinned and stood up straight. "Mrs. Majuski! I didn't think you'd still be around."
"I’m not going anywhere that easily. Come up here so I can get a good look at you. Your friend too."
As they did as she asked, Graham said, "Mrs. Majuski's lived here for forever and she's like the neighborhood matriarch. She knew everything that was going on."
"Still do," she said. She passed a critical eye over Graham before saying, "The Army seems to be agreeing with you. I always said the world would be a better place if more young men went through the Army," she said to Xander, playfully swatting his stomach with the back of her hand. "And who might you be?"
"Xander Harris, ma'am," Xander replied.
"Xander? What kind of name is that?"
"It's short for Alexander."
She simply nodded. "Well, come on inside before you catch cold." She let them inside and motioned to the chairs in her living room. "Sit, sit." Once they were settled, she asked, "How long will you be here for?"
"Only until Sunday," Graham replied.
"That's nice. When did you two get in?"
"Only about an hour and a half ago."
She nodded and then asked, "What do you do, Alexander?"
"I work for an industrial architect firm."
"Very impressive. You two must stay here while you're here."
"Mrs. Majuski –" Graham started.
"No buts," she said as she stood. "It'll be good to have you here. Excuse me for a moment, I need to check the spaghetti."
"She makes spaghetti every Friday," Graham explained to Xander as she disappeared, "and shares it with anyone who'll stop by. You can't find any better."
Mrs. Majuski came out of the kitchen. "I hate to ask, Graham, but would you be a dear and run down to Tony's for me?"
Graham stood. "Not a problem. Is he still down on the corner?"
She nodded and smiled as she handed him some money. "I only need some more sausage - just get some of whatever he has left, some Italian or French bread - it doesn't matter which, and some of the grated cheese."
Xander had stood as she was giving Graham the list. "Okay," Graham said. "We'll be back soon." After grabbing their coats, they headed out.
"She seems great," Xander commented as they headed down the street.
"She is," Graham concurred. "She really looked after me and the other kids. I don't know where I'd be without her." They walked the rest of the block and a half in comfortable silence. Graham looked around the neighborhood and found it comforting that practically nothing had changed since he had left ten years before.
When they entered Tony's, a butcher's-slash-deli-slash-corner store, a man who looked to be in his mid-to-late fifties appeared from the back. "Will wonders never -" he started as he grinned. "Graham Miller! How *are* you, son?" he asked as he came out from behind the counter to give Graham a huge hug. "Keeping yourself out of trouble?" he asked, leaving an arm across Graham's shoulders.
"Yes, sir," Graham replied with a smile. "Tony, this is Xander Harris, a friend of mine who wanted to see the neighborhood."
"Nice to meet you," Tony said, shaking Xander's hand. "So, what can I do for you boys tonight?" he asked, pulling away from Graham.
"Mrs. Majuski sent me down for a few things. I need some sausage - she said to just give her some of whatever you've got left."
"Okay." Tony moved behind the counter to fill that part of the order and Graham and Xander quickly got the other two items. "Anything else I can get you boys?" he asked as he bagged everything up.
"That's it," Graham said. "What do I owe you?"
"Don't worry about it. Tell Mrs. Majuski this is part of my repayment for what she's done for all of us."
"I will." Graham picked up the bag. "It was good to see you, Tony."
"You too, Graham. Listen, come over tomorrow night for dinner. Lisa will want to see you and Jack's in town this weekend too."
"Okay," Graham replied. "What time?"
"Six. And you're invited too, Xander."
"Thanks," Xander replied with a small smile. After saying good night, they headed back to Mrs. Majuski's.
When they got there, there were a few more people in the kitchen eating spaghetti and Mrs. Majuski introduced everyone. A couple of the guys Graham knew and he had to admit that it was good seeing them again. As the sausage browned, Mrs. Majuski dished out two heaping plates of spaghetti for Xander and Graham. Throughout the evening, the group ate and talked, people came and went, stories were told, and dishes of spaghetti were exchanged for coffee mugs and cookies. Graham found himself laughing, smiling, and enjoying himself more than he thought possible and could tell that Xander was enjoying himself as well.
Later that night after everyone had left and everything had been cleaned up, Mrs. Majuski showed them up to the guest room. "I'm sorry that there's only one bed in there and I hope you two don't mind sharing," she said, "but it's more comfortable than the couch downstairs. The sheets are clean and there are towels in the closet next to the bathroom."
"Thank you, Mrs. Majuski," Graham said. "It'll be fine."
"Good," she said with a smile. "Sleep well, then, and I'll see you in the morning. If you need anything, I'm just down the hall." They both murmured their thanks and she shut the door behind her.
"She's great," Xander said as they both set their bags on the bed and began getting things out to get ready for bed.
"She is," Graham said with a smile. "I think she single-handedly kept two generations of this street in line. And the next one better watch out - I don't think she's planning on going anywhere. Do you want the shower first?"
"Nah, go ahead."
Graham gathered up his things and headed to the bathroom down the hall, grabbing some towels along the way. As he showered, Graham couldn't help but feel as if he was washing away some of the deadweight that he had been carrying with him since he had left the neighborhood. He hadn't wanted to come back, and if he had figured out how to fight against Xander he probably wouldn't have come, but now that he was here, Graham couldn't help but admit that it was the right thing for him to do – come back and put this place to rest in his memory once and for all.
When he got back to the room, Xander was arranging some pillows and one of the blankets on the floor. "What are you doing?" he asked as he put his things back in his bag.
"Getting ready for bed," Xander replied.
"Why don't you sleep on the bed? It'll be more comfortable." Graham could see Xander was wavering between agreeing and holding to a personal decision. "Look, if it's a really big thing for you, then don't worry about it."
"It's not that," Xander said, letting out a breath. "Are you ready for that?"
"Xander," Graham gave him a half stern look. "I think we can handle sleeping in the same bed for two nights. Will it help if I swear that I have no plans to ravish you in the middle of the night?"
"Maybe." Xander smiled as he stood and grabbed his things. "I'll think about it while I'm in the shower."
By the time Xander was done in the shower, Graham had settled himself in the bed on the side closest to the wall and was lightly dozing. "What'd you decide?" he asked as Xander put his things away.
"I think I'll take my chances with being ravished," Xander replied as he slid under the covers after turning the light out. "The floor's a little too cold for my liking."
After they were both settled and a few minutes of quiet, Graham quietly asked, "How'd you know you were gay?"
Graham felt Xander shift on the bed. "It wasn't long after we had moved here and Andrew had started taking classes at Cleveland University and he had to do some sort of mock counseling sessions, so I volunteered to help him out since we live together and that way it would be easier for him and through the course of the questions he had to ask, it kind of came up that I was feeling conflicted and so we talked about it, since Andrew's known for a long time that he's gay and he's obviously more comfortable with it and he's done a lot of research into it. But it was hard coming to grips with it. Especially since at first I thought that it would mean that my feelings for Anya were invalid, when I know that I truly did love her. What about you?"
Graham shrugged, even though he knew Xander couldn't see him. "I think I've always known. Just like I always knew that I had to get away from here and that the Army was the only way I could do it."
"Was it hard growing up and knowing?"
"Well, I didn't *know* know until I went to college, but that whole cliché about feeling different was definitely true. When the other guys talked about the girls they liked, I just didn't really care. But there were times when it was hard - the guys asking questions that I didn't really have any answers to."
They both fell silent after that. And just before Graham fell asleep, he heard a sleepy, "G'night, Graham."
The next morning they both woke at the same time. And even though he didn't say anything, Graham was pretty sure that Xander was relieved that they had woken up on their own sides of the bed and all their clothing was still on. After they got dressed and ready to face the day, they headed downstairs, to be met by Mrs. Majuski cooking breakfast.
"I hope you two are hungry," she said with a smile as she began dishing out the scrambled eggs. "Though, Graham's appetite doesn't seem to have changed much since he left." After loading up their plates with eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes, she set them on the table before the two men, who had gotten mugs of coffee. After getting her own plate and sitting down, she said, "It's good to have you back, Graham. And I'm glad you've found happiness."
Graham's eyes shot up, a fork full of pancakes pausing midway to his mouth. He immediately wondered if she had found out.
"You know," she said confidentially, "I never took you for the sissified type, but Alexander seems like a good man. I'm sure he'd make a great catch."
"Well, um, thanks," Graham replied, flustered. A quick glance to Xander provided that either the other man hadn't been paying attention, or was blatantly ignoring their conversation.
"So," she said, "what do you boys have planned today?"
Xander looked up from the newspaper section he had been studying and shrugged. "I'm just along for the ride, really. Graham?"
Graham shrugged as well. "Hadn't really thought that far ahead."
"I think it might be good for you to go visit your father." Graham started to say that he wasn't sure about that, when Mrs. Majuski put a hand up to stop him. "It'll do you good to go see his grave. And he deserves to have his son visit him at least once. He's up at St. Joseph's cemetery. And make sure you take flowers. There's a stand for them on his grave."
Knowing that there was no way he'd be able to get out of it, Graham set to finishing his breakfast, seeing Xander chuckling noiselessly at him out of the corner of his eye.
After they finished and helped clean up, Mrs. Majuski gave them directions to his father's grave, though Graham had a vague memory of where it was, since his father had taken him to the cemetery when he was little to visit his grandparents. Then she shooed them out of the house.
Once they were at the grave, Graham crouched, took the flowers from their wrapping and arranged them as best he could in the small stand that stood above his father's plaque, before pouring in a bit of the bottle of water Xander had picked up as well. Then he cleared away the leaves and extra grass from on top of the plaque. Afterwards, he stayed down and studied it, gently tracing the factory union's emblem.
"He'd been sick," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around his knees. "He never told me with what, though, but I think it had something to do with working at the factory his whole life. He was a good guy. Distant, but he meant well. I don't think he'd ever planned on being a father, but after my mom pulled the whole 'I'm going out for a fill-in-the-blank' and never coming back, he did the best he could."
"How old where you?" Xander asked, crouching down next to him.
"Maybe two or three? I'm not really sure. I don't remember my mom, so I must've been little and my dad didn't really talk about her." Graham could feel the tears stinging his eyes and sniffed. "I wasn't here for him," Graham sniffed again and felt the tears begin to fall, powerless to stop them, "and I never got a chance to tell him that I appreciated what he did for me and that I knew he did his best and that I loved him." Graham felt Xander's arms wrap around him and hold him tight, one hand gently stroking his hair, as he cried. Once he was done, he wiped his eyes. "Thanks," he said.
"Not a problem," Xander replied with a comforting smile and gently rubbed Graham's back. "I'm sure he knows and I bet he's proud of you."
That evening, they went down to Tony's for dinner and Graham wasn't surprised that aside from Tony's whole family being there, so was most of the neighborhood. After that morning's release, Graham felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he enjoyed himself even more fully than he had the night before.
Sunday morning came and the two men got ready to go home. After being fed another hearty breakfast and getting an almost tearful good-bye from Mrs. Majuski, who extracted a promise from Graham to keep in touch, they were on their way to the airport.
"See? That wasn't so bad," Xander said, once they were settled on the plane.
"Thanks," was all Graham said and by the way Xander smiled at him, he had a feeling that Xander knew what he was talking about.
Part 3
When Graham returned from getting a soda one Friday afternoon, Killian handed him a piece of paper and said, "Before he left for the day, LTC Ellis gave me these coordinates and told me that we were to meet him there at 1800 hours sharp."
Graham nodded and said, "I'll get right on it," as he studied the paper on the way to his desk. Putting the paper and soda down, he pulled a city map out of a drawer. About twenty minutes and a few clicks on the computer later, Graham had the location and directions. Glancing at his watch and seeing that they didn't have very long, he said, "I'll be ready in a few."
"Okay," Killian replied, organizing his things for the weekend.
After locking up, they followed the directions a few blocks to a bar. Once inside, Ellis hailed them from a back booth. A waitress appeared as soon as they sat down and took their drink orders and Graham couldn't help but notice how Killian's eyes followed her as she left the table.
"I see you two made it here all right," Ellis said before taking a pull on his beer. They nodded as the waitress brought their beers over and he continued, "We all know that for a group to be able to work together well, there has to be trust between the members, and the best way for there to be trust, is for the members to know each other. So, therefore, for the time being, I am making it mandatory that Friday nights after work, we go out for dinner and a few beers. Now, obviously, things will come up where one of us will have to bow out one week - and that's fine, but it's not going to become a habit."
"Are we allowed to talk about work, sir?" Killian asked.
"Peripherally, yes, but I don't want it to be our focus. And, we're off the clock - you may call me Michael, if you wish. Ellis is fine too."
"Okay, Michael." Graham couldn't help but smile as Killian tried out saying Ellis' first name. "What are you smiling about?" he asked Graham, sounding a bit defensive.
"Nothing, Mordecai," Graham replied, not trying to hide his grin as he put a slight emphasis on the other man's name.
"Oh, please." Killian collapsed against the back of his seat. "That's my father. Everyone else calls me 'Cai' - unless I'm in trouble."
The waitress came up and asked, "Can I get you gentlemen anything to eat?"
After they all ordered hamburgers, Ellis asked, "So, Cai, are your parents still in the picture? Do you have any siblings?"
"Yeah, they are. My dad's a retired Apache pilot. He was a Warrant Officer Class 5. My mom was a stay-at-home Army wife. I have two brothers and one sister." He took a pull of his beer. "What about you, Graham?"
"Only child, just me and my dad," Graham replied. Looking at his beer bottle, he said, "He's not Army, though. He worked in a factory."
Killian nodded. "Sometimes I wish my dad wasn't Army. That way I'd have a way out from the long and time-honored family tradition."
Graham quietly countered, "The Army was my only way out."
The waitress appeared then with their food and Ellis sensibly moved the conversation onto other, more general, topics. When they parted ways later that night, Graham was happy that he had had a chance to spend time with them, though he was a little uneasy about Killian. Though the younger man hadn't said anything specific, or even in any terms other than vague comments, Graham thought he detected an undercurrent of homophobia and that made him a little uneasy.
"Where are we going today?" Graham asked the next morning when he saw Carrie and Kevin waiting outside the apartment as he shifted his laundry bag and stepped onto the landing. He had become used to the idea that the chances of his Saturdays being taken up with Andrew's activities were pretty high, so he had learned to get up early and go to the 24 hour laundromat if he wanted clean clothes that day.
"Zoo," Kevin replied as they followed Graham into the apartment.
"Breakfast is ready," Andrew said when he saw them. "The others should be here soon."
The rest of the regular group filtered in and ate. Once they had all had their fill and things were cleaned up, they headed out. Willow and Buffy met them at the main entrance to the zoo with the tickets. Carrie and Kevin hung out with Graham and Xander when the group split up.
"I'm really excited," Carrie said as they studied a map. After they had decided on their first destination and started on their way, she continued, "There's been some new additions recently - including some new babies."
As the day passed, Graham enjoyed himself immensely. It had been a long time since he had been to a zoo and seeing the animals brought back a lot of good memories. He also got to know Carrie and Kevin better and found that he enjoyed their company. They were bright, charming teens and it saddened him that their parents had been so upset over one small difference in their children that they had forced them out of their homes and lives. Not that his father knew about him, but Graham was still convinced that it was probably better that way. He also enjoyed spending time with Xander and learning a little more about him as well.
Once he was ensconced in his room that night, Graham's mind turned to an all-too-familiar topic. If he hadn't been before, he was now definitely convinced that he wasn't cut out for cruising. As he went over the day's events, as well as events in the recent past (well, since the beginning of June), he came to realize that he liked the domesticity he had found with Xander and Andrew - and especially Xander. It felt like Xander contained the pieces that Graham didn't know were missing and he was finding that he really wanted to try it out. But he wasn't sure if he should tell him of his attraction or if he should just keep it under wraps because Xander had shown no signs of reciprocating. Besides, even though he wasn't out in the field, he still had to be careful, lest any of this came up at work. And while he knew that Ellis wouldn't do anything, Killian seemed to be something of a loose cannon that Graham still wasn't completely sure he could trust. Why did love and attraction and all the things that were mixed up with them have to be so hard?
Later that week, when Ellis had stepped out of the office, Killian went over to Graham's desk and, after a glance at the door, hissed, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Graham asked, surprised at how Killian was acting.
"That she's a dyke."
Graham was surprised. "Who? Willow?"
"*Yes*, Willow. I went over to her house Sunday night to ask her out and she told me that since she thought I was nice and didn't want to lead me on, so she just told me."
"I honestly didn't know, Killian. All I've heard is that she's had some bad breakups recently and I'm not going to pry."
"Is anyone else –" Killian stopped short when the door opened and Graham gave him a bewildered shrug.
A couple of weeks later, when they were enjoying another day at the beach, Xander sank down on the blanket next to Graham. "You're looking pretty golden," he commented. "I hope you don't mind me saying, but for someone who spent a lot of time in Central and South America, you were looking a little pasty when you showed up here."
Graham laughed. "Had to layer up - too many mosquitoes and weird plants and monsters." He nodded to where some of the kids were in the water. "I'm surprised you're not in the water."
Xander smiled. "I was feeling a bit waterlogged. Why aren't you in? You haven't been in a while."
Graham returned the smile. "I've been enjoying myself people watching. It's not very often I get to do that."
"Do you need some more suntan lotion? Don't want to spoil that nice tan with some pink."
"Might not be a bad idea." Graham fished a tube out of a nearby bag and started to apply it to his arms. "Would you mind doing my back?" he asked as he held out the lotion.
"Not a problem." Xander took the lotion and began applying it expertly to Graham's back. Graham couldn't help but admit that it felt good and a tingle went down his spine. "You okay?" Xander asked, pausing for a second.
"Yeah, the lotion's just a bit cool." Holding his hand out, he said, "I need a bit more." Taking the lotion, he began rubbing some on his legs and tried not to think too much about Xander's hands on his back.
Graham spent the rest of the day discretely watching Xander as much as possible. Carrie called him on it a few times and he did the best he could to deny it, but she just laughed, though Graham knew that she had little room to talk - he had seen her doing the same thing with Lauren. He did join in throwing the Frisbee around with Xander and Robin - who, along with Faith, had decided to join them for once instead of doing their own couple-y things. And he also went in the water a few times before the day was done.
As the sun was starting its descent in earnest, Graham and Kevin were playing paddleball down by the water. "So, what's up with you and Xander?" Kevin asked off-handedly as he lobbed the ball back.
"Nothing, why?" Graham asked, returning the ball easily.
"Just because I caught you looking at him today. And I know it wasn't just any kind of look. I think he likes you too."
"Yo-h-what?" Caught off-guard, the ball hit Graham in the middle of his chest.
"Come on, you two. We're getting ready to go," Andrew called.
Kevin smiled as he came over and swatted Graham lightly on the chest with his paddle before picking up the ball. "Don't be so surprised. He's just a lot more subtle about it than you are."
Following Kevin and mechanically helping pack things up, Graham's mind began searching for any clues to either the contrary or the agreement of Kevin's statement.
Xander sighed as he and Andrew entered the apartment in the late evening of Labor Day. "Whoever has Labor Day off, sucks," he stated wearily as he dropped his messenger bag by the door and kicked off his shoes and Andrew did the same after shutting the door. Without looking, Xander sank down onto the couch where Graham had been lounging and reading a book, causing the other man to move his legs quickly and shut the book.
"Did everyone finally get signed up?" Graham asked.
"Yeah," Andrew replied, getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "Most of the paperwork hasn't changed since last school year, which is good, so it was mostly calling around and verifying things. I think that most of the work was just giving the kids a stern talking to and making sure they know that they have to be at school all day, every day, and keep their GPA up in order to do anything with the group."
"Does it work?"
"More than you'd think," Xander said. "When they have the choice - they're willing to do a lot to stay in the group."
Graham's stomach rumbled. "Anyone interested in getting dinner? I'll treat."
"Go ahead," Andrew replied as he headed towards his room. "Todd and I have plans tonight."
Graham quirked an eyebrow at Xander. "Any interest? Or are you too tired?"
"Are you kidding?" Xander asked with a smile. "I could always go for food."
They walked to a Mexican restaurant a couple blocks away, enjoying the warm night air. Graham smiled as he remembered how it had seemed odd at first to have everything close enough to walk to, but soon it had become second nature and now he hardly noticed. He also enjoyed the quiet companionship they shared. With Xander, he didn't feel like he *had* to say anything unless he wanted to. With a lot of the other guys, Riley included, he always felt as though he should say *something*, keep up some sort of conversation.
After they ordered, Xander asked, "So, do you have a girl to write home to?"
Graham shook his head as he took a swig of his beer and then made a face as he replied, "Nah. I was always away, so I didn't want anyone to wait for me. And I never found someone that I wanted to ask to wait." Graham could see that Xander had picked up on his intentionally ambiguous response and the thoughts and questions that passed behind Xander's eyes as a result as Xander bit his lower lip to keep from asking what he really wanted to know and Graham debated whether or not to respond. Heart pounding and committing before he had even really thought it through, Graham took a shaky breath and said, "The answer is yes," and let the breath out as Xander broke into a grin. It was odd how good he felt after such a simple admission. If only it could always be this easy and he could always get such a good response. Taking another shaky breath, he said, "Okay, so the world didn't actually end. This could be a good sign."
"Very good sign," Xander replied, nodding. "And the world didn't end when the Greeks made an all gay regiment, so I think you're safe."
"Yeah, well..." Graham sighed and looked down at the table, while rolling his beer bottle back and forth. "I wish it were that easy."
"One day it will be," Xander replied as their food was placed on the table.
"I wish I had your confidence," Graham said with a small smile as they started eating.
"You'll get there."
When Graham went to bed that night, he felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It felt unbelievably good to have someone else know about both of the big things in his life and not reject him or look at him as if he were crazy. Even if it was also weird knowing that someone else knew after having kept things bottled up inside for so long. But now what? Having the desk job offered him a much bigger latitude of freedom than being in the field and he knew that as long as he was discreet, Ellis wouldn't care. So what was worrying him so much? Xander rebuffing him? Or Killian's reaction should he find out?
Graham thought about it almost continuously - almost obsessively, even, but could never come up with a reason as to why he was so worried about having told Xander. Even though he hadn't sworn the younger man to secrecy, Graham knew that Xander hadn't told anyone else - primarily because Andrew hadn't said anything. Graham couldn't figure out why he was so antsy about the whole thing and almost proactive in wanting the other shoe to drop.
After that night, Graham and Xander began spending more time together. They were careful to not do anything that would let anyone suspect them of dating, but they stayed up late talking about nothing in particular or watching television or movies. Graham constantly kept a check on his emotions, not wanting to get too close too fast until he was completely certain of what both he and Xander wanted, but he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the closeness and the special bond that they shared.
"Are you okay, son?" Ellis asked one afternoon as he sat on the edge of Graham's desk.
"Yes, sir," Graham replied, looking up at him. "Why do you ask?"
"You've just seemed a little distant the past couple of weeks. No problems in any of your relationships?"
"No, sir. I've just had a few things on my mind lately."
Ellis smiled as he patted Graham on the shoulder. "Don't let them keep you too long."
Graham returned the smile and replied, "I won't."
"Any interest in going out with us?" Xander asked the first day of October.
"Maybe," Graham replied, having learned quickly to not agree or disagree until he had heard all the details.
"We're taking the kids out tonight and we'd like another chaperone. One of the gay clubs has an under 21 night the first and last Saturday of every month and we've kind of made a thing of going. There'll be a lot of other adults there, so don't feel like you have to."
"Might be fun," Graham replied, thinking that spending some time outside of the apartment would be good for him, as he got off the couch and put his book down. "But I don't have anything to wear."
"Yes, you do." Xander went into Graham's room with him and started going through his closet. He pulled out a pair of black trousers and a deep maroon button-down short-sleeve shirt. "Put these on," he said as he disappeared out of the room. He reappeared with a pair of black boots as Graham was buttoning the last couple of buttons. He handed them to Graham and said, "Try these." Graham put them on, and while they were a little snug, they weren't tight, and stood for Xander's approval. After doing a little preening, Xander gave him a critical once over and smiled. "You look great. Give me a second." And he disappeared once more.
Graham wandered out into the living room as he waited for Xander to get ready. His breath caught as Xander appeared from his room wearing a similar outfit - except he wore a pair of Doc Martins instead of boots and his shirt was a dark navy/almost midnight blue and the top two buttons were undone. His hair was a bit tousled and slightly curly. In his opinion, the boy had definitely become a man.
"I'd ask if I looked okay, but I think I just got the answer," Xander said with a smile as he crossed over to Graham. "Ready to go?"
"Sure," Graham replied, tearing his gaze away. "But I want to get something to eat first."
"They have food there we can get." Xander got their jackets for them. "We better get going or we're going to be late. I told them we'd be there at 6:30."
Graham looked at the clock. It was 6:25. "Are you ever going to learn?" he asked, knowing that Xander was perpetually a little late.
"Probably not," Xander replied with a smile as they left.
They met Andrew and the kids at one of the community centers before climbing into the vans and heading to the club. It was already crowded by the time they got there, but there were able to find a couple of tall tables to pull together and set down their jackets. Graham instinctively surveyed the room for possible threats, as well as emergency exits, and noticed that most of the people there, staff aside, were close to the kids' age, though there were a few closer to Xander and Andrew's age, who Graham could only guess were also chaperones. He easily settled into one of the tall chairs to take the job of watching over their belongings as everyone else immediately disappeared onto the dance floor. Graham watched them dance with an amused smile on his face. Most of them weren't very good, but they were having fun and that's all that mattered to them. His eyes fell on Xander more often than not and he enjoyed watching him. Even though Xander was a far cry from Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire, he still had a magnetic quality that continually grabbed Graham's attention. During that time, he felt the interested gaze of a few guys lock onto him and it made him feel a little uncomfortable. He had never had someone else actively check him out before and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.
"Why don't you come join us?" Xander asked after exiting the floor a few songs later and getting a drink.
"I can't dance," Graham replied. And, fishing for another excuse, he added, "And I still haven't eaten anything."
Xander laughed. "You could've gone and gotten something. Our things would've been safe for that long. And it should be apparent that nobody really cares if you can dance or not." Setting his cup down, Xander said, "I'll go get us something to share."
As Xander walked away, Graham followed him with his eyes. He wasn't checking him out, per se, but definitely looking with interest. Xander returned not long after with a plate of chicken strips, fries, and some dipping sauces and also carrying a soda and napkins.
"I wasn't exactly sure which dipping sauces you like, so I got a variety," Xander said as he set the items on the table, setting the soda in front of Graham, and sat down next to Graham to make it easier to talk and eat. As they began picking at the food, Xander asked, "So, what do you look for in a guy?"
"Wow, that's got a kick to it," Graham said, pointing with the pinky finger of his right hand to one of the sauces.
"Yeah, that's the chipotle barbeque."
"I don't know." Graham shrugged. "Good personality, sense of humor, attractive - to me, someone who's willing to be emotionally involved, but also willing to give me my space when I need it and not press things. Normal stuff, I guess. What about you?"
"Same things, I think. Though it would be nice to have someone that I wouldn't have to lie to about the demons and stuff."
Graham laughed. "Yeah, that would be nice." Eyeing the crowd, he asked, "Do you ever find it weird when other guys check you out?"
"I did at first - especially when I still wasn't completely sure. But now I don't really think about it. It's a lot like when women do it, but now it's more obvious and happens more often. You'll get used to it, I promise. Besides," he said, after swallowing a bite of chicken, "eventually one of them will be the guy you'll want to ask to wait for you."
"Maybe," Graham replied disheartened.
"What is it?" Xander asked, but Graham just shook his head, not really wanting to talk about it right then.
He was thankful when a couple of the kids came up to bug them about getting back on the dance floor. After shooing them off, they finished eating and Xander also went back onto the dance floor after reminding Graham that he had promised to dance with them before the end of the night. An hour or two later, the crowd was starting to thin out and Carrie came over to the table as a slow song started.
"When are you going to come dance?" the brunette asked and Graham shrugged. "You promised."
"I know," he replied. "But I'm not very good."
She laughed. "Like that's stopping any of us. It'll be slow songs from here on, so it'll be easy," she continued, taking his hand and trying to tug him off the chair. "Just two songs, since Andrew wants us to go soon."
"Okay, okay." Knowing he wasn't going to win, he stood and had to smile in response to her grin. "Two songs." The rest of the group grinned when they joined them.
Once on the floor, he took Carrie in his arms in a traditional pose and, even though she stumbled a bit and stepped on his feet a number of times, they both enjoyed his efforts in trying to teach her how to "dance properly" as she called it. At the end of the song, Xander politely butted in and Carrie easily gave up her spot with a smile.
"I'm not that much better," Xander said as the next song started.
"That's fine with me," Graham replied with a smile. "At least you're willing to give it a shot."
"How'd you learn to do this stuff?"
"Some of the girls on base - they thought it would help 'refine' us guys. You're not doing too bad."
"I've watched too many old movies with the girls," he said with a smile. The song ended and Graham finished the dance with a spin. "That was fun. We should do it again sometime."
Graham smiled. "I doubt it."
"Never say never. I bet earlier tonight you didn't think you'd be dancing at a gay bar, now did you?"
This time, Graham laughed. "Very true."
Once they were back at the apartment, Andrew said, "Thanks for coming out with us," before disappearing into his room.
"Yeah," Xander added, clapping Graham on the shoulder. "I had a really good time tonight."
"Me too," Graham was surprised to find he could reply with a high level of honesty.
Xander smiled and withdrew his hand and as they headed for their rooms, Graham couldn't help but think that Xander's touch had lingered for a little longer than necessary and that Xander's smile was just a bit more beautiful.
On Monday, the day started off rather well. It appeared that they were actually ahead of the game in many areas and Graham even had phone calls from a couple of their teams to tell them that they were through with their current missions and that reports would be shortly forthcoming.
When Killian returned from lunch that afternoon, Graham was vaguely aware of him approaching Ellis' desk and quietly asking to have a word with him in private. Graham only half listened as he worked on the reports that had come in and Ellis told Killian that whatever needed to be said could be said outright. Graham heard Killian shuffle his feet and glanced up, noticing the tension in the younger man's body.
"Sir, I think we have a situation that may need to be addressed," Killian continued.
"And what situation would that be?" Ellis asked, setting his pen down, folding his hands on top of his papers and giving Killian his full attention.
"I have reason to believe that there are some homosexuals in our division, sir."
"I highly doubt that's any cause for alarm, sergeant, and I fail to see how this matter is of any importance to our mission." Ellis picked his pen back up and began to work again.
"If I may speak frankly, sir," Killian cleared his throat and continued on without waiting for consent, "I think that the possible ramifications of this situation should be taken into consideration seeing as how we're such a new division and I'm sure that the more established divisions who don't see the advantages to what we're doing would be looking for ways to bring us down."
"Then consider your suggestion duly noted," Ellis interjected firmly, "and please get back to work."
Graham looked up in time to see Killian clench his jaw, nod stiffly and return to his desk. While he was relieved that Ellis didn't seem too concerned with what Killian had brought up, the possibility of what might happen still worried him. He knew that if he kept on as he had for the past few years, he wouldn't have anything to worry about. But so many things had changed in the past few months, that Graham wasn't sure if it was possible for him to go back to that any more. He enjoyed the freedom he had found with his non-military friends and the possibility of having something with Xander was, well...tantalizing. As the phone rang yet again, Graham tried to push the incident out of his mind and answered it.
The next evening Graham had his first mentoring session with Carrie. They met at the shelter she frequented and walked to a nearby park.
Sitting on the swings, Graham asked, "How's school?"
"Good," she replied, swaying back and forth and not really looking at him.
"Having any trouble?"
"No."
"Are your teachers nice?" He tried to make eye contact, but without any luck.
"Yeah."
"Are the other students cool?"
"Yeah."
He sighed, somewhat frustrated. "So, there's nothing happening at school that you want to talk about?"
"Nope." She looked at him. "What's with the twenty questions?"
He shrugged. "I'm just trying to be a good mentor. Andrew wasn't very specific."
Carrie giggled. "He usually isn't. I think he figures that letting us forge our own path is better for us than telling us how to run our meetings."
"Does it work?"
"If you're not too pushy, it will be."
"Is that what happened with your last mentor?"
"Yeah. It was either her way or the highway." Carrie looked down at the ground again. "I think she wanted to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes she did."
"Buffy?" Graham asked. In the few months he had become reacquainted with her, he had found that while her heart was in the right place, she could be a bit of a hard-ass.
"How'd you guess?" Carrie asked with a smirk.
"Okay," Graham said, getting down to business. "How about we meet once a week to talk, I can try to help you with your homework, and whatever. How's that sound?"
Carrie nodded. "Sounds good. Same Bat time, same Bat channel?"
"If you want."
"Sure." Carrie stood. "I'll see you, then."
"Good night," Graham replied with a smile before she walked off. He stayed on his swing for a while longer wondering what to do about Killian. He was a nice enough guy and Graham had the feeling that his mention of homosexuality was based more on wanting to test his limits now that they weren't in the training dynamic and had settled into their new place. And in a way, Graham wasn't surprised. He had heard stories from others as he went through boot camp and then Q course of Army brats who, when it came time for them to fulfill their familial duty, chafed their superiors every chance they got, looking for a weakness. Hopefully, Ellis' response would be enough and Killian would have enough sense not to push it.
The next night, Graham had his first mentor meeting with Kevin in the rec room of the shelter Kevin stayed at. As they played a casual game of ping pong, Kevin said, "I heard you're also mentoring Carrie."
"Yeah," Graham replied as he hit the ball back, not exactly sure if that was the response Kevin wanted.
"I think it'll be good for her. From the little she's said, her home life wasn't great before her parents found out she was gay and it went downhill from there. From what Andrew says, she's doing really well, all things considered. Plus, she likes you a lot."
"What about you?"
"I think you're cool." Kevin batted the ball back and forth with his hands before serving it. "So, do you have any grand plans for how we're going to run this?"
"None at all. You?"
"Nope. But it'll be good to have someone to talk to who's older."
"How's that?"
Kevin shrugged. "Things at home aren't so good - obviously or I wouldn't be here, right? And it's nice knowing that there's someone out there I can look up to."
"What about Xander?" Graham pointed out.
"Besides him," Kevin smiled, "because, you know, I thought he was a given. And I meant as a couple. If you two get together, that is. Sorry. Sometimes my mouth goes quicker than my brain."
"It's completely all right. So, you think we'll be getting together, do you?"
"Well, I think you two would make a good-looking couple." Graham could tell Kevin was getting nervous by being put on the spot, but didn't make a move to save him. "And, well...um...I think you two seem to get each other in a way no one else does."
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't know." Kevin shrugged. "It's just a vibe or something. It's just one of those things that you know when you see it."
Graham nodded and decided not to press it - for now - as he hit the ball back to Kevin.
"Graham?" Andrew asked a few days later as he stuck his head out his bedroom door. "Can I see you a minute?"
"Oooh, you're in trouble now," Xander said with a smile as he handed Graham another plate. "Go on, I can finish up."
Graham quickly dried the plate and his hands before putting away the plate and the towel on the counter before heading to Andrew's room. "Everything okay?" he asked, hovering in the doorway, not sure what to make of Andrew's request.
"Yeah. Come on in and shut the door." Andrew continued organizing some papers on his desk as Graham did so. "Take a seat," he said, motioning to his bed. Once Graham had settled on Andrew's bed, which looked to be mostly made - though quite rumpled, and Andrew sat down on his desk chair, Andrew asked, "How's work?"
Graham shrugged and leaned back on his hands. "Okay." At Andrew's questioning look, he added, "Killian's being a bit of a pretentious asshole, but otherwise things are good."
"How so?"
"I think he suspects that I'm gay, but I'm not completely sure, or how he even started thinking that. He started making noises to Ellis on Monday about needing to get the 'homosexuals' out of our division before others outside find out and even though he hasn't said anything in front of me since then, somehow I don't think he's going to give up that easily."
"Do you think Ellis takes him seriously?"
"No." Graham creased his forehead and rubbed the back of his thumb against it, trying to figure out what Andrew was getting at and wondering why he didn't seem surprised that Graham had just outed himself. "What's with the twenty questions? And why don't you seem surprised that I'm gay?"
"You've seemed a bit unhappy this past week and I was worried about you. And I don't seem surprised because I'm not. I have a very good gaydar. I've known since the party." There was a slight pause and Graham felt the weight of Andrew studying him. "I may not have my degree yet, but I am trained as a counselor and my door's always open. So feel free to come talk to me about anything. I just want you to be happy, Graham, and I know that being gay and in the military isn't the easiest thing in the world."
"Thanks." Graham stood.
"Before you go, take this." Andrew handed Graham a book from a pile on his desk. "I don't know if it'll help or anything, but sometimes knowing where you're coming from will help you know where you're going."
Graham looked at the title - Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War Two. "Interesting," he commented, not exactly impressed.
"At least give it a chance, will you?" Andrew also stood and opened the door. "I haven't read all of it, but so far it's really good. Might help you with whatever Killian ends up throwing your way."
"Okay, okay. I'll give it a try." Holding up the book, Graham said, "Thanks," and exited.
October passed. The trees lost the remainder of their leaves and Graham found himself helping chaperone more shopping trips - this time for winter clothing. The definite seasons and the certainty of snow were probably the only two things he had ever really missed from his childhood in Chicago. He also began reading the book that Andrew had given him and soon found himself engrossed in it.
Killian continued in his persistence that Ellis should make it a point to excise any homosexuals that were in their command, to reduce the risk of censure from the other commands until they had proven themselves to be a valuable part of the Armed Forces. And each time Ellis shot him down, which made Graham wonder if Killian had some sort of later-in-life cognitive defect – or was a robot that got stuck on one track of its program. Numerous times during work, Graham felt himself being watched by Killian, as though he was being studied – like Killian wasn't sure what to make of him. On Friday night after three weeks of intermittent badgering from Killian, Ellis asked him point blank why he felt compelled to invoke a witch hunt for something that was not a problem. Killian sputtered, clearly surprised that the subject was actually being given some level of consideration, before replying that, based on what he had learned from his own research and from what he had experienced on patrols, they needed to have a strong force to fight their particular enemy and that having gay soldiers in their ranks would undermine the soldiers' morale and break the cohesion the squads needed in the field. Graham was confused, and feeling not a little hurt and possibly betrayed, at Ellis' silent dismissal once Killian was finished talking.
But things weren't completely bleak. Aside from doing things with the kids and mentoring Carrie and Kevin (which Graham found to be very enjoyable and could tell that they were getting a lot out of the personal attention), he and Xander began to become more exclusive. It started out in very easy and subtle ways – including going out for a bite to eat after a patrol, talking late into the night on a more regular basis, making sure they were paired up for various activities. And even though neither dared call what they were starting by its real name, both seemed to acknowledge that they were becoming a couple.
One such night, Graham had been up late reading again, absorbed in the plight of gays and lesbians during the Second World War.
Xander plopped down on the couch, causing Graham to draw his legs closer and close his book. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.
"I am," Graham replied. "This book is more interesting than I thought it would be and it makes me feel really bad for taking for granted the fact that I have more freedom than they did."
"Maybe, maybe not," Xander replied before popping another peanut M&M in his mouth. "From what Andrew's said, even though they had to be careful, they were able to go out to clubs, date, put on drag shows, and some of them were even pretty out. Sure, you went to a gay club, but because of what happened here," he tapped the cover of the book, "you're watching your back all the time. Even though they had to watch their backs, I'd say things were better for them."
Graham nodded. "There's this one passage in here about what researches called 'well-adjusted homosexuals' and how they were great soldiers who happened to be gay and I feel like saying, 'Well, duh. Most of us *are* great soldiers'."
"I'd agree with that, and I think many straight people would agree – especially the ones that have fought with the gays, whether they knew it or not."
Graham nodded. "Things will get easier one of these days, they have to."
"They *will*."
There was a lull in the conversation and Graham felt the connection between the two of them more profoundly than ever before and before he knew it, they were both slowly leaning in and their lips were gently touching. While it was short and chaste, the kiss was incredibly sweet - both from the chocolate Xander had just eaten and also because of the promises it held for the future.
When Xander pulled away, they both smiled shyly. "How was that?" Graham asked.
"Great," Xander replied. "You?"
"Great."
"You okay with it?"
Graham smiled. "Yeah, I am."
"Good."
"Come on, we're going to be late!" Xander called from the living room.
"We already are late," Graham replied as he came out of his room, buckling his utility belt. "So, has Cinderella finished applying her make-up yet?"
"I certainly hope so or we're -" Xander stopped and looked at Graham wide-eyed. "What did you just say?"
"I asked if Andrew was ready yet," Graham replied, bewildered and not realizing how he had phrased the question.
"I know what you asked. It was just the way you said it. I think you're spending too much time around Andrew and he's rotting your brain."
"I wouldn't be surprised. Are you coming, Andrew?" he called. "The ball's going to be over before we even get there at this rate."
"I'm coming, I'm coming," Andrew replied as he appeared in his doorway. "How do I look?"
"More convincing than most of the Star Trek geeks I've seen," Xander responded as they saw Andrew was dressed as Spock.
As they left, Graham commented to Xander, "The parrot's a nice touch."
"Thanks," Xander replied. "The whole pirate thing might be clichéd for me now, but it's the easiest thing with the eye patch."
"Well, you could always go as Major Bludd from 'G.I. Joe'."
"Maybe next year."
"Ooh," Andrew said with a grin. "Then that way you two could go as a matching couple."
The costume/Halloween party at the club had a good turn out, though Graham inwardly groaned when they arrived and he saw how many of the guys were dressed up as soldiers or sailors. He had done so, but only because he actually *had* the clothing and figured it was easier than actually trying to put together a costume. It did make him feel better knowing that he was the only one whose outfit was perfect and throughout the night he got compliments on how authentic his outfit looked.
"Are these real?" Carrie asked as she studied his dog tags when they were taking a break.
"They are," Graham replied, taking a sip of his soda.
"Cool." She grinned and handed them to Kevin.
Graham actually danced a few times that evening and enjoyed himself a lot. During the final song, he managed to finally get a hold of Xander for a dance, at the end of which he impulsively kissed him.
November came and fall continued its progression toward winter. Killian seemed to back off some from his self-imposed witch hunt. But not much. Graham could tell that his insistency was beginning to wear even Ellis' patience - which usually equaled Mt. Everest in height.
One evening, mid-November, when Graham got home from work, Xander asked, "I was thinking of cooking dinner tonight – any interest?"
"Sure," Graham replied, heading towards his room. "Let me go change." When he reappeared a few minutes later pulling a sweater over his head, he asked, "Where were you thinking?"
Xander shrugged. "We've got some chicken and some leftover spaghetti and sauce from the other day."
"Sounds good. Mind if I help?"
"Not at all."
They easily moved around in the kitchen and around each other as they prepared dinner. Graham enjoyed the simplicity of what they were doing and how they didn't need to go out and do something to enjoy themselves. As they ate, they talked about their respective day before moving on to other topics and Graham, for the first time, could say that he was truly content.
After they finished and cleaned up, Graham settled on the couch to try to finish the book Andrew had lent him and Xander, true to form, came over a little later and sat down close enough to make Graham lift his feet. Once they were settled, with Graham's feet in Xander's lap, Xander turned on the TV and began absently massaging Graham's feet. Graham smiled behind his book. Life was good.
On the Monday evening before Thanksgiving, there was a knock at the door and Andrew went to get it. Xander came out of his bedroom and Graham looked over from where he was making a snack to see who their visitor was. When Ellis entered, Graham quickly glanced at where he had left the book Andrew had lent him on the coffee table, not sure if he should hide it, leave it where it was, try to get one of the guys to get it and put it away, or what.
After greeting all of them and Xander disappearing back into his bedroom, Ellis said, "I was hoping to speak with you, Graham."
"Not a problem," Graham replied. "Can I offer you something?"
"No thanks." Ellis went over to the sitting area and picked up the book. Flipping through it, he commented, "This seems interesting."
"It is," Andrew interjected, as he followed Graham over after getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "I work with gay youth and find it helpful to know about the gay contribution to history."
Graham inwardly sighed in relief as Ellis nodded as he continued to look through it and asked, "May I borrow this sometime?"
Andrew glanced at Graham, who gave a quick nod, and replied, "Sure."
Ellis looked up and gave Andrew a small smile. "Thanks. I have a feeling this will come in handy in the near future."
Andrew made a quick exit and Graham offered Ellis a seat before sitting himself. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked, his sandwich forgotten on the coffee table.
"Killian," Ellis said, situating the book on his lap. "I had hoped that by not paying too much attention to his antics, he would stop, but that doesn't seem to be the case and I was hoping that we could figure out a way to nip it in the bud once and for all, seeing as how it's starting to get out of hand."
"Honestly, I have no idea, sir. I've never actually had to deal with a situation quite like this before. But I would have thought that your repeated commands to let it go would have had some effect."
"So did I. Do you think something like this book would help?"
"It might, sir. I know it's been a real eye-opener for me. And maybe he could help Andrew some. Those kids are something else and I think that spending some time with gays would be good for him."
"Both sound good." Ellis stood. "Anyway, think about it some more and maybe ask your friend and see if he has any ideas. Hopefully, this book will help as well." Graham walked him to the door. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."
"G'night, sir," Graham said before shutting the door behind him, thinking that that was probably one of the weirder conversations he'd ever had.
The next night, Xander cornered Graham as he was finishing up his dinner dishes and said, "We need to talk," as Graham wiped his hands off and hung the towel up.
"About what?" Graham asked as he followed Xander into Xander's room and lounged on his side on Xander's bed as Xander closed the door, even though Andrew was out for the night.
Xander went over and sat on the bed. "About us." He sighed and stared at the comforter, his pointer fingers gently tracing designs. "This is tougher than I thought," he finally said, with a weak smile.
Graham took one of Xander's hands in his. "What is it?" he asked gently.
Xander exhaled a deep breath, but didn't look up. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm inexperienced with relationships - hell, my first real one was with a vengeance demon - and especially with gay ones, but I know enough to know that I'm not going to put up with any bullshit. I know that we're not technically together and that you've been going through a lot of stuff since you got here, and I don't envy you that. But for the past few weeks, it seems like we've been moving towards becoming a couple and I'd really like that. I honestly think that you're the one for me and I'm ready to be in it for the long haul, but I'm sensing a lot of hesitancy on your part, which – like I said – I totally understand. But I really don't want to wake up one morning in an empty bed just because you didn't feel like it anymore or because you decided it wasn't for you." He looked up at Graham.
Graham, not sure of what to say – simply opened and shut his mouth a few times, trying to figure out the correct response.
"Just think about it, okay?" Xander asked, his eyes pleading.
Graham simply nodded in response.
Before they left the office Wednesday evening for their Thanksgiving holiday, Ellis said to Killian, "Son, I want you do to me a favor. Whatever it is that you're trying to do by pulling this homosexuality witch hunt stunt - sort it out and leave it at home. When you come back next week, I don't want to hear another word about it, you hear?"
"Yes, sir," Killian replied.
"Good. And remember that we're leaving for D.C. a week from Saturday for our review. Go on, then." Once Killian was out the door, Ellis turned to Graham. "Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for the weekend? The family would love to see you."
"Thank you, but no," Graham replied as they locked up, knowing that while Ellis' invitation was genuine, how much his superior prized his time with his family. "I've acquired my own little family here that'll be expecting me tomorrow. But give them my best."
"That I will. Enjoy your time off and try not to worry about the rugrat too much."
Graham smiled. "I won't. Have a good one."
Thursday went well and was the most positive Thanksgiving Graham had ever experienced. After helping prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner at a one of Andrew's shelters, Graham, Xander, and Andrew met with the rest of the Sunnydale group at the girls' house for their own dinner and a game of football. When Graham went to bed that night, he was tired and just the tiniest bit sore, but he was happy.
The next morning, he was awoken by Xander. "Come on," Xander whispered. "We've got to get going."
"Where?" Graham asked, still mostly asleep.
"Airport. Come on, we don't have much time. Just get dressed - everything else is ready." Xander exited the room.
Graham damned his army training as he staggered out of bed and got dressed. After making a quick detour to use the bathroom and finding his things packed, he met Xander in the living room. Xander handed him a large travel mug of coffee and a bag before saying that he'd explain later. No answers were forthcoming on the ride to the airport, however.
Once they were in the airport, they checked their bags and Xander led Graham through the terminal. As Graham followed him, things were slowly beginning to dawn on him.
"We're taking a flight to Chicago," Graham said as he looked at the sign for their gate. "Xander, why are we taking a flight to Chicago?"
"Because it's easier than driving," Xander replied, slumping into a chair.
"No shit." Graham sat down next to him. "But why are we going to Chicago and what's with all the cloak and dagger?"
"Would you have come with me if I had asked you outright?"
"I don't know. Might depend on what your reason for the excursion is."
"Ellis and I have talked and we think it'd be good for you to go home - even if for a few days."
"Chicago's not my home anymore."
"Maybe not, but Ellis seems to think it's still important to you." The conversation was stopped as it was announced that it was time to board.
Graham spent the whole flight brooding. He didn't want to go back to Chicago. He had no reason to go back to Chicago. He was perfectly fine with having things they were. All he could think when the plane landed was that this trip had better damn well be worth it.
Once they had gotten their bags and rented a car, Graham gave directions to his neighborhood, but didn't say anything else. Soon they were parallel parking along a curb in front of a row of townhouses in a quiet urban neighborhood. Graham got out and stretched before leaning against the passenger side door. Xander got out and joined him.
"That's my old house," Graham said after a few minutes of silence in which he contemplated the building and Xander watched the people who were out on the street.
"This one right here?" Xander asked, meaning the one right in front of them.
"Yeah."
"Then why don't we go in?"
"Can't. My dad died back in May and it was sold. I didn't think I'd ever be back here."
"Graham Miller? Is that you, boy?" a trill female voice called. Both men looked in the direction of the voice and saw an elderly, but still energetic, woman coming out of the townhouse next to Graham's.
Graham grinned and stood up straight. "Mrs. Majuski! I didn't think you'd still be around."
"I’m not going anywhere that easily. Come up here so I can get a good look at you. Your friend too."
As they did as she asked, Graham said, "Mrs. Majuski's lived here for forever and she's like the neighborhood matriarch. She knew everything that was going on."
"Still do," she said. She passed a critical eye over Graham before saying, "The Army seems to be agreeing with you. I always said the world would be a better place if more young men went through the Army," she said to Xander, playfully swatting his stomach with the back of her hand. "And who might you be?"
"Xander Harris, ma'am," Xander replied.
"Xander? What kind of name is that?"
"It's short for Alexander."
She simply nodded. "Well, come on inside before you catch cold." She let them inside and motioned to the chairs in her living room. "Sit, sit." Once they were settled, she asked, "How long will you be here for?"
"Only until Sunday," Graham replied.
"That's nice. When did you two get in?"
"Only about an hour and a half ago."
She nodded and then asked, "What do you do, Alexander?"
"I work for an industrial architect firm."
"Very impressive. You two must stay here while you're here."
"Mrs. Majuski –" Graham started.
"No buts," she said as she stood. "It'll be good to have you here. Excuse me for a moment, I need to check the spaghetti."
"She makes spaghetti every Friday," Graham explained to Xander as she disappeared, "and shares it with anyone who'll stop by. You can't find any better."
Mrs. Majuski came out of the kitchen. "I hate to ask, Graham, but would you be a dear and run down to Tony's for me?"
Graham stood. "Not a problem. Is he still down on the corner?"
She nodded and smiled as she handed him some money. "I only need some more sausage - just get some of whatever he has left, some Italian or French bread - it doesn't matter which, and some of the grated cheese."
Xander had stood as she was giving Graham the list. "Okay," Graham said. "We'll be back soon." After grabbing their coats, they headed out.
"She seems great," Xander commented as they headed down the street.
"She is," Graham concurred. "She really looked after me and the other kids. I don't know where I'd be without her." They walked the rest of the block and a half in comfortable silence. Graham looked around the neighborhood and found it comforting that practically nothing had changed since he had left ten years before.
When they entered Tony's, a butcher's-slash-deli-slash-corner store, a man who looked to be in his mid-to-late fifties appeared from the back. "Will wonders never -" he started as he grinned. "Graham Miller! How *are* you, son?" he asked as he came out from behind the counter to give Graham a huge hug. "Keeping yourself out of trouble?" he asked, leaving an arm across Graham's shoulders.
"Yes, sir," Graham replied with a smile. "Tony, this is Xander Harris, a friend of mine who wanted to see the neighborhood."
"Nice to meet you," Tony said, shaking Xander's hand. "So, what can I do for you boys tonight?" he asked, pulling away from Graham.
"Mrs. Majuski sent me down for a few things. I need some sausage - she said to just give her some of whatever you've got left."
"Okay." Tony moved behind the counter to fill that part of the order and Graham and Xander quickly got the other two items. "Anything else I can get you boys?" he asked as he bagged everything up.
"That's it," Graham said. "What do I owe you?"
"Don't worry about it. Tell Mrs. Majuski this is part of my repayment for what she's done for all of us."
"I will." Graham picked up the bag. "It was good to see you, Tony."
"You too, Graham. Listen, come over tomorrow night for dinner. Lisa will want to see you and Jack's in town this weekend too."
"Okay," Graham replied. "What time?"
"Six. And you're invited too, Xander."
"Thanks," Xander replied with a small smile. After saying good night, they headed back to Mrs. Majuski's.
When they got there, there were a few more people in the kitchen eating spaghetti and Mrs. Majuski introduced everyone. A couple of the guys Graham knew and he had to admit that it was good seeing them again. As the sausage browned, Mrs. Majuski dished out two heaping plates of spaghetti for Xander and Graham. Throughout the evening, the group ate and talked, people came and went, stories were told, and dishes of spaghetti were exchanged for coffee mugs and cookies. Graham found himself laughing, smiling, and enjoying himself more than he thought possible and could tell that Xander was enjoying himself as well.
Later that night after everyone had left and everything had been cleaned up, Mrs. Majuski showed them up to the guest room. "I'm sorry that there's only one bed in there and I hope you two don't mind sharing," she said, "but it's more comfortable than the couch downstairs. The sheets are clean and there are towels in the closet next to the bathroom."
"Thank you, Mrs. Majuski," Graham said. "It'll be fine."
"Good," she said with a smile. "Sleep well, then, and I'll see you in the morning. If you need anything, I'm just down the hall." They both murmured their thanks and she shut the door behind her.
"She's great," Xander said as they both set their bags on the bed and began getting things out to get ready for bed.
"She is," Graham said with a smile. "I think she single-handedly kept two generations of this street in line. And the next one better watch out - I don't think she's planning on going anywhere. Do you want the shower first?"
"Nah, go ahead."
Graham gathered up his things and headed to the bathroom down the hall, grabbing some towels along the way. As he showered, Graham couldn't help but feel as if he was washing away some of the deadweight that he had been carrying with him since he had left the neighborhood. He hadn't wanted to come back, and if he had figured out how to fight against Xander he probably wouldn't have come, but now that he was here, Graham couldn't help but admit that it was the right thing for him to do – come back and put this place to rest in his memory once and for all.
When he got back to the room, Xander was arranging some pillows and one of the blankets on the floor. "What are you doing?" he asked as he put his things back in his bag.
"Getting ready for bed," Xander replied.
"Why don't you sleep on the bed? It'll be more comfortable." Graham could see Xander was wavering between agreeing and holding to a personal decision. "Look, if it's a really big thing for you, then don't worry about it."
"It's not that," Xander said, letting out a breath. "Are you ready for that?"
"Xander," Graham gave him a half stern look. "I think we can handle sleeping in the same bed for two nights. Will it help if I swear that I have no plans to ravish you in the middle of the night?"
"Maybe." Xander smiled as he stood and grabbed his things. "I'll think about it while I'm in the shower."
By the time Xander was done in the shower, Graham had settled himself in the bed on the side closest to the wall and was lightly dozing. "What'd you decide?" he asked as Xander put his things away.
"I think I'll take my chances with being ravished," Xander replied as he slid under the covers after turning the light out. "The floor's a little too cold for my liking."
After they were both settled and a few minutes of quiet, Graham quietly asked, "How'd you know you were gay?"
Graham felt Xander shift on the bed. "It wasn't long after we had moved here and Andrew had started taking classes at Cleveland University and he had to do some sort of mock counseling sessions, so I volunteered to help him out since we live together and that way it would be easier for him and through the course of the questions he had to ask, it kind of came up that I was feeling conflicted and so we talked about it, since Andrew's known for a long time that he's gay and he's obviously more comfortable with it and he's done a lot of research into it. But it was hard coming to grips with it. Especially since at first I thought that it would mean that my feelings for Anya were invalid, when I know that I truly did love her. What about you?"
Graham shrugged, even though he knew Xander couldn't see him. "I think I've always known. Just like I always knew that I had to get away from here and that the Army was the only way I could do it."
"Was it hard growing up and knowing?"
"Well, I didn't *know* know until I went to college, but that whole cliché about feeling different was definitely true. When the other guys talked about the girls they liked, I just didn't really care. But there were times when it was hard - the guys asking questions that I didn't really have any answers to."
They both fell silent after that. And just before Graham fell asleep, he heard a sleepy, "G'night, Graham."
The next morning they both woke at the same time. And even though he didn't say anything, Graham was pretty sure that Xander was relieved that they had woken up on their own sides of the bed and all their clothing was still on. After they got dressed and ready to face the day, they headed downstairs, to be met by Mrs. Majuski cooking breakfast.
"I hope you two are hungry," she said with a smile as she began dishing out the scrambled eggs. "Though, Graham's appetite doesn't seem to have changed much since he left." After loading up their plates with eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes, she set them on the table before the two men, who had gotten mugs of coffee. After getting her own plate and sitting down, she said, "It's good to have you back, Graham. And I'm glad you've found happiness."
Graham's eyes shot up, a fork full of pancakes pausing midway to his mouth. He immediately wondered if she had found out.
"You know," she said confidentially, "I never took you for the sissified type, but Alexander seems like a good man. I'm sure he'd make a great catch."
"Well, um, thanks," Graham replied, flustered. A quick glance to Xander provided that either the other man hadn't been paying attention, or was blatantly ignoring their conversation.
"So," she said, "what do you boys have planned today?"
Xander looked up from the newspaper section he had been studying and shrugged. "I'm just along for the ride, really. Graham?"
Graham shrugged as well. "Hadn't really thought that far ahead."
"I think it might be good for you to go visit your father." Graham started to say that he wasn't sure about that, when Mrs. Majuski put a hand up to stop him. "It'll do you good to go see his grave. And he deserves to have his son visit him at least once. He's up at St. Joseph's cemetery. And make sure you take flowers. There's a stand for them on his grave."
Knowing that there was no way he'd be able to get out of it, Graham set to finishing his breakfast, seeing Xander chuckling noiselessly at him out of the corner of his eye.
After they finished and helped clean up, Mrs. Majuski gave them directions to his father's grave, though Graham had a vague memory of where it was, since his father had taken him to the cemetery when he was little to visit his grandparents. Then she shooed them out of the house.
Once they were at the grave, Graham crouched, took the flowers from their wrapping and arranged them as best he could in the small stand that stood above his father's plaque, before pouring in a bit of the bottle of water Xander had picked up as well. Then he cleared away the leaves and extra grass from on top of the plaque. Afterwards, he stayed down and studied it, gently tracing the factory union's emblem.
"He'd been sick," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around his knees. "He never told me with what, though, but I think it had something to do with working at the factory his whole life. He was a good guy. Distant, but he meant well. I don't think he'd ever planned on being a father, but after my mom pulled the whole 'I'm going out for a fill-in-the-blank' and never coming back, he did the best he could."
"How old where you?" Xander asked, crouching down next to him.
"Maybe two or three? I'm not really sure. I don't remember my mom, so I must've been little and my dad didn't really talk about her." Graham could feel the tears stinging his eyes and sniffed. "I wasn't here for him," Graham sniffed again and felt the tears begin to fall, powerless to stop them, "and I never got a chance to tell him that I appreciated what he did for me and that I knew he did his best and that I loved him." Graham felt Xander's arms wrap around him and hold him tight, one hand gently stroking his hair, as he cried. Once he was done, he wiped his eyes. "Thanks," he said.
"Not a problem," Xander replied with a comforting smile and gently rubbed Graham's back. "I'm sure he knows and I bet he's proud of you."
That evening, they went down to Tony's for dinner and Graham wasn't surprised that aside from Tony's whole family being there, so was most of the neighborhood. After that morning's release, Graham felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he enjoyed himself even more fully than he had the night before.
Sunday morning came and the two men got ready to go home. After being fed another hearty breakfast and getting an almost tearful good-bye from Mrs. Majuski, who extracted a promise from Graham to keep in touch, they were on their way to the airport.
"See? That wasn't so bad," Xander said, once they were settled on the plane.
"Thanks," was all Graham said and by the way Xander smiled at him, he had a feeling that Xander knew what he was talking about.
Part 3
