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Jun. 18th, 2004 12:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeContinued from here.
Header in part 1
On a Saturday morning a little more than three weeks later, week 14 of his pregnancy as far as Wesley could figure - Wesley came into the kitchen for breakfast as usual. After putting his bread in the toaster, he went over to Lindsey. "I want you to feel something," he said.
"What?" Lindsey asked. He put down the paper and looked up at Wesley, concern evident on his face.
"Touch right here." Wesley stretched his sweatpants down and pointed to a spot just below the waistband of his sweatpants usually would be.
Lindsey did so and let out a little gasp. He looked up at Wesley with wide eyes. "Is that...?" he asked, almost reverently, as he felt the solid spot just under the skin.
Lindsey's hands felt good on his skin. And his touch was gentle, almost a caress. It was very different from Angel's much firmer grip. Wesley's breath caught ever so slightly as Lindsey's fingers brushed against his skin to feel the bump. The light touch was sending shivers down his spine. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? "I think so. Or we're in big trouble." He gave Lindsey a wry grin.
Lindsey swatted his arm. "That's amazing. How are you feeling?"
"Good. The morning sickness is over, I think." The toast popped and Wesley moved to get it. "But I think I'm going to need to go shopping soon. These clothes are starting to get a little snug and I got them not that long ago."
"What do you think you're going to do once you really start showing? You can't exactly wear maternity clothes."
"I don't know. Find one of those Big & Tall stores or whatever they're called, I suppose. I haven't really thought about it. Most days I'm just trying not to shut down and let it take its course." Wesley sat down with his breakfast. "I'm thirteen and a half weeks along and aside from the doctor's visits, the vitamins, and eating well, I haven't done anything. There must be something I can do."
"Well, we can start getting things. That baby's going to need a lot of stuff. And you could tell Jonathan, since we know the 'down home cooking' explanation will only go so far."
"Fine, I'll tell Jonathan when he comes over tonight."
"Thank you."
That evening, Jonathan and Marty came over for dinner and a superhero movie marathon. After watching the first Superman movie, Wesley stood and said, "I'm going to get a drink refill. Would anyone like anything?" Lindsey asked for another soda and Jonathan and Marty both passed. Wesley smiled as he headed into the kitchen and heard Jonathan and Marty talking.
"I still think it's impossible," Jonathan commented, picking up an argument that had started during the movie. "Lois could never have Clark's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? What about her womb? You think it's strong enough to carry his child?"
"Sure," Marty replied. "Why not?"
"He's an alien, for goodness sake! His Kryptonian biological make-up is enhanced by the Earth's sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular women is with a kryptonite condom, but that would kill him."
"That's insane," Marty replied as Lindsey laughed. "You think way too much about this, man."
"Laugh now, but I'm serious."
"So am I. Maybe they'll just adopt."
Wesley chuckled as he came back out, but felt relieved something like this had come up. He handed Lindsey his soda and sat down next to him, with a glass of apple juice and a dill pickle spear, which he had been craving lately. "I hate to change the subject from this fascinating topic, but I have to tell you both something, and I need you to keep an open-mind."
"I hang out with him," Jonathan said as he jerked a thumb at Lindsey. "How much more open-minded do you need me to be?"
"Oh, thanks," Lindsey replied from where he was sitting between the two of them and poked Jonathan in the leg.
"Well, I'm pregnant."
"And here I thought it was just all the down-home cooking that was getting to you." Jonathan reached behind Lindsey and ruffled Wesley's hair. Both men offered their congratulations. "When's the little one due?" Jonathan asked.
"Beginning of February. Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Yes. I’ve always been of the belief that just because I haven’t seen or experienced something, it doesn’t mean that God isn’t capable of allowing it to happen."
"And, well, demon here," Marty replied.
"So, are you completely human?" Jonathan asked.
"No, I'm half Selkie from my mother. They live in the ocean most of their lives as seals, but they'll come on land every once in a while and shed their coats, turning into beautiful humans. If someone picks up their coat, they're bound to that person until they get it back, after which they invariably leave, even if they have a family."
"Did your mom do that?"
"Yes, but it wasn't until after I was in university and I didn't mind." His voice softened. "My father was a hard man to live with. She's much happier now."
"Does she know?" Marty asked.
"Yes. I told her not long after I arrived here, since I knew she would understand. She got me in touch with Dr. Gonzales and she's been very supportive through all of this."
"And you know the three of us are here for you, as well."
"Okay, enough sentimentality," Lindsey put in. "Time for another movie."
The other three laughed and they started watching Spiderman. As the movie started, Wesley slid back down to his seat on the floor and Lindsey began to unconsciously run his fingers through Wesley's hair. Wesley leaned into the touch, enjoying the small comfort.
Lindsey shut the door behind Jonathan and Marty a few hours later. "Well, that went well," he said on his way back to the couch.
"Yes, it did," Wesley agreed from where he was sprawled on the couch.
Lindsey sat down next to him and, without asking, snaked a hand under Wesley's shirt to feel the bump in his belly. Wesley had long since stopped feeling weird at Lindsey's invasion of his personal space. He had felt almost violated the first few times Lindsey had come into the bathroom to help him with the morning sickness, but now Lindsey's touch was very comforting. It was almost like a balm to him, healing some deeply hidden scars.
"I, um, I don't want to pry or anything, but have you talked to your friends lately?" Lindsey asked. "It's been a couple of months since you last did."
"No, I haven't," Wesley replied. "A lot of things happened while I was in L.A. and I think I need to have some space and perspective before I can decide whether or not to resurrect those relationships or leave them alone."
"But what about Angel?"
"Just because he donated sperm..."
"Okay, okay. But what if he finds out that you're here and tries to get you to go back to L.A.?"
"He can try all he wants, but I'm not going to go with him. If I do go back, it'll be on my own terms."
"Good to know." There was a pause. "This is still just so amazing," Lindsey breathed as his hand ran over Wesley's stomach in gentle caresses. "You know, I've been doing some research on pregnancy and babies and stuff and they say that it's good to sing and read to them even when they're still in the womb. Would you mind?"
"No, go right ahead." 'It couldn't hurt,' Wesley thought.
Lindsey slid down onto the floor and scooted close to Wesley. He got as close as he could before he started singing to Wesley's stomach. "Hush abye little one / Go to sleep little one / The stars say good-night / I say sleep tight / And when you wake / I will be here." He looked up at Wesley and gave him a small smile. "Rest your head little one / Close your eyes little one / Dream time is near / You needn't fear / And when you wake / I will be here." He placed a light kiss on Wesley's stomach. "Good night, little one," he whispered. "Good night, Wes," he said as he stood, turned off one of the lights and disappeared into his room.
Wesley sat on the couch for a little longer, wondering what had just happened, before turning out the other light and going to bed as well.
The next month went as quietly and as well as the previous four had. Business was going well, considering what kind of business they were in. Between Lindsey's ability with the law and Wesley's knowledge of demons, they made a great team and earned a reputation among the demon world as the ones to go to for legal help.
They also earned grudging respect from their co-workers. But Wesley's pregnancy didn't help endear him – or, by association, Lindsey - with anyone else in the office, even though they had decided to keep discussion of it to a minimum with anyone there.
Wesley and the baby continued to develop well. Wesley had filled out over the past month and was wearing slightly larger sizes. His stomach looked rather absurd since the rest of him hadn’t put on much weight - maybe 5 or 6 pounds overall. He had started to learn to move differently because of his larger stomach, but things weren’t too different yet. He had started getting slightly longer stares from other people and he could tell that they were trying to figure things out and not quite getting it. He shrugged them off as best he could and when he and Lindsey were together, Lindsey would do his best to keep it from getting Wesley down by making jokes.
Lindsey had taken it upon himself to massage Wesley's back and feet when they started hurting too much. As things progressed, Wesley’s back and feet had begun to hurt due to the extra strain that the baby was placing on his body. And aside from the morning sickness, Wesley would also have some light mood swings, which Lindsey had found the best way to deal with was by making sure that there were tissues and Heath bars in both the glove compartment of the truck and in the office (along with a couple of herbal teas that Wesley assured him would help keep things calm). Aside from the mood swings, they both enjoyed the process, with Lindsey reading books on pregnancy in order to be prepared and sharing information with the amused Wesley. Wesley had started reading out loud to the baby he was carrying, getting flack from Lindsey because his first choice was A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.
"Why don't you read something more age appropriate?" Lindsey asked. "Like The Berenstein Bears? We don't need to have this kid feeling like he or she needs to join MENSA by age five. Now this was my favorite book when I was little." And with a small flourish, he presented Wesley with a book.
"Too Much TV," Wesley read the title out loud before looking up at Lindsey from where he was sitting on the couch. "And what's wrong with Dickens? He was one of my favorite writers as a child."
"So I see. Looks like I'll have my work cut out for me if I’m going to teach the little one about everything but literature and demonology." Lindsey plopped down on the couch next to Wesley, and scooted over so Wesley’s bare feet were tucked under Lindsey’s thigh and Lindsey put an arm around Wesley’s drawn up knees.
Wesley closed the book he had been reading aloud. "Now what makes you think I'm even going to stay after I have the baby?"
Lindsey gave him a slightly shocked look. "Don't tell me you're planning on going back to L.A."
"No, but I could go to Scotland so my mother could be near her grandchild." Wesley shrugged. "I know she’d like that."
"True." Lindsey rubbed Wesley’s leg. "But I think you like it here more than you care to admit."
Wesley smiled. "I might."
Out of the blue at the office the next day, Lindsey asked, "What about Zane? I like Zane a lot."
"What do you mean?" Wesley asked, looking up from some paperwork.
"I mean as a boy's name." He gave Wesley a look. "You do realize you're going to have name this kid, right? Anyway, Zane's Arabic for 'beloved'. And you know the kid's got a lot of people here that love him or her - you, me, Jonathan, practically everybody that comes to see me perform, or they will once they see him, most of our clients..."
"I get the idea," Wesley replied with a smile. "Or I could name him Andrew or Mark or John. Or if it’s a girl, maybe Lisa or Ashley or Jennifer. Something should be said about the old standards."
"Right," Lindsey leveled an 'I don’t believe you' look at Wesley, "like you're really going to name your kid one of those. A snowball has a better chance in hell."
Wesley chuckled. "I think I’m spending too much time with you. I'll think about it."
When Wesley went for his appointment later that day, Dr. Gonzales asked, "So where's Lindsey? I thought he'd want to be here today."
"He had a meeting. But he gave me strict orders to make sure I got a copy of the sonogram."
"And you don't want one?" she asked as she checked him out.
"Of course I do. I think he figures I'm going to forget or something."
She put her stethoscope against his stomach and listened for a few moments. "Your baby's heartbeat sounds good. Would you like to hear?" Wesley nodded and she handed it over to him. He smiled as she held the end in place. Hearing the heartbeat made everything seem just a little more real. He was actually carrying a child inside of him. Once he was done, she continued, "You're coming along nicely for five and a half months. Have you started taking classes yet?"
"No. Haven't really seen the need."
"Wesley," she said, somewhat exasperated. "It's a really good idea. It'll help you get ready for when it's time for the birth and it will help you make a lot of important decisions along the way. Like whether or not you want a doula."
"What's a doula?"
"My point exactly. A doula is a woman who provides non-medical support during delivery and to new mothers. You and Lindsey should check it out."
"Okay, we'll look into it. But where would we find one that would take us? This isn’t exactly normal."
"Good. I know of a few, I can give you their names and numbers." She prepped the sonogram machine. As the image came up on the screen, Dr. Gonzales pointed out how well the baby was growing and the different developmental features since the last ultrasound. "Congratulations. It's a boy." She gave him a smile.
Wesley grinned in return. "That's great."
When Wesley returned to the apartment he called out as he opened the door, figuring Lindsey would be home, as he opened the door, "Lindsey, I have great news!"
"Hey, Wes."
Wesley stopped dead in his tracks and turned to the figure in a shaded alcove in the hall. "Angel," he replied carefully as he shut the door. "Is Lindsey here?"
Angel shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back again. "Not yet."
"How'd you get here?" Wesley asked as he took a couple steps towards Angel.
"It was tricky. I've missed you, Wes." Angel toyed with the cuff of his sleeve before adding, "Five and a half months is a long time."
Wesley crossed his arms over his chest. "I had my reasons. Besides, I know you're not as technologically inept as you would like me to believe. It wouldn't have killed you to call me."
"But -," Angel paused, the desire to find the right words was evident on his face. "I thought you wanted space."
"Then why are you here? And how did you know where to find me?"
"I, uh," Angel floundered. "The phone call to Fred and Gunn."
"Angel, really. You distrust me that much, that you have to look up the man who I'm living with and show up unexpectedly after five and a half months of nothing? I'm touched. Really."
"Wes -" Angel replied desperately, raising a hand as if to touch Wes, before letting it drop.
"What?" he bit out.
"Why don't you come back to L.A.?" He looked down at Wesley’s stomach. "Finish this thing with your family. We can figure out what it is and how to deal with it."
"I'm not coming back to L.A. - at least not now, and definitely not with you. And my *family* and I have decided on what to do." He put his arms around his distended belly. "I'm having this child - *my* child."
"Our child," Angel replied instantly. "It's my kid too, Wes."
"Not if you're not interested in me, it's not."
Angel raised his hands in a 'what do you want from me?' sort of gesture. "What do you expect? For me to pledge my undying love to you?"
Wesley paused for a second before replying. And in that moment, he knew that he didn’t. Maybe at one time he had, but not any more. Not since he had met Lindsey. "No. But I expect you to take an active interest in me and how I'm doing. If you can't care enough to see how I'm doing after I take off without a word, I don't think you should have an active role as the other father. I'm not Darla or Buffy, Angel. I'm not going to come running to you when I don't know what to do. I have people here who can help me."
"Like Lindsey?"
"Yes, 'like Lindsey'. He’s shown more care and respect for me in the past five and a half months than you have in the past four years. He opened his home to me, found me a job, and let me be a part of his life. He has supported me through this, goes with me to doctor appointments, makes sure I eat right, and has helped me through the ups and downs of the pregnancy so far. And even though we aren’t romantically involved, at least I know that he knows that I’m alive and doesn’t take me for granted." Wesley let out a small sigh. "And his friends have accepted me as well. Most don't know what's going on, I'll grant, but that hasn't stopped them."
"What's going on?" a new, yet familiar, voice asked as it approached.
Wesley turned to see Lindsey and smiled. "Oh, nothing. Angel and I are just having a discussion."
"Really?" Lindsey put his hand against the small of Wesley's back for a few seconds. "How's it going, Angel?"
"Could be better, once Wes agrees with me instead of – oh, I don’t know – evil lawyers who keep trying to lure him to the dark side."
A dark look crossed Lindsey’s face, but he let the comment go and asked, "About what?" He looked at Wesley, genuine worry creasing his brow.
"Angel wants me to go back to L.A. with him. And I'd rather not," Wesley's voice turned cool. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Angel, Lindsey and I have some things to discuss. Why don't you come back tomorrow evening around 7:30 and we'll discuss this in a more civilized manner?"
"Fine," Angel said with a huff. "Run away to discuss things with your little boyfriend. I'll be back to discuss *my* child." He turned on his heel and left.
"So, how was the doctor?" Lindsey asked as they went inside.
"Great. Got the sonogram you requested." He handed it to the other man after Lindsey shut the door. "It's a boy."
"That's great!" Lindsey replied. He grinned and hugged Wesley tightly.
Wesley chuckled and quickly hugged him back before prying him off. "And I think Zane will be a great name for him."
"But it's the first name you've heard. What if you find you like another one?"
"I do have time to change to change my mind - about three and a half months." He gently eased himself down onto the couch. "And he does need a middle name."
"How's your back?"
"It hurts, like always."
Lindsey gently pulled Wesley down onto the floor and between his legs so he could massage Wesley’s back. "What do you plan to do about Angel?"
"Make him go back to L.A. I'm not going with him. I'd rather be here, where I know I'm accepted."
"You were accepted in L.A."
"To a point. But there was still hostility after the mind-wipe, even if it was for a different reason. At least here, I know exactly where I stand with people and why. There isn't any tiptoeing around or avoiding." Wesley began to relax against Lindsey's hands.
"But Angel is the baby's other father. Doesn't he deserve to be a part of the baby's life?"
"If he doesn't care how I've been over the past five and a half moths and doesn't shape up over the rest of the pregnancy - no. I don't think he should get special privileges just because he donated the sperm. You've been more of a father over the past several months than I would have anticipated. If anyone should be this baby's other parent, it should be you."
"Well, that's what I get for having a large family. What do you think about the use of the term 'boyfriend'?" Lindsey was thankful Wesley couldn't see him blush.
"Well, you are a friend that's a boy," Wesley said with a smile and a slightly teasing tone. "I wouldn't say that you were actually my boyfriend, since that would imply a more intimate relationship than the one we have."
"Would you be averse to it, if things did go that way?"
"No. You’re wonderful, Lindsey, and -" He paused. "Oh."
"What's wrong?" Lindsey's hands immediately stilled and his voice filled with concern.
"It's okay. I think I just felt the baby move. Here." Wesley took Lindsey's hands and pulled them around his body, pulling Lindsey flush against him and the lawyer’s hands on his stomach. "He might do it again soon."
When the baby moved again, Lindsey laughed. "Wow. I think I felt him. He's strong."
"Yes, he is." He hoped Lindsey couldn't tell the effect his closeness was having on Wesley. As much as he liked Lindsey, he didn't want to muck up their friendship if Lindsey didn't feel the same way. Lindsey had never given any indication of interest, even though he had always been very tactile with Wesley and seemed to be skirting the topic of a few seconds ago.
He began to gently caress Wesley's stomach. "Shouldn't you be, like, nesting and craving really weird foods or something? Isn't that what pregnant people do?"
"Some human females do. But with other species and genders, it varies."
"Oh, okay. So it could be normal for your species that you don't nest and you've started craving apple juice and dill pickles?"
Wesley chuckled. "I think that last part's just me."
"Good. I like you being different."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
That night in bed, Wesley was having a hard time falling asleep. Thoughts and questions kept swirling around in his head. Was he making the right decision to keep Zane; in staying away from Angel and L.A.? Would he be a good father, or would he be as bad as his own father had been? And would Lindsey still be so gracious once Zane was actually born, or would he find an excuse to send father and son packing?
And what did he feel for Lindsey, anyway? Wesley knew that he cared deeply for the other man, and, given time, could probably fall in love with him. But did he want to allow himself the vulnerability being in any type of romantic relationship would give him? He was still hurting from what had happened with Angel a little over five and a half months before. But at the same time, when he was with Lindsey, he felt good, complete... like he belonged. Well, he could always play it cool and subtlely test the waters. That way he wouldn't have to worry about making an ass of himself if Lindsey didn't feel the same way.
"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Lindsey asked as he fussed with Wesley's shirt the next evening. "You don't want me to stay?"
"I'll be fine," Wesley replied calmly. He captured Lindsey's hands in his own and held them, stopping Lindsey from fidgeting. "I'd rather you not be here, as I'm sure some things will be said that you needn't hear. And we both know if Jon doesn't spend some quality time with you regularly, he gets cranky."
"Fine," Lindsey sighed. "I'm just worried, because we both know Angel doesn't always think straight when he gets his mind set on something." He took a hand from Wesley's and put it on the Englishman's stomach. "I don't want either of you to get hurt."
"Don't worry. I highly doubt Angel would take any chances with his child." He dropped his hand on top of Lindsey's. "Especially since things were so blundered with Connor."
"I hope you're right. I'll be home by 10:30," as Wesley opened his mouth, he continued, "regardless of what's going on. I live here, too, and I'm not afraid of Angel. If you're going to fight him physically, at least wait until I get back so I can back you up. I still owe him a few punches for my hand, anyway."
Wesley gave him a small smile. "I shall endeavor to do so. You should go. Don't want to keep your 'date' waiting, now do you?"
"Okay, okay." Lindsey glanced at his watch before smoothing Wesley's hair one last time. "It's 7:15 and I'm out of here. I'll see you in about three hours."
"Stop fussing. It's not like it's a date or something."
"All right. Bye." He gave Wesley a peck on the cheek and left. Wesley had to smile. Lindsey definitely knew how to make him feel better.
While he waited, Wesley was a nervous wreck. He couldn't decide whether to sit, stand, or pace and kept checking himself in the mirror. He wasn't sure why he was so riled up - it was only Angel. But then again, it wasn't every day that he faced off with Angel while being five and a half months pregnant.
A little after 7:30, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in, Angel," Wesley said as he opened the door.
Angel entered and watched as Wesley shut the door and turned to him. "Hey, Wes," he said softly. "You're looking really good. How do you feel?"
"I'm five and a half months pregnant. I'm sure you've been around long enough that you bloody well know how I feel," Wesley responded as he sat down on the couch. "Have a seat." He gestured to the other chairs.
"Why'd you do it, Wes?" Angel asked, not sitting down.
"Do what, exactly?"
"Disappear."
"I needed time and space to figure things out: you and me, the baby, the mind-wipe -"
"Mind-wipe? What mind-wipe?"
"You've got to be kidding," Wesley replied exasperated. "You don't know?"
"Obviously not." Angel sat down in the rocker. "What happened?"
"Well, after you made your 'executive decision', whatever it was, our memories were doctored remove all trace of Connor, only we didn't know it. All the other events that happened still happened, but we thought they were done for different reasons."
"How did Cordy get pregnant if Connor wasn't -"
"Angelus." Wesley noticed Angel's surprised expression. "You and Cordy were in a relationship and after he was released -"
"I think I get the picture," Angel cut in weakly. "What did the fake prophecy say?"
"The souled vampire will kill his beloved."
"Is that how you got the scar? Trying to kidnap Cordy?"
"No. Holtz and his crew attacked the Hyperion. I got it there. But you thought I was aligning myself with Holtz -"
"Why would I think that?"
"Possibly because I had met with him a few times, to try to get him to back off. Then when they came, he gave me a chance to leave, but I didn't. You all assumed the worst and didn't give me a chance to explain. While I was in the hospital, you tried to smother me with a pillow and said, 'You went to see Holtz without telling us. You deserve a slit throat, you bastard! I'll never forgive you! Never!' After that, you all shunned me."
"Did you still get together with Lilah?"
"Yes."
"Did she still -"
"Yes," Wesley replied remorsefully. "What really happened with Connor?" he asked, changing the subject.
"I gave him a fresh start - a chance to be happy." He paused for a second. "So it was a fulfillment of the prophecy," he mused. "I killed him to let him live."
Realization dawned on Wesley. "So it really wasn't a false prophecy. It just wasn't what we thought." Zane kicked and Wesley put a hand on his stomach.
"Are you all right?" Angel asked anxiously, moving to the edge of his seat.
"I'm fine," Wesley replied as he gently rubbed his stomach. "It was just the baby moving."
"Really?" Angel looked excited. "Will it do it again? Can I feel?"
"I thought you didn't want me to keep 'this thing'," Wesley replied shortly. "But yes, you can, although I doubt you'll be able to feel anything."
Angel came over and knelt before Wesley, pushing up Wesley's shirt and exposing his distended belly. As Angel placed his hands gently on Wesley's stomach, Wesley found it ironic that a few months ago he would have given anything for such a tender and unbidden touch from Angel. Now, he wanted Angel's hands to be Lindsey's. It almost felt profane for Angel to be touching him in the same way Lindsey had. Any wish for love from Angel was gone, save for that wish for his son.
"This is so cool," Angel said, pulling him from his reverie, his hands gently caressing over Wesley's stomach. "But are you sure it's human?" He gave Wesley a questioning look.
"Yes," Wesley replied, wishing that Angel would stop and Lindsey would come home soon. "The baby's human. Or as much as he can be with my Selkie heritage."
"So the rumors about the Selkies are true. Are you sure he's not a w'amparii, as well?"
"Yes. According to Dr. Gonzales, I'm carrying a perfectly healthy human baby. I thought you could tell -"
"I can, but I just want to be sure. Once is weird enough. Twice...." He paused. "You should still come back to L.A. with me and have the baby there. You should be with your family when it happens."
Wesley captured Angel's hands in his own, stopping his ministrations over Wesley's stomach. "I *am* with my family now, Angel. I stopped being a part of yours a long time ago." He let Angel's hands go and pushed his shirt down.
Angel let his hands drop into his lap. "That's not true. I forgave you and I think the others did, too." Angel sat back on his heels.
"It still wasn't the same and we both know it." Wesley sagged back into the couch.
"Are you going to deprive me of my only son?"
"You had Connor."
"And he was taken from me. Are you going to take this child from me, as well?"
"Angel, I will admit I'm hesitant to allow you into his life."
"Why?" Angel practically growled, his eyes narrowing. "The prophecy isn't hanging over anyone's head any more."
"But I am afraid of what will happen to the baby if we're attacked, or there's an apocalypse. If word about the baby got out, I'm afraid he would be as sought after as Connor. And this time we may not be so lucky. If an apocalypse comes, you won't be able to single-mindedly commit yourself to it. Nor will I let you become distracted from your cause."
"But I'm the father!" Angel stood and began pacing.
"So you are. But I shall not risk either of you by going back to L.A. I'm not barring you from having access, by any means." Wesley stood as well. "Angel," he almost pleaded to Angel's back, "I really am trying to do the best thing for both of you. This is only one of my concerns for him, but you know I hardly ever do anything rashly and it's always with the greater good in mind. I wish you would believe me."
"What about Lindsey?" Angel whirled around to face Wesley. "Do you love him?"
"I honestly don't know. But he's only a minor issue in why I'm staying here."
"Really? You two seemed cozy enough yesterday."
"Just because someone touches me doesn’t mean I’m in love with them; not everyone has your 'hands off' approach to life. And our relationship is purely mutually supportive and platonic."
"Mutually supportive, how?"
"We share living costs, he's been there for me through the pregnancy and I've helped him with his work. Are you jealous?"
"No!" But Wesley could see something resembling repressed rage building beneath the surface. "What's he doing for a living?"
"He works as a lawyer for a non-profit legal service that benefits low-income people and families. He's the demon department."
"There's a demon population here?"
"Yes and they were rather peaceful until you showed up. My relationship with Lindsey is really none of your business."
"If it affects my child, it is."
"It will be only a good thing, I promise. He'll be the stable influence you won't be able to provide."
"Lindsey? I'd hardly call him stable."
"He's matured and mellowed a lot in the past two years, Angel. I think you'd be surprised."
"Really? He seemed rather incapable, the last I saw."
"And everything's always black and white, isn't it?" Wesley asked bitterly. "Angel, I think I know Lindsey better than you do. And if you're trying to undermine our relationship, it won't work. If you wish to see for yourself, be my guest."
"If nothing I say or do will change your mind, why should I?" Angel sat down stiffly in the rocking chair.
"Because I still wish to be friends." Wesley moved towards Angel. "And if Lindsey's going to be helping to raise our child, I wish for you to know who he is."
"Have you two had sex?" Angel's pointed question stopped Wesley in his tracks.
"No, we haven't. And if we had, why should that matter?" He eyed Angel suspiciously.
"I don't know." Angel had the decency to look a little sheepish. "It's just the thought of -"
"Angel - you have no right to be jealous." Wesley stood in front of Angel's chair. "You had your chance. Five and a half months ago, you could have asked anything of me and I would have done it. But you don't have that power over me any more."
"Does Lindsey?"
"No. But if he asked nicely, there's a lot that I would do for him. Angel, this isn't about me choosing between the two of you, as much as you'd like to think so. It's about doing what's best for you, for me, and the baby." He put a hand on his stomach. "You'll be able to visit whenever you like, or call or write. And in a few years, maybe we'll come out to L.A. It really is a win-win situation, even if you don't care to see it that way."
Angel stood and placed a hand on top of Wesley's. "Take care of it, okay?" he asked before abruptly leaving, the door almost slamming behind him.
Wesley stared at the door for a second before hurrying outside. "Angel!" he called down to the car park below, but Angel either didn't hear or chose not to, and was already speeding out onto the street. Wesley slowly went back inside and shut the door before sagging onto the couch, trying to sort through what had happened.
When Lindsey came home an hour and a half later, Wesley was still sitting on the couch. Lindsey shut the door behind him and shrugged out of his coat. After he hung it in the closet, he sat next to Wesley, facing the Englishman and pulled a leg up under himself.
"Hey," he said quietly, touching Wesley on the shoulder.
"Hey yourself," Wesley replied softly, turning his head to Lindsey and giving him a small smile.
"How'd it go with Angel?"
"It went...well." Wesley shifted so he had one leg drawn up on the couch and was mirroring Lindsey's posture with their shins gently touching. A hand unintentionally found Lindsey's bent knee and began playing with the denim covering it. "There was no physical violence and only a few exclamations of surprise on his part, although he did leave rather abruptly. So, all in all, I think it went rather well."
"Do you think he'll be back?" Lindsey's hand found Wesley's and began stroking it.
"I honestly don’t know, but it won't be for another couple of months, at least. He didn't seem to take very well to the idea that I wasn't going back with him. And he was acting like a jealous ex, even though he doesn't have any right to." Lindsey sighed. "What's wrong?" Wesley asked.
"Nothing, everything. I don't know." Lindsey ran a hand through his hair before letting it settle on Wesley's leg. "Seeing Angel's just screwed me up. It's like seeing an ex while you're out with your new partner."
"Were you two...intimate?" Wesley asked.
"No. I'm not a 'fuck the enemy' type of guy."
"So I guess there's no hope for me, then?" Wesley asked lightly, testing the water.
Lindsey smiled. "I never thought of you as the enemy."
"Oh, okay," Wesley said as he smiled inwardly. Things may turn out well after all.
"Do you think you'll go back with him?"
"Only if death is involved. My home is here." He gently squeezed Lindsey's hand.
"May I be honest?"
"Always."
He pushed the oversized button-down shirt up over the bulge of Wesley’s stomach and let his hands linger on the extended sides. "I think you have the sexiest stomach ever."
"I do not," Wesley replied, blushing.
He began gently caressing Wesley's stomach. "I really do think it's sexy. Just like the rest of you."
"I'm not sexy," Wesley objected. "I'm five and a half months pregnant, the size of a small house, I hurt all the time -"
"And you look amazing. I think this pregnancy’s been good for you. It's gotten you to eat more and put on a bit of weight - you were pretty scrawny before. And living out here's gotten a bit of color into your skin."
"Lindsey, what are you doing?" Wesley asked, a little embarrassed and nervous.
"I’m just trying to make you feel better after your ordeal with Angel."
"Well, thank you."
"And, um..." Lindsey paused, blushing slightly. "Try to tell you in a not-tell-you sort of way that I like you."
"You mean you -"
"Yes. Well, you anyway. Before you came back into my life, I hadn't given it much thought, really."
"I-I-I don't know what to say. I never thought of you as a homosexual."
"I don't think of myself that either. Probably Wes-sexual, though. Especially since there's no way you're ever going to find me doing anything stereotypically gay."
"Not even go to that gay bar Jon wants to go to?"
"Only if you go with me, and there's no way we're going to be going for a while. I hope you're not upset."
"About not going to a gay bar? Oh, please."
"No." Lindsey gave him a slightly exasperated look. "I mean about me liking you."
"Not at all." Wesley brushed an errant strand of hair from Lindsey's forehead. "I'm rather fond of you as well."
"Boy, why don't we just vague this up a little more?" He gave a Wesley a lopsided smile. "We sound just like we're in 6th grade or something, dancing around each other like this."
Wesley took a deep breath before deciding to plunge in and see what happened. "Then let's ignore the music." Wesley gently trailed his fingers down Lindsey's cheek before cupping his jaw and tilting his face up. He leaned down as best he could and brushed his lips against Lindsey's. "I think I'm more than a little fond of you."
"Yeah, same here." Lindsey leaned up and deepened the kiss, but still kept it chaste. Wesley ran a hand through Lindsey's hair before letting it tangle in the back, pulling Lindsey closer. Lindsey snaked his arms around Wesley's waist.
Wesley broke the kiss. "I - um - I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not sure how I feel about you. I don't want to lead you without figuring out how I feel."
"I don't mind. I'm not exactly sure what I feel about you, either, so we could just take it slow and see what happens."
"Sounds good." Wesley gave him a small smile and then yawned. "I think I'm going to get some sleep. Tonight drained me more than I thought it would."
"That’s a good idea."
After going to bed, Wesley's thoughts swirled about in his mind for the second night in a row. While he had entertained the idea of having a relationship with Lindsey, he had never taken it very seriously or considered the ramifications. The more he thought about it, though, the more he really did want to become intimate with him.
Yet with the appearance of Angel, his world was thrown out of whack. He had decided long ago that if he had children, they would know both parents. But if Angel didn't care enough about Wesley after his sudden disappearance and months-long absence, Wesley wasn't sure if he should allow Angel to exercise the rights of a father. Lindsey, by his own volition, had taken it upon himself to be a father to the baby or at least to help Wesley in any way possible.
If anything, Wesley wanted to save his children from the pain he had experienced as a child. He knew that he would do everything in his power to show his son the love that he had missed growing up. Wesley also knew that, if his experience so far was any indication, Lindsey would love Zane as his own flesh and blood son. Also, here in Stillwater, Zane would be relatively safe from demon attacks and would be loved by all around him.
Wesley knew Angel had loved Connor, especially as a baby, but he had also had an intimate relationship – an intimate history - with Darla. On the other hand, what did he have with Angel? Sure, they had a long, deep friendship, and a physically intimate relationship, but there was no real love between them. If there wasn't any love between the parents, what hope was there for the child?
There was always the hope that when Zane came into the world, things would turn out all right with Angel, but Wesley wasn't sure he wanted to take that chance. It had been a very long time since he had felt safe and accepted anywhere and he didn't want to leave that. He also wanted the baby to know what it was like to be safe and happy. He could at least offer that to his child.
The next day at work, Jonathan called Wesley on his cell phone. "So, I heard you had a blast from the past last night. How did it go?"
"It went well," Wesley replied. "Better than I expected, really. Was Lindsey a nervous wreck?"
"Kinda, sorta. So is the ex, or whatever he is, still in town?"
"No. He had to leave abruptly - an emergency at work or something."
"Oh, okay. Not that I'm sorry I didn't get to meet him. Lindsey didn't paint a flattering picture of him."
"Angel's not as bad as Lindsey probably made him seem."
"Oh. So you're okay, right?"
"Yes, I'm okay, Jonathan."
"Okay, good. I'll see you later, then."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Neither Wesley nor Lindsey brought up the subject of deepening their relationship for over a week, until Wesley finally couldn't stand it any more. "I do want to investigate this development in our relationship with you," Wesley said as they rode home after a gig Friday night. "But I will admit that I am hesitant, although maybe not for the reasons you think. I don't want to deny Angel access to his child if he's genuinely willing to make an effort from here on."
Lindsey smiled and glanced over at Wesley. "You don't have to deny him if you don't want to. And was that Wes-speak for, 'yes, I would like to test the waters of love'?"
"Yes, it was." Wesley chuckled. "I think you're getting to know me a little too well."
"Which may not necessarily be a bad thing. I'm glad. I really do want to try this with you."
The next evening, at another gig at the Stonewall, Deana, the bartender, approached Wesley as Lindsey was setting up. "Good evening, good looking," she said with a smile. "What can I get you?"
"Glass of ice tea would be great," Wesley replied with a smile. "How are you?"
"I'm doing just dandy," she replied as she poured his drink. "How are you doing?"
"Wonderful."
"That's good." After setting his drink in front of him, she leaned her elbows on the bar. "Can I ask you something personal?"
"Sure. But I may not answer."
"Which would be fine. What's happening to you? If I were to guess, I'd say..."
"Yes, I'm pregnant."
"You're - really?"
"Yes."
"Wow. So are you one of those demons that only looks human, or what?"
"I'm half-demon and half-human."
"How far along?"
"Five and a half months."
"Are you going to find out the sex?"
"It's a boy."
"This is so cool." She smiled. "I know some people are talking, but I think it's great. Is Lindsey -?"
"No, he's not."
"Are you two together at all? Because you seem rather close."
"We're not sure." It was his turn to smile. "We're trying to decide if that's what we want."
"That's cool. Anyway, do you two have plans for Halloween?"
"No, not yet."
"Well, I'm having a costume party and I want you two to come. It'll be a lot of fun. It starts at nine on Halloween."
"I'll check with Lindsey, but I'm sure we'll be coming."
"Great."
Two weeks later, Wesley and Lindsey were still trying to decide what to wear to Deana's party.
"I still think we should go as a monk and a pregnant nun," Lindsey said.
"The pregnant nun's over-done and isn't it a bit tacky?" Wesley replied disdainfully.
"Maybe, but we know the costume will fit and I think a lot of people will get a kick out of it. Besides, I still have the costumes from when Jonathan and David did it two years ago."
Wesley glanced at his watch. 8:50 P.M. "All right, all right. Let's do that so we can get there while there's still a party."
They returned home late that night, after thoroughly enjoying the party and getting a number of compliments on their outfits. Lindsey impulsively kissed Wesley before heading into his own room.
The next three weeks passed quietly, filled with work and discussing whether or not they wanted to make a birth plan and whether or not to take classes. Lindsey thought it would be a good idea to at least take classes and Wesley, for the most part, was indifferent.
On the Friday before Thanksgiving, Lindsey came into the kitchen holding a piece of paper while Wesley was making dinner. "The medical center has classes and whatnot. We should check it out."
"Why?" Wesley asked, as he added some seasoning to the spaghetti sauce. "We've already agreed that I'm going to have a C-section and that Dr. Gonzales is going to perform it."
"Well, it might be a good idea to get a tour of the hospital, since I've hardly ever been in there and we both know you haven't. And, supposedly, they'll give us info on infant care, safety, and other stuff. We don't have to decide right now, obviously. But it might be a good idea before you actually have to have the baby."
"We'll see."
"That's all I ask. And we should talk about Thanksgiving dinner. It's next week and it seems like we're going to have a crowd."
"I hardly call Jon, David - who I'm finally going to meet, you, and me a crowd."
"Well, Marty's also coming. So are Kitty and Donnie, I think, if they ever make up their minds. And your mom, if you want to invite her for an extended vacation through the holidays. If not, you better invite her for Christmas."
"So that's five to seven people. Hardly a crowd."
"And you never know - someone might show up unexpectedly. At least Jon and Dave are taking care of the turkey and Marty's bringing dessert. But we have to take care of everything else: mashed potatoes, corn, lima beans, biscuits, cranberry sauce, yams, fruit salad, stuffing, the works. And most of these things will have to be homemade. Oh! And veggie burgers."
"Veggie burgers?"
"Yeah, special request from Marty. He's a vegetarian, remember? Is that normal for chaos demons?"
"I thought he just didn't eat red meat. And, no. I think it's just Marty."
"We should go to the store as soon as we can to get at least some of the things before they're all gone."
Wesley laughed as Lindsey, grocery list and pen in hand, began to move about the kitchen to look in cupboards and the fridge to determine what they would need. "Is this usually a big affair?" Wesley asked.
"Not usually," Lindsey replied, only slowing long enough to make a note. "Usually it's just me, Jon, and David. Have you celebrated Thanksgiving since you came over?"
"No, but I have been the recipient more than once of some leftovers from Cordelia."
"I think you'll enjoy it. Lots of good food, friends and family, and a game or two of football."
"So, remind me again - what, exactly, is the point of Thanksgiving?"
"Getting away from the English," Lindsey deadpanned.
"I though that was the Fourth of July," Wesley replied dryly.
"Well, true. Actually, it was for surviving in the New World and a plentiful harvest, as far as I can remember."
"Oh. You Americans celebrate some of the weirdest things."
"Says the man whose country burns effigies every year."
"Ex-country." The heat went out of Wesley’s argument when he noticed how close Lindsey was to him and felt the desire to reach out and touch him. Instead, he said, "Here, taste this," and held out a spoon with a bit of sauce on it.
Lindsey tried it. "Mmm. That's good." He gave Wesley a peck on the cheek. "I think I love you." Before Wesley could answer, he exited the kitchen.
End Part 2
Header in part 1
On a Saturday morning a little more than three weeks later, week 14 of his pregnancy as far as Wesley could figure - Wesley came into the kitchen for breakfast as usual. After putting his bread in the toaster, he went over to Lindsey. "I want you to feel something," he said.
"What?" Lindsey asked. He put down the paper and looked up at Wesley, concern evident on his face.
"Touch right here." Wesley stretched his sweatpants down and pointed to a spot just below the waistband of his sweatpants usually would be.
Lindsey did so and let out a little gasp. He looked up at Wesley with wide eyes. "Is that...?" he asked, almost reverently, as he felt the solid spot just under the skin.
Lindsey's hands felt good on his skin. And his touch was gentle, almost a caress. It was very different from Angel's much firmer grip. Wesley's breath caught ever so slightly as Lindsey's fingers brushed against his skin to feel the bump. The light touch was sending shivers down his spine. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? "I think so. Or we're in big trouble." He gave Lindsey a wry grin.
Lindsey swatted his arm. "That's amazing. How are you feeling?"
"Good. The morning sickness is over, I think." The toast popped and Wesley moved to get it. "But I think I'm going to need to go shopping soon. These clothes are starting to get a little snug and I got them not that long ago."
"What do you think you're going to do once you really start showing? You can't exactly wear maternity clothes."
"I don't know. Find one of those Big & Tall stores or whatever they're called, I suppose. I haven't really thought about it. Most days I'm just trying not to shut down and let it take its course." Wesley sat down with his breakfast. "I'm thirteen and a half weeks along and aside from the doctor's visits, the vitamins, and eating well, I haven't done anything. There must be something I can do."
"Well, we can start getting things. That baby's going to need a lot of stuff. And you could tell Jonathan, since we know the 'down home cooking' explanation will only go so far."
"Fine, I'll tell Jonathan when he comes over tonight."
"Thank you."
That evening, Jonathan and Marty came over for dinner and a superhero movie marathon. After watching the first Superman movie, Wesley stood and said, "I'm going to get a drink refill. Would anyone like anything?" Lindsey asked for another soda and Jonathan and Marty both passed. Wesley smiled as he headed into the kitchen and heard Jonathan and Marty talking.
"I still think it's impossible," Jonathan commented, picking up an argument that had started during the movie. "Lois could never have Clark's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle his sperm? What about her womb? You think it's strong enough to carry his child?"
"Sure," Marty replied. "Why not?"
"He's an alien, for goodness sake! His Kryptonian biological make-up is enhanced by the Earth's sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular women is with a kryptonite condom, but that would kill him."
"That's insane," Marty replied as Lindsey laughed. "You think way too much about this, man."
"Laugh now, but I'm serious."
"So am I. Maybe they'll just adopt."
Wesley chuckled as he came back out, but felt relieved something like this had come up. He handed Lindsey his soda and sat down next to him, with a glass of apple juice and a dill pickle spear, which he had been craving lately. "I hate to change the subject from this fascinating topic, but I have to tell you both something, and I need you to keep an open-mind."
"I hang out with him," Jonathan said as he jerked a thumb at Lindsey. "How much more open-minded do you need me to be?"
"Oh, thanks," Lindsey replied from where he was sitting between the two of them and poked Jonathan in the leg.
"Well, I'm pregnant."
"And here I thought it was just all the down-home cooking that was getting to you." Jonathan reached behind Lindsey and ruffled Wesley's hair. Both men offered their congratulations. "When's the little one due?" Jonathan asked.
"Beginning of February. Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Yes. I’ve always been of the belief that just because I haven’t seen or experienced something, it doesn’t mean that God isn’t capable of allowing it to happen."
"And, well, demon here," Marty replied.
"So, are you completely human?" Jonathan asked.
"No, I'm half Selkie from my mother. They live in the ocean most of their lives as seals, but they'll come on land every once in a while and shed their coats, turning into beautiful humans. If someone picks up their coat, they're bound to that person until they get it back, after which they invariably leave, even if they have a family."
"Did your mom do that?"
"Yes, but it wasn't until after I was in university and I didn't mind." His voice softened. "My father was a hard man to live with. She's much happier now."
"Does she know?" Marty asked.
"Yes. I told her not long after I arrived here, since I knew she would understand. She got me in touch with Dr. Gonzales and she's been very supportive through all of this."
"And you know the three of us are here for you, as well."
"Okay, enough sentimentality," Lindsey put in. "Time for another movie."
The other three laughed and they started watching Spiderman. As the movie started, Wesley slid back down to his seat on the floor and Lindsey began to unconsciously run his fingers through Wesley's hair. Wesley leaned into the touch, enjoying the small comfort.
Lindsey shut the door behind Jonathan and Marty a few hours later. "Well, that went well," he said on his way back to the couch.
"Yes, it did," Wesley agreed from where he was sprawled on the couch.
Lindsey sat down next to him and, without asking, snaked a hand under Wesley's shirt to feel the bump in his belly. Wesley had long since stopped feeling weird at Lindsey's invasion of his personal space. He had felt almost violated the first few times Lindsey had come into the bathroom to help him with the morning sickness, but now Lindsey's touch was very comforting. It was almost like a balm to him, healing some deeply hidden scars.
"I, um, I don't want to pry or anything, but have you talked to your friends lately?" Lindsey asked. "It's been a couple of months since you last did."
"No, I haven't," Wesley replied. "A lot of things happened while I was in L.A. and I think I need to have some space and perspective before I can decide whether or not to resurrect those relationships or leave them alone."
"But what about Angel?"
"Just because he donated sperm..."
"Okay, okay. But what if he finds out that you're here and tries to get you to go back to L.A.?"
"He can try all he wants, but I'm not going to go with him. If I do go back, it'll be on my own terms."
"Good to know." There was a pause. "This is still just so amazing," Lindsey breathed as his hand ran over Wesley's stomach in gentle caresses. "You know, I've been doing some research on pregnancy and babies and stuff and they say that it's good to sing and read to them even when they're still in the womb. Would you mind?"
"No, go right ahead." 'It couldn't hurt,' Wesley thought.
Lindsey slid down onto the floor and scooted close to Wesley. He got as close as he could before he started singing to Wesley's stomach. "Hush abye little one / Go to sleep little one / The stars say good-night / I say sleep tight / And when you wake / I will be here." He looked up at Wesley and gave him a small smile. "Rest your head little one / Close your eyes little one / Dream time is near / You needn't fear / And when you wake / I will be here." He placed a light kiss on Wesley's stomach. "Good night, little one," he whispered. "Good night, Wes," he said as he stood, turned off one of the lights and disappeared into his room.
Wesley sat on the couch for a little longer, wondering what had just happened, before turning out the other light and going to bed as well.
The next month went as quietly and as well as the previous four had. Business was going well, considering what kind of business they were in. Between Lindsey's ability with the law and Wesley's knowledge of demons, they made a great team and earned a reputation among the demon world as the ones to go to for legal help.
They also earned grudging respect from their co-workers. But Wesley's pregnancy didn't help endear him – or, by association, Lindsey - with anyone else in the office, even though they had decided to keep discussion of it to a minimum with anyone there.
Wesley and the baby continued to develop well. Wesley had filled out over the past month and was wearing slightly larger sizes. His stomach looked rather absurd since the rest of him hadn’t put on much weight - maybe 5 or 6 pounds overall. He had started to learn to move differently because of his larger stomach, but things weren’t too different yet. He had started getting slightly longer stares from other people and he could tell that they were trying to figure things out and not quite getting it. He shrugged them off as best he could and when he and Lindsey were together, Lindsey would do his best to keep it from getting Wesley down by making jokes.
Lindsey had taken it upon himself to massage Wesley's back and feet when they started hurting too much. As things progressed, Wesley’s back and feet had begun to hurt due to the extra strain that the baby was placing on his body. And aside from the morning sickness, Wesley would also have some light mood swings, which Lindsey had found the best way to deal with was by making sure that there were tissues and Heath bars in both the glove compartment of the truck and in the office (along with a couple of herbal teas that Wesley assured him would help keep things calm). Aside from the mood swings, they both enjoyed the process, with Lindsey reading books on pregnancy in order to be prepared and sharing information with the amused Wesley. Wesley had started reading out loud to the baby he was carrying, getting flack from Lindsey because his first choice was A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.
"Why don't you read something more age appropriate?" Lindsey asked. "Like The Berenstein Bears? We don't need to have this kid feeling like he or she needs to join MENSA by age five. Now this was my favorite book when I was little." And with a small flourish, he presented Wesley with a book.
"Too Much TV," Wesley read the title out loud before looking up at Lindsey from where he was sitting on the couch. "And what's wrong with Dickens? He was one of my favorite writers as a child."
"So I see. Looks like I'll have my work cut out for me if I’m going to teach the little one about everything but literature and demonology." Lindsey plopped down on the couch next to Wesley, and scooted over so Wesley’s bare feet were tucked under Lindsey’s thigh and Lindsey put an arm around Wesley’s drawn up knees.
Wesley closed the book he had been reading aloud. "Now what makes you think I'm even going to stay after I have the baby?"
Lindsey gave him a slightly shocked look. "Don't tell me you're planning on going back to L.A."
"No, but I could go to Scotland so my mother could be near her grandchild." Wesley shrugged. "I know she’d like that."
"True." Lindsey rubbed Wesley’s leg. "But I think you like it here more than you care to admit."
Wesley smiled. "I might."
Out of the blue at the office the next day, Lindsey asked, "What about Zane? I like Zane a lot."
"What do you mean?" Wesley asked, looking up from some paperwork.
"I mean as a boy's name." He gave Wesley a look. "You do realize you're going to have name this kid, right? Anyway, Zane's Arabic for 'beloved'. And you know the kid's got a lot of people here that love him or her - you, me, Jonathan, practically everybody that comes to see me perform, or they will once they see him, most of our clients..."
"I get the idea," Wesley replied with a smile. "Or I could name him Andrew or Mark or John. Or if it’s a girl, maybe Lisa or Ashley or Jennifer. Something should be said about the old standards."
"Right," Lindsey leveled an 'I don’t believe you' look at Wesley, "like you're really going to name your kid one of those. A snowball has a better chance in hell."
Wesley chuckled. "I think I’m spending too much time with you. I'll think about it."
When Wesley went for his appointment later that day, Dr. Gonzales asked, "So where's Lindsey? I thought he'd want to be here today."
"He had a meeting. But he gave me strict orders to make sure I got a copy of the sonogram."
"And you don't want one?" she asked as she checked him out.
"Of course I do. I think he figures I'm going to forget or something."
She put her stethoscope against his stomach and listened for a few moments. "Your baby's heartbeat sounds good. Would you like to hear?" Wesley nodded and she handed it over to him. He smiled as she held the end in place. Hearing the heartbeat made everything seem just a little more real. He was actually carrying a child inside of him. Once he was done, she continued, "You're coming along nicely for five and a half months. Have you started taking classes yet?"
"No. Haven't really seen the need."
"Wesley," she said, somewhat exasperated. "It's a really good idea. It'll help you get ready for when it's time for the birth and it will help you make a lot of important decisions along the way. Like whether or not you want a doula."
"What's a doula?"
"My point exactly. A doula is a woman who provides non-medical support during delivery and to new mothers. You and Lindsey should check it out."
"Okay, we'll look into it. But where would we find one that would take us? This isn’t exactly normal."
"Good. I know of a few, I can give you their names and numbers." She prepped the sonogram machine. As the image came up on the screen, Dr. Gonzales pointed out how well the baby was growing and the different developmental features since the last ultrasound. "Congratulations. It's a boy." She gave him a smile.
Wesley grinned in return. "That's great."
When Wesley returned to the apartment he called out as he opened the door, figuring Lindsey would be home, as he opened the door, "Lindsey, I have great news!"
"Hey, Wes."
Wesley stopped dead in his tracks and turned to the figure in a shaded alcove in the hall. "Angel," he replied carefully as he shut the door. "Is Lindsey here?"
Angel shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back again. "Not yet."
"How'd you get here?" Wesley asked as he took a couple steps towards Angel.
"It was tricky. I've missed you, Wes." Angel toyed with the cuff of his sleeve before adding, "Five and a half months is a long time."
Wesley crossed his arms over his chest. "I had my reasons. Besides, I know you're not as technologically inept as you would like me to believe. It wouldn't have killed you to call me."
"But -," Angel paused, the desire to find the right words was evident on his face. "I thought you wanted space."
"Then why are you here? And how did you know where to find me?"
"I, uh," Angel floundered. "The phone call to Fred and Gunn."
"Angel, really. You distrust me that much, that you have to look up the man who I'm living with and show up unexpectedly after five and a half months of nothing? I'm touched. Really."
"Wes -" Angel replied desperately, raising a hand as if to touch Wes, before letting it drop.
"What?" he bit out.
"Why don't you come back to L.A.?" He looked down at Wesley’s stomach. "Finish this thing with your family. We can figure out what it is and how to deal with it."
"I'm not coming back to L.A. - at least not now, and definitely not with you. And my *family* and I have decided on what to do." He put his arms around his distended belly. "I'm having this child - *my* child."
"Our child," Angel replied instantly. "It's my kid too, Wes."
"Not if you're not interested in me, it's not."
Angel raised his hands in a 'what do you want from me?' sort of gesture. "What do you expect? For me to pledge my undying love to you?"
Wesley paused for a second before replying. And in that moment, he knew that he didn’t. Maybe at one time he had, but not any more. Not since he had met Lindsey. "No. But I expect you to take an active interest in me and how I'm doing. If you can't care enough to see how I'm doing after I take off without a word, I don't think you should have an active role as the other father. I'm not Darla or Buffy, Angel. I'm not going to come running to you when I don't know what to do. I have people here who can help me."
"Like Lindsey?"
"Yes, 'like Lindsey'. He’s shown more care and respect for me in the past five and a half months than you have in the past four years. He opened his home to me, found me a job, and let me be a part of his life. He has supported me through this, goes with me to doctor appointments, makes sure I eat right, and has helped me through the ups and downs of the pregnancy so far. And even though we aren’t romantically involved, at least I know that he knows that I’m alive and doesn’t take me for granted." Wesley let out a small sigh. "And his friends have accepted me as well. Most don't know what's going on, I'll grant, but that hasn't stopped them."
"What's going on?" a new, yet familiar, voice asked as it approached.
Wesley turned to see Lindsey and smiled. "Oh, nothing. Angel and I are just having a discussion."
"Really?" Lindsey put his hand against the small of Wesley's back for a few seconds. "How's it going, Angel?"
"Could be better, once Wes agrees with me instead of – oh, I don’t know – evil lawyers who keep trying to lure him to the dark side."
A dark look crossed Lindsey’s face, but he let the comment go and asked, "About what?" He looked at Wesley, genuine worry creasing his brow.
"Angel wants me to go back to L.A. with him. And I'd rather not," Wesley's voice turned cool. "Now, if you'll excuse us, Angel, Lindsey and I have some things to discuss. Why don't you come back tomorrow evening around 7:30 and we'll discuss this in a more civilized manner?"
"Fine," Angel said with a huff. "Run away to discuss things with your little boyfriend. I'll be back to discuss *my* child." He turned on his heel and left.
"So, how was the doctor?" Lindsey asked as they went inside.
"Great. Got the sonogram you requested." He handed it to the other man after Lindsey shut the door. "It's a boy."
"That's great!" Lindsey replied. He grinned and hugged Wesley tightly.
Wesley chuckled and quickly hugged him back before prying him off. "And I think Zane will be a great name for him."
"But it's the first name you've heard. What if you find you like another one?"
"I do have time to change to change my mind - about three and a half months." He gently eased himself down onto the couch. "And he does need a middle name."
"How's your back?"
"It hurts, like always."
Lindsey gently pulled Wesley down onto the floor and between his legs so he could massage Wesley’s back. "What do you plan to do about Angel?"
"Make him go back to L.A. I'm not going with him. I'd rather be here, where I know I'm accepted."
"You were accepted in L.A."
"To a point. But there was still hostility after the mind-wipe, even if it was for a different reason. At least here, I know exactly where I stand with people and why. There isn't any tiptoeing around or avoiding." Wesley began to relax against Lindsey's hands.
"But Angel is the baby's other father. Doesn't he deserve to be a part of the baby's life?"
"If he doesn't care how I've been over the past five and a half moths and doesn't shape up over the rest of the pregnancy - no. I don't think he should get special privileges just because he donated the sperm. You've been more of a father over the past several months than I would have anticipated. If anyone should be this baby's other parent, it should be you."
"Well, that's what I get for having a large family. What do you think about the use of the term 'boyfriend'?" Lindsey was thankful Wesley couldn't see him blush.
"Well, you are a friend that's a boy," Wesley said with a smile and a slightly teasing tone. "I wouldn't say that you were actually my boyfriend, since that would imply a more intimate relationship than the one we have."
"Would you be averse to it, if things did go that way?"
"No. You’re wonderful, Lindsey, and -" He paused. "Oh."
"What's wrong?" Lindsey's hands immediately stilled and his voice filled with concern.
"It's okay. I think I just felt the baby move. Here." Wesley took Lindsey's hands and pulled them around his body, pulling Lindsey flush against him and the lawyer’s hands on his stomach. "He might do it again soon."
When the baby moved again, Lindsey laughed. "Wow. I think I felt him. He's strong."
"Yes, he is." He hoped Lindsey couldn't tell the effect his closeness was having on Wesley. As much as he liked Lindsey, he didn't want to muck up their friendship if Lindsey didn't feel the same way. Lindsey had never given any indication of interest, even though he had always been very tactile with Wesley and seemed to be skirting the topic of a few seconds ago.
He began to gently caress Wesley's stomach. "Shouldn't you be, like, nesting and craving really weird foods or something? Isn't that what pregnant people do?"
"Some human females do. But with other species and genders, it varies."
"Oh, okay. So it could be normal for your species that you don't nest and you've started craving apple juice and dill pickles?"
Wesley chuckled. "I think that last part's just me."
"Good. I like you being different."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes, really."
That night in bed, Wesley was having a hard time falling asleep. Thoughts and questions kept swirling around in his head. Was he making the right decision to keep Zane; in staying away from Angel and L.A.? Would he be a good father, or would he be as bad as his own father had been? And would Lindsey still be so gracious once Zane was actually born, or would he find an excuse to send father and son packing?
And what did he feel for Lindsey, anyway? Wesley knew that he cared deeply for the other man, and, given time, could probably fall in love with him. But did he want to allow himself the vulnerability being in any type of romantic relationship would give him? He was still hurting from what had happened with Angel a little over five and a half months before. But at the same time, when he was with Lindsey, he felt good, complete... like he belonged. Well, he could always play it cool and subtlely test the waters. That way he wouldn't have to worry about making an ass of himself if Lindsey didn't feel the same way.
"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Lindsey asked as he fussed with Wesley's shirt the next evening. "You don't want me to stay?"
"I'll be fine," Wesley replied calmly. He captured Lindsey's hands in his own and held them, stopping Lindsey from fidgeting. "I'd rather you not be here, as I'm sure some things will be said that you needn't hear. And we both know if Jon doesn't spend some quality time with you regularly, he gets cranky."
"Fine," Lindsey sighed. "I'm just worried, because we both know Angel doesn't always think straight when he gets his mind set on something." He took a hand from Wesley's and put it on the Englishman's stomach. "I don't want either of you to get hurt."
"Don't worry. I highly doubt Angel would take any chances with his child." He dropped his hand on top of Lindsey's. "Especially since things were so blundered with Connor."
"I hope you're right. I'll be home by 10:30," as Wesley opened his mouth, he continued, "regardless of what's going on. I live here, too, and I'm not afraid of Angel. If you're going to fight him physically, at least wait until I get back so I can back you up. I still owe him a few punches for my hand, anyway."
Wesley gave him a small smile. "I shall endeavor to do so. You should go. Don't want to keep your 'date' waiting, now do you?"
"Okay, okay." Lindsey glanced at his watch before smoothing Wesley's hair one last time. "It's 7:15 and I'm out of here. I'll see you in about three hours."
"Stop fussing. It's not like it's a date or something."
"All right. Bye." He gave Wesley a peck on the cheek and left. Wesley had to smile. Lindsey definitely knew how to make him feel better.
While he waited, Wesley was a nervous wreck. He couldn't decide whether to sit, stand, or pace and kept checking himself in the mirror. He wasn't sure why he was so riled up - it was only Angel. But then again, it wasn't every day that he faced off with Angel while being five and a half months pregnant.
A little after 7:30, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in, Angel," Wesley said as he opened the door.
Angel entered and watched as Wesley shut the door and turned to him. "Hey, Wes," he said softly. "You're looking really good. How do you feel?"
"I'm five and a half months pregnant. I'm sure you've been around long enough that you bloody well know how I feel," Wesley responded as he sat down on the couch. "Have a seat." He gestured to the other chairs.
"Why'd you do it, Wes?" Angel asked, not sitting down.
"Do what, exactly?"
"Disappear."
"I needed time and space to figure things out: you and me, the baby, the mind-wipe -"
"Mind-wipe? What mind-wipe?"
"You've got to be kidding," Wesley replied exasperated. "You don't know?"
"Obviously not." Angel sat down in the rocker. "What happened?"
"Well, after you made your 'executive decision', whatever it was, our memories were doctored remove all trace of Connor, only we didn't know it. All the other events that happened still happened, but we thought they were done for different reasons."
"How did Cordy get pregnant if Connor wasn't -"
"Angelus." Wesley noticed Angel's surprised expression. "You and Cordy were in a relationship and after he was released -"
"I think I get the picture," Angel cut in weakly. "What did the fake prophecy say?"
"The souled vampire will kill his beloved."
"Is that how you got the scar? Trying to kidnap Cordy?"
"No. Holtz and his crew attacked the Hyperion. I got it there. But you thought I was aligning myself with Holtz -"
"Why would I think that?"
"Possibly because I had met with him a few times, to try to get him to back off. Then when they came, he gave me a chance to leave, but I didn't. You all assumed the worst and didn't give me a chance to explain. While I was in the hospital, you tried to smother me with a pillow and said, 'You went to see Holtz without telling us. You deserve a slit throat, you bastard! I'll never forgive you! Never!' After that, you all shunned me."
"Did you still get together with Lilah?"
"Yes."
"Did she still -"
"Yes," Wesley replied remorsefully. "What really happened with Connor?" he asked, changing the subject.
"I gave him a fresh start - a chance to be happy." He paused for a second. "So it was a fulfillment of the prophecy," he mused. "I killed him to let him live."
Realization dawned on Wesley. "So it really wasn't a false prophecy. It just wasn't what we thought." Zane kicked and Wesley put a hand on his stomach.
"Are you all right?" Angel asked anxiously, moving to the edge of his seat.
"I'm fine," Wesley replied as he gently rubbed his stomach. "It was just the baby moving."
"Really?" Angel looked excited. "Will it do it again? Can I feel?"
"I thought you didn't want me to keep 'this thing'," Wesley replied shortly. "But yes, you can, although I doubt you'll be able to feel anything."
Angel came over and knelt before Wesley, pushing up Wesley's shirt and exposing his distended belly. As Angel placed his hands gently on Wesley's stomach, Wesley found it ironic that a few months ago he would have given anything for such a tender and unbidden touch from Angel. Now, he wanted Angel's hands to be Lindsey's. It almost felt profane for Angel to be touching him in the same way Lindsey had. Any wish for love from Angel was gone, save for that wish for his son.
"This is so cool," Angel said, pulling him from his reverie, his hands gently caressing over Wesley's stomach. "But are you sure it's human?" He gave Wesley a questioning look.
"Yes," Wesley replied, wishing that Angel would stop and Lindsey would come home soon. "The baby's human. Or as much as he can be with my Selkie heritage."
"So the rumors about the Selkies are true. Are you sure he's not a w'amparii, as well?"
"Yes. According to Dr. Gonzales, I'm carrying a perfectly healthy human baby. I thought you could tell -"
"I can, but I just want to be sure. Once is weird enough. Twice...." He paused. "You should still come back to L.A. with me and have the baby there. You should be with your family when it happens."
Wesley captured Angel's hands in his own, stopping his ministrations over Wesley's stomach. "I *am* with my family now, Angel. I stopped being a part of yours a long time ago." He let Angel's hands go and pushed his shirt down.
Angel let his hands drop into his lap. "That's not true. I forgave you and I think the others did, too." Angel sat back on his heels.
"It still wasn't the same and we both know it." Wesley sagged back into the couch.
"Are you going to deprive me of my only son?"
"You had Connor."
"And he was taken from me. Are you going to take this child from me, as well?"
"Angel, I will admit I'm hesitant to allow you into his life."
"Why?" Angel practically growled, his eyes narrowing. "The prophecy isn't hanging over anyone's head any more."
"But I am afraid of what will happen to the baby if we're attacked, or there's an apocalypse. If word about the baby got out, I'm afraid he would be as sought after as Connor. And this time we may not be so lucky. If an apocalypse comes, you won't be able to single-mindedly commit yourself to it. Nor will I let you become distracted from your cause."
"But I'm the father!" Angel stood and began pacing.
"So you are. But I shall not risk either of you by going back to L.A. I'm not barring you from having access, by any means." Wesley stood as well. "Angel," he almost pleaded to Angel's back, "I really am trying to do the best thing for both of you. This is only one of my concerns for him, but you know I hardly ever do anything rashly and it's always with the greater good in mind. I wish you would believe me."
"What about Lindsey?" Angel whirled around to face Wesley. "Do you love him?"
"I honestly don't know. But he's only a minor issue in why I'm staying here."
"Really? You two seemed cozy enough yesterday."
"Just because someone touches me doesn’t mean I’m in love with them; not everyone has your 'hands off' approach to life. And our relationship is purely mutually supportive and platonic."
"Mutually supportive, how?"
"We share living costs, he's been there for me through the pregnancy and I've helped him with his work. Are you jealous?"
"No!" But Wesley could see something resembling repressed rage building beneath the surface. "What's he doing for a living?"
"He works as a lawyer for a non-profit legal service that benefits low-income people and families. He's the demon department."
"There's a demon population here?"
"Yes and they were rather peaceful until you showed up. My relationship with Lindsey is really none of your business."
"If it affects my child, it is."
"It will be only a good thing, I promise. He'll be the stable influence you won't be able to provide."
"Lindsey? I'd hardly call him stable."
"He's matured and mellowed a lot in the past two years, Angel. I think you'd be surprised."
"Really? He seemed rather incapable, the last I saw."
"And everything's always black and white, isn't it?" Wesley asked bitterly. "Angel, I think I know Lindsey better than you do. And if you're trying to undermine our relationship, it won't work. If you wish to see for yourself, be my guest."
"If nothing I say or do will change your mind, why should I?" Angel sat down stiffly in the rocking chair.
"Because I still wish to be friends." Wesley moved towards Angel. "And if Lindsey's going to be helping to raise our child, I wish for you to know who he is."
"Have you two had sex?" Angel's pointed question stopped Wesley in his tracks.
"No, we haven't. And if we had, why should that matter?" He eyed Angel suspiciously.
"I don't know." Angel had the decency to look a little sheepish. "It's just the thought of -"
"Angel - you have no right to be jealous." Wesley stood in front of Angel's chair. "You had your chance. Five and a half months ago, you could have asked anything of me and I would have done it. But you don't have that power over me any more."
"Does Lindsey?"
"No. But if he asked nicely, there's a lot that I would do for him. Angel, this isn't about me choosing between the two of you, as much as you'd like to think so. It's about doing what's best for you, for me, and the baby." He put a hand on his stomach. "You'll be able to visit whenever you like, or call or write. And in a few years, maybe we'll come out to L.A. It really is a win-win situation, even if you don't care to see it that way."
Angel stood and placed a hand on top of Wesley's. "Take care of it, okay?" he asked before abruptly leaving, the door almost slamming behind him.
Wesley stared at the door for a second before hurrying outside. "Angel!" he called down to the car park below, but Angel either didn't hear or chose not to, and was already speeding out onto the street. Wesley slowly went back inside and shut the door before sagging onto the couch, trying to sort through what had happened.
When Lindsey came home an hour and a half later, Wesley was still sitting on the couch. Lindsey shut the door behind him and shrugged out of his coat. After he hung it in the closet, he sat next to Wesley, facing the Englishman and pulled a leg up under himself.
"Hey," he said quietly, touching Wesley on the shoulder.
"Hey yourself," Wesley replied softly, turning his head to Lindsey and giving him a small smile.
"How'd it go with Angel?"
"It went...well." Wesley shifted so he had one leg drawn up on the couch and was mirroring Lindsey's posture with their shins gently touching. A hand unintentionally found Lindsey's bent knee and began playing with the denim covering it. "There was no physical violence and only a few exclamations of surprise on his part, although he did leave rather abruptly. So, all in all, I think it went rather well."
"Do you think he'll be back?" Lindsey's hand found Wesley's and began stroking it.
"I honestly don’t know, but it won't be for another couple of months, at least. He didn't seem to take very well to the idea that I wasn't going back with him. And he was acting like a jealous ex, even though he doesn't have any right to." Lindsey sighed. "What's wrong?" Wesley asked.
"Nothing, everything. I don't know." Lindsey ran a hand through his hair before letting it settle on Wesley's leg. "Seeing Angel's just screwed me up. It's like seeing an ex while you're out with your new partner."
"Were you two...intimate?" Wesley asked.
"No. I'm not a 'fuck the enemy' type of guy."
"So I guess there's no hope for me, then?" Wesley asked lightly, testing the water.
Lindsey smiled. "I never thought of you as the enemy."
"Oh, okay," Wesley said as he smiled inwardly. Things may turn out well after all.
"Do you think you'll go back with him?"
"Only if death is involved. My home is here." He gently squeezed Lindsey's hand.
"May I be honest?"
"Always."
He pushed the oversized button-down shirt up over the bulge of Wesley’s stomach and let his hands linger on the extended sides. "I think you have the sexiest stomach ever."
"I do not," Wesley replied, blushing.
He began gently caressing Wesley's stomach. "I really do think it's sexy. Just like the rest of you."
"I'm not sexy," Wesley objected. "I'm five and a half months pregnant, the size of a small house, I hurt all the time -"
"And you look amazing. I think this pregnancy’s been good for you. It's gotten you to eat more and put on a bit of weight - you were pretty scrawny before. And living out here's gotten a bit of color into your skin."
"Lindsey, what are you doing?" Wesley asked, a little embarrassed and nervous.
"I’m just trying to make you feel better after your ordeal with Angel."
"Well, thank you."
"And, um..." Lindsey paused, blushing slightly. "Try to tell you in a not-tell-you sort of way that I like you."
"You mean you -"
"Yes. Well, you anyway. Before you came back into my life, I hadn't given it much thought, really."
"I-I-I don't know what to say. I never thought of you as a homosexual."
"I don't think of myself that either. Probably Wes-sexual, though. Especially since there's no way you're ever going to find me doing anything stereotypically gay."
"Not even go to that gay bar Jon wants to go to?"
"Only if you go with me, and there's no way we're going to be going for a while. I hope you're not upset."
"About not going to a gay bar? Oh, please."
"No." Lindsey gave him a slightly exasperated look. "I mean about me liking you."
"Not at all." Wesley brushed an errant strand of hair from Lindsey's forehead. "I'm rather fond of you as well."
"Boy, why don't we just vague this up a little more?" He gave a Wesley a lopsided smile. "We sound just like we're in 6th grade or something, dancing around each other like this."
Wesley took a deep breath before deciding to plunge in and see what happened. "Then let's ignore the music." Wesley gently trailed his fingers down Lindsey's cheek before cupping his jaw and tilting his face up. He leaned down as best he could and brushed his lips against Lindsey's. "I think I'm more than a little fond of you."
"Yeah, same here." Lindsey leaned up and deepened the kiss, but still kept it chaste. Wesley ran a hand through Lindsey's hair before letting it tangle in the back, pulling Lindsey closer. Lindsey snaked his arms around Wesley's waist.
Wesley broke the kiss. "I - um - I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm not sure how I feel about you. I don't want to lead you without figuring out how I feel."
"I don't mind. I'm not exactly sure what I feel about you, either, so we could just take it slow and see what happens."
"Sounds good." Wesley gave him a small smile and then yawned. "I think I'm going to get some sleep. Tonight drained me more than I thought it would."
"That’s a good idea."
After going to bed, Wesley's thoughts swirled about in his mind for the second night in a row. While he had entertained the idea of having a relationship with Lindsey, he had never taken it very seriously or considered the ramifications. The more he thought about it, though, the more he really did want to become intimate with him.
Yet with the appearance of Angel, his world was thrown out of whack. He had decided long ago that if he had children, they would know both parents. But if Angel didn't care enough about Wesley after his sudden disappearance and months-long absence, Wesley wasn't sure if he should allow Angel to exercise the rights of a father. Lindsey, by his own volition, had taken it upon himself to be a father to the baby or at least to help Wesley in any way possible.
If anything, Wesley wanted to save his children from the pain he had experienced as a child. He knew that he would do everything in his power to show his son the love that he had missed growing up. Wesley also knew that, if his experience so far was any indication, Lindsey would love Zane as his own flesh and blood son. Also, here in Stillwater, Zane would be relatively safe from demon attacks and would be loved by all around him.
Wesley knew Angel had loved Connor, especially as a baby, but he had also had an intimate relationship – an intimate history - with Darla. On the other hand, what did he have with Angel? Sure, they had a long, deep friendship, and a physically intimate relationship, but there was no real love between them. If there wasn't any love between the parents, what hope was there for the child?
There was always the hope that when Zane came into the world, things would turn out all right with Angel, but Wesley wasn't sure he wanted to take that chance. It had been a very long time since he had felt safe and accepted anywhere and he didn't want to leave that. He also wanted the baby to know what it was like to be safe and happy. He could at least offer that to his child.
The next day at work, Jonathan called Wesley on his cell phone. "So, I heard you had a blast from the past last night. How did it go?"
"It went well," Wesley replied. "Better than I expected, really. Was Lindsey a nervous wreck?"
"Kinda, sorta. So is the ex, or whatever he is, still in town?"
"No. He had to leave abruptly - an emergency at work or something."
"Oh, okay. Not that I'm sorry I didn't get to meet him. Lindsey didn't paint a flattering picture of him."
"Angel's not as bad as Lindsey probably made him seem."
"Oh. So you're okay, right?"
"Yes, I'm okay, Jonathan."
"Okay, good. I'll see you later, then."
"Bye."
"Bye."
Neither Wesley nor Lindsey brought up the subject of deepening their relationship for over a week, until Wesley finally couldn't stand it any more. "I do want to investigate this development in our relationship with you," Wesley said as they rode home after a gig Friday night. "But I will admit that I am hesitant, although maybe not for the reasons you think. I don't want to deny Angel access to his child if he's genuinely willing to make an effort from here on."
Lindsey smiled and glanced over at Wesley. "You don't have to deny him if you don't want to. And was that Wes-speak for, 'yes, I would like to test the waters of love'?"
"Yes, it was." Wesley chuckled. "I think you're getting to know me a little too well."
"Which may not necessarily be a bad thing. I'm glad. I really do want to try this with you."
The next evening, at another gig at the Stonewall, Deana, the bartender, approached Wesley as Lindsey was setting up. "Good evening, good looking," she said with a smile. "What can I get you?"
"Glass of ice tea would be great," Wesley replied with a smile. "How are you?"
"I'm doing just dandy," she replied as she poured his drink. "How are you doing?"
"Wonderful."
"That's good." After setting his drink in front of him, she leaned her elbows on the bar. "Can I ask you something personal?"
"Sure. But I may not answer."
"Which would be fine. What's happening to you? If I were to guess, I'd say..."
"Yes, I'm pregnant."
"You're - really?"
"Yes."
"Wow. So are you one of those demons that only looks human, or what?"
"I'm half-demon and half-human."
"How far along?"
"Five and a half months."
"Are you going to find out the sex?"
"It's a boy."
"This is so cool." She smiled. "I know some people are talking, but I think it's great. Is Lindsey -?"
"No, he's not."
"Are you two together at all? Because you seem rather close."
"We're not sure." It was his turn to smile. "We're trying to decide if that's what we want."
"That's cool. Anyway, do you two have plans for Halloween?"
"No, not yet."
"Well, I'm having a costume party and I want you two to come. It'll be a lot of fun. It starts at nine on Halloween."
"I'll check with Lindsey, but I'm sure we'll be coming."
"Great."
Two weeks later, Wesley and Lindsey were still trying to decide what to wear to Deana's party.
"I still think we should go as a monk and a pregnant nun," Lindsey said.
"The pregnant nun's over-done and isn't it a bit tacky?" Wesley replied disdainfully.
"Maybe, but we know the costume will fit and I think a lot of people will get a kick out of it. Besides, I still have the costumes from when Jonathan and David did it two years ago."
Wesley glanced at his watch. 8:50 P.M. "All right, all right. Let's do that so we can get there while there's still a party."
They returned home late that night, after thoroughly enjoying the party and getting a number of compliments on their outfits. Lindsey impulsively kissed Wesley before heading into his own room.
The next three weeks passed quietly, filled with work and discussing whether or not they wanted to make a birth plan and whether or not to take classes. Lindsey thought it would be a good idea to at least take classes and Wesley, for the most part, was indifferent.
On the Friday before Thanksgiving, Lindsey came into the kitchen holding a piece of paper while Wesley was making dinner. "The medical center has classes and whatnot. We should check it out."
"Why?" Wesley asked, as he added some seasoning to the spaghetti sauce. "We've already agreed that I'm going to have a C-section and that Dr. Gonzales is going to perform it."
"Well, it might be a good idea to get a tour of the hospital, since I've hardly ever been in there and we both know you haven't. And, supposedly, they'll give us info on infant care, safety, and other stuff. We don't have to decide right now, obviously. But it might be a good idea before you actually have to have the baby."
"We'll see."
"That's all I ask. And we should talk about Thanksgiving dinner. It's next week and it seems like we're going to have a crowd."
"I hardly call Jon, David - who I'm finally going to meet, you, and me a crowd."
"Well, Marty's also coming. So are Kitty and Donnie, I think, if they ever make up their minds. And your mom, if you want to invite her for an extended vacation through the holidays. If not, you better invite her for Christmas."
"So that's five to seven people. Hardly a crowd."
"And you never know - someone might show up unexpectedly. At least Jon and Dave are taking care of the turkey and Marty's bringing dessert. But we have to take care of everything else: mashed potatoes, corn, lima beans, biscuits, cranberry sauce, yams, fruit salad, stuffing, the works. And most of these things will have to be homemade. Oh! And veggie burgers."
"Veggie burgers?"
"Yeah, special request from Marty. He's a vegetarian, remember? Is that normal for chaos demons?"
"I thought he just didn't eat red meat. And, no. I think it's just Marty."
"We should go to the store as soon as we can to get at least some of the things before they're all gone."
Wesley laughed as Lindsey, grocery list and pen in hand, began to move about the kitchen to look in cupboards and the fridge to determine what they would need. "Is this usually a big affair?" Wesley asked.
"Not usually," Lindsey replied, only slowing long enough to make a note. "Usually it's just me, Jon, and David. Have you celebrated Thanksgiving since you came over?"
"No, but I have been the recipient more than once of some leftovers from Cordelia."
"I think you'll enjoy it. Lots of good food, friends and family, and a game or two of football."
"So, remind me again - what, exactly, is the point of Thanksgiving?"
"Getting away from the English," Lindsey deadpanned.
"I though that was the Fourth of July," Wesley replied dryly.
"Well, true. Actually, it was for surviving in the New World and a plentiful harvest, as far as I can remember."
"Oh. You Americans celebrate some of the weirdest things."
"Says the man whose country burns effigies every year."
"Ex-country." The heat went out of Wesley’s argument when he noticed how close Lindsey was to him and felt the desire to reach out and touch him. Instead, he said, "Here, taste this," and held out a spoon with a bit of sauce on it.
Lindsey tried it. "Mmm. That's good." He gave Wesley a peck on the cheek. "I think I love you." Before Wesley could answer, he exited the kitchen.
End Part 2
