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Jul. 8th, 2008 10:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sam_gamgeeSo now that the drama with my brother has calmed down, it seems like it's my dad's turn.
I was in the living room typing up what I had written of my fic during work when my dad comes in and sits down with the newspaper. (I like using the coffee table as a "desk" since using my actual desk gets boring after a while.) And immediately he starts in on me about my weight and how I need to do something about it. And he wants a plan of what I'm going to do about it when he comes back from his fishing trip in Canada on the 19th and then he wants me to do it. Because I'm being selfish because I'm not losing weight and I need to stop doing so much stuff for other people and start doing stuff for myself and losing weight should be my number one priority.
And, apparently, I'm unhirable at the weight I'm at because the employers are only going to see me as a health insurance risk. Never mind that while I'm about double the weight I should be, I'm probably one of the healthiest people I know (considering how much isn't wrong with me and how I hardly get sick and when I do, my body can take a 48-hour bug and toss it out in about 24). Even my doctor has said that while I do need to lose weight, everything else looks really good. And even though I don't go to the gym as much as I should, I do ride my bike to and from work practically every day (barring inclimate weather or the random day where driving would be easier) which is about 2 miles one way.
And he thinks that I should stop writing so much becasue it takes up too much time and because I sit on my ass all day and do it. Most of my writing is done while on my breaks at work - which is, at most, an hour total. I do about the same at home, maybe a little bit more because I have to type up what I did at work. Granted, it turns into a longer process because I also check my email and LJ, chat with![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
eternalmusings and whoever else might be on, sometimes read fic, and do whatever. I know he doesn't see it as a valid hobby. And also what he doesn't understand is that it's my primary stress reliever. And he's one of my primary stresses.
Oh, and he doesn't like it when I say either "all right, dad," or "okay, dad" while he's talking. And it's not like I say it with attitude - it's very non-threatening and meant as an "I'm listening and I hear what you're saying". And, much like my brother, he doesn't like it when I put a little bit of force into my voice. Yeah...I don't think they like it now that I've actually started to stand up for myself. That should be one of the things on my plan - "Whenever someone in my family starts in on me for whatever reason, I tell them to suck it up and walk away."
Then, when he was done, I got up and came out into the kitchen and he said, "And now you're walking away because you're mad at me." And I told him honestly that I wasn't mad and that I had planned to come into the kitchen before he sat down. Both of which are true - I'm frustrated with him, anger takes too much energy, and if I sit at the kitchen table, it's easier to see what I wrote earlier to type it up.
I was in the living room typing up what I had written of my fic during work when my dad comes in and sits down with the newspaper. (I like using the coffee table as a "desk" since using my actual desk gets boring after a while.) And immediately he starts in on me about my weight and how I need to do something about it. And he wants a plan of what I'm going to do about it when he comes back from his fishing trip in Canada on the 19th and then he wants me to do it. Because I'm being selfish because I'm not losing weight and I need to stop doing so much stuff for other people and start doing stuff for myself and losing weight should be my number one priority.
And, apparently, I'm unhirable at the weight I'm at because the employers are only going to see me as a health insurance risk. Never mind that while I'm about double the weight I should be, I'm probably one of the healthiest people I know (considering how much isn't wrong with me and how I hardly get sick and when I do, my body can take a 48-hour bug and toss it out in about 24). Even my doctor has said that while I do need to lose weight, everything else looks really good. And even though I don't go to the gym as much as I should, I do ride my bike to and from work practically every day (barring inclimate weather or the random day where driving would be easier) which is about 2 miles one way.
And he thinks that I should stop writing so much becasue it takes up too much time and because I sit on my ass all day and do it. Most of my writing is done while on my breaks at work - which is, at most, an hour total. I do about the same at home, maybe a little bit more because I have to type up what I did at work. Granted, it turns into a longer process because I also check my email and LJ, chat with
eternalmusings and whoever else might be on, sometimes read fic, and do whatever. I know he doesn't see it as a valid hobby. And also what he doesn't understand is that it's my primary stress reliever. And he's one of my primary stresses.Oh, and he doesn't like it when I say either "all right, dad," or "okay, dad" while he's talking. And it's not like I say it with attitude - it's very non-threatening and meant as an "I'm listening and I hear what you're saying". And, much like my brother, he doesn't like it when I put a little bit of force into my voice. Yeah...I don't think they like it now that I've actually started to stand up for myself. That should be one of the things on my plan - "Whenever someone in my family starts in on me for whatever reason, I tell them to suck it up and walk away."
Then, when he was done, I got up and came out into the kitchen and he said, "And now you're walking away because you're mad at me." And I told him honestly that I wasn't mad and that I had planned to come into the kitchen before he sat down. Both of which are true - I'm frustrated with him, anger takes too much energy, and if I sit at the kitchen table, it's easier to see what I wrote earlier to type it up.
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 11:08 am (UTC)You know, the whole moving out thing wasn't a bad idea in principle.
You're a very patient and amiable person, and I know you mean it when you say that you're trying not to be mad at your dad. But I know that you don't find his attitude and constant lectures helpful. And in the end, even though I know you work to look past them, his attitude is hurting you.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 11:53 am (UTC)Repeat after me: "I want you to know that I'm no longer discussing my weight with you. I appreciate your concern and I've heard what you've said on the matter, and now I am done hearing it. I expect you to honor this." Then, EVERY TIME he starts to bring it up, "I'm no longer discussing my weight with you" and LEAVE THE ROOM. If he accuses you of being mad at him, "I'm not mad, I'm no longer discussing my weight with you." If you repeat the same sentence again and again, and leave the room, he WILL stop.
And seriously, can you look into getting an apartment with a roommate or something? Because, even though I'm sure there are times you try to tell yourself it's "not that bad", you're living in a toxic environment and it's NOT healthy. *Hugs you more*
no subject
Date: 2008-07-10 03:53 am (UTC)Yeah, I know. I really need to look into it further and consider my options.
The one thing I haven't figured out yet is that my dad is one of those guys who, if something doesn't work one way, will find another way to do it. Yet, he keeps banging his head against a brick wall with this. Go figure. And, yes, it is hurting me because I tend to clamp down and not do what he wants because it gives me some measure of control. (Or, at the very least, the feeling of it.)
no subject
Date: 2008-07-10 03:54 am (UTC)It has been duly repeated.
I'm going to start looking when I get back from Shore Leave. *hugs you back again*