FIC: De Oppresso Libre
Sep. 25th, 2005 12:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeTitle: "De Oppresso Libre"
Author: Adrian
Disclaimer: Not mine, I swear
Distribution: my site
Spoilers: Through "Chosen"
Rating: PG?????
Summary: Graham finds his circumstances changed and a new opportunity before him.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Note: Regulations 635 through 689 are the part of the military code that deal with homosexuality, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", et al.
The party had been in full swing for a couple of hours and, frankly, Graham was bored. Aside from Riley, Sam, Ellis, and a couple of guys from the squad that were still with them, he didn't really know anybody. Sure, he vaguely remembered Buffy and her friends from the Initiative days, but that had been over five years ago and he had never been close to any of them. Throughout the evening, though, he found his eyes drawn to Xander Harris. He was probably the only one that Graham really remembered out of all of them. He had always seemed different somehow and Graham was drawn to that. The younger man had obviously matured over the past five years and it was evident in the way he carried himself, in the way he no longer appeared to be an overgrown puppy but had actually grown into his body, and in the way he acted around the other people in the room.
"Miller!"
Graham blinked. "Sir," he replied, he turned and focused his gaze on LTC Ellis, who was now standing next to him and looking across the room at Xander.
"Is there something interesting about that young man or are you suffering from some side effects from our training that you haven't told me about?"
Graham coughed and colored slightly. "Sorry, sir. I know him from when Finn and I were stationed in California. I was just thinking about how things have changed since then."
"I see. Isn't he friends with Finn's ex-girlfriend?"
"Yes, sir."
"We should've seen about getting her and her friends down for training while we were at Fort Bragg. That would have been an interesting experience to say the least."
"I'm sure it would have and especially for Killian."
Ellis laughed. "Especially for Killian. He has a good heart, but I don't know how an NCO as green as him got through Q course."
"Pure dumb luck and a bit of pity." Graham couldn't help but shake his head at the memory of Killian seeing his first pictures of demons. Even though the other men chosen to add to their ranks had done quite well, for Killian's sake Graham was almost glad that they hadn't used real demons on their training excursions and instead had opted for other soldiers made up like demons based on the information provided by Walsh and Project 314.
Ellis smiled before asking, "Are you sure you wouldn't like to use your leave to go back to Chicago - visit family or whatever - before we set up a more permanent camp?"
"There's nothing left in Chicago for me, sir."
Ellis simply nodded again as he looked at Riley and Sam. "Do you think Sam and Riley will survive?"
"I hope so, sir. Africa and Europe can be pretty far away. And the Peace Corps is a lot different than the Army. But you know I wish them both the best of luck."
"I agree. I’m glad Sam took that jump. She deserves that promotion." He clapped Graham on the shoulder. "Enjoy the rest of the party and I'll see you Monday morning. Just remember, we're not on dress review. You don't have to be so formal."
Graham nodded as he watched his superior walk away before turning his attention back to Xander. Seeing that Xander was looking at him, Graham colored slightly and gave him a small smile.
"Having a good time?" Xander asked after excusing himself from his small group and crossing over to Graham.
"Good enough, I suppose," Graham replied. And that was when he noticed for the first time that Xander was wearing an eye patch. Sure, he had noticed it earlier in the evening, but with the way Xander carried himself and the way everyone else acted around him, it had seemed so normal that Graham hadn't completely realized that he had it. He was curious what had caused it, since none of the others seemed to have any visible injuries.
"I'm sure this is nothing like what you were used to in Sunnydale."
Graham's lips quirked and he easily went with the line of conversation, glad that Xander didn't find people staring to be an issue. "Not at all. Quieter, for one."
"Not having to worry about cleanup in the morning for another," Xander added as he smiled.
"Very true." Graham took a pull of his beer. "So does this party have a purpose or...?"
"It's kind of a welcome home party for you guys as well as just a reason to party for us. Are you guys back in the country for good now?"
"I am and so's Ellis. The others are just on leave before they go back into the field. They'll be heading their own teams this time."
"And what will you be doing?"
"I'll be in charge - well, second-in-command of the project."
Xander nodded. "So I guess you'll be moving to D.C., then."
"No, actually. I'm not certain of the logistics, but somehow we're stationed here, with the hopes that we'll soon be a fully operational command post." He smiled warmly. "And I can see your eyes glazing over already."
Xander grinned. "No, it's actually cool. Unlike Riley, you actually know how to be concise. So what's your job title?"
Graham laughed. "It's long and complicated and basically means that I'm the everyman right now."
"Where are you staying?"
"I don't have anywhere for tonight. We finished our training early, so we can't move in to the Army housing until tomorrow at the earliest, and they're not even certain about that. I think I had planned to crash on the floor of the hotel room the guys have."
"You could stay at my place. At least that way you could have a lumpy couch."
"You sure? I don't want to impose."
"Definitely not a problem. It's just me and Andrew in the apartment, and there's a lot of nights when he's not there, so there's plenty of room."
"Do I know Andrew?"
"No, actually. He's over there." Xander pointed out the short blond. "We picked him up in Sunnydale - he was one of a trio of evil geeks. But he's actually pretty non-evil. He does a lot of advocacy and support work now - which is why he's out so much. The rest of the time, he's with his non-boyfriend."
Graham couldn't hide his confusion. "Non-boyfriend?"
Xander smiled. "They're not officially together and won't actually admit to anything, but they are."
Not sure how to respond, Graham simply nodded as he took another pull of his beer. Remembering something he had been wondering about, he asked, "What happened to Giles?" Graham had hardly known the older man, but his absence seemed notable.
"He's in London on some business."
"Oh, okay." Graham was surprised at how relieved he was to hear that. He guessed that the knowledge made it feel like there was at least some justice in the world.
About an hour or so later, Graham wasn't sure of the time, the party was winding down. He happened to catch eyes with Xander, who was talking with Andrew, and Xander beckoned him over. "Graham, Andrew. Andrew, Graham," Xander said by way of introduction.
"Hey," Graham said, shaking Andrew's hand. "I hope you don't mind me crashing at your place tonight."
"Not at all," Andrew said with a smile. "It's always a pleasure to help out a friend of Xander's. And feel free to use my bed. The sheets are clean as of this morning and I know I'm going to be out all night."
"Are you sure?" Graham was stunned that Andrew was willing to do this.
"Yeah, I am. After listening to some of the other guys, it sounds like you'd enjoy it."
Graham nodded. "I would. I'm very grateful."
"So then it's settled," Xander said. "If you want, we can go get your stuff now. You look like you're about ready to fall asleep where you stand."
"Yeah, that sounds really good," Graham replied.
"I'll see you at some point tomorrow, Xander," Andrew said. "And it was nice meeting you, Graham. Hope to see you again some time."
"You too," Graham replied.
After getting his bags from the trunk of the rental car, Graham followed Xander upstairs. The apartment that they entered was larger than he expected and modestly, but nicely, furnished. Xander gave him a quick tour, starting with Andrew's room so he could deposit his bags.
"As you can see, we do have a third bedroom, but it's in no shape to be usable," Xander said when they got to the end of the tour. "We started using it as storage when we first got here and it never really stopped. But this is our little home sweet home."
"Very nice," Graham replied. "I'm impressed. Usually a place like this would go for a lot more than what you said you're paying."
"Well, the building was haunted and the neighborhood was practically a demon free-for-all since the Hellmouth's a couple blocks over. So the rent was pretty cheap to begin with, let alone how grateful the landlord was when we dealt with the problems. Anyway, I'll grab some towels for you so you can get cleaned up if you want before getting some sleep." As Xander did that, Graham pulled his toiletries and a change of clothes out of his bag.
Once in the shower, Graham let the hot water roll over him for a few minutes. The last time he had had a decent shower without any time constraint was after the Suvolte situation down in Paraguay. He'd been injured in the fight and was sent to the hospital in Asuncion to get stitched up and heal while Sam and Riley had tracked the last demon. The wounds had been worse than expected – which meant missing the mission to Nepal. That was the first and last time he had taken any type of leave. Time off meant he had time to think and process things and he had quickly realized that he didn't like the places his mind wanted to go.
Feeling his tenuous grasp over his thoughts starting to slip, Graham quickly finished in the bathroom and headed into Andrew's room. After shutting the door behind himself and shoving his dirty clothes in his bag, Graham climbed in bed and switched off the light. Once he was settled under the covers, a small smile settled on Graham's lips. A real bed was the one thing he had truly missed. Setting his mind to organizing everything he would need to do to settle in to his new post, Graham quickly fell asleep.
The next morning, Graham awoke promptly at 7 am, his body still used to the training schedule. The clock by the bed told him that it was really 9 am at his current location. Still a bit disoriented and sleepy, Graham lurched out of bed and unsteadily made his way out into the apartment proper.
"Good morning," Xander said from the kitchen area, where he was making breakfast.
"Mmrmph," Graham replied as he rubbed his eyes with his finger tips and sank into a bar chair.
Setting a mug of coffee in front of him, Xander said, "Would you like something to eat?"
Graham nodded as he took a sip of the black coffee. "Please," he replied. Grimacing slightly, he asked, "Got any sugar?"
Xander paused in stirring the eggs and placed the sugar bowl in front of Graham. "Are you always like this in the morning, or is this just after drinking?"
"Drinking and being in a new place. I don't sleep good if the place isn't familiar."
Xander nodded. "I hope scrambled eggs are okay."
"Great. Do you have ketchup?"
"Yeah, in the fridge. While you're in there, could you get out the jelly?"
Looking in the fridge, Graham asked, "Grape or strawberry?"
"Whichever."
Xander set two plates on the counter full of bacon, eggs, and toast on the table as Graham finished finding the ketchup and both jellies. "There's a lot of food in there," Graham commented as he set the items on the table.
"Yeah. We have a tendency to over-cook. With the Slayers and Andrew's group, you never know who's going to show up when, so we've learned to have a lot on hand. There's juice and milk in the fridge, if you want either."
"Coffee's fine," Graham replied as he sat and Xander brought over the butter, utensils, and napkins.
They ate quietly for a while before Xander asked, "So, what're your plans for today?"
"Dunno. Get the lay of the land, I guess. Figure out how to get to the 'office'." Xander shook his head. "No?"
Xander swallowed his eggs. "Ellis told me that I had to make sure you didn't do anything military related this weekend unless it was laundry. And he said he expected a full report of your weekend on Monday."
Graham stared at Xander. "You've gotta be shitting me."
Xander shook his head as he took a bite of toast. "Said something about thinking of it as a preliminary recon, if you had to. But it sounded like the gist of it was that you don't turn into an old man before you're 35."
Graham just shook his head as he ate another bite of eggs. "I don't believe him." But there was a slight smile at the corner of his lips.
After they finished eating and had cleaned up, Xander said, "I have some laundry that needs doing. Want to come?"
"Sure. Might as well get it done."
"Okay, let me just grab the clothes."
Graham went into Andrew's room and stuffed a few errant pieces of clothing from his duffel into his laundry bag, before meeting Xander, who had two large, full bags, by the door.
"That's a lot of clothing," Graham commented as they left, Xander locking the door behind them.
"Well, some of it's mine, some's Andrew's and who knows whose the rest is. We worked it out that since I can't really cook, I do laundry."
"Sounds like a good deal."
"It is. Except I don't always know what belongs to who - which is why post-it notes come in handy. After I sort them, I'll write down the names of who I think they belong to and attach them to the clothing and then Andrew goes through everything later. How he remembers the amount of things he does, I have no idea. Must be a geek thing."
"Must be," Graham replied as they entered the laudromat down the street from the apartment. "I know a couple of guys like that in the Army and it's unbelievable what they know."
They did their laundry in relative silence, speaking only when necessary. But, instead of finding it tense and unbearable - like Graham sometimes found the silence with his squad members, this was comfortable.
After they had taken their clothing back to the apartment, Xander said, "Come on, let's go do something."
"Like what?" Graham asked.
Looking at his watch, Xander replied, "Well, we could go meet up with Andrew and some of the kids."
"As long as they're harmless, sure." Graham smiled. "I might be beginning to get the idea of this 'no work on the weekend' thing." He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't need to keep a death grip on his mind in order to keep himself in control as long as he kept his mind occupied and with Xander that seemed to hardly be a problem.
When they pulled up in front of a bowling alley, Graham simply said, "I don't think so."
"Why not?" Xander asked as he shut off the engine and looked at Graham, who was staring at the building.
"I'm not going in there."
Xander looked at him and repeated. "Why not?"
Graham didn't really have a good reason not to. Aside from the fact that Xander obviously knew at least some of Andrew's friends, so, therefore, there would be times when Graham would have a chance to think and his thoughts weren't a safe place to be right now. He futilely shrugged. "I'm not any good," he replied lamely.
"Neither are the rest of us, but that's why it's fun. We bowl a few games, have a good laugh, and just have fun. It's more about having fun than breaking any world records." Xander got out and leaned down against the door to look at Graham. "Come on. They won't bite." He paused. "That I know of."
Graham sighed and got out of the car. He followed Xander into the building. As the sound of balls thunking to the wood lanes and hitting pins engulfed him, Graham involuntarily stalled. He was pretty sure he wasn't having a panic attack, but he didn't know if he was capable of dealing with a situation as informal as this anymore. "Xander, I can't."
"Yes, you can," Xander replied, turning to look at him. "They're a great bunch and won't ask too many questions about your job, if that's what you're worried about." Xander smiled. "Come on, you have to rejoin the human race sooner or later."
"Xander, I -"
"Xander! Graham! Over here!"
They both looked to where Andrew was waving and coming over. "We've already started, but you can go tell the guys we're on lanes 14, 15, and 16 and get your shoes."
Helpless to do anything but follow Xander to the counter and hand over his shoes, Graham wondered how he had allowed himself to be dragged into this so easily. As they joined the group, Graham hoped that he would be able to get through the next couple of hours. As he sat down to put on his bowling shoes, Graham was aware of Xander greeting the rest of the group and sensed some of them eyeing him. Following Xander to where the balls were displayed, he surveyed the group. They seemed to be pretty young, none older than Xander, and most looking younger than Andrew. The youngest might have been about 14. Going back to the group, he found that he and Xander hand been added to a lane and Xander introduced him to the others as they waited for their turn to bowl.
Between turns, Graham quietly watched the group, trying to get a handle on the group interaction. It had been so long since he had been in a social setting outside of the Army that the concept seemed foreign to him. The ease with which they interacted and the closeness that they shared seemed almost palatable and Graham suspected that he was at least a little bit jealous. Since Sam had come into their lives, Graham hadn't had anyone he had been very close to during their off hours. Sure, he was close to Ellis, but considering that the other man was Graham's superior, there was still a barrier between them - no matter how thin it seemed at times.
After three games, interspersed with getting food from the snack bar, the group dispersed. Once Andrew finished speaking with the last person, he turned to Xander and Graham. "I hope you had fun," he said to Graham as they went outside to Xander's car.
"I did," Graham replied, surprised at how true the statement was. The group had easily accepted him in a way that was somewhat disconcerting, but it was also very nice to be allowed to join in without having to prove his merit first.
"Good. Then maybe the next time we do this, you'll join us?"
"I might." They got in the car and Xander started the engine. "And what kind of group is this? It doesn't exactly strike me as being the neighborhood bowling league."
"Well, it's not *the* neighborhood bowling league, but it's one of sorts. It's just a bunch of young people that I try to help by giving them a safe place to go where they can have some fun."
Still not completely understanding, Graham asked, "And what's the prerequisite to get in?"
"There isn't one," Andrew replied.
"But there is a common denominator," Xander supplied, seeming to sense Graham's confusion. "They're all gay kids who got thrown out of their homes when they came out."
"Sad, isn't it?" Andrew asked. "I've met them through the shelters I work with. Letting them know that someone cares is usually worth more than giving them a couple dollars for their next meal or a couple pieces of clothing. So, aside from what I do for them on a daily basis at the shelters, I take whoever's interested out a couple times a month for bowling or other activities."
Graham was both intrigued and unsettled by this information. "Does it work?" he asked as he watched the scenery pass by outside the window.
"You'd be surprised how well it does. Though, there's always the few who slip through."
"How'd you get into this?"
"That's a story for another day," Andrew replied as they pulled into a parking place at the apartment building.
The rest of the day was spent hanging around the apartment. Graham organized the few possessions he had while Andrew sorted the clothing and made some phone calls and Xander did some work on one of his projects. Afterwards, they watched a few movies and made a light dinner.
"Sorry we weren't more exciting today," Xander said as he made up the couch for Graham that night.
"Don't worry about it," Graham replied. "Actually, it was kind of nice not having to worry about saving the world for a day."
"I totally get that." Placing the last pillow on the couch, Xander turned to Graham and said, "Sleep well and, hopefully, tomorrow we'll show you that we're really not boring old men."
Graham smiled and sat down on the couch. "Good night."
Xander smiled in return and headed to his room, turning off some of the lights as he went, so that after he shut his door, Graham was bathed in a small pool of light coming from a lamp on the end table.
After turning off the light and climbing under the sheet and light blanket, Graham wondered if he would be able to open the lid on his personal Pandora's Box - not enough to let anything escape, but just enough to make sure everything was still there. He closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. He slowly let a tiny bit of his tight control slip from around his thoughts.
One thought came to him unbidden and he quickly slammed his mind shut. But the image of Riley, naked and completely unaware he was being watched, swimming in a pool they had found in Belize and then getting out and letting the spray of the waterfall flow over his beautiful form, stayed with him until he fell into a fitful and unsatisfying sleep. He should have known it was a bad idea.
"The way you look makes the idea of finally turning the third bedroom into a guest room look like a really good idea," Xander said the next morning as he handed Graham a mug of coffee.
"The couch was fine," Graham replied as he began to add sugar after taking a sip. "Just need more time to adjust, I guess."
"We're taking some of the kids to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame later. Want to come?"
"Sure, could be interesting."
Two hours later, the group of twelve kids, Andrew, Graham, and Xander climbed out of the van and headed to the museum. Graham and Xander followed as Andrew herded the kids into the building and paid for their tickets, also handing one to Xander and Graham. Graham went for his wallet to pay Andrew back, but the younger man waved him away, saying he could buy him dinner later. After giving the kids instructions to meet back near the entrance in a few hours, the group dispersed – leaving Graham and Xander standing by the ticket counter.
"Hope you're not upset you're stuck with me," Xander said.
"Not at all," Graham replied. "Have you been here before?"
"Once – right after we moved."
"Then maybe you should lead the way."
"Just because I've been here before, it doesn't mean I know the best places to go." Grabbing a map, the two studied it before deciding to hit the Jimi Hendrix exhibit first.
As they wandered around the exhibit, Graham spent almost as much time watching Xander as he did looking at the exhibit. He was still surprised at how mature Xander had become. And it was definitely attractive, if he could be allowed to be attracted. As they paused at one display, Graham idly wondered if Xander had a girlfriend and then quickly shut off that train of thought. But he couldn't help watching Xander as they continued on and began to feel frustrated that he wasn't able to trust himself with his own mind.
When the group reassembled at the appointed hour, the kids were happily chatting about what they had seen and how cool everything was. Deciding to go the route of least whining, it was decided that they would eat in the museum's cafeteria. As it was the middle of the afternoon, the cafeteria wasn't very crowded and they were able to pull enough tables together for everyone to sit together. Sitting in the middle of the group, Graham ended up being pulled into a conversation about the museum. As they talked, he smiled, simply enjoying the conversation. During the course of the meal, his fingers brushed against Xander's as they shared a basket of fries. The unexpected touches sent a tingle through Graham, who knew it had been too long since he had felt the touch of another in anything other than a professional capacity, but when he looked up at Xander, the other man didn't seem to notice, or have any reaction. He just simply smiled at Graham as he continued talking about the Les Paul exhibit with a kid named Kevin.
After dropping the kids off at their respective shelters that evening and returning the van, Andrew said, "You're welcome to my room again, Graham. I'm going over to Todd's to work on some things for the shelters."
"Thanks, man," Graham replied, suddenly surprised at how tired he was. Once they were back at the apartment, Graham took a shower and then lay down on the comfortable bed, not moving again until morning.
The next morning, Graham dragged himself out of bed when the alarm went off. He didn't know who had set it, or why, but was grateful. After washing up in the bathroom, he wandered into the kitchen to find a pot of coffee already brewed along with a note from Xander saying that he had already gone into work and where all the breakfast food was stored, along with a set of directions and a map. Graham quickly ate and packed some food for lunch before hitting the street to find his new place of work.
"Good morning, Miller," Ellis said when Graham entered the modest office, not looking up from some paperwork.
"Good morning, sir," Graham replied. "I'm sorry I'm late. It won't happen again."
Ellis looked up and folded his hands on top of his papers. "Knowing you, I'm sure it won't. But I think you did a wonderful job – as always." After a pause, he leaned back and said, "Well, put you things down and tell me about your weekend."
Graham quickly put his lunch sack down on one of the two empty desks before returning to stand stiffly in front of Ellis' desk and replied, "What would you like to know?"
"At ease, Miller. In fact, sit down. What'd you do on Friday night after the party?"
Graham did as he was told. "I slept, sir."
"And Saturday?"
"I did laundry, went bowling with Andrew, Xander, and some of their friends, and then watched some movies with the two of them."
"And yesterday?"
"I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then slept."
"Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, sir."
"Are you sure you're okay, Miller?"
"Yes, sir. Why do you ask?"
"The fact that you've been so formal with me the past few days. We've known each other for years now and I would have hoped that you would know me well enough to know when you can speak freely."
"Still trying to settle in and I guess I just don't understand how this is relevant to the task at hand."
"Mental and emotional health are just as important as the physical health of a soldier for him to work at his peak, as I'm sure you know. Aside from the fact that we're already understaffed, you're the best man that I have, Graham. I can't afford to lose you."
"Thank you for the vote of confidence, sir. What's on the agenda for today?"
"Settling in. I'll brief you on our situation as soon as I finish these papers." After scanning over the last couple of pages, he signed in a couple of spots and set the papers aside. Folding his hands on top of the desk again, Ellis continued, "From how the paperwork looks, we are going to be officially known as the Extraterrestrial Command, or ETCOM, which, as the name implies, means our jurisdiction will be any case dealing with demons, aliens, etc. So far, it appears that we will be handling things the same way we have for the past five years, only now we will actually have the budget and, hopefully soon, the manpower to accomplish our objectives. But none of that's really new since we first heard the news."
Graham nodded. "And what time will Killian be in?"
"He'll be in later today, since he evidently had a snafu with his housing. And as easy as it will be, please try to not to be too hard on him."
"I'll do my best, sir."
"That's all I ask." Glancing at a stack of papers, Ellis said, "I have a number of administrative things that need to be done and we have a stack of proposals for different matters that need to be taken care of. Would you look them over and give me your recommendations for how to proceed later this afternoon?"
Graham gave a quick nod. "Yes, sir."
"Very good." Ellis handed him the stack and Graham went to his desk. "You do look much better, Miller," Ellis commented with a smile. "You should take a weekend off more often."
Graham smiled. "Thank you, sir."
That afternoon, Sgt Killian swept into the office as Graham was finishing up his recommendations. "Good afternoon, soldier," he said distractedly.
"Sgt. Killian reporting for duty, sir," the younger man replied, a hint of a Southern accent coming through, and saluted.
Graham half-heartedly returned the salute. "LTC Ellis will be back momentarily and he'll brief you on our situation. Your desk is over there," he pointed with his pen, "so feel free to get settled in."
"Thank you, sir."
As Graham went back to work, he watched Killian out of the corner of his eye. The other man was taller than him by a few inches, built like a beanpole, and his red hair was cut short. During their training in demonic warfare, Graham had learned that Killian was eager and gung-ho, if a bit impetuous. Numerous times he had received one of Ellis' half-demerits for not strictly following orders. While Graham knew that Ellis was a supporter of creative ideas and out-of-the-box thinking in the field when the situation called for it, he was a stickler for making sure his soldiers knew the "letter of the law" and were able to follow it perfectly before allowing them to follow the spirit of it. After Killian examined the contents of his desk drawers and what was on the top of his desk, he sat quietly. But as soon as the door opened and Ellis entered, Killian snapped to attention and saluted. Ellis dismissively returned the salute.
"At ease, Sergeant," Ellis said as he crossed to his desk and put the paperwork he was perusing down. "Welcome to the new ETCOM. Good to see you've arrived safely. Everything in order?"
Killian replied, "Yes, sir." Ellis nodded and brought him up to speed.
That evening, Graham heaved a sigh of relief as he entered Xander and Andrew's apartment.
"Long day?" Xander asked from where he was making something in the kitchen.
"Like you wouldn't believe," Graham replied. "I think I've had better days fighting demons. What are you making?"
"Pasta salad. Would you like some?"
"That would be great. Haven't eaten since noon and I'm famished."
As the pasta finished cooking, Graham helped Xander set the bar with plates and utensils and opened a soda before settling down to watch Xander cook.
"So what do you do?" Graham asked as he watched Xander prepare the food.
"I work at an architectural firm," Xander replied. "Mostly as an assistant, because the contractors are still unsure about my eye, even though they'll admit that I've more than proven myself in the past two years, but I do a little bit of everything – finish drawing up designs and specs, work with clients, things like that. Pretty much anything that's not onsite - although, I've also done that a couple times when necessary. I'm basically everyone's right-hand man there."
"What kind of things does the firm do?"
"Mostly industrial, though we have taken on some private clients as well." Xander finished and placed the bowl on the bar and sat down. "Sorry for the meal being so low maintenance. I wasn't expecting anyone else."
"It's fine. I'm a low maintenance kind of guy." He smiled as he helped himself after Xander took what he wanted. "This is good," he said, tasting it.
"Thanks. It's one of the few things I can make. I'm definitely one of the few gay guys who can't cook," Xander said nonchalantly as he speared another spiral and stuck it in his mouth. After swallowing, he said, "Talk about being in a minority."
Graham quickly swallowed and took a drink of soda before coughing. This was definitely news to him. Xander didn't exactly strike him as being gay. Granted, the only gays that Graham knew of were normally either quite flamboyant, or very, very guarded - depending on the situation. So far, Andrew, and now Xander, was the closest Graham had ever seen as being what he considered normal guys who happened to like other guys, even though Andrew seemed to have his outrageous moments. It was almost a completely foreign concept to him.
Xander gave him an odd look. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Graham coughed lightly. "Just wasn't expecting that."
"What? Me coming out? Or did you find a pasta bone?"
"The first one."
"Yeah, I've known for about a year and a half now and been out selectively for the past year."
"Selectively?"
Xander wiped his mouth with his napkin and nodded. "I don't tell everyone right away and some I don't tell at all. It depends on the situation and who it is – things like that."
Graham nodded. "So, do you have a boyfriend or non-boyfriend?"
Xander laughed. "No. Completely single. Haven't found a guy that I like enough that I'm interested in. It's a lot like straight dating, except most times it's much more shallow."
That night, Graham had a hard time falling asleep. It wasn't because the couch was suddenly uncomfortable - the make-shift bed was still as comfortable as previous nights, or that he had finally caught up on his sleep and was more aware that he was in new surroundings - he had already gotten over that after the first few nights and now it didn't bother him. It was more that he was starting to see the chinks in his armor and knew that the dam wouldn't be able to hold much longer.
The next week was relatively quiet as things started to fall into a routine and, thankfully, his self-imposed dam continued to hold - though Graham wasn't sure for how much longer. Things were going well at the "office" as Andrew and Xander had teasingly taken to calling Graham's job and Graham had begun using that term as well. It seemed like there were mountains of paperwork to fill out to get everything in order as they continued to set up, as well as requests for help from various parts of the world that had to be prioritized. Graham was beginning to wonder why he had agreed to be Ellis' second-in-command and if there was a way for him to get put back in the field. But the only real downside so far had been that the government-subsidized housing had fallen through and that they were on their own, though they would be reimbursed because of the gaff. In a way, Graham didn't really mind. After spending so much time with other people, he hadn't been looking forward to living alone and Xander and Andrew had casually taken the initiative, even before they knew of his circumstances, and asked him to live with them. He had easily accepted, considering that he was already settled in for the most part and coming home to them was definitely a bright spot in his day.
Things were much more easy-going with Xander and Andrew than he was used to, and they were much less jaded - considering the things they had seen and done - and it was refreshing. Over that weekend, the three of them cleared out the third bedroom and Graham moved the few things he had into it and got set up the way he wanted.
When he arrived in the office on Monday, Killian was the only other one in the office, but Graham could tell Ellis had been there. "Good morning," he said, as he put his lunch - a mystery meal made by Andrew that he hadn't bothered to examine - in the small fridge, thankful that Ellis had allowed them to dispense with all of the customary saluting.
"Good morning," Killian replied, looking up from his computer screen. "Is it normal to feel overwhelmed when looking at all the different species of demons?"
"Yeah," Graham replied as he sat down, "but you'll get the hang of it after a while."
"I certainly hope so."
"Believe me," Graham began organizing the papers on his desk, "in a couple weeks you'll know more about demons than you really want to."
"And I certainly hope not all of that will be in theory," Ellis replied, as he came in. "Good morning, Miller."
"Good morning, sir."
"Are your friends still doing their patrols?" he asked as he sat down behind his desk.
"I believe so, sir."
"You should see about taking Killian out some time. All the knowledge in the world isn't going to do him any good if he doesn't know how to use it."
"Yes, sir. Though, I highly doubt we'll come across a Kree-ax demon in downtown Cleveland."
Both men noticed Killian's surprise at Graham's ease and ability in rebutting Ellis and smiled as Ellis said, "Maybe so. But Cleveland has enough other things to keep him occupied."
"If I may ask, sir," Killian spoke up, "what exactly is it that you're expecting of me?"
"Miller knows some civilians here," Ellis turned his attention to Killian, "who happen to know about the supernatural and they've taken it upon themselves to fight. They're quite organized, well-informed, and well-equipped. I think it would be a good idea for you to get some real field experience with them."
Graham spent the first part of the day following up with the teams that they had out in the field for progress reports and to see what they needed. The afternoon was spent working with some of their bosses to try to get the things they needed to run their command. As they were packing up to go home, Ellis told them that since it was just the three of them, he was dispensing with the formal dress code for the office and that they could simply wear dress casual to work. And while it was a nice change for Graham, he knew he was going to have to do something he actually dreaded. Go shopping.
When he entered the apartment, Xander asked, "Want to go out with us tonight?"
"Where?" Graham replied.
"The mall. Some of the girls have been complaining that all of their good clothes are getting ruined when they patrol and some of the guys aren't much better, but it should be fun."
"Sounds good. I need to get some things as well."
Xander smiled almost wickedly. "Just don't let Andrew know."
"Don't let me know what?" Andrew asked coming in.
"Nothing," Xander replied, his expression blanking. "Everyone ready?"
"Yeah. Are you two coming?"
When they got to the mall a half-hour later, Andrew looked at his watch and said, "Okay, nine o'clock at the fountain. We don't want to leave anyone behind." The group nodded and dispersed, Slayers and shelter kids mixing and grouping off and Todd and Andrew also went their own way.
"Do your worst," Graham said to Xander.
"Relax," Xander said with a smile. "I'm the safe one." Leading the way, he said, "Come on. I promise it'll be relatively painless."
Xander pulled Graham in and out of a number of different clothing stores, usually rummaging through the sale racks, though sometimes looking at the full-priced items as well. Graham was amazed at Xander's eye for clothing and how he was able to find things that Graham actually liked. There were even a few items that he personally would have never chosen, but once Xander thrust them into his hands and pushed him into a dressing room, he had to admit looked good on him. He also found himself enjoying the easy camaraderie that had developed between himself and Xander. As they shopped, Xander kept up most of the conversation, filling Graham in on the different dynamics in the group, as well as major events since he had left California.
On the way back to the meeting spot, Graham treated Xander to a coffee. "Thanks for helping me out," he said as he grabbed his large bag and carry-out coffee cup. "You're definitely better at this than I am."
"You're just out of practice," Xander replied. "But I think you should thank Andrew for this. He's the one that drilled it into me after watching 'Queer Eye' one too many times."
"'Queer Eye'?"
With an amused smile, Xander replied, "You'll find out soon enough."
A few of the kids were already waiting when they arrived at the fountain. And, since they already knew what everyone else had bought, some of the girls had Xander and Graham show them a few of Graham's purchases. Graham couldn't help but smile and blush as they did so, the girls fawning over him as Xander held up a few shirts, feeling a little unsure at the ease with which they accepted him. Sure, loyalty and friendship in the Army weren't hard to find, but it definitely wasn't this easy either.
"Are you okay?" Xander asked Graham as they made their way home after dropping the last kids off.
"Yeah, why?" Graham replied.
"You just seem a little..."
"Overwhelmed?"
Xander nodded and smiled.
"It's just different than what I'm used to. I just need some time to adjust."
Over the course of the week, Graham found himself relaxing more than he had in a long time. Xander happily played tour guide in the evenings, showing off the new, and definitely more urban, site of Slayer Central. Some of the new Slayers came along as well, wanting to get to know the newest addition to their group. It took a little while for Graham to grasp what had happened after he had left Sunnydale, but given everything that he had been through and seen, as well as what he knew from his tactical training, he had to admit that their plan to take out the First was a great idea. He also went on a few patrols with them to get a feel for it, though it felt odd going out simply in street clothes and armed with only a few stakes and maybe some other weapons when he was so used to having an array of gadgets and guns. But he had to admit that he did enjoy the patrols - both for the simplicity and the camaraderie. He was beginning to think that he would actually like it in Cleveland.
"You look well rested," Killian said when Graham entered the office the third Monday morning in June and Graham heard the inference of what exactly Killian meant by "well rested".
"Yeah, well, slaying demons right before bedtime will do that for you," Graham replied as he put his things away, inferring that he meant exactly what he had said. He was beginning to wonder if the junior officer ever left the office, considering he was there every morning when Graham arrived and still there when Graham left in the evenings. Of course, Ellis usually shooed Graham out at 5 pm sharp, but Graham also knew for a fact that Ellis left not long after that.
"I don't believe you," Killian replied in a mock surprised voice, putting down his pen and looking directly at Graham. "I refuse to believe that you don't have a beautiful lady friend with whom you are intimate."
"Believe what you want," Graham replied distractedly as he began his work. "But that's God's honest truth."
"Come on, boys," Ellis said as he entered the office. "We're going on a field trip." Graham closed the folder he was looking at and stood.
"I don't mean to be disrespectful, sir," Killian said, "but we need to get some things done if we want to -"
"I wasn't aware," Ellis said, cutting him off, "that I had given you an option. Come on."
They walked a few blocks before Ellis stopped them across the street from an abandoned building. "What do you see?" he asked. Looking around, Graham spotted a few noteworthy things and was about to answer when Ellis said, "Killian?"
"Looks like an abandoned building to me, sir," Killian replied, fidgeting a bit.
"Miller?" Ellis asked.
"Like Sgt Killian obviously stated," Graham responded, "it's an abandoned building. Appears to have been vacated by humans a while ago - at least six months. Since then, it's been a demon tenement, most recently - about three weeks would be my guess - for a nest of vampires - by the looks of it, small - probably only 4-6, family group. They've also been bringing their prey back here to feed."
"Good. Recommended course of action, Killian?"
"Get some weapons and wipe them out while they're sleeping," Killian responded, sounding a little too eager for blood for Graham's taste. Had his time in the field really jaded him that much?
"Miller?"
"If we're going to do it," Graham replied, "I'd suggest staking it out to make note of their routine, to see if they have anyone on watch and if they're keeping hostages. Otherwise, I'd say to let the Slayer know and let her take care of it."
Ellis nodded. "They've been terrorizing the local community for about three weeks. They'll take people out in the open, bring them back here to feed on them for a few days, and then release them, battered, to fend for themselves." Turning and walking away, he said, "Let the Slayer know about it."
"Okay," Graham replied as he fell in with Ellis.
"What?" Killian asked, sounding almost incensed, as he followed them. "But there must be some sort of protocol to follow regarding this type of situation."
Ellis abruptly turned to him. "Son," he replied levelly and Graham knew that Killian was in for it, "we are *writing* the protocol here. While we may have men from all areas, we are not the Marines. We are not the SEALs. We are not the Green Berets. We are not the Rangers. We are a division unto ourselves. In QT, did you actually go up against a nest of vampires?"
Killian shook his head, not responding verbally.
"Then *please* don't tell me about following protocol." Turning and resuming his walking, he said, "Miller, see if they'll take the grunt with them."
Graham nodded. As they went back to the office, Graham could see why Killian had been assigned to them. He was brash, gung-ho, at least a little blood-thirsty, and even though he knew the book backwards and forwards, he seemed comfortable enough with regular Army protocol that he didn't pay it much heed. Working with Ellis in this sort of situation would be an ideal way to wear off his rough edges and help settle him, since Ellis made sure his men could follow the "letter of the law" backwards and forwards while they were slogging knee-deep in mud, with rain pouring down and not having slept in almost a week before letting them get creative. And Graham had the feeling that they weren't exactly highly regarded by the other branches yet, so why not send them the misfits?
Graham let Buffy know about the nest that night and she agreed to let him and Killian go along with Xander's patrol group to take it out, since it was in their area. Graham didn't mind since he was practically a member of the group anyway and enjoyed being with the people in it. He called Killian after talking with Buffy and told him to meet them at Xander and Andrew's apartment just before sundown.
When Killian showed up, the rest of the group started laughing and Graham had to try hard to stifle a chuckle himself. Killian was decked out in full combat attire and carrying a duffel bag and looking surprised to see the motley crew that was assembled in the apartment. Before making any introductions, Graham asked, "Killian, did you bring a change of clothes?"
"Yes, sir," Killian replied.
"Go change."
"Bu-"
"Bathroom's over there - the door on the left," he said in a tone that brooked no argument as he pointed to the alcove that led to Andrew's room. Killian snapped his mouth shut and disappeared into the bathroom.
"Well, that was unexpected," Xander said with a laugh. "I guess no one told him about the dress code."
Graham just shook his head with a smile. "I didn't think I needed to - we're in a civilian area. But I guess I should remember not everyone's been drilled by Prof. Walsh or you guys." Killian came out of the bathroom looking very uncomfortable and wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and most of the camouflage streaks were gone from beneath his eyes. "It's not that bad, Killian. Everyone, this is Sgt. Mordecai Killian, the fresh blood in my department. Killian, this is everybody." As he made the individual introductions, Graham could see Killian making mental notes as to who was who.
As they left to start the patrol, Graham heard Betty, a cute little Slayer, ask Killian, "So, do you have any nicknames?"
"Cai," he replied a little warily. She smiled and the initiation had begun and Graham couldn't help but smile.
Graham had told the group about the nest while they had been waiting for Killian and they had decided to head there first. When they got to the building, the group fanned out on the defensive, ready to go at Xander's signal. Xander and Graham carefully entered the building and scouted out the entryway. Once satisfied that it was clear, they motioned for the others to join them. As they searched the building, Graham noticed Killian fidgeting slightly and he whispered for him to calm down. Killian nodded and took a deep breath as he happened to trip over something. There was a flurry of activity and before they knew it, the fight was over and Graham was hauling Killian up off the floor.
"There's ash in my mouth," the younger soldier said, making a face and brushing himself off.
"You'll get used to it," Graham replied as the group moved to see if there were any hostages.
Surveying the room, Killian asked, confusion etched on his face, "Uh, where are the bodies?"
"What bodies?" Graham asked, knowing what Killian was asking, but wanting to string him along.
"The vampires."
"Turn to dust when they're staked."
"So that means -" Killian's face wrinkled in disgust. "Ewww."
Graham patted him on the shoulder as he moved past. "Keep your mouth shut next time."
They found two young women huddled in a back room who appeared to be fine aside from being frightened and, after releasing them and reassuring them that everything was fine, the group continued on their patrol. The rest of the night was quiet and they were done quickly. The group broke up in front of the apartment building, calling their good-nights to each other. Killian retrieved his bag from the apartment and made a hasty exit.
Graham happened to arrive at the office before Killian the next morning and gave Ellis a quick briefing of what had transpired the night before. Ellis chuckled as Killian came in.
"How did things go last night?" Ellis asked him.
"Fine," Killian replied crisply as he set his things down. "The vampires were dealt with, the hostages released, and the rest of the patrol was quiet." He looked up at them. "Why? Did I miss something?"
"No," Ellis replied, shaking his head and smiling as he returned to his paperwork. "Just be more careful next time."
A few days later, Xander invited Graham to come along to a self-defense class he was teaching at one of the shelters for some of the homeless kids.
"The new Slayers have Buffy and Faith and the other girls from Sunnydale to help them, but these kids don't have anyone to teach them," Xander said as they walked the couple of blocks. "I know it would've helped me out a lot if I had known how to defend myself and I grew up in Sunnydale." He shook his head. "I can't imagine growing up here. It also doubles as a mentoring program."
"I think it's a really good idea," Graham replied. "I'm sure I would've benefited from something like that when I grew up in Chicago."
"If you're from Chicago, why didn't you go back for leave or whatever when you got back?"
Graham half-heartedly shrugged. "There's nothing left there for me now."
"At least it's not a hole in the ground."
Graham chuckled. "True."
When they got to the shelter, Xander corralled the kids said, "Guys, this is Graham. He's a friend of mine and some of you have already met him, so be good, okay?" There was a chorus of "okay"s and "hi"s as Xander had them push back the furniture and settle on the rugs in the common room and Graham sat on one of the chairs in the back to watch. "Okay, anybody remember what I said we were going to talk about this week?"
One kid, who looked about 15, raised his hand and said, "Blind spots?"
"Good, Kevin." Xander smiled. "Now, obviously, anything out of our range of sight is a visual blind spot. Which, for most people, is anything behind them. Well, unless you're lucky enough to be a Naraz demon which has eyes in the back of its head as well as the front. Or, on the flipside, you know - me, who's blind spot wraps around to about here." He put his left hand out to a 45-degree angle from the front of his face. "Which normally sucks, but at least now I never have to worry about what I'm going to do for Halloween." The kids giggled and Graham had to smile, surprisingly glad to see that Xander was able to make light of his handicap. "Since we obviously don't want to ignore our blind spots, considering how important they are, what can we do to protect ourselves from being attacked in those areas? Carrie?"
"Listen?" the petite girl asked.
"Good. Anything else? Danny?"
"Be more aware?" the boy replied.
Xander nodded. "Also good." After chatting for awhile longer with the kids about blind spots and how to not let them be a disadvantage, Xander asked, "And here's the boring 'moral of the story' part - how does this relate to our lives?"
Kevin raised his hand again. "We shouldn't ignore things because they might bite us in the ass later?"
Xander smiled. "Not exactly how I'd put it, but that's one way of saying it. But you should also remember to exercise judgment in all of your decisions because, while the decision may seem inconsequential at the time, the consequences could literally come back to 'bite you in the ass'. Okay, I want you all to get with your partner and work on some of the moves I've taught you and work on your physical blind spots too." As they practiced, Xander moved to the back of the room and kept a watchful eye on them as he spoke with Graham. "What do you think?" he asked.
"Interesting bunch," Graham replied. "They seem like a good group, though."
"They are. They've come a long way."
As June came to a close, Graham was surprised to find how different his life had become since resettling State-side. Over the course of the month, he had become slightly less guarded, more social, actually didn't fear casual social interactions as much as he used to and found himself becoming more comfortable in his own skin. Graham wasn't sure of the particulars but having people that he could simply *be* with was a relief beyond what he could put into words. And while his superior never said anything, Graham could tell that Ellis had noticed the change and was pleased. This, in turn, made Graham happy as well, considering that their relationship tended to be more like father and son - even if they were relatively close in age - than anything else, and he wanted Ellis to be proud of him.
His thoughts, on the other hand, were still a quagmire that he didn't desire to mess with. He continually tried to push them aside, but without the constant adrenaline, worry, anxiety, etc that went along with being on a mission, they wouldn't be ignored. So he finally gave in and began to slowly examine them one by one and...not necessarily *deal* with them, but at least becoming acquainted with them. He knew he was in a precarious position with the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" policy, but he also knew Ellis didn't care what he did on his own time as long as he was discreet. The celibacy route was a tried and true way that had worked while he was out in the field and while he was getting set up in Cleveland, except he knew that he wasn't going to want to continue with it for forever. Then what? Find someone and settle down? Become part of the stereotype that gay men were constantly "on the prowl"? He knew the second option wasn't very appealing, however he wasn't sure the first wasn't exactly what he wanted yet either. Either way, no matter how he thought about it, while he knew he was attracted to men in every sense possible, he wasn't too certain about the whole sex aspect. The fact that he honestly didn't know what he wanted to do always left him more frustrated by the time he gave up than when he had started.
On the Fourth of July, the group had a cook-out in the backyard of the house that Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Faith, and Robin shared. Graham was mildly surprised at how many of the faces he recognized from patrolling and doing different things with Xander and Andrew, even if he didn't remember all of their names. Ellis and Killian even showed up for a while and they both seemed to have a good time.
As they were walking back to their car from the park where they watched the fireworks, Xander asked, "So would this be one of the holidays where we find out we're supposed to get you a card and then spaz out because we didn't know and give it to you tomorrow?"
Graham laughed. "I don't think they make cards for the Fourth of July. Veteran's Day or Memorial Day, maybe. I'm not a real vet since I haven't fought in any wars. I was in the middle of training, so I didn't get deployed for Desert Storm and, as bad as it may sound, I'm glad I wasn't sent over for Enduring Freedom." He smiled. "But thanks for the sentiment."
"But what about all the demon stuff?"
"I'd hardly think anyone would call that a war, Xander."
"Well, if they didn't, why'd the Army make a new division for it?"
"Hell if I know." Graham grinned. He definitely liked living in Cleveland.
The next day, Killian said, "That was a great party yesterday. Thanks for inviting me."
"You're welcome," Graham replied absently, as he filled out the next in what seemed to be an endless stack of forms. "They're a good bunch."
"What's the redhead's name?"
"Willow?"
"Yeah. She's quite a looker and I bet she's a real spitfire. I wonder what she'd -"
"Soldier." Looking up, Graham cut him off with a curt tone, "you'd do well to remember that you're talking about a friend of mine who is well-versed in magic and who, I'm sure, could flay you alive with the bat of an eye." Graham didn't know if the last bit was true or not, but he felt a bit protective of the "original" Sunnydale group, considering that they had some shared memories. Plus, Xander and Andrew had both alluded that Willow had had a hard time a few months prior to Graham's arrival and Graham didn't want to know he had added to any of that.
"Okay, okay," Killian replied, looking surprised. "I was just trying to see what I'd have to do to ask her out on a date."
Graham shrugged, demeanor softening. "Give her a call. But beware - her last two relationships didn't end well from what I've heard. I'd hate to have to try to explain to Ellis why your desk is empty. So woo her carefully if you have such a desire." Killian nodded and Graham, satisfied that the younger officer would watch his step, went back to his forms.
The summer continued on more pleasurably than Graham had expected. The never-ending paperwork finally seemed to abate aside from the occasional form or request from time to time and they were finally able to begin gathering data and prioritizing missions. Graham also spent a lot of time with Xander, Andrew and the rest of the group. He trained with the original Sunnydale group, as well as the new Slayers, to hone his hand-to-hand skills so they wouldn't get rusty because he knew that being in an urban setting would differ from the jungles that he had become accustomed to, and also to teach them some of the skills that he knew that would help. He also went through an orientation to help Xander and Andrew with the homeless kids, such as showing them different ways to use their bodies to defend against a bigger opponent during their defense classes or chaperoning them around the city, but he also began to slowly move towards mentoring them as well.
They also began to make a habit of taking day trips to the "beach", though Graham was reluctant to call the strip of sand on Lake Erie a beach after seeing the ocean, but no matter what it was called, the outings were still very enjoyable.
For their second day trip, Graham was awakened early two Saturdays after the Fourth of July by a group of kids needing help to load the vans with their beach gear.
"Why'd you send them to me?" he croaked as he wandered out of his bedroom and towards the bathroom.
"Because you're more experienced with loading a large vehicle with equipment," Xander replied, handing him a steaming mug of coffee. "It already has sugar in it."
"Thanks," Graham replied and took a sip as he continued on his way.
A relatively short time later, everything was in order and packed away and they were headed to the Mentor Headlands Beach, where they were lucky enough to get there before most of the crowd and had practically their pick of the beach. After their "camp" was set up and Andrew made sure all the kids had put on sunscreen, they all went into the water. Graham enjoyed the cool water and the gentle horseplay that the others were engaged in and continually drew him into. At noon, they got out when Andrew spotted Buffy, Willow, Faith, and Robin at their blankets unpacking two large picnic baskets.
As they ate, Willow sat down next to Graham and asked, "Having fun?"
"Yeah, I am," he replied with a smile. "Not that I'd call this a real beach."
"I know," she surveyed the beach, "after seeing the Pacific, it's not that grand, but the kids love it." She took a sip of her soda. "And it's still as good on a hot summer day."
"That it is," he agreed.
As he took another bite of his sandwich, Willow commented seriously, "You seem happier now than you did back in June. Did something happen that made you decide not to go back out with Riley and Sam?"
Graham half-shrugged. "Not really. A lot of stuff was going on then and when Ellis offered me this job, I didn't really think about it and just said yes. It helped me get a lot of things in perspective, though - which I needed." She took a chip from the pile they were sharing. "How are you? I heard you went through a rough patch a few months back."
"Most days it's better," she replied with a small smile before taking another swig of soda. "Bad break-up," she confided afterwards. "We got together before we left Sunnydale and she came out here with us. After we'd been here about a year and a half, I found out that she had been cheating on me pretty consistently. And after what had happened with Oz and Tara, I took it hard."
Xander came up to them and asked, "Frisbee, anyone?"
"Go on," Willow said to Graham with a smile as she bumped his shoulder with hers. "We both know you want to. And there's been enough of me being a gloomy girl today."
Graham finished off his sandwich and joined Xander, Andrew, Robin, and a bunch of the kids in a game of Frisbee Football, or Ultimate Frisbee, or something along those lines that Graham wasn't sure of the name of. He was put opposite Xander, supposedly to keep things even, but Graham wasn't exactly sure how, since he had hardly ever played football, much less a game like it that involved a Frisbee. Regardless, they had a good time and Graham's team won by a point - due to the rest of the team's prowess than due to any skill on Graham's part. As he headed back to the blankets for a drink, his mind also stored away the new images to his mental collection of the times that he and Xander had both ended up in a heap in the sand.
That night, the group left the beach when it closed, exhausted but in good spirits. As they cleaned things up when they got back to the apartment and let some of the kids take showers, Graham was vaguely aware that something had started to happen between Xander and himself, but he couldn't put a finger on it. They had easily become close since Graham had arrived in Cleveland, but it was different from the relationship either of them had with Andrew, Ellis, or Riley - which could also be considered close. There were numerous times when the two of them would lock gazes and Xander would smile and Graham had come to realize it was a slightly different smile from the ones Xander gave everyone else. And as much as he wanted to resist, and knowing that he should for a variety of reasons, Graham couldn't help but be slowly won over.
Part 2 here
Author: Adrian
Disclaimer: Not mine, I swear
Distribution: my site
Spoilers: Through "Chosen"
Rating: PG?????
Summary: Graham finds his circumstances changed and a new opportunity before him.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Note: Regulations 635 through 689 are the part of the military code that deal with homosexuality, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", et al.
The party had been in full swing for a couple of hours and, frankly, Graham was bored. Aside from Riley, Sam, Ellis, and a couple of guys from the squad that were still with them, he didn't really know anybody. Sure, he vaguely remembered Buffy and her friends from the Initiative days, but that had been over five years ago and he had never been close to any of them. Throughout the evening, though, he found his eyes drawn to Xander Harris. He was probably the only one that Graham really remembered out of all of them. He had always seemed different somehow and Graham was drawn to that. The younger man had obviously matured over the past five years and it was evident in the way he carried himself, in the way he no longer appeared to be an overgrown puppy but had actually grown into his body, and in the way he acted around the other people in the room.
"Miller!"
Graham blinked. "Sir," he replied, he turned and focused his gaze on LTC Ellis, who was now standing next to him and looking across the room at Xander.
"Is there something interesting about that young man or are you suffering from some side effects from our training that you haven't told me about?"
Graham coughed and colored slightly. "Sorry, sir. I know him from when Finn and I were stationed in California. I was just thinking about how things have changed since then."
"I see. Isn't he friends with Finn's ex-girlfriend?"
"Yes, sir."
"We should've seen about getting her and her friends down for training while we were at Fort Bragg. That would have been an interesting experience to say the least."
"I'm sure it would have and especially for Killian."
Ellis laughed. "Especially for Killian. He has a good heart, but I don't know how an NCO as green as him got through Q course."
"Pure dumb luck and a bit of pity." Graham couldn't help but shake his head at the memory of Killian seeing his first pictures of demons. Even though the other men chosen to add to their ranks had done quite well, for Killian's sake Graham was almost glad that they hadn't used real demons on their training excursions and instead had opted for other soldiers made up like demons based on the information provided by Walsh and Project 314.
Ellis smiled before asking, "Are you sure you wouldn't like to use your leave to go back to Chicago - visit family or whatever - before we set up a more permanent camp?"
"There's nothing left in Chicago for me, sir."
Ellis simply nodded again as he looked at Riley and Sam. "Do you think Sam and Riley will survive?"
"I hope so, sir. Africa and Europe can be pretty far away. And the Peace Corps is a lot different than the Army. But you know I wish them both the best of luck."
"I agree. I’m glad Sam took that jump. She deserves that promotion." He clapped Graham on the shoulder. "Enjoy the rest of the party and I'll see you Monday morning. Just remember, we're not on dress review. You don't have to be so formal."
Graham nodded as he watched his superior walk away before turning his attention back to Xander. Seeing that Xander was looking at him, Graham colored slightly and gave him a small smile.
"Having a good time?" Xander asked after excusing himself from his small group and crossing over to Graham.
"Good enough, I suppose," Graham replied. And that was when he noticed for the first time that Xander was wearing an eye patch. Sure, he had noticed it earlier in the evening, but with the way Xander carried himself and the way everyone else acted around him, it had seemed so normal that Graham hadn't completely realized that he had it. He was curious what had caused it, since none of the others seemed to have any visible injuries.
"I'm sure this is nothing like what you were used to in Sunnydale."
Graham's lips quirked and he easily went with the line of conversation, glad that Xander didn't find people staring to be an issue. "Not at all. Quieter, for one."
"Not having to worry about cleanup in the morning for another," Xander added as he smiled.
"Very true." Graham took a pull of his beer. "So does this party have a purpose or...?"
"It's kind of a welcome home party for you guys as well as just a reason to party for us. Are you guys back in the country for good now?"
"I am and so's Ellis. The others are just on leave before they go back into the field. They'll be heading their own teams this time."
"And what will you be doing?"
"I'll be in charge - well, second-in-command of the project."
Xander nodded. "So I guess you'll be moving to D.C., then."
"No, actually. I'm not certain of the logistics, but somehow we're stationed here, with the hopes that we'll soon be a fully operational command post." He smiled warmly. "And I can see your eyes glazing over already."
Xander grinned. "No, it's actually cool. Unlike Riley, you actually know how to be concise. So what's your job title?"
Graham laughed. "It's long and complicated and basically means that I'm the everyman right now."
"Where are you staying?"
"I don't have anywhere for tonight. We finished our training early, so we can't move in to the Army housing until tomorrow at the earliest, and they're not even certain about that. I think I had planned to crash on the floor of the hotel room the guys have."
"You could stay at my place. At least that way you could have a lumpy couch."
"You sure? I don't want to impose."
"Definitely not a problem. It's just me and Andrew in the apartment, and there's a lot of nights when he's not there, so there's plenty of room."
"Do I know Andrew?"
"No, actually. He's over there." Xander pointed out the short blond. "We picked him up in Sunnydale - he was one of a trio of evil geeks. But he's actually pretty non-evil. He does a lot of advocacy and support work now - which is why he's out so much. The rest of the time, he's with his non-boyfriend."
Graham couldn't hide his confusion. "Non-boyfriend?"
Xander smiled. "They're not officially together and won't actually admit to anything, but they are."
Not sure how to respond, Graham simply nodded as he took another pull of his beer. Remembering something he had been wondering about, he asked, "What happened to Giles?" Graham had hardly known the older man, but his absence seemed notable.
"He's in London on some business."
"Oh, okay." Graham was surprised at how relieved he was to hear that. He guessed that the knowledge made it feel like there was at least some justice in the world.
About an hour or so later, Graham wasn't sure of the time, the party was winding down. He happened to catch eyes with Xander, who was talking with Andrew, and Xander beckoned him over. "Graham, Andrew. Andrew, Graham," Xander said by way of introduction.
"Hey," Graham said, shaking Andrew's hand. "I hope you don't mind me crashing at your place tonight."
"Not at all," Andrew said with a smile. "It's always a pleasure to help out a friend of Xander's. And feel free to use my bed. The sheets are clean as of this morning and I know I'm going to be out all night."
"Are you sure?" Graham was stunned that Andrew was willing to do this.
"Yeah, I am. After listening to some of the other guys, it sounds like you'd enjoy it."
Graham nodded. "I would. I'm very grateful."
"So then it's settled," Xander said. "If you want, we can go get your stuff now. You look like you're about ready to fall asleep where you stand."
"Yeah, that sounds really good," Graham replied.
"I'll see you at some point tomorrow, Xander," Andrew said. "And it was nice meeting you, Graham. Hope to see you again some time."
"You too," Graham replied.
After getting his bags from the trunk of the rental car, Graham followed Xander upstairs. The apartment that they entered was larger than he expected and modestly, but nicely, furnished. Xander gave him a quick tour, starting with Andrew's room so he could deposit his bags.
"As you can see, we do have a third bedroom, but it's in no shape to be usable," Xander said when they got to the end of the tour. "We started using it as storage when we first got here and it never really stopped. But this is our little home sweet home."
"Very nice," Graham replied. "I'm impressed. Usually a place like this would go for a lot more than what you said you're paying."
"Well, the building was haunted and the neighborhood was practically a demon free-for-all since the Hellmouth's a couple blocks over. So the rent was pretty cheap to begin with, let alone how grateful the landlord was when we dealt with the problems. Anyway, I'll grab some towels for you so you can get cleaned up if you want before getting some sleep." As Xander did that, Graham pulled his toiletries and a change of clothes out of his bag.
Once in the shower, Graham let the hot water roll over him for a few minutes. The last time he had had a decent shower without any time constraint was after the Suvolte situation down in Paraguay. He'd been injured in the fight and was sent to the hospital in Asuncion to get stitched up and heal while Sam and Riley had tracked the last demon. The wounds had been worse than expected – which meant missing the mission to Nepal. That was the first and last time he had taken any type of leave. Time off meant he had time to think and process things and he had quickly realized that he didn't like the places his mind wanted to go.
Feeling his tenuous grasp over his thoughts starting to slip, Graham quickly finished in the bathroom and headed into Andrew's room. After shutting the door behind himself and shoving his dirty clothes in his bag, Graham climbed in bed and switched off the light. Once he was settled under the covers, a small smile settled on Graham's lips. A real bed was the one thing he had truly missed. Setting his mind to organizing everything he would need to do to settle in to his new post, Graham quickly fell asleep.
The next morning, Graham awoke promptly at 7 am, his body still used to the training schedule. The clock by the bed told him that it was really 9 am at his current location. Still a bit disoriented and sleepy, Graham lurched out of bed and unsteadily made his way out into the apartment proper.
"Good morning," Xander said from the kitchen area, where he was making breakfast.
"Mmrmph," Graham replied as he rubbed his eyes with his finger tips and sank into a bar chair.
Setting a mug of coffee in front of him, Xander said, "Would you like something to eat?"
Graham nodded as he took a sip of the black coffee. "Please," he replied. Grimacing slightly, he asked, "Got any sugar?"
Xander paused in stirring the eggs and placed the sugar bowl in front of Graham. "Are you always like this in the morning, or is this just after drinking?"
"Drinking and being in a new place. I don't sleep good if the place isn't familiar."
Xander nodded. "I hope scrambled eggs are okay."
"Great. Do you have ketchup?"
"Yeah, in the fridge. While you're in there, could you get out the jelly?"
Looking in the fridge, Graham asked, "Grape or strawberry?"
"Whichever."
Xander set two plates on the counter full of bacon, eggs, and toast on the table as Graham finished finding the ketchup and both jellies. "There's a lot of food in there," Graham commented as he set the items on the table.
"Yeah. We have a tendency to over-cook. With the Slayers and Andrew's group, you never know who's going to show up when, so we've learned to have a lot on hand. There's juice and milk in the fridge, if you want either."
"Coffee's fine," Graham replied as he sat and Xander brought over the butter, utensils, and napkins.
They ate quietly for a while before Xander asked, "So, what're your plans for today?"
"Dunno. Get the lay of the land, I guess. Figure out how to get to the 'office'." Xander shook his head. "No?"
Xander swallowed his eggs. "Ellis told me that I had to make sure you didn't do anything military related this weekend unless it was laundry. And he said he expected a full report of your weekend on Monday."
Graham stared at Xander. "You've gotta be shitting me."
Xander shook his head as he took a bite of toast. "Said something about thinking of it as a preliminary recon, if you had to. But it sounded like the gist of it was that you don't turn into an old man before you're 35."
Graham just shook his head as he ate another bite of eggs. "I don't believe him." But there was a slight smile at the corner of his lips.
After they finished eating and had cleaned up, Xander said, "I have some laundry that needs doing. Want to come?"
"Sure. Might as well get it done."
"Okay, let me just grab the clothes."
Graham went into Andrew's room and stuffed a few errant pieces of clothing from his duffel into his laundry bag, before meeting Xander, who had two large, full bags, by the door.
"That's a lot of clothing," Graham commented as they left, Xander locking the door behind them.
"Well, some of it's mine, some's Andrew's and who knows whose the rest is. We worked it out that since I can't really cook, I do laundry."
"Sounds like a good deal."
"It is. Except I don't always know what belongs to who - which is why post-it notes come in handy. After I sort them, I'll write down the names of who I think they belong to and attach them to the clothing and then Andrew goes through everything later. How he remembers the amount of things he does, I have no idea. Must be a geek thing."
"Must be," Graham replied as they entered the laudromat down the street from the apartment. "I know a couple of guys like that in the Army and it's unbelievable what they know."
They did their laundry in relative silence, speaking only when necessary. But, instead of finding it tense and unbearable - like Graham sometimes found the silence with his squad members, this was comfortable.
After they had taken their clothing back to the apartment, Xander said, "Come on, let's go do something."
"Like what?" Graham asked.
Looking at his watch, Xander replied, "Well, we could go meet up with Andrew and some of the kids."
"As long as they're harmless, sure." Graham smiled. "I might be beginning to get the idea of this 'no work on the weekend' thing." He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't need to keep a death grip on his mind in order to keep himself in control as long as he kept his mind occupied and with Xander that seemed to hardly be a problem.
When they pulled up in front of a bowling alley, Graham simply said, "I don't think so."
"Why not?" Xander asked as he shut off the engine and looked at Graham, who was staring at the building.
"I'm not going in there."
Xander looked at him and repeated. "Why not?"
Graham didn't really have a good reason not to. Aside from the fact that Xander obviously knew at least some of Andrew's friends, so, therefore, there would be times when Graham would have a chance to think and his thoughts weren't a safe place to be right now. He futilely shrugged. "I'm not any good," he replied lamely.
"Neither are the rest of us, but that's why it's fun. We bowl a few games, have a good laugh, and just have fun. It's more about having fun than breaking any world records." Xander got out and leaned down against the door to look at Graham. "Come on. They won't bite." He paused. "That I know of."
Graham sighed and got out of the car. He followed Xander into the building. As the sound of balls thunking to the wood lanes and hitting pins engulfed him, Graham involuntarily stalled. He was pretty sure he wasn't having a panic attack, but he didn't know if he was capable of dealing with a situation as informal as this anymore. "Xander, I can't."
"Yes, you can," Xander replied, turning to look at him. "They're a great bunch and won't ask too many questions about your job, if that's what you're worried about." Xander smiled. "Come on, you have to rejoin the human race sooner or later."
"Xander, I -"
"Xander! Graham! Over here!"
They both looked to where Andrew was waving and coming over. "We've already started, but you can go tell the guys we're on lanes 14, 15, and 16 and get your shoes."
Helpless to do anything but follow Xander to the counter and hand over his shoes, Graham wondered how he had allowed himself to be dragged into this so easily. As they joined the group, Graham hoped that he would be able to get through the next couple of hours. As he sat down to put on his bowling shoes, Graham was aware of Xander greeting the rest of the group and sensed some of them eyeing him. Following Xander to where the balls were displayed, he surveyed the group. They seemed to be pretty young, none older than Xander, and most looking younger than Andrew. The youngest might have been about 14. Going back to the group, he found that he and Xander hand been added to a lane and Xander introduced him to the others as they waited for their turn to bowl.
Between turns, Graham quietly watched the group, trying to get a handle on the group interaction. It had been so long since he had been in a social setting outside of the Army that the concept seemed foreign to him. The ease with which they interacted and the closeness that they shared seemed almost palatable and Graham suspected that he was at least a little bit jealous. Since Sam had come into their lives, Graham hadn't had anyone he had been very close to during their off hours. Sure, he was close to Ellis, but considering that the other man was Graham's superior, there was still a barrier between them - no matter how thin it seemed at times.
After three games, interspersed with getting food from the snack bar, the group dispersed. Once Andrew finished speaking with the last person, he turned to Xander and Graham. "I hope you had fun," he said to Graham as they went outside to Xander's car.
"I did," Graham replied, surprised at how true the statement was. The group had easily accepted him in a way that was somewhat disconcerting, but it was also very nice to be allowed to join in without having to prove his merit first.
"Good. Then maybe the next time we do this, you'll join us?"
"I might." They got in the car and Xander started the engine. "And what kind of group is this? It doesn't exactly strike me as being the neighborhood bowling league."
"Well, it's not *the* neighborhood bowling league, but it's one of sorts. It's just a bunch of young people that I try to help by giving them a safe place to go where they can have some fun."
Still not completely understanding, Graham asked, "And what's the prerequisite to get in?"
"There isn't one," Andrew replied.
"But there is a common denominator," Xander supplied, seeming to sense Graham's confusion. "They're all gay kids who got thrown out of their homes when they came out."
"Sad, isn't it?" Andrew asked. "I've met them through the shelters I work with. Letting them know that someone cares is usually worth more than giving them a couple dollars for their next meal or a couple pieces of clothing. So, aside from what I do for them on a daily basis at the shelters, I take whoever's interested out a couple times a month for bowling or other activities."
Graham was both intrigued and unsettled by this information. "Does it work?" he asked as he watched the scenery pass by outside the window.
"You'd be surprised how well it does. Though, there's always the few who slip through."
"How'd you get into this?"
"That's a story for another day," Andrew replied as they pulled into a parking place at the apartment building.
The rest of the day was spent hanging around the apartment. Graham organized the few possessions he had while Andrew sorted the clothing and made some phone calls and Xander did some work on one of his projects. Afterwards, they watched a few movies and made a light dinner.
"Sorry we weren't more exciting today," Xander said as he made up the couch for Graham that night.
"Don't worry about it," Graham replied. "Actually, it was kind of nice not having to worry about saving the world for a day."
"I totally get that." Placing the last pillow on the couch, Xander turned to Graham and said, "Sleep well and, hopefully, tomorrow we'll show you that we're really not boring old men."
Graham smiled and sat down on the couch. "Good night."
Xander smiled in return and headed to his room, turning off some of the lights as he went, so that after he shut his door, Graham was bathed in a small pool of light coming from a lamp on the end table.
After turning off the light and climbing under the sheet and light blanket, Graham wondered if he would be able to open the lid on his personal Pandora's Box - not enough to let anything escape, but just enough to make sure everything was still there. He closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. He slowly let a tiny bit of his tight control slip from around his thoughts.
One thought came to him unbidden and he quickly slammed his mind shut. But the image of Riley, naked and completely unaware he was being watched, swimming in a pool they had found in Belize and then getting out and letting the spray of the waterfall flow over his beautiful form, stayed with him until he fell into a fitful and unsatisfying sleep. He should have known it was a bad idea.
"The way you look makes the idea of finally turning the third bedroom into a guest room look like a really good idea," Xander said the next morning as he handed Graham a mug of coffee.
"The couch was fine," Graham replied as he began to add sugar after taking a sip. "Just need more time to adjust, I guess."
"We're taking some of the kids to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame later. Want to come?"
"Sure, could be interesting."
Two hours later, the group of twelve kids, Andrew, Graham, and Xander climbed out of the van and headed to the museum. Graham and Xander followed as Andrew herded the kids into the building and paid for their tickets, also handing one to Xander and Graham. Graham went for his wallet to pay Andrew back, but the younger man waved him away, saying he could buy him dinner later. After giving the kids instructions to meet back near the entrance in a few hours, the group dispersed – leaving Graham and Xander standing by the ticket counter.
"Hope you're not upset you're stuck with me," Xander said.
"Not at all," Graham replied. "Have you been here before?"
"Once – right after we moved."
"Then maybe you should lead the way."
"Just because I've been here before, it doesn't mean I know the best places to go." Grabbing a map, the two studied it before deciding to hit the Jimi Hendrix exhibit first.
As they wandered around the exhibit, Graham spent almost as much time watching Xander as he did looking at the exhibit. He was still surprised at how mature Xander had become. And it was definitely attractive, if he could be allowed to be attracted. As they paused at one display, Graham idly wondered if Xander had a girlfriend and then quickly shut off that train of thought. But he couldn't help watching Xander as they continued on and began to feel frustrated that he wasn't able to trust himself with his own mind.
When the group reassembled at the appointed hour, the kids were happily chatting about what they had seen and how cool everything was. Deciding to go the route of least whining, it was decided that they would eat in the museum's cafeteria. As it was the middle of the afternoon, the cafeteria wasn't very crowded and they were able to pull enough tables together for everyone to sit together. Sitting in the middle of the group, Graham ended up being pulled into a conversation about the museum. As they talked, he smiled, simply enjoying the conversation. During the course of the meal, his fingers brushed against Xander's as they shared a basket of fries. The unexpected touches sent a tingle through Graham, who knew it had been too long since he had felt the touch of another in anything other than a professional capacity, but when he looked up at Xander, the other man didn't seem to notice, or have any reaction. He just simply smiled at Graham as he continued talking about the Les Paul exhibit with a kid named Kevin.
After dropping the kids off at their respective shelters that evening and returning the van, Andrew said, "You're welcome to my room again, Graham. I'm going over to Todd's to work on some things for the shelters."
"Thanks, man," Graham replied, suddenly surprised at how tired he was. Once they were back at the apartment, Graham took a shower and then lay down on the comfortable bed, not moving again until morning.
The next morning, Graham dragged himself out of bed when the alarm went off. He didn't know who had set it, or why, but was grateful. After washing up in the bathroom, he wandered into the kitchen to find a pot of coffee already brewed along with a note from Xander saying that he had already gone into work and where all the breakfast food was stored, along with a set of directions and a map. Graham quickly ate and packed some food for lunch before hitting the street to find his new place of work.
"Good morning, Miller," Ellis said when Graham entered the modest office, not looking up from some paperwork.
"Good morning, sir," Graham replied. "I'm sorry I'm late. It won't happen again."
Ellis looked up and folded his hands on top of his papers. "Knowing you, I'm sure it won't. But I think you did a wonderful job – as always." After a pause, he leaned back and said, "Well, put you things down and tell me about your weekend."
Graham quickly put his lunch sack down on one of the two empty desks before returning to stand stiffly in front of Ellis' desk and replied, "What would you like to know?"
"At ease, Miller. In fact, sit down. What'd you do on Friday night after the party?"
Graham did as he was told. "I slept, sir."
"And Saturday?"
"I did laundry, went bowling with Andrew, Xander, and some of their friends, and then watched some movies with the two of them."
"And yesterday?"
"I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then slept."
"Did you have a good time?"
"Yes, sir."
"Are you sure you're okay, Miller?"
"Yes, sir. Why do you ask?"
"The fact that you've been so formal with me the past few days. We've known each other for years now and I would have hoped that you would know me well enough to know when you can speak freely."
"Still trying to settle in and I guess I just don't understand how this is relevant to the task at hand."
"Mental and emotional health are just as important as the physical health of a soldier for him to work at his peak, as I'm sure you know. Aside from the fact that we're already understaffed, you're the best man that I have, Graham. I can't afford to lose you."
"Thank you for the vote of confidence, sir. What's on the agenda for today?"
"Settling in. I'll brief you on our situation as soon as I finish these papers." After scanning over the last couple of pages, he signed in a couple of spots and set the papers aside. Folding his hands on top of the desk again, Ellis continued, "From how the paperwork looks, we are going to be officially known as the Extraterrestrial Command, or ETCOM, which, as the name implies, means our jurisdiction will be any case dealing with demons, aliens, etc. So far, it appears that we will be handling things the same way we have for the past five years, only now we will actually have the budget and, hopefully soon, the manpower to accomplish our objectives. But none of that's really new since we first heard the news."
Graham nodded. "And what time will Killian be in?"
"He'll be in later today, since he evidently had a snafu with his housing. And as easy as it will be, please try to not to be too hard on him."
"I'll do my best, sir."
"That's all I ask." Glancing at a stack of papers, Ellis said, "I have a number of administrative things that need to be done and we have a stack of proposals for different matters that need to be taken care of. Would you look them over and give me your recommendations for how to proceed later this afternoon?"
Graham gave a quick nod. "Yes, sir."
"Very good." Ellis handed him the stack and Graham went to his desk. "You do look much better, Miller," Ellis commented with a smile. "You should take a weekend off more often."
Graham smiled. "Thank you, sir."
That afternoon, Sgt Killian swept into the office as Graham was finishing up his recommendations. "Good afternoon, soldier," he said distractedly.
"Sgt. Killian reporting for duty, sir," the younger man replied, a hint of a Southern accent coming through, and saluted.
Graham half-heartedly returned the salute. "LTC Ellis will be back momentarily and he'll brief you on our situation. Your desk is over there," he pointed with his pen, "so feel free to get settled in."
"Thank you, sir."
As Graham went back to work, he watched Killian out of the corner of his eye. The other man was taller than him by a few inches, built like a beanpole, and his red hair was cut short. During their training in demonic warfare, Graham had learned that Killian was eager and gung-ho, if a bit impetuous. Numerous times he had received one of Ellis' half-demerits for not strictly following orders. While Graham knew that Ellis was a supporter of creative ideas and out-of-the-box thinking in the field when the situation called for it, he was a stickler for making sure his soldiers knew the "letter of the law" and were able to follow it perfectly before allowing them to follow the spirit of it. After Killian examined the contents of his desk drawers and what was on the top of his desk, he sat quietly. But as soon as the door opened and Ellis entered, Killian snapped to attention and saluted. Ellis dismissively returned the salute.
"At ease, Sergeant," Ellis said as he crossed to his desk and put the paperwork he was perusing down. "Welcome to the new ETCOM. Good to see you've arrived safely. Everything in order?"
Killian replied, "Yes, sir." Ellis nodded and brought him up to speed.
That evening, Graham heaved a sigh of relief as he entered Xander and Andrew's apartment.
"Long day?" Xander asked from where he was making something in the kitchen.
"Like you wouldn't believe," Graham replied. "I think I've had better days fighting demons. What are you making?"
"Pasta salad. Would you like some?"
"That would be great. Haven't eaten since noon and I'm famished."
As the pasta finished cooking, Graham helped Xander set the bar with plates and utensils and opened a soda before settling down to watch Xander cook.
"So what do you do?" Graham asked as he watched Xander prepare the food.
"I work at an architectural firm," Xander replied. "Mostly as an assistant, because the contractors are still unsure about my eye, even though they'll admit that I've more than proven myself in the past two years, but I do a little bit of everything – finish drawing up designs and specs, work with clients, things like that. Pretty much anything that's not onsite - although, I've also done that a couple times when necessary. I'm basically everyone's right-hand man there."
"What kind of things does the firm do?"
"Mostly industrial, though we have taken on some private clients as well." Xander finished and placed the bowl on the bar and sat down. "Sorry for the meal being so low maintenance. I wasn't expecting anyone else."
"It's fine. I'm a low maintenance kind of guy." He smiled as he helped himself after Xander took what he wanted. "This is good," he said, tasting it.
"Thanks. It's one of the few things I can make. I'm definitely one of the few gay guys who can't cook," Xander said nonchalantly as he speared another spiral and stuck it in his mouth. After swallowing, he said, "Talk about being in a minority."
Graham quickly swallowed and took a drink of soda before coughing. This was definitely news to him. Xander didn't exactly strike him as being gay. Granted, the only gays that Graham knew of were normally either quite flamboyant, or very, very guarded - depending on the situation. So far, Andrew, and now Xander, was the closest Graham had ever seen as being what he considered normal guys who happened to like other guys, even though Andrew seemed to have his outrageous moments. It was almost a completely foreign concept to him.
Xander gave him an odd look. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." Graham coughed lightly. "Just wasn't expecting that."
"What? Me coming out? Or did you find a pasta bone?"
"The first one."
"Yeah, I've known for about a year and a half now and been out selectively for the past year."
"Selectively?"
Xander wiped his mouth with his napkin and nodded. "I don't tell everyone right away and some I don't tell at all. It depends on the situation and who it is – things like that."
Graham nodded. "So, do you have a boyfriend or non-boyfriend?"
Xander laughed. "No. Completely single. Haven't found a guy that I like enough that I'm interested in. It's a lot like straight dating, except most times it's much more shallow."
That night, Graham had a hard time falling asleep. It wasn't because the couch was suddenly uncomfortable - the make-shift bed was still as comfortable as previous nights, or that he had finally caught up on his sleep and was more aware that he was in new surroundings - he had already gotten over that after the first few nights and now it didn't bother him. It was more that he was starting to see the chinks in his armor and knew that the dam wouldn't be able to hold much longer.
The next week was relatively quiet as things started to fall into a routine and, thankfully, his self-imposed dam continued to hold - though Graham wasn't sure for how much longer. Things were going well at the "office" as Andrew and Xander had teasingly taken to calling Graham's job and Graham had begun using that term as well. It seemed like there were mountains of paperwork to fill out to get everything in order as they continued to set up, as well as requests for help from various parts of the world that had to be prioritized. Graham was beginning to wonder why he had agreed to be Ellis' second-in-command and if there was a way for him to get put back in the field. But the only real downside so far had been that the government-subsidized housing had fallen through and that they were on their own, though they would be reimbursed because of the gaff. In a way, Graham didn't really mind. After spending so much time with other people, he hadn't been looking forward to living alone and Xander and Andrew had casually taken the initiative, even before they knew of his circumstances, and asked him to live with them. He had easily accepted, considering that he was already settled in for the most part and coming home to them was definitely a bright spot in his day.
Things were much more easy-going with Xander and Andrew than he was used to, and they were much less jaded - considering the things they had seen and done - and it was refreshing. Over that weekend, the three of them cleared out the third bedroom and Graham moved the few things he had into it and got set up the way he wanted.
When he arrived in the office on Monday, Killian was the only other one in the office, but Graham could tell Ellis had been there. "Good morning," he said, as he put his lunch - a mystery meal made by Andrew that he hadn't bothered to examine - in the small fridge, thankful that Ellis had allowed them to dispense with all of the customary saluting.
"Good morning," Killian replied, looking up from his computer screen. "Is it normal to feel overwhelmed when looking at all the different species of demons?"
"Yeah," Graham replied as he sat down, "but you'll get the hang of it after a while."
"I certainly hope so."
"Believe me," Graham began organizing the papers on his desk, "in a couple weeks you'll know more about demons than you really want to."
"And I certainly hope not all of that will be in theory," Ellis replied, as he came in. "Good morning, Miller."
"Good morning, sir."
"Are your friends still doing their patrols?" he asked as he sat down behind his desk.
"I believe so, sir."
"You should see about taking Killian out some time. All the knowledge in the world isn't going to do him any good if he doesn't know how to use it."
"Yes, sir. Though, I highly doubt we'll come across a Kree-ax demon in downtown Cleveland."
Both men noticed Killian's surprise at Graham's ease and ability in rebutting Ellis and smiled as Ellis said, "Maybe so. But Cleveland has enough other things to keep him occupied."
"If I may ask, sir," Killian spoke up, "what exactly is it that you're expecting of me?"
"Miller knows some civilians here," Ellis turned his attention to Killian, "who happen to know about the supernatural and they've taken it upon themselves to fight. They're quite organized, well-informed, and well-equipped. I think it would be a good idea for you to get some real field experience with them."
Graham spent the first part of the day following up with the teams that they had out in the field for progress reports and to see what they needed. The afternoon was spent working with some of their bosses to try to get the things they needed to run their command. As they were packing up to go home, Ellis told them that since it was just the three of them, he was dispensing with the formal dress code for the office and that they could simply wear dress casual to work. And while it was a nice change for Graham, he knew he was going to have to do something he actually dreaded. Go shopping.
When he entered the apartment, Xander asked, "Want to go out with us tonight?"
"Where?" Graham replied.
"The mall. Some of the girls have been complaining that all of their good clothes are getting ruined when they patrol and some of the guys aren't much better, but it should be fun."
"Sounds good. I need to get some things as well."
Xander smiled almost wickedly. "Just don't let Andrew know."
"Don't let me know what?" Andrew asked coming in.
"Nothing," Xander replied, his expression blanking. "Everyone ready?"
"Yeah. Are you two coming?"
When they got to the mall a half-hour later, Andrew looked at his watch and said, "Okay, nine o'clock at the fountain. We don't want to leave anyone behind." The group nodded and dispersed, Slayers and shelter kids mixing and grouping off and Todd and Andrew also went their own way.
"Do your worst," Graham said to Xander.
"Relax," Xander said with a smile. "I'm the safe one." Leading the way, he said, "Come on. I promise it'll be relatively painless."
Xander pulled Graham in and out of a number of different clothing stores, usually rummaging through the sale racks, though sometimes looking at the full-priced items as well. Graham was amazed at Xander's eye for clothing and how he was able to find things that Graham actually liked. There were even a few items that he personally would have never chosen, but once Xander thrust them into his hands and pushed him into a dressing room, he had to admit looked good on him. He also found himself enjoying the easy camaraderie that had developed between himself and Xander. As they shopped, Xander kept up most of the conversation, filling Graham in on the different dynamics in the group, as well as major events since he had left California.
On the way back to the meeting spot, Graham treated Xander to a coffee. "Thanks for helping me out," he said as he grabbed his large bag and carry-out coffee cup. "You're definitely better at this than I am."
"You're just out of practice," Xander replied. "But I think you should thank Andrew for this. He's the one that drilled it into me after watching 'Queer Eye' one too many times."
"'Queer Eye'?"
With an amused smile, Xander replied, "You'll find out soon enough."
A few of the kids were already waiting when they arrived at the fountain. And, since they already knew what everyone else had bought, some of the girls had Xander and Graham show them a few of Graham's purchases. Graham couldn't help but smile and blush as they did so, the girls fawning over him as Xander held up a few shirts, feeling a little unsure at the ease with which they accepted him. Sure, loyalty and friendship in the Army weren't hard to find, but it definitely wasn't this easy either.
"Are you okay?" Xander asked Graham as they made their way home after dropping the last kids off.
"Yeah, why?" Graham replied.
"You just seem a little..."
"Overwhelmed?"
Xander nodded and smiled.
"It's just different than what I'm used to. I just need some time to adjust."
Over the course of the week, Graham found himself relaxing more than he had in a long time. Xander happily played tour guide in the evenings, showing off the new, and definitely more urban, site of Slayer Central. Some of the new Slayers came along as well, wanting to get to know the newest addition to their group. It took a little while for Graham to grasp what had happened after he had left Sunnydale, but given everything that he had been through and seen, as well as what he knew from his tactical training, he had to admit that their plan to take out the First was a great idea. He also went on a few patrols with them to get a feel for it, though it felt odd going out simply in street clothes and armed with only a few stakes and maybe some other weapons when he was so used to having an array of gadgets and guns. But he had to admit that he did enjoy the patrols - both for the simplicity and the camaraderie. He was beginning to think that he would actually like it in Cleveland.
"You look well rested," Killian said when Graham entered the office the third Monday morning in June and Graham heard the inference of what exactly Killian meant by "well rested".
"Yeah, well, slaying demons right before bedtime will do that for you," Graham replied as he put his things away, inferring that he meant exactly what he had said. He was beginning to wonder if the junior officer ever left the office, considering he was there every morning when Graham arrived and still there when Graham left in the evenings. Of course, Ellis usually shooed Graham out at 5 pm sharp, but Graham also knew for a fact that Ellis left not long after that.
"I don't believe you," Killian replied in a mock surprised voice, putting down his pen and looking directly at Graham. "I refuse to believe that you don't have a beautiful lady friend with whom you are intimate."
"Believe what you want," Graham replied distractedly as he began his work. "But that's God's honest truth."
"Come on, boys," Ellis said as he entered the office. "We're going on a field trip." Graham closed the folder he was looking at and stood.
"I don't mean to be disrespectful, sir," Killian said, "but we need to get some things done if we want to -"
"I wasn't aware," Ellis said, cutting him off, "that I had given you an option. Come on."
They walked a few blocks before Ellis stopped them across the street from an abandoned building. "What do you see?" he asked. Looking around, Graham spotted a few noteworthy things and was about to answer when Ellis said, "Killian?"
"Looks like an abandoned building to me, sir," Killian replied, fidgeting a bit.
"Miller?" Ellis asked.
"Like Sgt Killian obviously stated," Graham responded, "it's an abandoned building. Appears to have been vacated by humans a while ago - at least six months. Since then, it's been a demon tenement, most recently - about three weeks would be my guess - for a nest of vampires - by the looks of it, small - probably only 4-6, family group. They've also been bringing their prey back here to feed."
"Good. Recommended course of action, Killian?"
"Get some weapons and wipe them out while they're sleeping," Killian responded, sounding a little too eager for blood for Graham's taste. Had his time in the field really jaded him that much?
"Miller?"
"If we're going to do it," Graham replied, "I'd suggest staking it out to make note of their routine, to see if they have anyone on watch and if they're keeping hostages. Otherwise, I'd say to let the Slayer know and let her take care of it."
Ellis nodded. "They've been terrorizing the local community for about three weeks. They'll take people out in the open, bring them back here to feed on them for a few days, and then release them, battered, to fend for themselves." Turning and walking away, he said, "Let the Slayer know about it."
"Okay," Graham replied as he fell in with Ellis.
"What?" Killian asked, sounding almost incensed, as he followed them. "But there must be some sort of protocol to follow regarding this type of situation."
Ellis abruptly turned to him. "Son," he replied levelly and Graham knew that Killian was in for it, "we are *writing* the protocol here. While we may have men from all areas, we are not the Marines. We are not the SEALs. We are not the Green Berets. We are not the Rangers. We are a division unto ourselves. In QT, did you actually go up against a nest of vampires?"
Killian shook his head, not responding verbally.
"Then *please* don't tell me about following protocol." Turning and resuming his walking, he said, "Miller, see if they'll take the grunt with them."
Graham nodded. As they went back to the office, Graham could see why Killian had been assigned to them. He was brash, gung-ho, at least a little blood-thirsty, and even though he knew the book backwards and forwards, he seemed comfortable enough with regular Army protocol that he didn't pay it much heed. Working with Ellis in this sort of situation would be an ideal way to wear off his rough edges and help settle him, since Ellis made sure his men could follow the "letter of the law" backwards and forwards while they were slogging knee-deep in mud, with rain pouring down and not having slept in almost a week before letting them get creative. And Graham had the feeling that they weren't exactly highly regarded by the other branches yet, so why not send them the misfits?
Graham let Buffy know about the nest that night and she agreed to let him and Killian go along with Xander's patrol group to take it out, since it was in their area. Graham didn't mind since he was practically a member of the group anyway and enjoyed being with the people in it. He called Killian after talking with Buffy and told him to meet them at Xander and Andrew's apartment just before sundown.
When Killian showed up, the rest of the group started laughing and Graham had to try hard to stifle a chuckle himself. Killian was decked out in full combat attire and carrying a duffel bag and looking surprised to see the motley crew that was assembled in the apartment. Before making any introductions, Graham asked, "Killian, did you bring a change of clothes?"
"Yes, sir," Killian replied.
"Go change."
"Bu-"
"Bathroom's over there - the door on the left," he said in a tone that brooked no argument as he pointed to the alcove that led to Andrew's room. Killian snapped his mouth shut and disappeared into the bathroom.
"Well, that was unexpected," Xander said with a laugh. "I guess no one told him about the dress code."
Graham just shook his head with a smile. "I didn't think I needed to - we're in a civilian area. But I guess I should remember not everyone's been drilled by Prof. Walsh or you guys." Killian came out of the bathroom looking very uncomfortable and wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and most of the camouflage streaks were gone from beneath his eyes. "It's not that bad, Killian. Everyone, this is Sgt. Mordecai Killian, the fresh blood in my department. Killian, this is everybody." As he made the individual introductions, Graham could see Killian making mental notes as to who was who.
As they left to start the patrol, Graham heard Betty, a cute little Slayer, ask Killian, "So, do you have any nicknames?"
"Cai," he replied a little warily. She smiled and the initiation had begun and Graham couldn't help but smile.
Graham had told the group about the nest while they had been waiting for Killian and they had decided to head there first. When they got to the building, the group fanned out on the defensive, ready to go at Xander's signal. Xander and Graham carefully entered the building and scouted out the entryway. Once satisfied that it was clear, they motioned for the others to join them. As they searched the building, Graham noticed Killian fidgeting slightly and he whispered for him to calm down. Killian nodded and took a deep breath as he happened to trip over something. There was a flurry of activity and before they knew it, the fight was over and Graham was hauling Killian up off the floor.
"There's ash in my mouth," the younger soldier said, making a face and brushing himself off.
"You'll get used to it," Graham replied as the group moved to see if there were any hostages.
Surveying the room, Killian asked, confusion etched on his face, "Uh, where are the bodies?"
"What bodies?" Graham asked, knowing what Killian was asking, but wanting to string him along.
"The vampires."
"Turn to dust when they're staked."
"So that means -" Killian's face wrinkled in disgust. "Ewww."
Graham patted him on the shoulder as he moved past. "Keep your mouth shut next time."
They found two young women huddled in a back room who appeared to be fine aside from being frightened and, after releasing them and reassuring them that everything was fine, the group continued on their patrol. The rest of the night was quiet and they were done quickly. The group broke up in front of the apartment building, calling their good-nights to each other. Killian retrieved his bag from the apartment and made a hasty exit.
Graham happened to arrive at the office before Killian the next morning and gave Ellis a quick briefing of what had transpired the night before. Ellis chuckled as Killian came in.
"How did things go last night?" Ellis asked him.
"Fine," Killian replied crisply as he set his things down. "The vampires were dealt with, the hostages released, and the rest of the patrol was quiet." He looked up at them. "Why? Did I miss something?"
"No," Ellis replied, shaking his head and smiling as he returned to his paperwork. "Just be more careful next time."
A few days later, Xander invited Graham to come along to a self-defense class he was teaching at one of the shelters for some of the homeless kids.
"The new Slayers have Buffy and Faith and the other girls from Sunnydale to help them, but these kids don't have anyone to teach them," Xander said as they walked the couple of blocks. "I know it would've helped me out a lot if I had known how to defend myself and I grew up in Sunnydale." He shook his head. "I can't imagine growing up here. It also doubles as a mentoring program."
"I think it's a really good idea," Graham replied. "I'm sure I would've benefited from something like that when I grew up in Chicago."
"If you're from Chicago, why didn't you go back for leave or whatever when you got back?"
Graham half-heartedly shrugged. "There's nothing left there for me now."
"At least it's not a hole in the ground."
Graham chuckled. "True."
When they got to the shelter, Xander corralled the kids said, "Guys, this is Graham. He's a friend of mine and some of you have already met him, so be good, okay?" There was a chorus of "okay"s and "hi"s as Xander had them push back the furniture and settle on the rugs in the common room and Graham sat on one of the chairs in the back to watch. "Okay, anybody remember what I said we were going to talk about this week?"
One kid, who looked about 15, raised his hand and said, "Blind spots?"
"Good, Kevin." Xander smiled. "Now, obviously, anything out of our range of sight is a visual blind spot. Which, for most people, is anything behind them. Well, unless you're lucky enough to be a Naraz demon which has eyes in the back of its head as well as the front. Or, on the flipside, you know - me, who's blind spot wraps around to about here." He put his left hand out to a 45-degree angle from the front of his face. "Which normally sucks, but at least now I never have to worry about what I'm going to do for Halloween." The kids giggled and Graham had to smile, surprisingly glad to see that Xander was able to make light of his handicap. "Since we obviously don't want to ignore our blind spots, considering how important they are, what can we do to protect ourselves from being attacked in those areas? Carrie?"
"Listen?" the petite girl asked.
"Good. Anything else? Danny?"
"Be more aware?" the boy replied.
Xander nodded. "Also good." After chatting for awhile longer with the kids about blind spots and how to not let them be a disadvantage, Xander asked, "And here's the boring 'moral of the story' part - how does this relate to our lives?"
Kevin raised his hand again. "We shouldn't ignore things because they might bite us in the ass later?"
Xander smiled. "Not exactly how I'd put it, but that's one way of saying it. But you should also remember to exercise judgment in all of your decisions because, while the decision may seem inconsequential at the time, the consequences could literally come back to 'bite you in the ass'. Okay, I want you all to get with your partner and work on some of the moves I've taught you and work on your physical blind spots too." As they practiced, Xander moved to the back of the room and kept a watchful eye on them as he spoke with Graham. "What do you think?" he asked.
"Interesting bunch," Graham replied. "They seem like a good group, though."
"They are. They've come a long way."
As June came to a close, Graham was surprised to find how different his life had become since resettling State-side. Over the course of the month, he had become slightly less guarded, more social, actually didn't fear casual social interactions as much as he used to and found himself becoming more comfortable in his own skin. Graham wasn't sure of the particulars but having people that he could simply *be* with was a relief beyond what he could put into words. And while his superior never said anything, Graham could tell that Ellis had noticed the change and was pleased. This, in turn, made Graham happy as well, considering that their relationship tended to be more like father and son - even if they were relatively close in age - than anything else, and he wanted Ellis to be proud of him.
His thoughts, on the other hand, were still a quagmire that he didn't desire to mess with. He continually tried to push them aside, but without the constant adrenaline, worry, anxiety, etc that went along with being on a mission, they wouldn't be ignored. So he finally gave in and began to slowly examine them one by one and...not necessarily *deal* with them, but at least becoming acquainted with them. He knew he was in a precarious position with the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" policy, but he also knew Ellis didn't care what he did on his own time as long as he was discreet. The celibacy route was a tried and true way that had worked while he was out in the field and while he was getting set up in Cleveland, except he knew that he wasn't going to want to continue with it for forever. Then what? Find someone and settle down? Become part of the stereotype that gay men were constantly "on the prowl"? He knew the second option wasn't very appealing, however he wasn't sure the first wasn't exactly what he wanted yet either. Either way, no matter how he thought about it, while he knew he was attracted to men in every sense possible, he wasn't too certain about the whole sex aspect. The fact that he honestly didn't know what he wanted to do always left him more frustrated by the time he gave up than when he had started.
On the Fourth of July, the group had a cook-out in the backyard of the house that Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Faith, and Robin shared. Graham was mildly surprised at how many of the faces he recognized from patrolling and doing different things with Xander and Andrew, even if he didn't remember all of their names. Ellis and Killian even showed up for a while and they both seemed to have a good time.
As they were walking back to their car from the park where they watched the fireworks, Xander asked, "So would this be one of the holidays where we find out we're supposed to get you a card and then spaz out because we didn't know and give it to you tomorrow?"
Graham laughed. "I don't think they make cards for the Fourth of July. Veteran's Day or Memorial Day, maybe. I'm not a real vet since I haven't fought in any wars. I was in the middle of training, so I didn't get deployed for Desert Storm and, as bad as it may sound, I'm glad I wasn't sent over for Enduring Freedom." He smiled. "But thanks for the sentiment."
"But what about all the demon stuff?"
"I'd hardly think anyone would call that a war, Xander."
"Well, if they didn't, why'd the Army make a new division for it?"
"Hell if I know." Graham grinned. He definitely liked living in Cleveland.
The next day, Killian said, "That was a great party yesterday. Thanks for inviting me."
"You're welcome," Graham replied absently, as he filled out the next in what seemed to be an endless stack of forms. "They're a good bunch."
"What's the redhead's name?"
"Willow?"
"Yeah. She's quite a looker and I bet she's a real spitfire. I wonder what she'd -"
"Soldier." Looking up, Graham cut him off with a curt tone, "you'd do well to remember that you're talking about a friend of mine who is well-versed in magic and who, I'm sure, could flay you alive with the bat of an eye." Graham didn't know if the last bit was true or not, but he felt a bit protective of the "original" Sunnydale group, considering that they had some shared memories. Plus, Xander and Andrew had both alluded that Willow had had a hard time a few months prior to Graham's arrival and Graham didn't want to know he had added to any of that.
"Okay, okay," Killian replied, looking surprised. "I was just trying to see what I'd have to do to ask her out on a date."
Graham shrugged, demeanor softening. "Give her a call. But beware - her last two relationships didn't end well from what I've heard. I'd hate to have to try to explain to Ellis why your desk is empty. So woo her carefully if you have such a desire." Killian nodded and Graham, satisfied that the younger officer would watch his step, went back to his forms.
The summer continued on more pleasurably than Graham had expected. The never-ending paperwork finally seemed to abate aside from the occasional form or request from time to time and they were finally able to begin gathering data and prioritizing missions. Graham also spent a lot of time with Xander, Andrew and the rest of the group. He trained with the original Sunnydale group, as well as the new Slayers, to hone his hand-to-hand skills so they wouldn't get rusty because he knew that being in an urban setting would differ from the jungles that he had become accustomed to, and also to teach them some of the skills that he knew that would help. He also went through an orientation to help Xander and Andrew with the homeless kids, such as showing them different ways to use their bodies to defend against a bigger opponent during their defense classes or chaperoning them around the city, but he also began to slowly move towards mentoring them as well.
They also began to make a habit of taking day trips to the "beach", though Graham was reluctant to call the strip of sand on Lake Erie a beach after seeing the ocean, but no matter what it was called, the outings were still very enjoyable.
For their second day trip, Graham was awakened early two Saturdays after the Fourth of July by a group of kids needing help to load the vans with their beach gear.
"Why'd you send them to me?" he croaked as he wandered out of his bedroom and towards the bathroom.
"Because you're more experienced with loading a large vehicle with equipment," Xander replied, handing him a steaming mug of coffee. "It already has sugar in it."
"Thanks," Graham replied and took a sip as he continued on his way.
A relatively short time later, everything was in order and packed away and they were headed to the Mentor Headlands Beach, where they were lucky enough to get there before most of the crowd and had practically their pick of the beach. After their "camp" was set up and Andrew made sure all the kids had put on sunscreen, they all went into the water. Graham enjoyed the cool water and the gentle horseplay that the others were engaged in and continually drew him into. At noon, they got out when Andrew spotted Buffy, Willow, Faith, and Robin at their blankets unpacking two large picnic baskets.
As they ate, Willow sat down next to Graham and asked, "Having fun?"
"Yeah, I am," he replied with a smile. "Not that I'd call this a real beach."
"I know," she surveyed the beach, "after seeing the Pacific, it's not that grand, but the kids love it." She took a sip of her soda. "And it's still as good on a hot summer day."
"That it is," he agreed.
As he took another bite of his sandwich, Willow commented seriously, "You seem happier now than you did back in June. Did something happen that made you decide not to go back out with Riley and Sam?"
Graham half-shrugged. "Not really. A lot of stuff was going on then and when Ellis offered me this job, I didn't really think about it and just said yes. It helped me get a lot of things in perspective, though - which I needed." She took a chip from the pile they were sharing. "How are you? I heard you went through a rough patch a few months back."
"Most days it's better," she replied with a small smile before taking another swig of soda. "Bad break-up," she confided afterwards. "We got together before we left Sunnydale and she came out here with us. After we'd been here about a year and a half, I found out that she had been cheating on me pretty consistently. And after what had happened with Oz and Tara, I took it hard."
Xander came up to them and asked, "Frisbee, anyone?"
"Go on," Willow said to Graham with a smile as she bumped his shoulder with hers. "We both know you want to. And there's been enough of me being a gloomy girl today."
Graham finished off his sandwich and joined Xander, Andrew, Robin, and a bunch of the kids in a game of Frisbee Football, or Ultimate Frisbee, or something along those lines that Graham wasn't sure of the name of. He was put opposite Xander, supposedly to keep things even, but Graham wasn't exactly sure how, since he had hardly ever played football, much less a game like it that involved a Frisbee. Regardless, they had a good time and Graham's team won by a point - due to the rest of the team's prowess than due to any skill on Graham's part. As he headed back to the blankets for a drink, his mind also stored away the new images to his mental collection of the times that he and Xander had both ended up in a heap in the sand.
That night, the group left the beach when it closed, exhausted but in good spirits. As they cleaned things up when they got back to the apartment and let some of the kids take showers, Graham was vaguely aware that something had started to happen between Xander and himself, but he couldn't put a finger on it. They had easily become close since Graham had arrived in Cleveland, but it was different from the relationship either of them had with Andrew, Ellis, or Riley - which could also be considered close. There were numerous times when the two of them would lock gazes and Xander would smile and Graham had come to realize it was a slightly different smile from the ones Xander gave everyone else. And as much as he wanted to resist, and knowing that he should for a variety of reasons, Graham couldn't help but be slowly won over.
Part 2 here
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2005-09-25 11:03 am (UTC)On to part 2!
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Date: 2005-09-26 05:15 am (UTC)Though, I highly doubt that when they were originally writing Graham, that this was what they were expecting. :-P